145.2lb

As always, despite my best intentions, it's never easy to own up to a gain, even a relatively small 0.4lb one. While a couple of my days this week haven't been perfect as far as food goes, I haven't done too badly. My exercise has been good, so it's not that. I think that it's really just that time of the month again, when I have a wee gain, and my body does it's own thing to slow me down and make me take stock. It's a good thing. It means I don't crawl up my own arse, thinking how wonderful I am at this weight loss thing. I get shit wrong, I get het up over nothing, I eat too much chocolate sometimes. Basically, I'm human.

So, to take stock, I'm nine and a half pounds away from goal. That's nothing. I'm so close I can taste it! All I've got to do is remember that today's weigh in does not accurately convey how I did this week, or how I've felt. I've been feeling really good. walking tall and holding my head high. I've been enjoying feeling petite, if you can believe it. I can snuggle in to armchairs and not get stuck. I can do the same in the high backed chairs in Cafe Nero, where TMM and I like to partake of a recreational coffee or two. I can easily fit in to my train seat, even with a couple of layers of Winter clothes on, and a big coat. (I know, public transport seats are an obsession of mine) Half a pound on my official weigh-in weight does not negate any of those feelings.

One of the best things has been my new found enthusiasm for running, which has sort of taken on a life of its own. I'm really enjoying it at the moment. I ran five times this week, racking up 50km, my longest run being ten miles yesterday morning. While at the start, I sort of dreaded the idea of ten miles a little, because I knew that I was going to be out for nearly two hours, actualy, the time flew in. Before I knew it, I was over half way through. The whole thing took one hour and fourty seven minutes. I was finished by 8am, and TMM and I had a lovely, healthy breakfast of scrambled eggs together. I also had wheaten bread and cheddar. Good grief, I enjoyed it! The run earned over 1100 cals, so I was more than happy to spend a few extra on bread and cheese that I rarely eat.

In training for the marathon again, I find that I am running a lot of routes that I ran the last time I trained, two years ago. Yesterday's ten miler was one I've only run once before.

I had a look back on Runkeeper to compare the times. Last time, I was about five stone heavier than I am now, and the run took two hours and seventeen minutes! Wow. Huge difference. A whole half hour quickerythis time. If I could maintain that pace over the marathon, I should be able to finish in under five hours. I'm trying not to get my hopes up over a finishing time. Anything better than last time is an improvement. But I have to be honest, it's hard not to get caught up wanting a sub five hour time.

Last time, I think the time that I ran at in training had a lot to do with why I unexpectedly cramped up. I'm very much an early morning runner. I get most of my running done between five and six thirty am. The marathon starts at 9am, and that means I coulb be going till 2pm That's all morning, to mid afternoon. So I think I need to do some of my long runs a bit later. It's hard to eny myself the pleassure of the early morning scenery and peace as I run at my usual time though.

Trying to cut myself some slack

I was in the shower this morning, beating myself up for being less than perfect with my food this last few days. I have had a calorie heavy start to the week and as much as I really enjoyed the pizza on Monday night, the chocolate, on both Sunday and Tuesday nights, was unnecessary. Delish, but unnecessary. And much as I told myself that I'd be so good for the next few weeks to try to lose my final few pounds, I just haven't been able to stay within 1200 cals. In a way, that's not a problem. I've run for the last four days, so I need more cals. And I'm upping my mileage, so that goes double for the extra fuel needed. But it's been the wrong fuel, and too much of it. Excess, thy name is Terry. As usual.

You get the point. Terry's giving herself a hard time. Then I caught myself on. Did I just listen to myself? I ran the last four days in a row! 

I am a runner! Who'd a thunk it???

How healthy am I! And this morning's run was double excellent. I was strong like bull.  For I was Terry, Seeker of Hills! I sought out every hill in my town that I normally avoid. And by jingo! If I didn't have a ball. Sweaty I certainly got, but I didn't come close to wanting to stop.

So I ate a full 80g bar of dark choc last night (with espresso coffee beans in it. *Drools in a manner worthy of Homer Simpson*) and it was 425 cals? So what! I earned 406 cals on my run this morning. I'm even. This isn't just about me losing weight. While that's important to me, it's not the be all and end all. This is my life, and I'm blooming living it. And en-friggin'-joying it!  How philosophical do I sound :-) Hope that mindset lasts when I step on the scales on Sunday.

So I'm currently on the train to work. I'm wearing TMM's cardi. He gave it to me a few months ago and I loved that it fitted me. Ahem *coughs modestly and blushes prettily* it now drowns me. I'm so grinning madly as I type that. The last two days at work, I've had a string of people doing double takes when they see me in the office, hear me speak and then realize that it's actually me, but they don't recognize me. I'm not exaggerating, there've been at least three different people each day. So I need to remember that too as I give myself guff for having the temerity to be human in the face of food temptation. How very dare I! I'm trying to overcome nearly fifty years of conditioning.

It ain't gonna happen overnight!

144.8lb

It's a good day! 3.4lb off, my fastest ever 5k last night and TMM is off, so we went out for brunch :-) Carlsberg don't do Sundays, but if they did...

Seriously good fry up

Fastest 5k

Only five pounds until I go under ten stone. Unbelievable! Only eight till my absolute ultimate goal. Maintenance nirvana!

I cannot believe how much thought I put in to getting dressed these days. Well, that's not true. At nineteen stone, I had to think a lot about what I was going to wear, as everything felt like it looked awful. I could look neat and as if I'd made an effort, you know, had a shower and was wearing clean clothes, but nothing really felt as if it looked good. I was never one of those massively overweight people who defiantly thought they looked good, regardless of size. I admire that attitude. I could fake it, but I never really felt it. These days, getting dressed is like a game of dressing up. I just caught myself thinking about wearing a dress today. A dress? I never wear dresses! Am I being shallow? Na, I'm just enjoying myself. Really enjoying myself.

148.2lb

I am so pleased with today's weigh in result. It means I'm at my lowest weight yet. I've lost the Christmas gain, and 0.8lbs for luck. Ten stone and eight pounds. A very average, unremarkable weight. Chuffed, I'm so chuffed :-)

TMM and I had a lovely, relaxed day together today,  a late brunch, walking about the town, and then a coffee. We know how to be good to ourselves. It was nice to have the day with each other, as he was working yesterday. While he was out, earning, I was spending, I did indeed feed my shopping addiction, even though I told myself that I wouldn't. I should have known better than to go in to T K Maxx. I got a couple of things in the sale. A pair of Ralph Lauren trouser, size 12, down to 12.00, which I love, though the pattern wouldn't be to everyody's taste. They're a strange mix of camo and leopard print! I got a hooded jumper as well, also 12.00, which is really nice with jeans, and is a size 12 too. I love that the last few things I've bought are considerd a medium size. Like my weight, an unremarkable, average size. Nothing you'd look at twice and think was freakish. Truly "normal."

Trousers that Bet Lynch would be proud to wear, and I love them. The label says size 8. An American eight obviously, i.e. a UK 12. Than they are a lovely fit.  

Very soft, blue, hooded jumper. Cozy and comfy. Great with jeggings.

I love how I look in these new clothes. I feel great in them. And I'm really going to enjoy wearing them. But now, I really must stop buying clothes!!!

After I'd been shopping yesterday, and stopped off for a recreational coffee, I decided on the spur of the moment, to go out for a run. It's most unlike me to decide to run in the evening, but I was glad to earn a few extra calories, and to run after having taken Friday off.

I didn't run today, but I should get up early tomorrow to do a few miles before work, and start the week as I mean to go on. I fully intend to run at least four times this week, hopefuly five.

At the risk of being a complete bore, I have to repeat myself. I can't believe it. 148.2 lbs, or 67.4kg in new money. That's my weight. My weight is well into the tens now, getting ever closer to the nines. My BMI is 27.1. I am just twelve pounds form goal. Under a stone to go. It's hard to fathom. I'm going to bed now, grinning my skinny wee face off :-)

Guilt!

I had a big whack of Christmas cake last night, unplanned for, so I didn't have enough calories in the bank for it. But I just couldn't seem to help myself. I've not had anything sweet since Boxing Day, and I'm pretty pleased with that, given that there's still quite a lot in the house. But last night, TMM made a pot of tea and brought out the remaining Christmas cake. He had two slices, and I was drooling. So I looked it up on mfp. 100g of iced fruit cake was somewhere between 250 and 350 cals. I weighed out 200g, which was two slices. And boy! I enjoyed them. So there's no point in me feeling guilty about it. So long as I don't make a habit of it, or let it start me on a slippery slope of giving in to unnecessary calories, I can put it behind me, having savoured every mouthful. And if I managed to do a 9k run this morning, earning 700 cals in the process, it didn't hurt. It was totally my intention to run a bit longer this morning to make up at least a bit of the deficit. I really don't want to start telling myself that I'll make up calories for treat. I've managed to steer clear of that bad habit so far, and it's stood me in good stead.

Train seats rock! Well, it's all a matter of perspective, and I wouldn't have been saying that this time last year if I'd found myself in the situation I was in last night. My train was late, so it was much fuller than usual when it eventually arrived. Of course, nearly all of the seats were gone. This isn't the issue it would once have been. Standing from Belfast to Bangor (a journey of about twenty-five minutes on the express) does not cause me back, joint or foot pain any longer. Before, the very idea of it was agony. However, there were a couple of seats left, those ones I've spoken of before, the foldy-down ones, that are out of the way in case a cyclist needs storage for a bike. Option 1: stand in increasingly cramped space near the doors. Option 2: take a teeny-tiny seat

Stupid, narrow, child-sized seats!

and hope I wouldn't squish too much into my neighbours. That just showed me where my head's at. The seats on either side of my free one were both occupied and I was genuinely concerned that I'd take up more than my fair share of the space. I sat. Guess what, it was never going to be an issue. On a seat that's probably about 20% narrower than the standard seats, I didn't overflow. I smiled to myself for the whole journey. I'm smiling now at the memory.

I'm going to have to be careful of my calorie intake today. I had a lovely breakfast after my run, a bowl of last night's chowder. It was about half the amount that I ate for dinner, and was still just over 400 calories. That's a high breakfast for me. so I'll need to be careful for the rest of the day. I've got good, healthy fare sorted out for lunch, so it's just dinner to think about. I'm going to input my lunch stuff into my tracker on mfp now, so I know exactly where I stand for dinner. It will be chicken of some sort.

152.8lb - Happy New Year

I start 2017 at 152.8lb. I am very happy with that. I told myself I'd be happy so long as I was still under eleven stone. And I am, if only by 1.2 pounds :-) And I need to keep the nearly four pounds gain in context. I ate what is currently, for me, the equivalent of ten days food in two days! Four pounds isn't too bad. And in a way, it's good to have a gain. That might sound odd, but it's better to realize that over indulging has consequences.  If I'd stayed the same, if I'd "gotten away with it," I might be more tempted to do it again. I would be more likely to think I could get off lightly again, and it could become common place. It wouldn't take long for that behaviour to catch up on my weight loss! Anyway, if you'd told me this time last year that my weight would be ten stone something, there's no way I'd have believed you. I know I've said that a couple of times before, but it bears repeating.

I'm still thinking about what my ultimate goal will be. I'm at my interim goal of 153lbs but I think I will aim for 136 pounds. It would take me to a BMI of 24.9, and the top end of "normal." I know it's annoying, but I always have to use inverted commas for the word normal in this context. I mean, it annoys me to do it, but I always feel that I need to. When I get to whatever goal I finally decide on, I think I will buy myself the green Gretsch guitar that I really fancy.

I will exercise a little restraint, and buy the cheaper model, but I do really fancy it. And I deserve a treat. Hmmm.  Mind you, I've treated myself plenty, when it comes to clothes, recently. While some were definitely necessary, some were purely for pleasure.  

I started this particular weight loss attempt at 260lbs. My heaviest weight was a few years ago, at 289lb, or twenty stone and nine pounds. I am now officially ten stone lighter than that heaviest weight. My weight starts with ten stone something and I'm ten stone lighter than I was at my heaviest! I don't think I'll be able to stop grinning all week. What a way to start 2017.

As for New Year's resolutions, as I said on FB a few days ago, none of this "new year, new me" shite. I was fabulous last year and I'll just continue to be fabulous this year! :-) But seriously, I'm going to try really hard to give up DFM* again and I'm going to stop using electronics in bed. No phone, no tablet. It will help me sleep better. I think that'll be even harder than the DFM.

*dark fizzy master i.e. diet cola. 

NYE

I don't know what it is about this look, but I feel sexy as fook when I wear these heeled "Converse" style shoes. I haven't worn them much, because even this relatively small heel has always given my bad knee a hard time while I was heavy. Now, not so much :-) Mind you, the thin sole is no fun. Thinness of the sole.  Sounds like an existential issue :-) Still, what price vanity? They go really well with my new jeans, bought from the Marksies sale yesterday. Love it!

The using up of veggies, before they go mouldy, continues. Today it was carrot and parsnip soup. Never tried it before. It was a good use of slightly soft, past their prime, but still totally usable veggies. I'm so proud of my thriftiness . 

Today was my consecutive 300th day of tracking on MFP. What a great, round number to end the year on.

So, that's the final blog of the year. Tomorrow sees the start of 2017. I am grateful for so many things this year and weight loss isn't the most important one, when compared to the loved ones in my life, but it's probably the one that's most obviously "in your face" to anyone who's known me at my heaviest. It certainly has had a huge impact on my daily life. When simple things like breathing and walking get easier, you've got to believe you're doing something right.

Toodle-oo for 2016. Happy New Year to y'all.

Distraction. I need a Distraction.

I really want to eat chocolate. There are two tubs of sweets in the kitchen, an unopened tub of Celebrations and a mixed tub of Roses, Quality Street and Celebrations.  It's my own fault. I bought too much. The on line shopping was easily done, but it was also esay to just hit a button and order whatever, forgetting how much was already on the list. Hence, about five different types of savoury biscuits and far too many sweets arrived. I feel bad that it's all sitting there and TMM will end up eating most of it. It's as if I'm enabling him, his unhealthy food pusher. He's a grown man, he can make his own food decisions, but I still feel guilty.

I'm writing about it in order to stop me eating it. It gets the feelings off my chest. It won't necessarily stop me altogether, but at least while I'm expressing myself, I'm not chowing down. It makes me stop and ask myself, "Is it worth it? Do I really want those chocolates more than I want to keep my Christmas weight under control?" I've had all sorts of weight loss issues on Christmases past. From good losses to massive gains and the STSs in between. While I'm on a roll at the moment, basking in the weight loss zone, I might as well try my damnedest to stay away from unplanned calorie expenditure. So. No chocolates.

Another reason to stay within allowance is the size 12 clothing I bought in the sales today, jeans, joggers and a top. 

Yes, you read that right. Size 12!!! I can't help thinking that they've been mis-labelled, sized incorrectly. No way am I actually a 12. They are from Marks and Spencer. The jeans are "relaxed slim" fit. They are proper denim, not stretchy, so it's not a cheat that way. The top is a pretty wee, three-quarter sleeve tee shirt. It's a decent fit. I bought a few bras in the sale too. I had some vouchers to spend, and I needed underwear that fits properly. I actually took the time to try them on. Depending on make and style, I seem to be a 36C. That's a big change from some of my 40EE bras of the past! Much easier to find, though not in the sale. My new size seems to sell out! Pros and cons to being a bit more average.

Anyway, these are my first size 12s since I can't remember when. 1990? Maybe a bit before then? I honestly don't know. I won't believe I'm really that size till a few different shop's size fits me, say Marksies, ASDA and Primark. Whatever though, it's all a step in the direction of maintenance. 

So. Did it work? Did I eat chocolate? Well, that took about half an hour or so, so I was distracted for that long. And now I'm thinking of being a size 12, so hopefully that will deter me for a while yet.

Fingers crossed.

Brief hiatus

I have had nearly a full fortnight off exercise. Running especially.  The result is now my achilles feels almost perfect and I'm itching for a run. And in the meantime? I've lost about 5lb! Unofficially. Maybe it was the break in routine that my body needed after over a solid month of running. Whatever the reason, thank you to the weight loss gods.

It's looking as if I will go in to Christmas Day, my day of planned excess, of chocolate, cheese, condiments and stuffed meats, a couple of pounds under my goal. That will give me some wiggle room so I'll hopefully not be too far off goal when the new year hits. I'd love to start on a high. Though in fairness, I'm pretty high regardless. I have heels on today, making me about 5' 5" tall. With today's unofficial weight of 149lb, that makes me a BMI of 24.7. Teehee. If only I were three inches taller.  But no. I like being a short arse, so I'll just enjoy the novelty for today :-)

TMM is working today, so I have a few messages to do, then it's up to my mum's with all my sibs and a few family friends. It's Christmas Eve tradition to eat Mum out of house and home. Home made chicken soup and chicken sandwiches.

I'm well and truly excited, even down to putting the Christmas duvet on the bed. I'll get home from Mum's about midnight, then TMM and I can go to bed for the last sleep before Christmas.

Happy Christmas!!!

A post of exclamations!!!

Okay, I know. I know I shouldn't do it, but I've weighed myself for the last three mornings. I hope to lose this obsession a bit as I get used to my body, but for now... sheesh! what's a girl to do?!?! And the results were bloody good! Each day (that's three in a row!) I've weighed less than 154lbs!!! Yesterday and today, it was 152.4 lbs. That's half a pound below my goal! That's under eleven stone!!! Under 70kg! It was the year 2000 last time I was even close to 70kg. Three mornings in a row, I have been nearly in tears, thinking about being below eleven stone for the first time in over sixteen years. It doesn't count until my proper WI day, but wow! And I could end up not weighing this on Sunday morning, but still, it means that it's on the cards.

Oh, to be ten stone something!

Christmas excitement is building!

I'm officially feeling Christmassy. In fact, the Christmassyness is hanging clean outta me! Even looking at the date written down is making me excited - 21/12/16, 21st Dec 2016, woo hoo!!! I've got my Rudolf jumper on and my snowman earrings, and the jumper actually plays "Rudolf, The Red Nosed Reindeer!"

Not to mention my hat, with the lights and the tinsel.

Oh yes! I'm officially what my OH calls, "A Christmas Nightmare!" :-) I have a constant squirrly feeling in my tum, and a tingle in my joints. Yeah, I know it sounds like an illness, but it's all good, I swear.

As usually happens, I had a brilliant idea for The Main Man's pressie, but it only hit me two days ago. And I needed to order it on line. Bum! But a couple of emails to a very helpful chap, and my parcel arrived to work today. So exciting!!! I shopped at the Christmas market in Belfast last night too, so now TMM is well set. I can't wait to see his face. He doesn't read my blog, but I'm keeping schtum till after I present him with his present. Just in case :-)

Food is back on track. I've been feeling uber controlled and very happy with myself. The colder weather has curtailed my enthusiasm for running this week, and I've let my sore Achilles give me an excuse. So I've earned no exercise cals since Saturday. But I don't feel guilty. In fact, I'm pretty chuffed that I've managed to eat within thirty cals of my 1200 each day, even without extras. I feel lighter, if that makes sense. I'm hoping for a good result this week, but one way or the other, I'm going to enjoy myself on Christmas day, and start fresh on Boxing Day!

Feeling back in control

I think I'm just going to have to accept that feeling under control is going to come and go. That's life. Yeah, intellectually, I know that. But I still get annoyed with myself when I feel my control around food slipping. Then, as I've said before, I get annoyed, because I shouldn't get annoyed with myself for being human. I'll learn to deal with it. I will. So long as I don't give in to the slight despair that I feel sometimes about the fact that, on some level, I'll probably always have to be aware of my food intake. I don't think I'll ever be one of those natural, devil-may-care types, who seem to be able to regulate what they eat without over analyzing it. But if I think of it in the same way that I do my alcoholism, it helps. I no longer say that I'm not drinking. I say that I don't drink. There's a subtle difference. It means that booze just doesn't enter in to the equation. Of course, food isn't that simple. I can't just abstain from it. But if I try to have a similar mindset, i.e. that getting fat again could kill me eventually, just as being a practicing alcoholic (rather than a recovering one) could, perhaps I'll be able to remember how important my weight loss is. I suppose that sounds rather melodramatic, but hey, whatever works!

Now, that said, I feel great today. A loss at the weekend will do that for me! This year has been a triumph, all in all. Next year, I plan to consolidate my good results and good health. I will get to a goal I accept and I will work on accepting myself, just being happy with what I look like, saggy tits, loose skin, occasionally sore knees, the works. That's not to say I won't bio-oil the shit outta myself, or wear clothes to disguise said bagginess, but I won't obsess about the less than perfect bits.

And I'm definitely giving up the DFM for good. I swear, it's harder to do than stopping the booze!

Addicted to shopping

I'm gonna have to stop. I've already had to put aside a couple of pairs of trousers that I bought very recently because they are now too big, and barring last year's Christmas jumpers, and the odd thing of TMM's that I wear because it smells like him, I refuse to wear stuff that's too big anymore. It's all very well that I bought a few clothes as I got smaller. I needed them. But I have to stop now, at least till my body has settled at where it's going to stay. Running shoes? I can justify those (well, that's what I tell myself :-D )

Second pair of toesy running shoes. Light and comfy. And nice in pink.

The acid test will be when I go in to town after work today. I really have to start my present shopping! If I can go in to Primark without buying myself something, then I'll consider it a success.

I guess it's understandable. I'm excited about how I look in clothes these days, so it's hard to rein myself in. But I need to. It's a terrible waste of money otherwise.

Food's been on track this week. I'm happy to have stayed within allowance, given I'm not running and earning extra cals at the mo. I'm actually pretty impressed that I rested this morning too. I'll probably run on Monday again, and stick to circuits and walking till then. It's all good. I have an ache in my abs at the moment because of all the planking, sit ups and crunches. It's a good ache. I like it, even though it hurts to laugh :-)

I know I've said it before, but this feeling of all over wellness is amazing. The idea that I can just go out the front door and walk for an hour, without it killing me, is fantastic. I can throw on running shoes and run six miles, just like that. It's not fast, but it's totally, absolutely doable. I can do sit ups and push ups and not have a heart attack! So I have a bit (well, okay, a lot) of saggy skin. And I'm still heavier than a BMI chart says I should be. Damn! Who cares?

I feel brilliant and TMM thinks I'm a wee star. Life is fab!

One of those days

It's been one of those days when I've seen people who haven't been in my office all year, so they've noticed my weight loss. One delivery guy saw me from behind and thought I was somebody new! I'm grinning about that as I type :-D And a customer said it was like looking at my younger, thinner sister. That could sound a bit insulting, but I know it wasn't meant like that. In fact, all in all, today has been a Hell of an ego boost, and big headed as I am at the moment, I do not need more of that. Still, I felt really good at work today.

And here's something I didn't know I still possessed. A pair of pants from a few years ago. Still in good nick, I hasten to add. This will illustrate a point. Check out the label. I do not remember owning anything in that size! Talk about selective memory!

While TMM was working this evening, I deciced to do a clearout of my underwear, keeping nothing that doesn't fit correctly, even if it's quite new. Obviously, this was a very old pair. I don't even know why I still had them, beyond an inability to chuck stuff out if it's still got some life in it. For proof of my hoarderiness, here's the pile of undies that I'm dumping!

159.4lb

Weigh in day!

I lost 1.2lb this week and I can't tell you how chuffed I am with that! What with the calorie laden birthday meal, the early surfin' of the dreaded crimson tide and the heavy sneak peak, I wasn't all that hopeful of any sort of loss. This consolidates last week's big loss nicely (not such a fluke after all) and puts me into new territory. I'm under 160 pounds. Wow! Couldn't tell you the last time that was the case. Certainly not while I've been with TMM. My BMI is 29.2 and I've only six pounds to lose to get into the ten stone bracket. It all still seems a bit too good to be true. But I ain't complaining. TMM weighed himself and I am now a full twenty pounds lighter than him. Of course, he's six foot tall, so I should be considerably lighter than him. But again, this is a bit of a first :-)

He's not working today, so we went out for brunch. A big fry up,

which I estimate at about 900 cals, which leaves me three hundred for a BNS soup that I'm going to make for tea. There'll be plenty left over to take a flask of it to work for lunch tomorrow. 

I didn't run either yesterday or today, so I'm really looking forward to doing a few km tomorrow morning. I want to earn the extra calories as well as get some exercise under my belt! I have been continuing my thirty day full body challenge though. Tomorrow I'm up to 

• 19 sit ups
• 24 crunches
• 8 leg raises
• 17 second plank
• 47 squats
• 43 second plank
• 10 push ups

It only takes a few minutes after my run, but it makes me feel as if I'm starting to work on some of my saggy bits. There's not a lot I can do about the loose skin, barring going under the knife, but I might as well do what I can to tone and strenghten the muscle beneath.

Happy birthday to me!

As the title suggests, today is my birthday. Forty-flipping-eight. Would someone please explain how the heck that happened? I'm pretty sure it was just yesterday that I was at university!

I have a wee tradition. I take the day off on my birthday and just do what ever I want. Sometimes TMM can do it too, though he couldn't this year. I love getting to spend a sneaky day with him, midweek. It feels as if we're on the beak. But I enjoy a solitary day too, when I should be working, but I'm not, just out of self indulgence.

My indulgence at the moment is sitting in Cafe Nero, having a large black Americano (extra shot), some popcorn and a fizzy water. Boys oh! I know how to live it up!

I'm blogging and looking out the window, watching the world go by, feeling decadent and spoilt rotten. Even the weather has given me a present today. It's bright. Sunny and clear, crisp and cold. In short, perfect November weather.

And I will make an admission. I dug out a Christmas jumper. And yes, I'm wearing it. It might be a bit early for some, and I happily concede that point. But for me, my birthday is the tipping point, when I go into "Christmas Season mode." The jumper is a tad on the large side, but it still looks okay. And I've bought enough stuff recently. Even I, with a serious recent proclivity for over spending on new clothes (most of which, I need, in my defence)  genuinely can't justify anything more, especially something so transient as a Christmas jumper. But I feel a million dollars today, baggy jumper or not. And when I say spoilt rotten, I really am.

I'm a grown woman, Hell, I'm well in to middle age, and I adore my birthday. My sibs and Mum gave me my cards and pressies last Friday night, when we all met at Mum's for my birthday tea. It's been a real struggle not to open them before today. I get so impatient. But I wanted there to be something to open this morning, so I held off. I'm very proud of myself. I didn't open a single one!

I opened them at 6.30am. Yip! Like a kid at Christmas.

I went for a run at the usual time. I know I'm off work, but I thought that I would run early, then I could shower, have coffee, open pressies and go back to sleep on the settee in front of the telly, if I fancied it. I really wanted to run to earn the calories for going out for dinner tonight. TMM and I are going to the pub across the road (not a three minute walk away!) which has a great restaurant. The menu never changes, but it's consistently good. I figured I'll probably really treat myself tonight, and have the mixed grill, with chips, and sticky toffee pudding for afters. That's a lot of calories. I mean, a whole helluva lot! A six mile run won't come close to covering it, but it'll make a dent in earning it. So 6 miles/10k was my distance this morning, when I went out the door at 5.30am. It was cold and clear, no wind at all, which is very unusual by the sea these mornings. Full base layer, but no gloves or hat, so not too bad for a November run. I ran 5k, then decided to add my other regular 5k route, in order to earn more calories. And I do want to up my weekly distances gradually, so it's all good. I earned almost 800 cals in my one hour six minute run.

God! I am loving how fit I feel at the minute. Hitting a hill (Bangor, Co Down, is a hilly wee bugger of a town) and not nearly expiring at the top, is the best feeling! 

TMM, as I said, had to work today, but he came downstairs when I got in from my run, to give me my pressies. He knows me so well. He bought me a beautiful silk scarf, with sparkles, making it perfect for Christmas, and it can be worn as a sort of stole. He got me a poncho with a massive, thick ribbed, roll neck and fringing. It will look amazing with jeans. And a handbag. "A handbag?" as Lady Bracknell exclaimed. Yes, even though I need another handbag like I need another hole in my head, the man knows I love a handbag. Handbags and shoes. You can never get too fat to wear them, so I love 'em (Well, technically, you can get too fat for your shoes, though you need to gain a lot of weight!)

So, I'm very stylish today. But not only that. My gorgeous siblings might just have bought me...some DMs! Again, I needed a tenth (!!!) pair of DMs as much as I needed another handbag, but seriously? New DMs!!! These were a pair, a photo of which I'd posted on FB. They only went and bought them!

They're amazing! They're white! How the Hell am I, who am extremely hard on shoes, going to keep them clean? My first stop today, when I eventually got dressed, was to call to a shoe shop and buy some protection spray and some cleaner!

So it's official. I have the coolest sibs in the whole world. This year's pressie was DMs, last year, it was a tattoo :-)

Mixed bag

The next couple of days are going to be a bit of a mixed bag, and full of the proverbial mixed blessings. The main thing is a family funeral that I have to attend. That makes it sound obligatory. Well, if I want my family to keep talking to me, it kind of is, but I also want to go. Okay, want is the wrong word, but...ahh, you know what I mean. So that's emotional. And on a selfish level, I can't help wonder how I will manage, food wise, both tonight at the wake, and tomorrow at the chapel and after. Clearly I need to be able to live in real life situations. This is life. Shit happens. Unplanned shit. So I'll just try to be aware, not get too hungry, and steer clear of anything too sugary or too processed carby. Not easy at an Irish funeral, where the white bread sandwich and the sausage roll are king!

On the up side, I will get to see loads of family members who I usually only see on such occasions as this. Hatches, matches and dispatches are big family days out.

I had a run this morning and managed to do 5k in 32:18 !!! Good grief. Yes, I did want to boke afterwards, but it was worth pushing myself. I totally have sub thirty in my sights.

I decided to check out some old runs on Runkeeper to see when I managed to do the Parkrun in under thirty, I actually found a run where I did 5k in 28:16.

I do not remember ever getting that fast. So now I really have something to aspire to. It was only two and a half years ago. I can get there again. I know I can. I'm probably as light now, if not a little lighter, than I was on that run. -  Right, I just checked out my old blog from my WW online days. Guess what. I was 170lb the day I ran that. Wow. Almost exactly what I was this morning. Yes, okay, time to 'fess up to another sneak peek. I was 165lb this morning!!! My God, I'm skinny! Teehee. :-) And yes, just a wee bit in love with myself.

I was walking to work from the train, and two of the guys I work with caught up with me on the way from the train station. One of them spoke to me just a short while ago and asked, tongue in cheek, if I was on drugs. Apparently that's the only way I could be "disappearing" the way I am. He said it was really noticeable now. Must be the change in style of clothing. I'm wearing stuff that actually fits me. That has bolstered me for the day. I can't stop smiling.

Now, I just have to stay on track over the next two, out of routine, days.

Monday, Monday. So good to me.

I'm feeling disgustingly upbeat this morning. I have on a nice jumper that I rediscovered over the weekend, I sat on one of the skinny. fold down seats on the train on the way to work, and felt as if I had enough room, I feel slim and I went for a run first thing. All in all, it was a great start to the week.

I ran almost 8k this morning. I hadn't intended to do that much, but I've signed up to a training programme on Runkeeper, which sends me my week's runs. I asked for more than three per week, so last week and this it has sent me four. Last week, it started with a thirty minute workout on the Monday, so i guess I figured it would be more of the same today. Na uh! Today I was to do 7.2km (the long run last week was 6k) I think if I'd realized it was over 7k this morning, I'd have got up a little earlier. Still, I managed 6.8k last week getting up at 5.20am, so I reckoned today wouldn't be that different. And it was okay. I just tacked a bit extra on to the start of my route, and a wee bit at the end, and it worked out at 7.8km. Coolaboola!

I've been reading a bit about cinnamon, and it's health benefits. It's considered a serious wonder food, though I think we have to take claims like that with a pinch of salt. But it supposedly has anti oxidant and anti inflammatory properties. It's the anti inflammatory bit that interests me. Apparently, it's at it's most efficacious when it's consumed with fat, that's how you get the most of its goodness. I read a suggestion that you make up a tea with a teaspoon of coconut oil ( I have a very mildly flavoured one) a teaspoon of cinnamon, and a tea bag (I used a chai tea. Hell, let's over dose on cinnamon! I do love the flavour.) You know what, it wasn't the worst thing I've ever tasted, and at forty-five cals per teaspoon of the oil, six for the cinnamon, and none for black tea, it was way lighter in cals than making up a skinny latte would be. And I'd have needed to use full fat milk anyway, to get the fat content. I don't really want to use milk anyway. As much as I love cheese, I'm not a big fan of dairy. It's hard for me to get past the fact that we are pretty much the only animal on the planet that regularly used the milk of an animal of a different species, and that's not even taking into account that we are also the only beast that uses milk after weaning. Milk is nature's baby food. And there's gotta be a reason so many people are lactose intolerant. But that's just me. I'd rather try this tea combo. If I have time, I'll make it each morning. It's also a good way to get in a little healthy fat.

I was a bit hungry this morning, after my run and the tea. So I had a light had brekkie of two scrambled eggs. I earned over six hundred cals on the run, so it's no surprise that I was hungry. When I have time, I do enjoy an omelette for brekkie.

I spoke to Mum this morning. I really might change my goal to eleven stone (well, one pound below eleven stone, so I'm in the tens) I will see how I look in about sixteen pounds from now. I have a feeling 139lb is going to be too light, I don't want to look scrawny. That's very aging on a woman of my age. If I do change my goal, I'll be done in just sixteen pounds. Just over a stone away. That sounds ridiculously close. And theoretically doable by Christmas. I'm getting excited just thinking about it.

I got a great deal of fun out of posting that wee video of TMM and me in my "fat" jeans together. I keep looking at it and having a good laugh. I wish I could post the first attempt, but there really was too much of my knickers on show to be decent. And my belly was out too, looking less than flattering :-) Here are the stills. So glad I kept them.

In the jeans

Behind the jeans

Too in your face?

No one has made any such comment. I haven't had any thing negative said to me, in fact, quite the opposite. I've only had positivity and support from friends, family and readers alike. Every now and then though, I feel a bit guilty about the way I keep bumming and blowing about how good it feel, how well my weight loss is going or how great clothes look on me now. I worry about it a little. I know how annoying it can be to hear someone rattle on about how brill they are doing, when my own weight loss attempts have gone to shit and I feel like fuck all beat up in a cup. So I really don't want to be having that affect on someone. I sincerely hope there's someone who can get the opposite reaction, i.e. "Wow, if she can do it, so can I."  

Despite fearing that my current ebullient mood is off putting, I can't write about anything else. It's how I feel. I feel bloody good, with a massive side helping of gratitude that something in my tiny mind clicked, and allowed this attempt to flourish. I've lost and regained weight enough times to know that I can't take this situation for granted. And every time I hear of someone struggling, I feel it's there but for the grace of God. So please, excuse my exuberance. It's not meant to be bombastic for the sake of it. I'm just so excited!

Now, that said, here I go again. 

 

Good run this morning. A bit faster.

I really enjoyed a run this morning. I did what I wanted to after yesterday's run. I went a little quicker and got my fastest 5k time in this running incarnation. About thirty-seven minutes. Cool. I'm happy with that. For now :-) One of the best things was how un-sweaty I was afterwards. I was still sweaty, but no where near what I've been previously. It's a combination of a cooler morning and being lighter and a bit fitter, I'm sure. But I can see it in photos I've taken.

Post run, 13th August.

 Post run, this morning. Feeling positively skinny. No where near my usual puce colour!

I'm going to have a day or two off running. I want to rest my legs, having used the Vibrams two days in a row now. Feet are still feeling good though. I did buy some Heelys though. Now that's some wacky. fun shit. I had to google how to use them! Then TMM came home from work to find me cooking dinner last night, heelying up and down the kitchen tiles. Not amused! "I've just got over worrying about you pulling a hamstring using those shoes (he's not a fan of the Vibrams) and now I come home to this? You're not wise!" Teehee. Sure, it keeps him on his toes. Or is that me? Or heels? Ahh, I'm confused :-)

Such fun!

 I'm not going to my mum's this evening, so I have complete control of my food. I feel a sausage casserole of some sort coming on.

Playing hookie today

Last night's dinner before our show

Because I had plenty of my day's food allowance left at tea time yesterday, I wasn't overly worried about eating out before going to our comedy gig. We chose a Japanese restaurant near my work place and even though it was still only just before 6pm, it was quite busy. I think that's always a sign that it's a good place to eat. And it didn't disappoint. I had king prawns in a garlic butter and coriander sauce, with green beans in chilli flakes, accompanied by steamed rice. It was gorgeous. No started or dessert meant that I did okay for calories, even allowing that there was definitely butter in the beans, as well as the obviously named "garlic butter sauce."

The gig was good craic, and I had enough calories left when I got home to have some crackerbread and low fat cheese triangles. I was hungry by then. I ended up using all of my exercise calories though, which I'd hoped not to do. But at least they were there, to be used if necesssary.

Today, TMM and I went to visit his folks. We were both off work, so it felt like playing truant. We started the day by having breakfast in our usual cafe. I had scrambled eggs on toast, with mushrooms and tomatoes. I didn't have the fry. Wow! That's a first in a while that I've been able to go into that place and nod order the fry up. I'm glad I kept it lighter though. It was enough to fill me, but meant I could have lunch at the out-laws' without worrying about over shooting my allowance. 

Once there, I felt under scrutiny at lunch time. They are lovely people, but my MIL is very pass-remarkable. She comments on absolutely everything. She noticed my weight loss and was very positive about it. All good. But when they are all eating, I feel very much as if I am being a pain in the ass when I don't want to eat what they are eating. So if she's making sandwiches, chances are I don't want white bread, spread with margarine, filled with whatever is on the go. She doesn't mean to sabotage my eating plan for the day, but she just doesn't really understand what is healthy and what is not. She genuinely believes that those sandwiches are a relatively healthy choice. I made my own lunch today. I'm too in the zone at the moment, to let a little social awkwardness about not eating what everybody else is, push me off track. So TMM and I went to the shop, and I was able to get roughly what I'd normally eat at lunchtime at work. I got an apple, cherry tomatoes and a cucumber and chopped them all up in a bowl. Of course, she had to comment, and steal a tomato. And, petty bastard that I am, I resented giving up the tomato (one toady tomato, out of 250g) because all I could think was, "You're having your sandwiches, and your pick of whatever else is in your cupboards, but you still covet some of my smaller offerings! How rude!" And she didn't mean it like that at all. But, because I was feeling a bit under the microscope, I was over sensitive. 

Having eaten breakfast, and then had a light lunch, after our visit, I was hungry at tea time, but only had about 600 cals left, to stay within 1200. I decided on a veggie curry with cauli rice.

Mushroom, spinach and green bean curry, with cauliflower rice

This was gorgeous, especially as there was loads of it, all within allowance and very filling. It's about my fifth time having cauliflower rice in a week and a half, and TMM is starting to complain about the smells I'm creating. But, as my best friend's mum used to say, "You can't eat good food and shite scenty soap!" I do have to admit though, that I smell at both ends, breath of garlic, bum of vegetal matter. Still, think of all that fibre in my diet! I had a totally meat-free day today. First in quite a while.

As to the meal itself, it was very tastey and I'm not ashamed to say that I used a curry sauce. I've no doubt that it's too high in both salt and sugar. It works out okay in cals though. Still, I can't be a saint all the time, and if the worst thing I do is to use a premade curry sauce powder once in a while, I'll do alright. And I'm not going to beat myself up, it was hard enough this evening when TMM bought a tub of gorgeous, luxury ice cream (of a well known brand) while I got none! It used to be quite the wee routine that we had, getting a tub each and settling in to watch something on telly. And I haven't done that for over seven months now. I think I've had ice cream about three times in that whole time, always just a small scoop or two at a restarant, never the unrestrained amount I'd have at home. I have to keep telling myself that to earn the amount of ice cream I'd really like (just to be clear, about a litre) I'd have to run for approximately four hours. For me, that's more than a half marathon, just to eat some ice cream in the gorb-like fashion I favour.

Now, on to my main obsession at the moment, other than the new running shoes that is. We were in the shopping centre before going to see the out-laws and called in to Dunnes. I like some of their clothes, and am in a very clothes frame of mind recently. ("No," I hear you gasp, on a violent intake of breath. "Surely not! You've hardly mentioned clothes this last few weeks!" You say, sarcastically.) I need long sleeved tee shirts, because work is baltic this week, so I bought them in a size fourteen. I haven't tried them on. It doen't matter if they are a little tight, as I'll be wearing them under jumpers and fleeces. But something tells me they'll fit better than I originally thought (I wasn't for buying size sixteens coz I think I'll move out of them before Winter is over, and as I said yesterday, I don't want to wear stuff that doesn't look good, when I've worked so hard to get my body in to better shape) I tried on a coat. A big, cozy one, in a sort of Parka style, with a fur trimmed hood. It was a size fourteen. It fitted. It fitted well. Wow! Seriously? First the jeans in a fourteen, now that coat. I'm seriously looking normal these days! I was tempted to buy it, just because it fit. But I don't need it, much as I really liked it. So I restrained myself. And I have just bought the new trainers, so I really can't justify more money going out of the bank.

On the new shoes front, everything I've read suggests that they are going to take some getting used to. A few articles are saying that there's an adjustment period of at least four weeks, which involves walking around the house in them for the first week or so, then running very short distances in them, necessitating carrying my other trainers to change into. Do I have the patience for that? I am thinking that I will take them out for a short spin in the morning before work. I have a half hour planned. I have been wearing them in the house today and yesterday. 

Wadda ya mean, my feet look weird???

They are awkward to wriggle my toes into initially. Goodness knows how I will manage to do it at 5.30am. But they are a cozy, comfy fit, and easy to walk around in. I think they will feel a bit weird out on the streets. I'm KT Taped and ready to go, so I'll see how I feel in the morning.