End of the first week

I've overeaten this week. Substantially. It's all been healthy and vegan, but too many calories is too many calories, regardless of the form they're in. I'm eating as if I'm still running six days a week. And I'm so not! I need to eat less, or, and here's a drastic idea, actually start running regularly again! 

I really want to start properly in the morning, and go to club tomorrow night. It's hard enough at the moment to get motivated, never mind the fact that it's so cold leaving the hose in the evening.

Anyway, regardless of how pants I am at running at the mo, I've had a great vegan first week. This is the end of day seven, and I've made my own bread twice, made a great chilli and burgers fron Scott Jurek's book "Eat and Run", soup, fritters, cheesy potato bake ( https://www.ilovevegan.com/cheesy-vegan-potato-broccoli-casserole/ ) and vegetable pate ( http://laurencariscooks.com/vegan-pate-everyone-will-love/ ) I've also discovered nutritional yeast, and amazing piece of dietary kit! I'm very pleased with myself. I wouldn't be surprised if I've gained weight this week, with the way I've eaten, but I'm not going to be too hard on myself for that. Next week I'll get the amounts more in line with what my calorific needs actually are.

Today I spent a lot of time in the kitchen,

 trying a couple of mayo recipes, using unsweetened almond milk, avocado oil and the brine from chick peas, aquafaba as it's known. Both attempts taste good enough,  but are more like a salad cream consistency than a mayo. Worth a try though. The recipes both say that soya milk would give a thicker result,  but I'm trying to steer clear of soy products. 

175lb

If there's a band wagon out there, I'll jump on it. Renowned for my mad phases in my family, I am. So it's no real surprise to anyone who knows me that when I get enthusiastic about something, I go a bit gung ho. That's great, while it lasts, but can lead to burn out. My general period of time for something long standing is about two years. Then it's usually on to the next thing. I can't seem to help it. I'm hoping this won't be the case here.

Recently I've become hyper aware of veganism. Not a new thing obviously, it's been around for thousands of years, but am I wrong in thinking it's "trending" at the mo? With the popularity of the film, "The Game Changers" I know of a few runners, in my club and others, who are either already taking up this new life style choice, or are seriously thinking about it. I'm conscious of abstinence from all flesh and by product foods now being referred to as being on a "plant based diet." Is that coz "vegan" sounds too militant? I wonder. "Plant based" definitely sounds a bit fluffier to me, less CND, flaky, political activist student, more middle aged, middle income, middle of the road office worker (i.e. me, I suppose - and exactly when did I become middle aged???)

 

So here I was this morning. My cheese and chocolate levels were at the max, not to mention my ice cream level. My final fling with dairy was done yesterday,  along with a sausage sandwich. Today was about starting to try going vegan. No. "Do or do not, there is no try." Thank you George Lucas. 

If I do this, will it fill me? My factory setting is to be a greedy ballix, will plants satisfy me? Will I get bored? Will I take enough care to eat healthily?

I suppose I'm going to become an expert at checking food labels now. Today it was rice cakes and vegetable stock cubes I was looking in to. I haven't been using stock cubes for a while, but when the OH cooks, he does, so he wanted to know which ones he could use. It looks like Knnor vegetable ones are dead on. I've very lucky with how supportive he is. 

I wish I could forget about food, if you know what I mean, lose my obsession with it. Forget about it as recreation and think of it purely as fuel. Then, I would only eat what I need. Then, I wouldn't be at least thirty pounds off what should be my heaviest weight. And my running wouldn't have suffered. Still, getting on the scales shows me where I stand. 

Breakfast: avocado, cucumber, cannelinni beans and rice cake

Lunch: apple, almonds, walnuts, cherry tomatoes 

Tea: chilli made with three types of tinned beans, brown basmati rice 

Black coffee, water

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And so it begins.....

Well, here I go again. It's been a while.

I go through phases when I love to write and then I don't do it for months or years. A big event or decision is usually the catalyst, and this time is no exception. I have been successful in my application for a place in the London marathon and have decided to write about the lead up to it. I hope it will help with my training and motivation, as my running mojo hasn't been great recently.

I think there are a couple of reasons for that, both related to each other. I'm heavier than I was this time last year, having gained gradually since I made the decision two years ago to start maintaining rather than losing weight. I was 144lb then. I will weigh in on Monday morning, when it will be eight months to the day to the marathon. It's on Sunday 26th April. Eek! So I'll know exactly where I stand then. I'm hopeful that writing about it will keep me accountable. It worked before. I also want to eat properly, good, regular, possibly paleo (coz it makes me feel "clean" if you know what I mean) food and less red meat in general.

Being heavier has made me slower. I haven't been close to my PBs in a year. My parkrun best is 22:28. I'm lucky to get near twenty-five minutes these days. I got a 10k time last April of 45:46. I've never got near to touching that! My Belfast Marathon time last year was 3:46. This year 4:12! My best half was 1:51 last year. In fairness, at least I've stayed sub 2 for a couple of halfs this year, so all is not too shite :-)

This is all very whingey. In the grand scheme of things, I know I'm damn lucky that I can run at all. For someone who was 287lb at her heaviest, I am in bloody good nick. And I'm fifty, for fucks sake, so I should cut myself some slack. I had some arbitrary times that I thought would mean I was a "good" runner.

• sub 30 5k
• sub 60 10k
• sub 2hr half marathon
• sub 4hr marathon

I've smashed all of those. So I just need to think positive, be kind to myself (how touchy-feely is that!) and stop eating badly.

This successful marathon place should be motivation in itself. I qualified Good For Age, i.e. I ran well enough in a previous marathon to be considered for a place on merit, not just in a lottery draw. I'm well chuffed with that. Imagine being thought of as quite fast within your age group! That's me, that is.

I've never wanted to do London. I've always thought that it had an inflated sense of its own importance. Who wants to enter a draw for a race when the odds are so against you getting in? Nearly half a million people for almost 20,000 places! What is that, about one in twenty-five? Perhaps it was a touch of sour grapes, but I was just not interested. Even after Good For Age was explained to me, I resisted. Up to a year or so ago, GFA guaranteed entry, but it too has recently become a bit of a lottery draw. Who wants all that build up, just to be disappointed? But I don't know. Maybe a bit of FOMO set it. Watching telly coverage of London this year I got caught up in the excitement of the atmosphere and thought, "What have I got to lose?" Before you know it, I'm in the regular ballot. Then I'm noting in my diary the date that GFA entry goes live. Then I'm going through the on line GFA entry process, jumping through hoops to meet the criteria. Finally, then I'm waiting on tenter hooks for the date to find out if I was successful. I didn't spend all day yesterday checking my emails every twenty minutes. Okay, I did!

Anyway, the upshot is I'm in. I am the envy of many. I got a golden ticket. What am I going to do about it? I'm going to train my balls off, that's what. And I'm going to write about it. If all goes to plan, it will be marathon number seven, with Dublin in October being six. I know I can do the distance, I just need to work on an enjoyable experience. It's said to be a once in a lifetime gig. I might as well make the most of it and go for a PB!

Not the start to the week that I wanted.

Post run omelette breakfast. Came out like scrambled eggs. Delicious. 

Mon 13/03/17
It wasn't the worst day in the world, but you'd think, after such a brilliant weight yesterday, a fantastic Parkrun on Saturday and a great fifteen mile run yesterday (with no aches and pains afterwards!) that it would have been easy to have a flawless day. I'd want to consolidate my results, right? Uh uh. *shakes head in disbelief* I managed to go right over my cals by about 800. And I'm peeved with myself. I'm particularly annoyed because it was with sugar. Again. Darn and blast my sugar addiction. I suppose if I manage to stay below 2000 cals a day, I  should still maintain, even on a day that I don't run. I'd just rather train myself to eat my calories more wisely. Some walnuts or avocado would be good. Not processed, overly refined sugar. But hey ho. Tuesday was another day, so I intended to get up early, do six miles, earn 700 cals, and start afresh.

I mentioned having no aches and pains after Sunday's run. I can hardly believe it. Knee, Achilles, calf, hip? All dead on! And the run itself? The same run, done two years ago, took three and a quarter hours. Yesterday it took two hours forty-two minutes. That's not a result of me trying to be faster, just a natural consequence of being a lot lighter. It feels amazing to be fit :-) 

Tue 14/03/17
My weight was still good on Tuesday morning, despite the extra eating, so I was relieved, and I know I just need to lighten up a bit on myself. It'll come with time. The panic that I'm going to get uber fat again should die down, I'm sure, as I learn how much I can eat. I feel very much like a broken record, going on and on about learning how to eat, now I'm not trying to lose. Still, it's what's in my head, so it's what I waffle about.

I ran 10k on Tuesday and did it in under an hour! I was incredibly pleased with that.

Both my continued low weight and the run were great results. I was very happy and in fact, I was impossible to anger all day. (It makes me a much nicer person to work with.) But I find it hard to strike a balance. How to I work out if I'm being merely ebullient or if I've veered off into bombastic? It's like the constant repetition I find myself writing. It's what's in my head, so it's what I write about. Similarly, when I'm happy or excited with things, that's what comes out, but I'd hate it to sound boastful. That's not how I mean it. It's just that it's hard to reign in my excitement, or dial down my responses. I'm not used to looking like this. It's going to take a while to get used to it. 

I ate only real food on Tuesday, no processed sugar, had a run, and stayed within my allowance (including eating all of my exercise calories) so I felt good about the day in general.

Wed 15/03/17
A rep from one of my suppliers in work told me I was looking a bit cold yesterday, and asked if all of my fleeces were too big for me now. Over my nineteen years in the tyre trade, I've accumulated fleeces and body warmers from most major tyre manufacturers. And every one of them is at least a man's size XL, some XXL. My most recent Michelin one looks like a large mini dress on me. But I love it, coz it's so toasty warm. Still, it looks ridiculous. My rep chum said they were clearing out their warehouse and he'd see if he could find me anything in a medium or a small. He was as good as his word, and a medium body warmer arrived for me, with our tyre delivery today. Yay! It fits :-)

New Hankook body warmer!

Another great thing about yesterday was getting a message from someone on mfp, just out of the blue, someone I don't know, but who got in touch to say "Well done", and offer encouragement and help, if I need it. What a lovely thing. I must admit that I haven't been at all active in the community of mfp. I did all that when I was with WW on line, so you'd think I'd have thought of it. But then, it took me eight months to realize that I could post a blog, so it's hardly surprising that I'd forget the community too. So I have FB and mfp to talk to "virtual" fat fighters and healthy folks. As much as TMM and my family are amazing (and they really are. No question) only other over weight people really get what's going on in my head.

I had intended to run this morning, but went to bed very late, so decided that sleep was more important. I miss the extra calories though, so might still go out after work. TMM is working late, so I'll be looking after myself for dinner. I might have mackerel, or something else that he normally wouldn't be too keen on. I'm trying to make an effort to vary things, and get a decent amount of healthy fat in to my diet. And some dark, leafy greens.

On another plus note, I've have less DFM. Still not off it completely, but I've subbed in camomile tea once or twice. What can I say? I'm a work in progress :-)

Daily fluctuations

I'm getting used to the whole maintenance thing. I'm still trying to get used to the idea that that's really me in the mirror, but it's fun. I am weighing myself every morning, which is probably not a great idea, it's a bit obsessive. But I'm sure I'll lighten up as I settle into my new routine. My weight is going between 142 and 146 pounds. Daily fluctuations are normal, so it's not a problem. I'll just keep an eye on the range. Food has been good this week, as has exercise. I've been in the green with my daily allowance, and running has been fun.

I ran sixty kilometers this week, twenty-two and half (fourteen miles) of which was this morning. I've come to realize that it takes me about three miles to warm up, and for the kinks to be worked out of my achilles, calf and hip. Then it's great for about nine miles, before it all starts to ache again. My endureance is definately improving though. And my times are so much better than last time. Today's run took two and a half hours. Last time I did that distance it took about three hours fifteen minutes. That's just down to weight loss.

Today's run. Very happy with the pace, even though I was very tired and a bit achey by the end.

My time for a similar distance two years ago, weighing 209lb, according to mfp records. So I was nearly five stone heavier thatn I am now. Big difference!

I'm loving it. I'm not saying that the idea of running fifteen miles next week fills me with joy. I sort of dread these long runs, while anything under ten miles, I do genuinely look forward to. But I know that I can survive the longer ones, and I feel better for having done them. I can't believe I'm a person who genuinely looks at their GPS and thinks, "It takes me three miles to warm up," or "Only seven kilometers to go!"

I drank better today, sipped a little more consistantly, so took on more fluid. I also used the jelly meerkat sweets as my fuel. I worked out that I'd need about 170g to provide about 120g of carbs. I ended up only eating 100g, but I'm still getting used to fueling on the hoof, so I can work on getting enough in me over the next eight weeks. I can't believe that that's my training schedule half done. Just fifty-seven days to go! Eek!

My shoes took a bit of a batttering today. As I ran off the road to the coastal path, I ended up running through some quite wet and muddy ground. It made me realize that I might actually quite enjoy trail running. My poor wee toesie shoes need a wash though. Mind you, then I ran through some puddles, and it seemed to rinse the worst of the mud off. The Vibrams are brilliant when they get wet. The water drains out of them, so while they stay wet, there's no accumulated puddle in each shoe.

Thank goodness they are machine washable!

We went out for brunch afterwards. TMM had a lie in while I ran. It was extra nice as we are both now off for a week. We are basking in the "NO Work For A Week" zone!

"A kilo of meerkats arrived for me today,"...

...I said last night, and that's when TMM just nearly wet himself laughing, calling me a "tiny moron," but his tiny moron, so that was okay. :-) No, they are not at all paleo, but I ordered them to try, as a fuel for my long runs, before I decided to go mostly paleo and I refuse to waste them. I love jelly meerkats! They are even nicer than jelly babies. But I darn well better earn them, as they're pure sugar and about 350 cals per 100g. It's not good for my will power, to have a bulk amount arrive. I brought them home from work without opening them and divided them in to 100g bags. Then I hid them in my "running" cupboard, where I keep my hydration tablets and sports nutrition stuff. TMM laughs at me because when we moved in to our house, I had a wool cupboard. Now I have a candle cupboard and a travel mug/flask cupboard. And none of this includes "Terry Corner" which consists of an organized mess of techie stuff and other running accoutrements, as well as my guitar things. It's not really a mess. I know where everything is in it :-)

TMM and I had a bit of a walk on Sunday to get a little exercise in.

I haven't run quite as much as I'd have like this last few days. I fell on Thursday and hurt my left calf and my right hip. Damn, I'm gonna be held together with K T tape if I'm not careful. I didn't do my planed fourteen mile run on Saturday, so I feel a bit behind in my training. It's nothing I can't make up, and the rest was necessary. I did 6.7 km yesterday and nearly 12 km this morning, so I'm back at it, but I'm keeping an eye on my hip especially (the calf is better) I think I'll have a rest day tomorrow.

I'm consciously eating different things to try to vary my nutrition. So I made popcorn yesterday with coconut oil and seasoned it with sea salt, fresh black pepper and dried garlic, which I crushed in a mortar and pestle.

It was only afterwards that I remembered that corn isn't at all paleo. But hey ho! It's not the worst thing I could eat, and the whole paleo thing will come back to me as I do it. In total though, I was happy with how I ate yesterday, a big omelette with peppers and scallions for breakfast, raw veg for lunch, avoided the meerkats altogether and homemade beef stew for tea. Some home popped popcorn and a bit of extra dark, organic chocolate as a treat later on. In total it came to about 1800 cals and I'd earned 400, so I was still 100 in the green. I'm going to be feeling my way with how many of my exercise calories to use, but it's all a learning process.

Today I had 25g each of almonds and walnuts, as well as my cinnamon and coconut oil coffee on the train on the way to work. I had meant to have eggs again, but time got away from me. It's Parkinson's Law. The task expands to fill the time allotted. Even though I was up a wee bit earlier, I didn't end up with any extra time to eat. If fact, I faffed about so much, I was a bit later than usual. Still, it was nice to have nuts for a change. And I bought baby sweetcorn and tender stem broccoli to have with an apple and plums for lunch. Mixing it up a bit and getting different nutrients. It's all good. And, big news. I haven't bought DFM for a couple of days!!!

My big idea to meditate while running was a partial success yesterday and this morning.

And that's what I expected so I'm really chuffed. I managed a minute or two at a time of clearing my mind before general mental flotsam and jetsam materialized. It made me smile this morning as I considered, here I am, forty-eight years old, running eight miles before breakfast, eating healthy and meditating. Then it struck me, if I'm thinking these thoughts, then I'm not meditating! Darn and blast, and back to the drawing board. Teehee. I just need practice :-) Even with the stop/start nature of my first foray, it made me mindful of my breathing and my footsteps and introduced a nice flow to things, which I enjoyed very much.

Happy Monday!

My thighs are still tired after this run, despite a rest day yesterday!

My long run on Saturday afternoon went really well. I am so pleased with that pace. If I sustained that for 42km, I'd do a sub 4:30 marathon! Not sure if it's possible for me, but I can think positive. No harm in that so long as I don't beat myself up if I don't manage it.

As I was running, on two occasions, all I could smell was grilling meat, like a really nice steak or burger had been thrown on a bbq. It drove me mental. It was fast approaching tea time, and I was getting hungry. That aroma was the best kind of torture! I must have been passing a local restaurant or something. I was proactive about the situation. I made sure my run finished outside ASDA so I could go to the butchery counter. It's run by a local shop and it's actual butchers behind the counter. I asked for a couple of nice steaks that I could cook rare and came away with two of the most delicious hunks of meat (barring TMM of course :-D ) I've ever tasted. Two big sirloins. Literally cut the horns off and stop it mooing, and I'll eat it. And I did. Two and a half minutes in a very hot pan on either side, just seasoned with crushed sea salt and black pepper. Man, I'm drooling just at the memory!.A good protein hit for excellent muscle recovery after my eleven miler.

Despite the protein rich day, both Saturday and Sunday, not to mention a deliberate rest day yesterday, I was still tired on my run this morning. But I better suck it up, coz I imagine I'll be even more tired twenty miles into twenty-six on the First of May!

Saturday was an active day in general. Mum and I had a five mile walk that morning, and then she cooked a lovely brekkie of scrambled eggs and smoked salmon. I even had a bagel too, which was unusual, as I don't eat a lot of bread these days. It means that I enjoy it all the more when I do eat it.

I save calories by not having butter/spread. I don't miss it. I haven't taken marg since I had hepatitis when I was nineteen, and my liver couldn't process the fat content. I just never went back on it again. And I haven't taken milk in tea or coffee for years either.  

And on to another reason for today's good mood. I finished the Dr Who scarf that I was knitting. As I said to someone of Facebook this morning, it's so long, it's just the right side of ridiculous! I love it. And with my hat? If I want to look like Tom Baker circa 1979, that's up to me :-)

Just keep running, just keep running...

...as Dory from "Finding Nemo" would sing. Well, if she had legs instead of fins. It's been a good week for running so far, and it's not over yet. 

This morning's run. Happy that I am consistently staying under 7 min/km.

At least one run left to do, a long one of 17km, or about eleven miles in old money. It should take about two hours. I haven't decided if I will do it tomorrow evening or Sunday morning yet. TMM is working on both. I'll wing it, see how I feel. I should be out for a walk with Mum in the morning, so I mightn't fancy a long run as well on the same day.

I did it again. I bought more Vibram runners. That's the third pair now. I have to stop. I can't help it. I'm a suggestible nightmare, an advertizer's dream! Ads come up at the side of my email and I make the mistake of looking at them! And if Vibrams are going to be sold at £50, how am I reasonably supposed to not buy them ??? I track the mileage of my shoes on my Runkeeper app, and to do that, I have a name for each pair. The first Vibrams, I called Toesies. The second pair are Pinkerton. I can honestly make an argument for reasonably having two pairs. If one pair's in the wash for example. But three? That's why I've named this pair "The Unnecessaries" :-)

The best pair yet. Love them.

I've been weighing heavy all week, but I'm trying not to care because my running has been great and I know I've been eating well. My calorie balance has been good and I know I'm in the green. So I'm going to keep hoping for a loss on Sunday. I'm also happy because I've started a bit of knitting in the evenings, so that's keeping my occupied, and away from snacking. I'm making a Dr Who scarf. I reckon it'll be finished by the end of the weekend. It's a short project (but a very long scarf!) so I might start something else once I'm done. 

I'm not doing this exactly, using different sized needles and wool, but it's a good rough guide. I'll probably make it about twelve foot long. That's long enough for any five foot two short arse :-)

The week moves on

Well, perm my hair and call me Curly. Cut my legs off and call me Shorty! I took my period yesterday. I wasn't expecting it for about a week. I just keep forgetting that my cycle has shortened, and my time to "surf the crimson tide" creeps up on me nearly every month these days. Yes, I realize that that's too much information for some, but it's relevant, as I believe it's the reason for my half pound gain this week. That half pound is a fairly consistent wee visitor on the week that my period arrives. It makes me feel better to know that there was a genuine reason for it. I can concentrate on a loss this week, though I was pretty concentrated on that anyway!

I had plans with TMM, my cousin BB and her hubby CB, for a Chinese takeaway last night. We usually know a few days in advance of these occasions, as BB and CB are members of Slimming World, so we all like to plan for carry out food. I knew from early on exactly what I was going to order, and I was fairly sure it would be about a day's worth of calories, so I worked my day out around it. I ran early, earning 600 cals, then I had a very protein rich breakfast of scrambled eggs, to keep me satisfied. I had no lunch. That's probably not for everyone, but it works for me. Coffee and water, along with some sugar free mints, kept me happy at work. Then we had the meal not long after 7 pm. I ordered Chicken Chow Mein, and had half a portion of chips as well. The chips were totally unnecessary, but yummy! And I worked it all out at about 1000 cals for the whole meal. Including my exercise calories, I think I finished the day just about balanced.

I didn't go running this morning. I wanted to, but I decided that I needed a recovery day. I could feel my thighs protesting yesterday as I ran. The last thing I want to do is injure myself through over training, and the surest way to do that would be to not listen to my body. So much as I wanted to run this morning, I lay on. I felt a bit guilty, and I will definitely miss the extra calories, but I needed the rest, I ran ten miles on Saturday, four on Sunday and five yesterday. I'm doing okay so far, as far as putting in the work is concerned.

145.2lb

As always, despite my best intentions, it's never easy to own up to a gain, even a relatively small 0.4lb one. While a couple of my days this week haven't been perfect as far as food goes, I haven't done too badly. My exercise has been good, so it's not that. I think that it's really just that time of the month again, when I have a wee gain, and my body does it's own thing to slow me down and make me take stock. It's a good thing. It means I don't crawl up my own arse, thinking how wonderful I am at this weight loss thing. I get shit wrong, I get het up over nothing, I eat too much chocolate sometimes. Basically, I'm human.

So, to take stock, I'm nine and a half pounds away from goal. That's nothing. I'm so close I can taste it! All I've got to do is remember that today's weigh in does not accurately convey how I did this week, or how I've felt. I've been feeling really good. walking tall and holding my head high. I've been enjoying feeling petite, if you can believe it. I can snuggle in to armchairs and not get stuck. I can do the same in the high backed chairs in Cafe Nero, where TMM and I like to partake of a recreational coffee or two. I can easily fit in to my train seat, even with a couple of layers of Winter clothes on, and a big coat. (I know, public transport seats are an obsession of mine) Half a pound on my official weigh-in weight does not negate any of those feelings.

One of the best things has been my new found enthusiasm for running, which has sort of taken on a life of its own. I'm really enjoying it at the moment. I ran five times this week, racking up 50km, my longest run being ten miles yesterday morning. While at the start, I sort of dreaded the idea of ten miles a little, because I knew that I was going to be out for nearly two hours, actualy, the time flew in. Before I knew it, I was over half way through. The whole thing took one hour and fourty seven minutes. I was finished by 8am, and TMM and I had a lovely, healthy breakfast of scrambled eggs together. I also had wheaten bread and cheddar. Good grief, I enjoyed it! The run earned over 1100 cals, so I was more than happy to spend a few extra on bread and cheese that I rarely eat.

In training for the marathon again, I find that I am running a lot of routes that I ran the last time I trained, two years ago. Yesterday's ten miler was one I've only run once before.

I had a look back on Runkeeper to compare the times. Last time, I was about five stone heavier than I am now, and the run took two hours and seventeen minutes! Wow. Huge difference. A whole half hour quickerythis time. If I could maintain that pace over the marathon, I should be able to finish in under five hours. I'm trying not to get my hopes up over a finishing time. Anything better than last time is an improvement. But I have to be honest, it's hard not to get caught up wanting a sub five hour time.

Last time, I think the time that I ran at in training had a lot to do with why I unexpectedly cramped up. I'm very much an early morning runner. I get most of my running done between five and six thirty am. The marathon starts at 9am, and that means I coulb be going till 2pm That's all morning, to mid afternoon. So I think I need to do some of my long runs a bit later. It's hard to eny myself the pleassure of the early morning scenery and peace as I run at my usual time though.

Trying to cut myself some slack

I was in the shower this morning, beating myself up for being less than perfect with my food this last few days. I have had a calorie heavy start to the week and as much as I really enjoyed the pizza on Monday night, the chocolate, on both Sunday and Tuesday nights, was unnecessary. Delish, but unnecessary. And much as I told myself that I'd be so good for the next few weeks to try to lose my final few pounds, I just haven't been able to stay within 1200 cals. In a way, that's not a problem. I've run for the last four days, so I need more cals. And I'm upping my mileage, so that goes double for the extra fuel needed. But it's been the wrong fuel, and too much of it. Excess, thy name is Terry. As usual.

You get the point. Terry's giving herself a hard time. Then I caught myself on. Did I just listen to myself? I ran the last four days in a row! 

I am a runner! Who'd a thunk it???

How healthy am I! And this morning's run was double excellent. I was strong like bull.  For I was Terry, Seeker of Hills! I sought out every hill in my town that I normally avoid. And by jingo! If I didn't have a ball. Sweaty I certainly got, but I didn't come close to wanting to stop.

So I ate a full 80g bar of dark choc last night (with espresso coffee beans in it. *Drools in a manner worthy of Homer Simpson*) and it was 425 cals? So what! I earned 406 cals on my run this morning. I'm even. This isn't just about me losing weight. While that's important to me, it's not the be all and end all. This is my life, and I'm blooming living it. And en-friggin'-joying it!  How philosophical do I sound :-) Hope that mindset lasts when I step on the scales on Sunday.

So I'm currently on the train to work. I'm wearing TMM's cardi. He gave it to me a few months ago and I loved that it fitted me. Ahem *coughs modestly and blushes prettily* it now drowns me. I'm so grinning madly as I type that. The last two days at work, I've had a string of people doing double takes when they see me in the office, hear me speak and then realize that it's actually me, but they don't recognize me. I'm not exaggerating, there've been at least three different people each day. So I need to remember that too as I give myself guff for having the temerity to be human in the face of food temptation. How very dare I! I'm trying to overcome nearly fifty years of conditioning.

It ain't gonna happen overnight!

I've been and gone and done it!

I made my entry to the 2017 Belfast Marathon public. It's on Facebook, and I've set up a JustGiving page, so soon everyone that I know will know about it. Now I'll have to do it, especially as I've just had my first sponsorship :-) It's a good thing that I started the training plan last week, and the mileage will start to increase now.

Well, I had my pizza, cheesy garlic bread and chips for tea last night. I know that sounds like a lot...okay, it was a lot, but it was less than I'd have eaten pre weight loss. A small pizza and TMM and I shared the garlic bread and chips. Still, it was a big meal. So I finished the day with my calorie bank account very overdrawn but I was a very happy camper, every mouthful having been savoured and slowly devoured. Worth every kcal! I went to bed pretty damn stuffed I can tell you.:-) Seriously, not the healthiest way to try to fall asleep, but man alive! it was good.

I was surprised and pleased that it didn't make this morning's run difficult. I thought all that carby nonsense bouncing around in my tum from the night before would be a hindrance, but it wasn't.

That's 20km I've done over the past two mornings. It's easy to see that this is a different programme to the one I  followed two years ago. The mileage has started to increase substantially already. It took me about eight weeks to build up to a 16k run last time. This time it's by the end of the second week. That's okay though. I'm lighter and fitter this time around, so in a way, it's as much about pace as endurance. 

And on a weight loss note, a customer asked me today where the other girl was, who used to work here. You know, the one who'd been here for years, who wore DMs all the time? Uh huh, he meant me! So I waved at him and said, "Hello!" He wouldn't believe it was me. He actually almost demanded that I show him an old photo of myself. :-) The one of me with Sammy the Rottie soon convinced him of my veraciousness. Yes, that was me. So now he thinks I'm a weight loss goddess. And I'll be smiling all day because of it. 

Sammy Sausage. I miss him. 

Motivations...or reasons to behave

I wittered on a day or two ago about wanting to have a good food day, then promptly ate chocolate covered fudge with my morning coffee (so much for caffeine killing my sugar craving) and then went out for dinner with TMM. On the up side though, I tracked it all, chose a lighter option than I might otherwise have done, pre-weight loss, at the restaurant, and know exactly how much my calories are over by. It's all good. I'll just have to keep telling myself that when I step on the scales on Sunday.

Other than the usual reasons for not wanting to gain weight again, i.e don't want to have to go through this process again, and I have family and friends who will encourage me to stay on the right track, I've been thinking of additional motivations, things to keep in mind when I want to eat overly calorific, empty in nutrition, "non-food."

• New Under Armour top. Looks great. Want to keep it that way. This goes for all the lovely new stuff that I have and adore wearing. How gutted would I be if I got too big for them all ??? 
• Party on 11th Feb. It's a month away. I could have lost anything from two pound to being at goal if I work at it! 
• Hearing lovely compliments at work from customers who haven't seen me for a while. It happened yesterday and it made me feel great all day.
• This is a bit of a weird one, and might make me sound a bit odd. At the risk of coming across as obsessive, or even anorexic, I love my collar bone. I really like that I can see it, and when I touch it, it's not covered with fat. Don't get me wrong, I've no desire to be a skeleton, but I love my clavicle. I'm becoming reacquainted with my ribs too, but my clavicle is my favourite :-)

Yesterday was another day of really struggling to stay away from shitty food. I ate some sugar free wine gums, and just about managed to come in on target, having (again) eaten nearly all my exercise calories. But it was pointed out to me, by people much nicer to me than I am to myself, and cleverer (is that even grammatically correct?) too, that it's bloomin' cold at the mo, so maybe my body needs the fuel. I'm definitely feeling the cold a lot more this Winter than it was last year.

And so today? My desire to eat all round me has gone. I am feeling perfectly in control. I had a breakfast of three eggs, scrambled in the microwave, after my run, and had my "Yogi coffee" (a teaspoon of coconut oil, a teaspoon of cinnamon and a mug of black coffee) and I have some raw veg for lunch, waiting in my desk drawer. All thought of every "naughty" food has disappeared. Today, I'm on a roll. Even my run was good, though it was very cold, and I got up extra early to do a few extra km.

Making up the deficit...eventually

The last two days, my food log hasn't been great.  I got home from work on Monday a bit later than normal, and though there was food in the house, I couldn't be bothered cooking. So I threw bits and pieces together and ended up 450 cals over for the day. That is even though I'd earned 450 with my morning run. So I was in a situation that I try to avoid these days. I wanted to make back those "in the red" cals today. My run yesterday should have done that. But in order for that to have remained the case, I had to eat no more more than 1200 yesterday. My exercise cals are already spent! But I didn't make it. I went slightly over yet again. So now I'm even further in debt to myself!

In the grand scheme of things, it's not much, but it's a habit of complacency that I just don't want to get in to. I don't want to start thinking that all these little amounts, 200 cals here, 400 cals there, don't matter. I've got this far because I've realized that everything with a calorific value matters, regardless of how small. So now it's Wednesday, and I really want to try to stay in control. I'm so close to goal, I don't want to screw up. In another twelve pounds, I can start to relax, and work out how to live with this, try to let up a little (though I think I might always need to track, even when my daily calorie allowance increases) but for now, I want to work on staying in charge.

I've felt a distinct lack of will-power these last couple of days. I think it hits every month or so. I feel...not hungry per ce, but just that I could eat. A lot. I watched "Sugar Free Farm" last night, and got to thinking that while I don't eat as much sugar as I used to, I still eat too much. My processed foods have decreased in general, but I could still work on eating more "clean" foods. I'd like to cut out the sugar free sweets, as well as fizzy pop. I've steered clear of DFM* since the New Year, but still consumed some fizz. It would be good to make my tooth a little less sweet and more appreciative of water and herbal teas.

I am enjoying running again after a hiatus of about four weeks with the Achilles. I can't believe it was that long. Time flew! At the moment. I have a few niggles, thigh and Achilles-wise, but nowt big (touch wood!) My run at the end of last week, the 9km one, obviously took a bit more out of me than I realized at the time, because my thighs have been tired since. But I'm working through it. It's not pain, just a bit of fatigue as I get used to upping my mileage. I've had to start doing that anyway this week, just in case I decide to do the marathon this year. I might as well start the training. I can bow out at any time, but I'd be gutted if I got to February, having done no prep, and decided I wanted to give it a go, but hadn't left myself enough time to start.

My thighs were still tired at the end of yesterday, so I decided a rest day was necessary. I didn't run this morning. I will miss the extra calories earned though, especially after the lack of discipline for the last few days. So I will see if I can persuade TMM to go for a walk later, after work. A lovely work out top arrived today, an Under Armour one, and I want to make sure I don't get too big for it before I even get a chance to wear it!

I hate this uber consciousness of control, or lack thereof, about food, but it's a phase I go through every now and again. I just have to stick with it. I'll be back to normal in a day or two


*DFM - Dark Fizzy Master otherwise known as diet cola

T F I....

...Friday! The first week after of work after the hols is nearly over and I'm glad. I have a cheek to be tired, given that we only opened again on  Tuesday, so I've only done four days.

I didn't get up for a run this morning. My legs were achy from the longer run yesterday morning and I was tired in general because I'm not going to sleep early enough to sustain getting up at 5am to go running. I'm going to bed in plenty of time, but I'm reading for ages before turning the lights out. 50% of my New Year's resolutions are a bust so far, but I'm not giving up. I've stayed off sugar free cola since New Year's Day, but I've continued to use electronic devices in bed.

Damn, I really should try to stop, and make the bedroom a device free zone. I'll just keep trying :-)

Food went well yesterday. Despite the cake the day before, I finished on target overall. When I got home from work, TMM had already started dinner, chicken, gravy, spuds and veg. Mmmmm! What a beautiful thing to come home to, the sight of my Gorgeous Guy, cooking a healthy delicious dinner, which smelt amazing as I came through the front door.

I'm currently feeling the loss of having not gone for a run this morning. I love knowing that I've done that wee bit of exercise, and that there are extra calories in the bank if I need them. I might see if I fancy going for a quick half hour jog after work. I'm not great in the will power department, so I reserve the right to change my mind :-D

Addicted to shopping

I'm gonna have to stop. I've already had to put aside a couple of pairs of trousers that I bought very recently because they are now too big, and barring last year's Christmas jumpers, and the odd thing of TMM's that I wear because it smells like him, I refuse to wear stuff that's too big anymore. It's all very well that I bought a few clothes as I got smaller. I needed them. But I have to stop now, at least till my body has settled at where it's going to stay. Running shoes? I can justify those (well, that's what I tell myself :-D )

Second pair of toesy running shoes. Light and comfy. And nice in pink.

The acid test will be when I go in to town after work today. I really have to start my present shopping! If I can go in to Primark without buying myself something, then I'll consider it a success.

I guess it's understandable. I'm excited about how I look in clothes these days, so it's hard to rein myself in. But I need to. It's a terrible waste of money otherwise.

Food's been on track this week. I'm happy to have stayed within allowance, given I'm not running and earning extra cals at the mo. I'm actually pretty impressed that I rested this morning too. I'll probably run on Monday again, and stick to circuits and walking till then. It's all good. I have an ache in my abs at the moment because of all the planking, sit ups and crunches. It's a good ache. I like it, even though it hurts to laugh :-)

I know I've said it before, but this feeling of all over wellness is amazing. The idea that I can just go out the front door and walk for an hour, without it killing me, is fantastic. I can throw on running shoes and run six miles, just like that. It's not fast, but it's totally, absolutely doable. I can do sit ups and push ups and not have a heart attack! So I have a bit (well, okay, a lot) of saggy skin. And I'm still heavier than a BMI chart says I should be. Damn! Who cares?

I feel brilliant and TMM thinks I'm a wee star. Life is fab!

Copying my blog

I'm not sure why. Maybe in an effort to recapture a bit of what I had with WW on line, I'm copying my blog on to myfitnesspal. I suppose my mind likes the idea of everything being in one place. It tidies things up. Blog, tracker, exercise linked in with Runkeeper, all under one roof, as it were. As I looked at it, about to copy every entry from the last nine months, I read some of it. It made me see from a fresh perspective just how far I've come. Okay, so there are a few things that I still don't like, and I've a few pounds still to lose, but the difference is immense, and I'm really happy with myself.

I'm really looking forward to Christmas, to having a few days off with TMM, and just relaxing. I'm going to try very hard not to let too much of my holiday revolve around food. Surely I can socialize without having to eat constantly. I know it's how we show our friends and family that we love them. We prepare meals, and hope that they'll show their appreciation by enjoying them. But I'd like to just enjoy a person's company without feeling under pressure to eat things that just aren't worth the calorie expenditure to me. Now, having said that, I don't want to be anal about eating nothing nice. I think I'll plan a wee spluge on choccies at some point of Christmas day. Hopefullt, I'll start the day, with TMM, with an early morning run. It makes us feel so smug for the rest of the day, as if we've earned our pressies and our dinner :-)

And speaking of running. My 5k this morning was good.

A decent pace (for me!) without killing myself and the weather was really mild in comparison to last week. I'm thinking of getting another pair of Vibrams. My current ones are brilliant, still the most amazingly comfy shoes I've ever run in, and I've now done over 160km in them. I'll need to change them around the 500km mark, I think. The Vibram website has a sale on, but it's only in America. Booooooo hiss. Tempting me with fabulous prices, but not being able to ship them to me :-( Dang!

Happy birthday to me!

As the title suggests, today is my birthday. Forty-flipping-eight. Would someone please explain how the heck that happened? I'm pretty sure it was just yesterday that I was at university!

I have a wee tradition. I take the day off on my birthday and just do what ever I want. Sometimes TMM can do it too, though he couldn't this year. I love getting to spend a sneaky day with him, midweek. It feels as if we're on the beak. But I enjoy a solitary day too, when I should be working, but I'm not, just out of self indulgence.

My indulgence at the moment is sitting in Cafe Nero, having a large black Americano (extra shot), some popcorn and a fizzy water. Boys oh! I know how to live it up!

I'm blogging and looking out the window, watching the world go by, feeling decadent and spoilt rotten. Even the weather has given me a present today. It's bright. Sunny and clear, crisp and cold. In short, perfect November weather.

And I will make an admission. I dug out a Christmas jumper. And yes, I'm wearing it. It might be a bit early for some, and I happily concede that point. But for me, my birthday is the tipping point, when I go into "Christmas Season mode." The jumper is a tad on the large side, but it still looks okay. And I've bought enough stuff recently. Even I, with a serious recent proclivity for over spending on new clothes (most of which, I need, in my defence)  genuinely can't justify anything more, especially something so transient as a Christmas jumper. But I feel a million dollars today, baggy jumper or not. And when I say spoilt rotten, I really am.

I'm a grown woman, Hell, I'm well in to middle age, and I adore my birthday. My sibs and Mum gave me my cards and pressies last Friday night, when we all met at Mum's for my birthday tea. It's been a real struggle not to open them before today. I get so impatient. But I wanted there to be something to open this morning, so I held off. I'm very proud of myself. I didn't open a single one!

I opened them at 6.30am. Yip! Like a kid at Christmas.

I went for a run at the usual time. I know I'm off work, but I thought that I would run early, then I could shower, have coffee, open pressies and go back to sleep on the settee in front of the telly, if I fancied it. I really wanted to run to earn the calories for going out for dinner tonight. TMM and I are going to the pub across the road (not a three minute walk away!) which has a great restaurant. The menu never changes, but it's consistently good. I figured I'll probably really treat myself tonight, and have the mixed grill, with chips, and sticky toffee pudding for afters. That's a lot of calories. I mean, a whole helluva lot! A six mile run won't come close to covering it, but it'll make a dent in earning it. So 6 miles/10k was my distance this morning, when I went out the door at 5.30am. It was cold and clear, no wind at all, which is very unusual by the sea these mornings. Full base layer, but no gloves or hat, so not too bad for a November run. I ran 5k, then decided to add my other regular 5k route, in order to earn more calories. And I do want to up my weekly distances gradually, so it's all good. I earned almost 800 cals in my one hour six minute run.

God! I am loving how fit I feel at the minute. Hitting a hill (Bangor, Co Down, is a hilly wee bugger of a town) and not nearly expiring at the top, is the best feeling! 

TMM, as I said, had to work today, but he came downstairs when I got in from my run, to give me my pressies. He knows me so well. He bought me a beautiful silk scarf, with sparkles, making it perfect for Christmas, and it can be worn as a sort of stole. He got me a poncho with a massive, thick ribbed, roll neck and fringing. It will look amazing with jeans. And a handbag. "A handbag?" as Lady Bracknell exclaimed. Yes, even though I need another handbag like I need another hole in my head, the man knows I love a handbag. Handbags and shoes. You can never get too fat to wear them, so I love 'em (Well, technically, you can get too fat for your shoes, though you need to gain a lot of weight!)

So, I'm very stylish today. But not only that. My gorgeous siblings might just have bought me...some DMs! Again, I needed a tenth (!!!) pair of DMs as much as I needed another handbag, but seriously? New DMs!!! These were a pair, a photo of which I'd posted on FB. They only went and bought them!

They're amazing! They're white! How the Hell am I, who am extremely hard on shoes, going to keep them clean? My first stop today, when I eventually got dressed, was to call to a shoe shop and buy some protection spray and some cleaner!

So it's official. I have the coolest sibs in the whole world. This year's pressie was DMs, last year, it was a tattoo :-)

Tough in parts this week

It's been a few days, so an update is due. I'm having my first sneak peek free week (sneak, peek, week! I'm a poet, and I didn't know it!) in ages, so I genuinely have no idea where my weight is going this week. I've been tracking everything as usual, and despite my best intentions, I've eaten the majority of my exercise cals. I always intend to only eat half, so that way, I eat a little more to fuel my added activity, but keep a few in the bank, to spur on the weight loss. I'm a bit annoyed with myself for not having the will power to stick to that plan. Then I get annoyed with myself for being needlessly annoyed with myself. Confused? You will be :-)

I'm no dozer. I know it's okay to eat what I've earned. And it'a a darn site better to eat what I've earned, than to eat what I haven't earned. And it's certainly better to eat what I've earned rather than to go hungry, just for the sake of my pride, so I can say to myself, "Oh, look at me, aren't I great? Look at all the exercise calories I haven't used!" all the while, resenting the fook clean out of TMM, who's happily chomping away on a 200g bar of chocolate, or a full packet of custard creams, or a full tub of prawn cocktail pringles! So, I do know it's better to eat the earned cals than to sit and suffer. That way lies the destruction of all my good work, coz I know I'll go boogaloo and eat all round me. That would entail a litre tub of Pooh Bear ice cream, some stuffed chicken olives, Cumberland sausage and a cream bun or four! At least! Maybe not necessarily in that order, but who knows? I may have given this all a bit too much thought :-) I just want to be on my guard against exercising to earn calories and using the extra cals as an excuse to overeat.

Since the start of the week, I've found it hard to hold back on cravings, especially for savoury things. It's been a bit better today. Is it a monthly thing? Don't know. I made sure to have a decent breakfast the last couple of days, and that's definitely helped. Today I had scrambled eggs and smoked fish. a) Delicious! b) Very filling. I love me some eggs for breakfast!

Anyway, as it pans out, so far, I'm breaking even this week, cals wise, so it's not been a bad week. Exercise wise, I've been positively angelic. I ran every morning before work, bar Monday, when I took a break, having run Saturday and Sunday.

I'm happy to be consistently getting up early and getting out on the street, so I'm not overly worried about pace. I think I'm more about distance at the mo. I'm going to slowly increase my long runs. I have till the New Year to decide if I want to train for the Belfast Marathon again, and I can comfortably do six miles at the mo, so there's no hurry to decide. I don't know if I could be arsed with the commitment it would take. It would be four solid months, building up to going for runs that would last four hours or more. If I do the marathon again, I'll want to do it below five hours, which is an hour and a half quicker than my first attempt in 2015.

Belfast Marathon 2015. Can't believe I completed 26.2 miles!

Race day next year is Monday 1st May 2017. It's not that far away. I'm thinking about it seriously.

I've been running in the toesie shoes for about four weeks now, and I'm well used to them. I love the feel of them as I run.They are extremely comfortable. I did notice that I'm prone to blisters on my sole near the bunion on my left foot, but judicious application of a half strip of K T tape has stopped that. However, I read this week about changing my gait a little and I made a very simple adjustment. I literally just became aware of splaying my toes as I run. I don't remember to do it all the time, but I do it enough that it will eventually become a habit. It seems to have made a difference, even in the couple of days that I've been doing it. With the toes in these shoes being individually pocketed, there's loads of room for them to wriggle about. I've nearly forty-eight years of conventional shoe wearing conditioning (that's not a phrase I ever thought I'd say!) to overcome,  but I really think these weirdo "feet", as my Mum calls them, are the way to go. Honestly, my left knee feels better than it has done for years. Goodness knows what, of the many things I'm doing, is helping. Taking the cinnamon with coconut oil in my coffee in the morning, or the ibuprofen, with the anti inflammatory properties, the K T tape, the shoes or let's not forget seven stone of weight loss, which certainly can't hurt. It could be any, all or none of the above. But whatever, I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing. 

              

Check out my new hoodie :-)

Jean-Luc Picard rocks!!!

I've been wearing a jumper and hoodie under coat in work this week. The temperature has dropped a bit. And I and still didn't look like Michelin Man.

Whose actual name is Bibendum, in a bit of tyre related trivia.  Oh, the interesting job I have!.

New PB, new boots. What's not to love???

I love it when I'm so in to my running that I have to do a wash for sports gear alone. I ran five times this week and a wash was so needed. I usually wear the same bra two days in a row, same with leggings. I use a clean top every time. This week, my fifth run was Parkrun and I did it sub-thirty! I'm well chuffed. And I can totally see that I should be able to go a wee bit faster. It's so exciting to see improvement and room for more.

There was extra excitement this week when my new boots arrived. Black, heeled, knee high and DMs! Totally gorgeous, totally sexy!

And with a three and a half inch heel, they make me five foot five and a half, and I look loads slimmer at that.  Imagine. At 165.4lb and 5'2", my BMI is about 30, at 5'5.5" it would be 27! Teehee. The difference between obese and merely overweight.  I have to say though, that's the first time in yonks I've checked my BMI and I'm chuffed it's thirty. It'll be in the twenties this week. I just know it! And I couldn't possibly tell you the last time that happened!