Trying to cut myself some slack

I was in the shower this morning, beating myself up for being less than perfect with my food this last few days. I have had a calorie heavy start to the week and as much as I really enjoyed the pizza on Monday night, the chocolate, on both Sunday and Tuesday nights, was unnecessary. Delish, but unnecessary. And much as I told myself that I'd be so good for the next few weeks to try to lose my final few pounds, I just haven't been able to stay within 1200 cals. In a way, that's not a problem. I've run for the last four days, so I need more cals. And I'm upping my mileage, so that goes double for the extra fuel needed. But it's been the wrong fuel, and too much of it. Excess, thy name is Terry. As usual.

You get the point. Terry's giving herself a hard time. Then I caught myself on. Did I just listen to myself? I ran the last four days in a row! 

I am a runner! Who'd a thunk it???

How healthy am I! And this morning's run was double excellent. I was strong like bull.  For I was Terry, Seeker of Hills! I sought out every hill in my town that I normally avoid. And by jingo! If I didn't have a ball. Sweaty I certainly got, but I didn't come close to wanting to stop.

So I ate a full 80g bar of dark choc last night (with espresso coffee beans in it. *Drools in a manner worthy of Homer Simpson*) and it was 425 cals? So what! I earned 406 cals on my run this morning. I'm even. This isn't just about me losing weight. While that's important to me, it's not the be all and end all. This is my life, and I'm blooming living it. And en-friggin'-joying it!  How philosophical do I sound :-) Hope that mindset lasts when I step on the scales on Sunday.

So I'm currently on the train to work. I'm wearing TMM's cardi. He gave it to me a few months ago and I loved that it fitted me. Ahem *coughs modestly and blushes prettily* it now drowns me. I'm so grinning madly as I type that. The last two days at work, I've had a string of people doing double takes when they see me in the office, hear me speak and then realize that it's actually me, but they don't recognize me. I'm not exaggerating, there've been at least three different people each day. So I need to remember that too as I give myself guff for having the temerity to be human in the face of food temptation. How very dare I! I'm trying to overcome nearly fifty years of conditioning.

It ain't gonna happen overnight!