144.8lb

It's a good day! 3.4lb off, my fastest ever 5k last night and TMM is off, so we went out for brunch :-) Carlsberg don't do Sundays, but if they did...

Seriously good fry up

Fastest 5k

Only five pounds until I go under ten stone. Unbelievable! Only eight till my absolute ultimate goal. Maintenance nirvana!

I cannot believe how much thought I put in to getting dressed these days. Well, that's not true. At nineteen stone, I had to think a lot about what I was going to wear, as everything felt like it looked awful. I could look neat and as if I'd made an effort, you know, had a shower and was wearing clean clothes, but nothing really felt as if it looked good. I was never one of those massively overweight people who defiantly thought they looked good, regardless of size. I admire that attitude. I could fake it, but I never really felt it. These days, getting dressed is like a game of dressing up. I just caught myself thinking about wearing a dress today. A dress? I never wear dresses! Am I being shallow? Na, I'm just enjoying myself. Really enjoying myself.

NYE

I don't know what it is about this look, but I feel sexy as fook when I wear these heeled "Converse" style shoes. I haven't worn them much, because even this relatively small heel has always given my bad knee a hard time while I was heavy. Now, not so much :-) Mind you, the thin sole is no fun. Thinness of the sole.  Sounds like an existential issue :-) Still, what price vanity? They go really well with my new jeans, bought from the Marksies sale yesterday. Love it!

The using up of veggies, before they go mouldy, continues. Today it was carrot and parsnip soup. Never tried it before. It was a good use of slightly soft, past their prime, but still totally usable veggies. I'm so proud of my thriftiness . 

Today was my consecutive 300th day of tracking on MFP. What a great, round number to end the year on.

So, that's the final blog of the year. Tomorrow sees the start of 2017. I am grateful for so many things this year and weight loss isn't the most important one, when compared to the loved ones in my life, but it's probably the one that's most obviously "in your face" to anyone who's known me at my heaviest. It certainly has had a huge impact on my daily life. When simple things like breathing and walking get easier, you've got to believe you're doing something right.

Toodle-oo for 2016. Happy New Year to y'all.

Distraction. I need a Distraction.

I really want to eat chocolate. There are two tubs of sweets in the kitchen, an unopened tub of Celebrations and a mixed tub of Roses, Quality Street and Celebrations.  It's my own fault. I bought too much. The on line shopping was easily done, but it was also esay to just hit a button and order whatever, forgetting how much was already on the list. Hence, about five different types of savoury biscuits and far too many sweets arrived. I feel bad that it's all sitting there and TMM will end up eating most of it. It's as if I'm enabling him, his unhealthy food pusher. He's a grown man, he can make his own food decisions, but I still feel guilty.

I'm writing about it in order to stop me eating it. It gets the feelings off my chest. It won't necessarily stop me altogether, but at least while I'm expressing myself, I'm not chowing down. It makes me stop and ask myself, "Is it worth it? Do I really want those chocolates more than I want to keep my Christmas weight under control?" I've had all sorts of weight loss issues on Christmases past. From good losses to massive gains and the STSs in between. While I'm on a roll at the moment, basking in the weight loss zone, I might as well try my damnedest to stay away from unplanned calorie expenditure. So. No chocolates.

Another reason to stay within allowance is the size 12 clothing I bought in the sales today, jeans, joggers and a top. 

Yes, you read that right. Size 12!!! I can't help thinking that they've been mis-labelled, sized incorrectly. No way am I actually a 12. They are from Marks and Spencer. The jeans are "relaxed slim" fit. They are proper denim, not stretchy, so it's not a cheat that way. The top is a pretty wee, three-quarter sleeve tee shirt. It's a decent fit. I bought a few bras in the sale too. I had some vouchers to spend, and I needed underwear that fits properly. I actually took the time to try them on. Depending on make and style, I seem to be a 36C. That's a big change from some of my 40EE bras of the past! Much easier to find, though not in the sale. My new size seems to sell out! Pros and cons to being a bit more average.

Anyway, these are my first size 12s since I can't remember when. 1990? Maybe a bit before then? I honestly don't know. I won't believe I'm really that size till a few different shop's size fits me, say Marksies, ASDA and Primark. Whatever though, it's all a step in the direction of maintenance. 

So. Did it work? Did I eat chocolate? Well, that took about half an hour or so, so I was distracted for that long. And now I'm thinking of being a size 12, so hopefully that will deter me for a while yet.

Fingers crossed.

Addicted to shopping

I'm gonna have to stop. I've already had to put aside a couple of pairs of trousers that I bought very recently because they are now too big, and barring last year's Christmas jumpers, and the odd thing of TMM's that I wear because it smells like him, I refuse to wear stuff that's too big anymore. It's all very well that I bought a few clothes as I got smaller. I needed them. But I have to stop now, at least till my body has settled at where it's going to stay. Running shoes? I can justify those (well, that's what I tell myself :-D )

Second pair of toesy running shoes. Light and comfy. And nice in pink.

The acid test will be when I go in to town after work today. I really have to start my present shopping! If I can go in to Primark without buying myself something, then I'll consider it a success.

I guess it's understandable. I'm excited about how I look in clothes these days, so it's hard to rein myself in. But I need to. It's a terrible waste of money otherwise.

Food's been on track this week. I'm happy to have stayed within allowance, given I'm not running and earning extra cals at the mo. I'm actually pretty impressed that I rested this morning too. I'll probably run on Monday again, and stick to circuits and walking till then. It's all good. I have an ache in my abs at the moment because of all the planking, sit ups and crunches. It's a good ache. I like it, even though it hurts to laugh :-)

I know I've said it before, but this feeling of all over wellness is amazing. The idea that I can just go out the front door and walk for an hour, without it killing me, is fantastic. I can throw on running shoes and run six miles, just like that. It's not fast, but it's totally, absolutely doable. I can do sit ups and push ups and not have a heart attack! So I have a bit (well, okay, a lot) of saggy skin. And I'm still heavier than a BMI chart says I should be. Damn! Who cares?

I feel brilliant and TMM thinks I'm a wee star. Life is fab!

One of those days

It's been one of those days when I've seen people who haven't been in my office all year, so they've noticed my weight loss. One delivery guy saw me from behind and thought I was somebody new! I'm grinning about that as I type :-D And a customer said it was like looking at my younger, thinner sister. That could sound a bit insulting, but I know it wasn't meant like that. In fact, all in all, today has been a Hell of an ego boost, and big headed as I am at the moment, I do not need more of that. Still, I felt really good at work today.

And here's something I didn't know I still possessed. A pair of pants from a few years ago. Still in good nick, I hasten to add. This will illustrate a point. Check out the label. I do not remember owning anything in that size! Talk about selective memory!

While TMM was working this evening, I deciced to do a clearout of my underwear, keeping nothing that doesn't fit correctly, even if it's quite new. Obviously, this was a very old pair. I don't even know why I still had them, beyond an inability to chuck stuff out if it's still got some life in it. For proof of my hoarderiness, here's the pile of undies that I'm dumping!

Adapting

This post is a bit waffly and introspective. It's about stuff that I've talked about before. Ad nauseam. It's about how I see myself, in actuality and in my head. I'm having a hard time recognizing myself in the mirror at the mo. That woman, who looks kinda normal, attractive even, cannot possibly be me! I know she is. She picks her nose and scratches her arse at the same time as I do. She has my eyes. But that's all I recognize.

It's happened so quickly this time, this transformation of my body. I don't really know why. Something clicked in my brain, using the calorie counting app worked effectively, I finally got my bum in to gear and started some exercise, and along with the total support of my gorgeous Main Man and family, I found camaraderie with a bunch of folks in the same position on t'interweb. A perfect storm, and here I am. Lighter and smaller than I've been for years. And while I love it (I can't tell you how much I love it) I'm terrified. I'm so scared that I'll let my control slip and end up back where I started. It's happened before. More than once. And it's unrealistic to think I won't have rocky times. No one can be perfect one hundred per cent of the time. How will I cope if I start to eat too much again, and start to gain? Will I be able to regain control? Nip any trouble in the bud? And why am I borrowing trouble? Why even think this way? Why not just be happy about my success thus far, and play the rest by ear? I think I just want to be ready in case the worst happens. Imagine how demoralizing it would be to be unable to fit into the new clothing I've bought. All those size fourteens that I'm so proud of. And the boots? No way they'd have fit over my calves before. I'd be more than gutted if I had to stop wearing them!

But, after all that, please don't think I'm complaining. If these are problems, then they are problems that I'm very glad to have. I just think I have to be aware that I need some time to adapt to the new me. My body needs time to settle into its new shape and my brain needs time to get used to seeing me as I now am. I just want to be aware of it all as it happens, so I don't start over eating again and mess it all up before I've had a chance to truly, fully become this sexy ass woman I see in the mirror!

164lb

It's no secret that I've been feeling fabulous recently. I haven't exactly been quiet about it. Well, these boots. Oh my God! I feel sexy as fook when I wear them. I couldn't help taking these pics. I feel all Sally Bowles in them. The Main Man, not so much of a fan :-) He calls me an S & M nightmare. Teehee.

They look amazing with a couple of my dresses.

I lost a pound and a half this week, and that takes me to a bit of a milestone. I missed the seven stone mark by a pound and a half still, and it's still three and a half to 100 pounds  off, but my BMI hit 30! I know that still sounds high. Well, that's because it is still high. But it puts me at the top end of the next "fat" band down. I am now officially merely overweight and no longer obese!!! I honestly think it's been at least ten years since that was the case.

TMM had to work for a few hours today unexpectedly. We'd been going to go out for breakfast, but decided instead that we'd go for a late lunch once he got home. It meant I'd rather hold off on my breakfast so I could have a big lunch, than have the eggy breakfast that I'd originally planned. I lay on in bed for a while, once he'd left, but I talked myself in to going for a run, so I could earn extra calories to have that big lunch. I did 10k, which earned me nearly 800 cals. That was enough for the burger which I ended up having.

I was pleased with that pace.I'd like to get to under an hour for 10k at some point. That would be a new low for me, and I think it's doable.

This week, I want to try to be very good. That 100 pounds  loss is beckoning.

Borrowing trouble

I've been very lazy this week regarding my blog. There hasn't been much going on, beyond more of the same. I'm eating well, staying within my allowance (for the most part) and running a few times a week. This week, I've actually run each morning before work, and have managed to get my 5k time consistently below thirty-four minutes, which I'm pleases with. I'd love to be able to do the Parkrun tomorrow, and try to go sub thirty, but I'm going to Mum's tonight, so we'll go for a walk in the morning instead, weather permitting. I'll aim to Parkrun again next week.

I'm not sure why, but I sort of feel as if I won't loose weight this week. Even if I didn't, it wouldn't be the end of the world. I'm getting close to the finish line, and things are bound to slow up. But there's no real reason for my pessimism. I look good and I've eaten and exercised well. I think I'm just a bit afraid of my control slipping. Today I've eaten some jelly sweets and minstrals. They are counted, but I still feel a bit guilty. Daft. It's not helped by all the left over Halloween sweets. I've only eaten a few, and I counted them, but I still felt guilty because they weren't planned. I need to work on keeping stuff in perspective. It's good for me to remember positive stuff, like TMM hugging me from behind, and how far round me his arms can go nowadays. And yesterday he bought me a new running outfit, apropos of nothing, just coz he said I've done so well, and I deserve some workout gear that fits me properly. It's all size fourteen! As were the jeans, teeshirt and cardi yesterday, that I wore to work.

My vanity continues. I find that I'm standing more at my desk in the office. I could argue that it's because it's better for me than sitting on my arse all day, but I know it's really because I know I look better at that angle. Yip. So vain! Anyway, as I contemplate eating stuff that I haven't planned, and worry about losing control of my eating again, I will try to tell myself that the occasional sweet isn't a problem, and I will remind myself of how far I've come, just since March.

Old photos of me. Only a few years ago. And not at my biggest!

Me last night, trying on my new gear. Looking fit and healthy. And NORMAL!!!

167.8lb

It's been an out of sorts kind of week, with a funeral thrown in for good measure. I've been sneak peeking all week, and early indications were for a four pounds loss. At one point during the week, I was about a stone lighter than The Main Man. That's amazing to me. My weight this morning was 2.8lb down and took me a tiny bit below twelve stone and still at least ten pounds lighter than my other half. I've been under twelve stone all week, but now it's my official mfp weight. While it's not as low as I achieved during my SP, I still feel good about it. I could have weighed heavy because my moons arrived a good week and a half early. Three weeks between periods is so not the way to go! I hope it's not the start of my body messing me about because it's lost body fat. At my age, it would be hard to tell if it was amenorrhoea or menopause! I'll watch it for a few months and see what happens.

My loss so far is ninety-three pounds. I started at 260.6lbs and now I'm 167.8lbs. When I see it written down, starting weight as two sixty something, current weight now one sixty something, it puts it into perspective for me. I've come a long way. 

I was wary of the funeral this week because I hate being in situations where I'm not in control of my food. Once I'm maintaining, I'll learn to lighten up, but till then, I want to remain in charge. The first hurdle of my two days was negotiated with ease, more by good luck than good judgment. There was a gathering at the house before heading to the chapel, as I was quite late, because I'd been to work, I had no food, which suited me just fine. I actually ended up getting a relatively early train home, so I was able to make dinner for myself. Total control. Yeah Baby! I made spuds, bacon and mushrooms and even had some cheese. All within allowance.

I am definitely learning some restraint and even managing to practice it sometimes. Like measuring out 50g of cheese and not picking at a wee bit more, adding an extra 10g but not counting it (and it's forty or so cals) Or cooking a pot of chilli and not eating it all, just because I have the allowance, actually stopping because I've had enough. And the one I'm most proud of this week, having loads of cals left and not buying the tub of ice cream even though my cals would cover it, but going home and cooking proper food. That's a true achievement for me.

I know it's vain, but when I'm wearing something I like, I take a photo of it. It seems to encourage me. I'm vanity personified at the moment. My funeral outfit looked quite well. I was dressed entirely by George at ASDA, which means it was all cheap, and I won't mind when I get too small for it.

At the funeral itself, my nephew didn't recognize me. He said, "You are getting so tiny!" (It was definitely in italics in my head.)  Then he told me that one of my sisters had asked if he'd seen me, he looked around at the choir (where I was actually standing at the time) and told her no. He looked right at me! It was only as he left the chapel and looked again, that he recognized me. And in the car, on the way to the hotel for a cuppa afterwards, one of my brothers said, "You're shrinking away to nothing." In all, it was a big day for people noticing that I'm a lot thinner than I was the last time they saw me. Cousins, aunts and uncles all had something to say. It was all very positive. Even the uncle who said in his booming voice, so at least two tables of famiy heard, "Keep the weight off this time," didn't mean it badly. He's just a man of a certain age, with no idea of tact. He's concerned for my health. Of course, I couldn't exactly let it lie. I had to reply, "Well, I'll do my best, but there's no guarentees. You never know, this time two months from now, I might be a fat bastard again."

I discovered a cousin who's also using mfp. And I was raging (jokingly) to discover that while I was on a 235 day streak, he was on 277!!! We spent the day boring the rest of the table with our comparisons of calories, and checking out how many cals were in a pint of guinness :-)

Yesterday, TMM and I decided to do the Parkrun which takes place in the park about a minute's walk from our house. I hadn't done Parkrun for about two years. I've been nervous of doing it while I was so close to doing 5k in forty minutes. As I managed 5k in just under thirty-three minutes, I didn't feel so self conscious about running with a couple of hundred other people. It was, well, fun isn't exactly the right word, but I was glad I did it. And it was a good time for me. Certainly my fastest at Bangor Parkrun. Position 204 in a field of 249, so definitely not last :-)

By way of an antidote to my vanity, and all the clothes shots I'm subjecting y'all to, I will post a photo taken at the Parkrun. There's always someone there, taking shots for the Facebook page. This is a perfect example of how what I see in my head is totally different to the reality. This photo totally gives lie to the fact that in my head, when I run, I imagine a svelte, athletic individual.

Will you look at that? Even the fact that I'm dressed entirely in black doesn't help! :-) Ah well. Who cares? At least I look happy. Sort of :-)

After that, we walked to a shopping centre, earning me a few more cals, as it's a half hour walk each way. I bought a stole sort of thing, which I love. And I couldn't help wearing it straight away. TMM was in a different shop at the time, and when he came looking for me, he nearly walked past me because I was wearing somehing different. He says I'm not safe to be left alone for five minutes. 

Taken in a loo in a coffee shop. That's a changing table behind me :-) The stole is furry and multi coloured. What's not to love?

I spent last night (after Strictly Come Dancing of course) carving pumpkin lanterns

and making pumpkin soup. I'm avoiding pumpkin pie this year. I'm not making anything that involves pastry. I don't know what else to do with scooped out pumpkin flesh. And I have a lot of it to use. 

There's about a kilo and a half in the freezer, and I used over a kilo in the current pot of soup. I have to contend with the sweets in the house for the kids that might call to the house. I hope we get some. Otherwise there's a lot to take in to work on Tuesday!

Today I didn't run. TMM and I went for a walk, in order to earn eating breakfast out. In fact, we ended up walking both before and after our meal, which as always, became more of a lunch than a breakfast. Weather wise, it's been a great weekend, so it was lovely that TMM wasn't working, and we were able to take advantage of it.

Saturday

I got a sneaky run in this morning. I was determined to have a rest day, but once TMM went to work, I couldn't help myself. I just really fancied a run. So on went the Vibrams (have I mentioned that I love them?) and for the first time in months, I went out with out having KT taped. I won't make a habit of that, coz I like the security of being taped up. Not just that, but my new tape arrived the other day, so I have loads of it to use. I'm going to play it safe and keep taping up my left knee and my right foot. This tape is very pretty. I do love my green and pink combo. This time, the pink is camo!  

It's been said that the Vibram shoes are to simulate barefoot running. So I can run barefoot in the streets without the dog shit. Hmm, it was a close thing today. There seem to have been a lot of people in my area who let their canine charges use the foot path as a doggie toilet. How bloody rude! I did manage to avoid it. My shoes remain dog shit-less. 

I took myself around the coast for my run this morning. How lovely. Aren't I a lucky so and so!

I managed quite a good time. I ran just over 6k, but at the 5k mark, I was on just over thirty-five minutes. Over all, my pace was just about a seven minute kilometre. That's not too bad, given my lack of running over the past year and a half.

I was sweatier this morning than yesterday too. Due to working harder perhaps?

I think it's fair to say that my love of running is back. Like many things, I'm not going to take it for granted. But I am enjoying the fact that I ran five times this week.

I had a lovely afternoon with TMM. We went for a late lunch, which was very welcome as I hadn't eaten much after my run and shower. We had a leisurely meal. The usual fry up, which I have saved as a "meal" on mfp so I don't need to track all of the constituent parts each time.  It works out at about 900 cals. High, yes. But my main meal of the day. Even though we do it regularly (usually once a week) eating out with TMM always feels like an occasion. I just enjoy that we go out in each others company And I love that we can eat out together. I can have what I want, and count it on my tracker. Okay, I do have to be more careful than I'd be naturally, hence my weight gain, but it's totally do-able. Like I said, massive fry up with the love of my life? Love it! 

Today I did a massive wardrobe clearout. And now I have ten bin bags worth of stuff to be thrown out/given to charity shop/recycled. I also went through the bags of things that I'd cleared away a few years ago. I got rid of lots of it, but I found a few jumpers that I loved from that time, so they are in the wash as we speak. I can't wait to wear them again. I did a huge tidy up and now my wardrobe is beautiful. Even my DMs are sitting pretty.

For the first time, I think ever, since moving in to this house, all my clothes are in the one place. They are all in the bedroom. I've really streamlined them. That said, I still have too many clothes! So no shopping till I'm at target. By that stage, I will be smaller and hopefully I will need to throw more jeans and tops out. That was my criteria in this clear out. Anything too big, that looked baggy, went out. That's a lot of shit to dump, when you've been buying clothes to accommodate at least twenty-five years of your life spent over weight. Ten black bags Dude! Seriously!

I found the old pair of jeans that I keep to remind me how big I got. They are not the biggest size I ever wore.  I'm pretty sure I was growing out of size twenty-six at one point. These are an ASDA size twenty-four. It felt good to try them on. TMM had a go too. It put me in good form for my weigh in tomorrow :-)

Playing hookie today

Last night's dinner before our show

Because I had plenty of my day's food allowance left at tea time yesterday, I wasn't overly worried about eating out before going to our comedy gig. We chose a Japanese restaurant near my work place and even though it was still only just before 6pm, it was quite busy. I think that's always a sign that it's a good place to eat. And it didn't disappoint. I had king prawns in a garlic butter and coriander sauce, with green beans in chilli flakes, accompanied by steamed rice. It was gorgeous. No started or dessert meant that I did okay for calories, even allowing that there was definitely butter in the beans, as well as the obviously named "garlic butter sauce."

The gig was good craic, and I had enough calories left when I got home to have some crackerbread and low fat cheese triangles. I was hungry by then. I ended up using all of my exercise calories though, which I'd hoped not to do. But at least they were there, to be used if necesssary.

Today, TMM and I went to visit his folks. We were both off work, so it felt like playing truant. We started the day by having breakfast in our usual cafe. I had scrambled eggs on toast, with mushrooms and tomatoes. I didn't have the fry. Wow! That's a first in a while that I've been able to go into that place and nod order the fry up. I'm glad I kept it lighter though. It was enough to fill me, but meant I could have lunch at the out-laws' without worrying about over shooting my allowance. 

Once there, I felt under scrutiny at lunch time. They are lovely people, but my MIL is very pass-remarkable. She comments on absolutely everything. She noticed my weight loss and was very positive about it. All good. But when they are all eating, I feel very much as if I am being a pain in the ass when I don't want to eat what they are eating. So if she's making sandwiches, chances are I don't want white bread, spread with margarine, filled with whatever is on the go. She doesn't mean to sabotage my eating plan for the day, but she just doesn't really understand what is healthy and what is not. She genuinely believes that those sandwiches are a relatively healthy choice. I made my own lunch today. I'm too in the zone at the moment, to let a little social awkwardness about not eating what everybody else is, push me off track. So TMM and I went to the shop, and I was able to get roughly what I'd normally eat at lunchtime at work. I got an apple, cherry tomatoes and a cucumber and chopped them all up in a bowl. Of course, she had to comment, and steal a tomato. And, petty bastard that I am, I resented giving up the tomato (one toady tomato, out of 250g) because all I could think was, "You're having your sandwiches, and your pick of whatever else is in your cupboards, but you still covet some of my smaller offerings! How rude!" And she didn't mean it like that at all. But, because I was feeling a bit under the microscope, I was over sensitive. 

Having eaten breakfast, and then had a light lunch, after our visit, I was hungry at tea time, but only had about 600 cals left, to stay within 1200. I decided on a veggie curry with cauli rice.

Mushroom, spinach and green bean curry, with cauliflower rice

This was gorgeous, especially as there was loads of it, all within allowance and very filling. It's about my fifth time having cauliflower rice in a week and a half, and TMM is starting to complain about the smells I'm creating. But, as my best friend's mum used to say, "You can't eat good food and shite scenty soap!" I do have to admit though, that I smell at both ends, breath of garlic, bum of vegetal matter. Still, think of all that fibre in my diet! I had a totally meat-free day today. First in quite a while.

As to the meal itself, it was very tastey and I'm not ashamed to say that I used a curry sauce. I've no doubt that it's too high in both salt and sugar. It works out okay in cals though. Still, I can't be a saint all the time, and if the worst thing I do is to use a premade curry sauce powder once in a while, I'll do alright. And I'm not going to beat myself up, it was hard enough this evening when TMM bought a tub of gorgeous, luxury ice cream (of a well known brand) while I got none! It used to be quite the wee routine that we had, getting a tub each and settling in to watch something on telly. And I haven't done that for over seven months now. I think I've had ice cream about three times in that whole time, always just a small scoop or two at a restarant, never the unrestrained amount I'd have at home. I have to keep telling myself that to earn the amount of ice cream I'd really like (just to be clear, about a litre) I'd have to run for approximately four hours. For me, that's more than a half marathon, just to eat some ice cream in the gorb-like fashion I favour.

Now, on to my main obsession at the moment, other than the new running shoes that is. We were in the shopping centre before going to see the out-laws and called in to Dunnes. I like some of their clothes, and am in a very clothes frame of mind recently. ("No," I hear you gasp, on a violent intake of breath. "Surely not! You've hardly mentioned clothes this last few weeks!" You say, sarcastically.) I need long sleeved tee shirts, because work is baltic this week, so I bought them in a size fourteen. I haven't tried them on. It doen't matter if they are a little tight, as I'll be wearing them under jumpers and fleeces. But something tells me they'll fit better than I originally thought (I wasn't for buying size sixteens coz I think I'll move out of them before Winter is over, and as I said yesterday, I don't want to wear stuff that doesn't look good, when I've worked so hard to get my body in to better shape) I tried on a coat. A big, cozy one, in a sort of Parka style, with a fur trimmed hood. It was a size fourteen. It fitted. It fitted well. Wow! Seriously? First the jeans in a fourteen, now that coat. I'm seriously looking normal these days! I was tempted to buy it, just because it fit. But I don't need it, much as I really liked it. So I restrained myself. And I have just bought the new trainers, so I really can't justify more money going out of the bank.

On the new shoes front, everything I've read suggests that they are going to take some getting used to. A few articles are saying that there's an adjustment period of at least four weeks, which involves walking around the house in them for the first week or so, then running very short distances in them, necessitating carrying my other trainers to change into. Do I have the patience for that? I am thinking that I will take them out for a short spin in the morning before work. I have a half hour planned. I have been wearing them in the house today and yesterday. 

Wadda ya mean, my feet look weird???

They are awkward to wriggle my toes into initially. Goodness knows how I will manage to do it at 5.30am. But they are a cozy, comfy fit, and easy to walk around in. I think they will feel a bit weird out on the streets. I'm KT Taped and ready to go, so I'll see how I feel in the morning.

I'm getting picky

1. Run                                       ✔
2. Drink water                        ✔
3. Eat less crap                      ✔
4. Get good quality sleep   ✔

So far today's check list is looking good. As to eating less crap, well, I've had a few sweets, counted and tracked of course. Some sugar free wine gums arrived for me today.

They are the sort that could cause some violent reactions in the old intestinal area, so I have to be careful. Also, while they are sugar free, they aren't totally low calorie. They are about a third lighter than standard fruit jellies. The Meerkats were 350 cals per 100g, these are 240 per 100g. A bit of a saving. But it defo pays to be aware that sugar free does not necessarily mean calorie free. It's not like a big bottle of DFM! And sleep wise, I managed about five hours, which is a step in the right direction.

Today's beginning was the polar opposite of yesterday's. I got straight out of bed at 5.30am, threw on my running gear and was out the door by 5.45. 6.5km later and I  had earned 500 cals and was feeling jolly smug. It was further than I'd intended to go. I headed out with just half an hour in mind. That wouldn't even get me 5k done these days, though I'm working on it. But I took a different route to the one I'd intended, and just kept going. Cool. It felt good.

Another way that this morning was different to yesterday was that I had a sneak peek and was two ponds lighter. All good news. I'm gunning for below 168lb. I'm gonna get below twelve stone soon!

I intend to do 6k tomorrow too, regardless of weather. I was disgusted with myself on Friday that I let the rain, albeit very heavy, put me off. I will start running regularly and frequently again. If nothing else, my sense of competition won't leave me alone. I don't want to fall behind BiberBabe and HelsBells! So I have to get my act together and run as regularly as my two muses do :-) And now I have Lou too. She runs in the Vibram shoes, and it's because I finally knew someone who's used them, that I got up the balls to try them. I got an email to say they should arrive on Thursday. I love getting new running shoes!

There also Viv. She's been consistency personified recently.  I'm trying for a bit of that.  All these cool folks who I talk to on Facebook and hear how they're getting on. It's amazingly motivating.

I'm really trying to motivate myself on the running front. I want to get up a head of steam and get into the habit of running before work again. I'd like to get three or four runs a week in. To that end, as well as new shoes, I've ordered more KT tape,  an armband holder for my phone and some calcium supplements.  Talk about geared up

As I get smaller, I find that I get a bit snobby about my clothes. Not labels, but size. I find that I won't wear stuff if I think it's too big or baggy. I want to show off my new shape. It's as if I've spent all those years making do with whatever I could sling over myself, and now that I don't have to, I won't. Today's choice of sartorial elegance is a pair of Size 14 M & S jeans. Yes. You read that correctly. Size 14! The denim is stretchy, so it's kind of a cheat, but I don't care. They hug my bum and feel good. I feel good. I think I look good too. Watch as my head swells with pride.

173.2lb

As is my wont, when things don't go the way I want them to in this weight loss attempt, I had a bit of a sulk today when I lost no weight at my weekly trip to the bathroom scales. I stayed the same. Already, having written it down, I know it's not the end of the world. And it's certainly not a gain. But it makes me feel as if I wasted a week. I got no closer to getting under twelve stone or any nearer to my target. Even though I know that I didn't really do anything wrong, food wise, I still find myself second guessing my choices this week. Where could I have done better? But, as we used to say on the weightwatcher forum, staying the same has the initials STS, which also stands for Still Totally Sexy, or Still Totally Slimmer. So I just had to get over myself and get on with my day. 

One way to cheer myself up was to try on all of TMM's jeans, while he was at work. I had a lot of fun doing that, and ended up selecting a pair that I wore today. They made my bum look rather nice, if I may say so myself! I also tried on a couple of his shirts and a jumper. Then, I was wearing them and his boots when he came home from work, as I hid behind the door and waited for him to find me. It made him laugh when I added in my very poor impersonation of him. It's a very mature relationship that we have :-)

I am going to try to be very conscious of my calorie use this week. I don't want to get complacent. I don't want to start to let little things slip into my habits, like leaving small calorie things off my daily tracker. All this time, I've counted absolutely everything that passes my lips, be it a single sugar free mint, or a cup of black coffee, or a bottle of DFM. All of those things have practically no caloric value, but I've noted them anyway. And it's stood me in good stead, so I don't want that habit to change. I also don't want to start to cheat a bit when looking things up on the database. By that I mean, if there are two values given for something, for example eggs, I don't want to automatically plump for the lower value one. I need to be careful that I try to keep things as accurate as possible. For that reason, I finally threw away the jar of buscuit spread that TMM bought me to try. I'd had a wee taste, and that was okay. Just the once, that was fine. ut by today, I'd had three or four wee tastes out of it, and in a tiny jar that contained over 1000 cals, three of four wee tastes had a calorific value, which I didn't count. Now, it really was a very small amount that I'd taken out of the jar, but it was starting to add up. So better safe than sorry. I dumped it. If I'd really liked it, I would have eaten it and thought it worth the calories, so I'd have earned the cals for it. But I would just have been eating it for the sake of it. That's just a waste of effort to earn calories for. When I threw it out, I actually ran the spread under the hot water and poured it down the drain. I was genuinely afraid that If I threw it into the bin, in one piece, I might go in after it later, and eat it anyway. I felt much better once it was done, but throwing it out was hard. My natural tendancy towards not wasting food was quite difficult to override. 

As always, I start the week with a plan to run more. I've ordered some running shoes and a phone armband which should arrive this week. Hopefully I will be motivated to get out and use them. I've also set up a training plan on Runkeeper, so I want to get stuck in to that too. The shoes are a bit different. They are Vibram Five Fingers, and have indivitual toe pieces. They simulate barefoot running, so it should be interesting to try them out. 

So that's it. I'm going to try for a really good loss in seven days, to keep my average weekly loss up. I really want to get under twelve stone!

All I seem to talk about is food!

I just had to make the other night's cauliflower rice again last night. It was so tasty. I added to it a bit. A few veggies and some kidney beans made it like a vegan, cauliflower rice risotto. I decided to go meat free. With using kidney beans instead of meat and cauli instead of rice, I ended up having loads of calories out of my allowance left, and that's not even counting the exercise cals that I earned! I thought about eating a jar of biscuit spread that TMM had bought me. Yes, you read that right. Biscuit spread! WTF? Seriously? Who thinks this shit up?  It might sound as if TMM is making a habit of buying me unhealthy things. Normally, he doesn't, but both of these things, the meerkats a couple of nights ago, and the biscuit spread, are things we'd spoken about. The spread particularly, we talked about in Edinburgh, with a waitress one evening. I fancied trying it, especially when she said she'd eat the whole jar, with a spoon, while watching a film. The jar is 190g. And it has 1017 cals! How many??? And 190g? Sure, that wouldn't fill a gap in your tooth! I could have eaten the whole jar, but I would have had to use my hard earned, running cals. So it didn't happen. I took a wee taste, just to see what it was like. Very sweet. I has a big yogurt instead.

I finished yesterday having eaten 1164 cals. Bang on allowance!

Today I have finished pretty much bang on target too. No exercise calories earned, but my food has been okay. TMM made dinner, smoked fish, potatoes, carrots and brocolli. It was a nice, low cal meal. I had 350 cals left, and I hadn't had dark chocolate for ages, so TMM and I took a bit of a walk to ASDA and I bought a bar. I deliberately do not add chocolate and other treats to the ASDA delivery, so it means that if we want anything like that, it's not in the cupboard, we have to make the effort to go out for it.

Today's health related discovery was made after dinner. I was singing and playing the guitar when I realized how much easier my breathing is while singing. It was in a Cat Stevens song that I've found hard to reach some of the notes before.  It was ages since I'd played it. And tonight, it was no problem. Before I started this particular weight loss attempt, I had a goal that my guitar, a jumbo Fender, would look big on me. Obviously, when I was big, the guitar didn't look it. But now I'm a bit smaller, the guitar is starting to look quite large. Result!

My cousin is getting married in July and she's asked me to sing and play a couple of songs at the ceremony. Her date coincides, almost to the day, with the date I'd set myself to be at target. Even as it stands now, I would feel okay standing in front of a load of strangers, singing. I wouldn't feel awkward, or like a hefelump. This time a few months ago, I would have. But hopefully, come July, I'll be at goal, and feeling even more fab. (God, any more fabulous and I will be genuinely unbearable!) Actually, I had a dress in mind that I wanted to get back into, which I might have worn. But it fits me now! And as I've every intention of being one or two sizes smaller by then, I think I'll have yo rethink my wedding wardrobe ideas. Such fun! 

173.2lb

A loss of 1.4lb. So that's me at just over twelve stone four pounds. My next mini goal is to get below 170lbs, so that's only three and a half pounds away. Then I aim for below twelve stone, which is about five pounds away. Wow, so close to being eleven something! 'S amazing!

TMM and I went to Starbucks for breakfast before he started work at 11.30 this morning. I was very good, and steered clear of the fruit toast, butter and jam. Nice as it is, I wanted proper food, so I had egggs and toast when I got home instead. And it left me cals to have some pineapple and light cheese spread later. Dinner will be a bolognese made with reduced fat pork mince. It's cooking on a low heat, slowly, as I type (smells great!) I won't have enough calories to have pasta with it, but I find that I don't overly miss pasta, when I can shred up some carrots instead, though I can imagine that they'd be a bit sweet for some tastes.

I earned a few extra calories today because I walked home from The Bucks, once TMM had started work It took about forty-five minutes, because I went the long way. And when I got home, I decided to try on TMM's jeans again. I'm clearly obsessed with clothes at the mo. I tried his jeans on a few weeks ago and was well chuffed to get them pulled over my thighs, but they wouldn't button. Well guess what! Yip! Today, they buttoned. God, I feel so thin! I might put them on again and be wearing them when TMM comes home from work, just to see if he notices ;-)

Anyway, feeling thin, and walking tall today, so the positivity continues. My walk was good, but I still need to get my running shoes on again. It's been over a week now since I ran. I'll set the alarm again in the morning, and try to get up without thinking about it. That's the key, just do it on automatic. So fingers crossed!

More clothes!

I know the last post was all about clothes that I'm loving at the moment but I tried this dress on as well, later in the day, and I was super chuffed with the result. This dress didn't even zip up before we went to Edinburgh.  And now it does!!!

See that grin on my face? That's me realizing that it fits and actually, it fits well, and it's one of my absolute favourites. I only got to wear it once. I love this dress! I bought it on sale, for £10, then I had the zip replaced to make it sit better. So in total, it has cost me £20. But my reckoning, I need to wear it nineteen more times to make it worth the money. Therefore I'm going to make sure I get to wear it at least a few times before I get too small for it. And I will get too small for it. Soon!  TMM says we're going to go out for dinner next week so I can get a chance to wear it out somewhere. I'm grinning so hard at the minute, just thinking about it.

I'm a bit conscious of all this feel good stuff sounding a bit boasty. That's not what I'm going for at all, but while I'm feeling good, I want to make the most of it and share it. I hope I don't have down spells, but they are only to be expected. I also hope I'll be able to work through them by writing and staying positive. 

Free dinner and cheap clothes!

It felt like I made a free dinner last night because I just used up left overs and had a gorgeous feed. The rest of the spicy pork sweet and sour with some potatoes (very few), sweetcorn, peas and a couple of pineapple rings all together as a side instead of rice. And it was totally yummy! And left me slightly under my calorie allowance. I was going to get a big ASDA fat free yoghurt, but that would have taken me over by about 150 cals. That's actually okay, as even then, I'd only have had 1350 cals in the day, still low, even for a short-arse woman such as myself, but it's too close to weigh in to eat extra, so I left it. I wasn't at all hungry anyway, just wanted something, you know? When you don't need it, but fancy something sweet?

A quick sneak peek this morning, the first one this week (well done me!) showed about 1.5lb off. But there are a couple of reasons to take that with a pinch of salt. First, it's the week after my moons, and I usually weigh heavy, so come tomorrow, that weight might change. My "official" weigh in could end up differnt. Second, for some reason, I seem to weigh lighter on a Saturday. Don't know why, and it could be nonsense. I can't have Saturday as my weigh in day though, as about half of the time I'm at Mum's, having stayed the night on the Friday, and her scales hate me with a passion. So, no. That ain't happening. If I do end up weighing heavy, I have to remind myself that it's nothing I've done wrong this week. I've eaten well. Not just within allowance, but balanced. Not too much rubbishy use of allowance, just a few sugar free sweets, and a couple of yoghurts. So if my losses aren't what I'd like, I will try to remember that my body is definitely getting smaller as well as lighter. TMM's clothes tell me that when I try them on (and doesn't that still induce a massive grin!) and my own peepers tell me that when I look in the mirror. 

This morning, being a Saturday when TMM wasn't working and I hadn't spent the Friday night at my mum's, we went out for breakfast, though as usual, it was vey much brunch/lunch by the time we were actually eating. I had the fry up. It's a generous plate of food (for "generous" read "large") and I've previously saved it on mfp as about 900 cals. That's an estimate, and it could actually be a little more or less, but I don't think it's too far out. Thankfully, it's a very filling feed, and I won't need much else today. We ate late enough that it will be after tea time before I'm hungry again, and then I think I'll make a big pot of butternut squash soup. Low cal, but warming and satisfying. 

We took our time over breakfast, then did a quick look some charity shops and T K Maxx. I found a great dress for £5.50. Sure, you couldn't beat it. Then a shawl/wrap type thing in TKs. Now, I have to admit that I need another wrap about as much as Donald Trump needs to learn to be obnoxious, yet I couldn't resist. It had green in it, which matched the new dress and a redy, maroon that matched the DMs that I'm going to wear with the dress. How could I not buy it?

£5.50 dress from charity shop. Did I mention it's a size 16???

Dress with the vintage leather jacket that fits me again. Dress £5.50, jacket second hand from a friend, DMs birthday pressie from the sibs a couple of years ago. Pretty much that only thing bought at full price is the underwear (last week in M&S in Edinburgh FYI :-D )

And finally, the dress with the T K Maxx wrap (not so cheap, but still okay at £16. God, I've turned into Jeff Banks or something. And if that don't age me...)

Said no to takeaway!

Last night I practised great restraint. TMM fancied a takeaway. I'd had feeling he might suggest it and told myself I'd just cook something healthy for myself. When he suggested it however, the idea of a Chinese chicken chow mein was really appealing and I seriously considered it. But chalk one up to the healthy options, I said I was okay cooking and I made myself a spicy pork sweet and sour. It was lovely. He still fancied takeaway, so got a pizza. Goodness knows how many hundreds of calories I saved myself! I was very pleased to finish the day slightly under target. A pizza would never have allowed that.

It's the first time in a couple of months that I've managed to say no when a Chinese or pizza has been on offer. We used to eat them at least once a week. In recent months, it's been far less for me, though TMM still eats them a little more than I think is healthy. But I hate the idea of nagging him into eating less processed food. I don't want to become an evangelist, or worse, to become smug and all about him having to eat better just because I do. Of course, then I want to balance it with wanting him to live well. All I can do is make sure if I'm eating well, that the option is there for him to as well. Lord knows, he's big enough and ugly enough to take care of himself. Thankfully though, a lot of the time, we do manage to eat together, and for the most part, home cooking is the way we choose to go. Tonight was a perfect example. He got home from work a bit before me, and by the time I was in the door, he was cooking spuds, cauli and bacon medallions. All very low cal, especially as I now tend to eschew most condiments, especially Tommy K. Too full of sugar. 

But none of this means that these things are entirely off the menu. If I fancy a bit of ketchup with my fry up, I will have it. And I'm definitely not abstaining from chicken chow mein and pizza for ever. I just want to eat it less, so that when I do have some, I truly enjoy it as a treat, and not something I feel entitled to have every day. Where's the fun in that? It's nothing special. It becomes common place.

A couple of NSVs in the last two days. All of a sudden, they are coming thick and fast. Like the double takes. I'm starting to see people look at me twice as they have to check that it's really me. One guy who delivers to us at work, stood at the counter and looked at me in my office, shook his head and said,"Fucking amazing!" And that was it. That was all she wrote :-) I'm 100% sure it was a compliment.

One of my work mates finally commented yesterday. He was a bit reticent, I think afraid of insulting me. But he basically said,"I'm not meaning to be cheeky, but have you lost a lot of weight?" I was chuffed to see that someone in work had noticed! At last. So I just said that, yes, I had, and it wasn't at all cheeky. In fact, it made my day.

Today, my NSVs were clothing related. I can get back in to my biker leathers, not that I have a bike at the moment. My leather trousers and textile jaket, that zip in to a one piece, fit again. And actually look okay! Also, a vintage red leather biker jacket, from the 70's, given to me by a fellow alcoholic at AA about eight years ago, I can wear it again! I'm super chuffed about that, as it's a pure classic piece of clothing. And I love it! Guess what I'm wearing tomorrow!!! And TMM asked me to try on a green leather jacket of his. It fits too, actually better than my own red one. So I now have two leather jackets at my disposal. Oh, and a Winter coat, that I bought in a charity shop, for £3.50. It fits snuggly, so by the end of winter, when I no longer need it, it should be too big, if I keep losing. Even as my losses slow down, this should be the last Winter that I need that coat. Because, as I've said before, is will be the last time I need to lose weight.

So, Friday tomorrow. The end of my first week back to work after my week off. As far as food is concerned, I've ended each day within budget. Mostly even a little under. As far as exercise goes, I've managed one decent walk with TMM and one short one. Not so hot. No running at all. TMM gets up for a very early shift at work in the morning, so I will try again then. I will finish my working week with a wee three miler before breakfast. I will keep setting the alarm until it takes!

A day of Non Scales Victories

View from my seat as we left Belfast

It has been the most amazing day today. TMM and I rarely go away together, so that in itself was reason to be happy, but so many other things were good for me, revolving round my weight and health. The first thing was the plane seat. It was comfortable! More than that, there was room to spare, and it wasn't a massive seat. I wasn't even touching the arm rests. I am far from skinny. I have no illusions. But that seat was not too small for me. I can't tell you how happy that made me. I actually felt a bit teary. And there was room to spare with the seat belt too. No extension necessary. I can not over emphasize how embarrassing it is to have to ask for that sort of help. I know I'm a bit obsessed with my own norks at the minute, but here's a pic of me with my seat belt. Yeah, I'm a tad narcissistic at the mo. Hopefully it will wear off, otherwise I will become unbearable.

Next thing was a trip to H & M. A girl on FB mentioned a bomber jacket she got there, and there was a photo of her wearing it. I really liked it. It was khaki, which I'm really into at the minute. So when I saw a H & M in Edinburgh, I called in with TMM, to try it on. The one I found was not exactly the same, but I found a size 16, and had a go, despite being pretty sure that a sixteen would be too small. Well, cut my legs off and call me Shorty, it only went and fit. And fit well. Not too tight, not stretched. And TMM said it looked well on me. I was very tempted to buy it there and then. But I decided to keep my powder dry and possibly buy it when I get back to Belfast. I really liked it.

On the subject of clothing, on our way out to dinner this evening, TMM offered me his jumper to wear over my dress. It not only fitted me, it looked good. I adore fitting in to his clothes almost as much as I love weighing less than him!

The main win today has been the ease with which I was able to walk around. We were on our feet all day, and walked about the city centre. Edinburgh is one heck of a hilly city, and I managed it, no problem. Of course, walking up to Arthur's Seat may be on entirely another level (literally.) I hadn't realized quite how high it is, so it will be interesting to see if we manage to do it. We're thinking that we will possibly try it tomorrow. I tell you what, if we do, I will have well earned my dinner that day!

Today, I'm made relatively sensible choices. When we went to Starbucks* this afternoon, TMM got a caramel square with his tea, and I exercised great restraint and had just coffee. It was a large bucket of coffee, but just coffee alone, nonetheless. I'm so proud of myself, especially after not having a fry up this morning at the airport.

I had dessert after dinner this evening, but it was two small scoops of vanilla ice cream, with a shot of espresso poured over it. I know that doesn't sound very exciting. Like, why would you even bother to waste the calories? But seriously, it was lovely. Such a simple idea, and so delicious. And because I had dessert, while The Main Man had his sticky toffee pudding, I didn't feel deprived. It wasn't at all high in calories, so I don't feel even a little guilty about it.

My main was a burger with caramelized onions. I got them to leave the cheese off it, so I saved a good handful of cals there. And I asked for a side of seasonal veg. We bought some bits and pieces at a wee shop, to have with coffee in the hotel later, so I went for my usual choice of very high percentage dark chocolate. But I didn't eat any of it. There was no need. I'd had something sweet in the ice cream, and that satisfied me. After dinner, we went for a wee dander, so while it wasn't exactly overly energetic, it was better than going straight home to veg out in front of the telly.

I know it sounds quite boring, but it's at times like this that I'm glad that TMM and I don't drink. Imagine all the calories I would go through if I drank alcohol! Such a waste of good calories that I could be eating!


*other coffee shops available. I especially like Cafe Nero :-)

What we can see from the front door of our hotel