137.8lb

Out for a walk on a sunny Sunday afternoon

This week marked a whole year on mfp! It's flown in, though it rarely felt like that at the time. And such a difference in that relatively short time frame. Just looking at my clothes, hanging on the washing line, shows how much things have changed. That's a definite reason to avoid gaining. I bought cheap jeans to embroider, and they are starting to look really good. I'm taking ages over them, adding bits and pieces to the pattern, at the pockets, down the side seams and along the bottom of each leg. I'd hate to waste all that work! So I can't get any bigger.

I made my decision to start maintaining on the 17th of Feb. That was three weeks ago. And it's been three weeks of wild fluctuations where my weight is concerned. I did get a bit disturbed by an upward move of about six pounds, not knowing if that much of a difference was normal or should be considered a gain. So last week (it's a whole week since I've blogged) I decided to be really careful with my calories. The week didn't pan out that way. I went over on quite a few days, and I ate far too much processed sugar. I ran and walked a lot, as I was on a week off work, so at least I earned a lot of calories. But I ate every single one of them, and more besides. I just can't have jelly meerkats in the house for any length of time. They are a great sourse of carbs for my long runs, but to have a large amount of them on hand isn't wise. So I'm going to try buying them on a Saturday, a single day before my weekly longer run. Who knows, maybe using them as fuel on runs of longer than thirteen miles will act as a sort of aversion therapy. I'll start to associate them with hours of exercise. Seems unlikely, I do love them so. But you never know. I live in hope.  

I stepped on the scales after a fifteen mile run this morning, thinking that I'd weigh heavy. I'd eaten 200g of the jellies, which was 700 cals, and drank my sport drink (low sugar, but caffinated) to stay hydrated. I didn't feel heavy or bloated, but I was sure that after the calorie heavy week I'd had, I'd definitely not have lost weight, and I'd have to be careful this week, looking for my daily balance between eating enough to fuel my exercise and not over eating, and going lighter on the processed sugars. I have to admit that I stepped on and off the scales about a dozen times when I saw the results. I had to be sure. I'm not sure that I believe it even now. 137.8 lb. Under 140 lb. In the nines! My weight this morning was nine stone twelve. I haven't had a weight in the nines since 1998. I was in shock. In a good way of course. I got in to the shower (the best part of any run, a good, long, hot shower) and I started to cry. I stood under the water and just felt overwhelmed for a few minutes. To say my weight was nine stone something just sort of took my breath away a bit. Even if it's a false low, amonsgt my daily fluctuations, it means it's in my body's weight range now.

This weekend my head may just explode. I did a Parkrun yesterday and smashed my PB by three minutes and four secounds.

I'd hoped to get under twenty-eight minutes, and instead got twenty-five minutes forty-one seconds, and then today my weight was nine stone twelve. I can't get my head around both of those things.

I'm really going to try to eat only whole, nutritious foods this week. As I mentioned, I've eaten far too much processed sugar recently. So, I'm just going to take each day as it comes, not think too far ahead, not the rest of the week or even tomorrow. Just for today I will eat whole and healthy. And where possible I'll try to exercise a little something that I'm not exactly known for, restraint. I was pleased with my efforts so far today. After my run, I had coffee with coconut oil and cinnamon, 25g of walnuts and some raw carrot. Good quality, healthy fats, protein and fibre. Then lunch was an omelette with veg and low fat sausages. Low fat sausages full of goodness knows what, but I'm using up the last of them from the freezer, then they'll be gone and further sausagery shall be proper, good quality butcher's ones, every now and again.

My lunch consisted of three eggs and three of the sausages (they're small) as well as scallions, onion, green pepper and mushrooms. Because I'm a greedy hallion by default, I could easily have used four eggs (I've done six in the past) and all six sausages. I really had to debate with myself to only use half, but I was pleased with myself when I left three to one side, cooked and ready to be used in a similar meal another day. It felt like a win to me. If I could always act so sensibly, these small changes would all add up and make maintaining a lot easier. Mind you, if I could always act so sensibly, I'd never have become the weight I was!

Despite the over indulgence in sugar, even yesterday, my meals themselves were wholesome and filling. A massive omlette after Parkrun, and a big tuna, chickpea and sweetcorn salad for tea.

I'll be trying to blog more this week. It keeps me more accountable. It's harder to go so over my daily allowance when I have to admit to it, even vaguely anonymously, over t'interweb.

Happy Monday!

My thighs are still tired after this run, despite a rest day yesterday!

My long run on Saturday afternoon went really well. I am so pleased with that pace. If I sustained that for 42km, I'd do a sub 4:30 marathon! Not sure if it's possible for me, but I can think positive. No harm in that so long as I don't beat myself up if I don't manage it.

As I was running, on two occasions, all I could smell was grilling meat, like a really nice steak or burger had been thrown on a bbq. It drove me mental. It was fast approaching tea time, and I was getting hungry. That aroma was the best kind of torture! I must have been passing a local restaurant or something. I was proactive about the situation. I made sure my run finished outside ASDA so I could go to the butchery counter. It's run by a local shop and it's actual butchers behind the counter. I asked for a couple of nice steaks that I could cook rare and came away with two of the most delicious hunks of meat (barring TMM of course :-D ) I've ever tasted. Two big sirloins. Literally cut the horns off and stop it mooing, and I'll eat it. And I did. Two and a half minutes in a very hot pan on either side, just seasoned with crushed sea salt and black pepper. Man, I'm drooling just at the memory!.A good protein hit for excellent muscle recovery after my eleven miler.

Despite the protein rich day, both Saturday and Sunday, not to mention a deliberate rest day yesterday, I was still tired on my run this morning. But I better suck it up, coz I imagine I'll be even more tired twenty miles into twenty-six on the First of May!

Saturday was an active day in general. Mum and I had a five mile walk that morning, and then she cooked a lovely brekkie of scrambled eggs and smoked salmon. I even had a bagel too, which was unusual, as I don't eat a lot of bread these days. It means that I enjoy it all the more when I do eat it.

I save calories by not having butter/spread. I don't miss it. I haven't taken marg since I had hepatitis when I was nineteen, and my liver couldn't process the fat content. I just never went back on it again. And I haven't taken milk in tea or coffee for years either.  

And on to another reason for today's good mood. I finished the Dr Who scarf that I was knitting. As I said to someone of Facebook this morning, it's so long, it's just the right side of ridiculous! I love it. And with my hat? If I want to look like Tom Baker circa 1979, that's up to me :-)

Obsession

Sometimes I get an idea in my head and it takes root. I get fixated on it. The last one I really remember going for ages was a few months ago when I got obsessed with the idea of having pizza. The best thing for me to do is to run with it. I plan for it, work it into my food for the week, make sure I earn a few extra exercise cals and then I can enjoy it, guilt free. I was starting to crave pizza again this week so I planned to have it tonight. I prefer to eat high cal stuff, or go out for dinner, early in the week. Then I have more days to ensure I get back on track before my next weigh in. It's worked for me so far. I have not deprived myself and have still managed to lose weight.

However, I had a new obsession for Ferrero Rocher, which took root yesterday and I needed to address it before the pizza. I saw a large box on sale, the selection one, with three different varieties in it. I managed to avoid buying it. But it played on my mind enough that I decided to bite the bullet. I bought a smaller box and worked out the calories.

It's not ideal to eat them on the day of my large fry up, but I have six full days to make sure I earn back the over spend. This way, the urge will be dealt with and I can move on.

I ran for about an hour this morning, so that went some way to assuaging my guilt over the chocolate, and now I'm just thinking that I'll get the pizza out of the way too. I'm running plenty at the moment (I'll do about an hour and a quarter tomorrow) so there are exercise calories in the bank. Then, hopefully, I will be a good little calorie counter for the rest of the week. I only have five pounds to lose to get into the nine stone bracket. I'd like to do that sooner rather than later, so I want to be careful, foodwise, for the rest of the week, after today.

Another encouraging factor, to help me stay on track after thoday, is my B M I, which is now 26.5! I'm well chuffed with that :-)

Motivations...or reasons to behave

I wittered on a day or two ago about wanting to have a good food day, then promptly ate chocolate covered fudge with my morning coffee (so much for caffeine killing my sugar craving) and then went out for dinner with TMM. On the up side though, I tracked it all, chose a lighter option than I might otherwise have done, pre-weight loss, at the restaurant, and know exactly how much my calories are over by. It's all good. I'll just have to keep telling myself that when I step on the scales on Sunday.

Other than the usual reasons for not wanting to gain weight again, i.e don't want to have to go through this process again, and I have family and friends who will encourage me to stay on the right track, I've been thinking of additional motivations, things to keep in mind when I want to eat overly calorific, empty in nutrition, "non-food."

• New Under Armour top. Looks great. Want to keep it that way. This goes for all the lovely new stuff that I have and adore wearing. How gutted would I be if I got too big for them all ??? 
• Party on 11th Feb. It's a month away. I could have lost anything from two pound to being at goal if I work at it! 
• Hearing lovely compliments at work from customers who haven't seen me for a while. It happened yesterday and it made me feel great all day.
• This is a bit of a weird one, and might make me sound a bit odd. At the risk of coming across as obsessive, or even anorexic, I love my collar bone. I really like that I can see it, and when I touch it, it's not covered with fat. Don't get me wrong, I've no desire to be a skeleton, but I love my clavicle. I'm becoming reacquainted with my ribs too, but my clavicle is my favourite :-)

Yesterday was another day of really struggling to stay away from shitty food. I ate some sugar free wine gums, and just about managed to come in on target, having (again) eaten nearly all my exercise calories. But it was pointed out to me, by people much nicer to me than I am to myself, and cleverer (is that even grammatically correct?) too, that it's bloomin' cold at the mo, so maybe my body needs the fuel. I'm definitely feeling the cold a lot more this Winter than it was last year.

And so today? My desire to eat all round me has gone. I am feeling perfectly in control. I had a breakfast of three eggs, scrambled in the microwave, after my run, and had my "Yogi coffee" (a teaspoon of coconut oil, a teaspoon of cinnamon and a mug of black coffee) and I have some raw veg for lunch, waiting in my desk drawer. All thought of every "naughty" food has disappeared. Today, I'm on a roll. Even my run was good, though it was very cold, and I got up extra early to do a few extra km.

Making up the deficit...eventually

The last two days, my food log hasn't been great.  I got home from work on Monday a bit later than normal, and though there was food in the house, I couldn't be bothered cooking. So I threw bits and pieces together and ended up 450 cals over for the day. That is even though I'd earned 450 with my morning run. So I was in a situation that I try to avoid these days. I wanted to make back those "in the red" cals today. My run yesterday should have done that. But in order for that to have remained the case, I had to eat no more more than 1200 yesterday. My exercise cals are already spent! But I didn't make it. I went slightly over yet again. So now I'm even further in debt to myself!

In the grand scheme of things, it's not much, but it's a habit of complacency that I just don't want to get in to. I don't want to start thinking that all these little amounts, 200 cals here, 400 cals there, don't matter. I've got this far because I've realized that everything with a calorific value matters, regardless of how small. So now it's Wednesday, and I really want to try to stay in control. I'm so close to goal, I don't want to screw up. In another twelve pounds, I can start to relax, and work out how to live with this, try to let up a little (though I think I might always need to track, even when my daily calorie allowance increases) but for now, I want to work on staying in charge.

I've felt a distinct lack of will-power these last couple of days. I think it hits every month or so. I feel...not hungry per ce, but just that I could eat. A lot. I watched "Sugar Free Farm" last night, and got to thinking that while I don't eat as much sugar as I used to, I still eat too much. My processed foods have decreased in general, but I could still work on eating more "clean" foods. I'd like to cut out the sugar free sweets, as well as fizzy pop. I've steered clear of DFM* since the New Year, but still consumed some fizz. It would be good to make my tooth a little less sweet and more appreciative of water and herbal teas.

I am enjoying running again after a hiatus of about four weeks with the Achilles. I can't believe it was that long. Time flew! At the moment. I have a few niggles, thigh and Achilles-wise, but nowt big (touch wood!) My run at the end of last week, the 9km one, obviously took a bit more out of me than I realized at the time, because my thighs have been tired since. But I'm working through it. It's not pain, just a bit of fatigue as I get used to upping my mileage. I've had to start doing that anyway this week, just in case I decide to do the marathon this year. I might as well start the training. I can bow out at any time, but I'd be gutted if I got to February, having done no prep, and decided I wanted to give it a go, but hadn't left myself enough time to start.

My thighs were still tired at the end of yesterday, so I decided a rest day was necessary. I didn't run this morning. I will miss the extra calories earned though, especially after the lack of discipline for the last few days. So I will see if I can persuade TMM to go for a walk later, after work. A lovely work out top arrived today, an Under Armour one, and I want to make sure I don't get too big for it before I even get a chance to wear it!

I hate this uber consciousness of control, or lack thereof, about food, but it's a phase I go through every now and again. I just have to stick with it. I'll be back to normal in a day or two


*DFM - Dark Fizzy Master otherwise known as diet cola

T F I....

...Friday! The first week after of work after the hols is nearly over and I'm glad. I have a cheek to be tired, given that we only opened again on  Tuesday, so I've only done four days.

I didn't get up for a run this morning. My legs were achy from the longer run yesterday morning and I was tired in general because I'm not going to sleep early enough to sustain getting up at 5am to go running. I'm going to bed in plenty of time, but I'm reading for ages before turning the lights out. 50% of my New Year's resolutions are a bust so far, but I'm not giving up. I've stayed off sugar free cola since New Year's Day, but I've continued to use electronic devices in bed.

Damn, I really should try to stop, and make the bedroom a device free zone. I'll just keep trying :-)

Food went well yesterday. Despite the cake the day before, I finished on target overall. When I got home from work, TMM had already started dinner, chicken, gravy, spuds and veg. Mmmmm! What a beautiful thing to come home to, the sight of my Gorgeous Guy, cooking a healthy delicious dinner, which smelt amazing as I came through the front door.

I'm currently feeling the loss of having not gone for a run this morning. I love knowing that I've done that wee bit of exercise, and that there are extra calories in the bank if I need them. I might see if I fancy going for a quick half hour jog after work. I'm not great in the will power department, so I reserve the right to change my mind :-D

Guilt!

I had a big whack of Christmas cake last night, unplanned for, so I didn't have enough calories in the bank for it. But I just couldn't seem to help myself. I've not had anything sweet since Boxing Day, and I'm pretty pleased with that, given that there's still quite a lot in the house. But last night, TMM made a pot of tea and brought out the remaining Christmas cake. He had two slices, and I was drooling. So I looked it up on mfp. 100g of iced fruit cake was somewhere between 250 and 350 cals. I weighed out 200g, which was two slices. And boy! I enjoyed them. So there's no point in me feeling guilty about it. So long as I don't make a habit of it, or let it start me on a slippery slope of giving in to unnecessary calories, I can put it behind me, having savoured every mouthful. And if I managed to do a 9k run this morning, earning 700 cals in the process, it didn't hurt. It was totally my intention to run a bit longer this morning to make up at least a bit of the deficit. I really don't want to start telling myself that I'll make up calories for treat. I've managed to steer clear of that bad habit so far, and it's stood me in good stead.

Train seats rock! Well, it's all a matter of perspective, and I wouldn't have been saying that this time last year if I'd found myself in the situation I was in last night. My train was late, so it was much fuller than usual when it eventually arrived. Of course, nearly all of the seats were gone. This isn't the issue it would once have been. Standing from Belfast to Bangor (a journey of about twenty-five minutes on the express) does not cause me back, joint or foot pain any longer. Before, the very idea of it was agony. However, there were a couple of seats left, those ones I've spoken of before, the foldy-down ones, that are out of the way in case a cyclist needs storage for a bike. Option 1: stand in increasingly cramped space near the doors. Option 2: take a teeny-tiny seat

Stupid, narrow, child-sized seats!

and hope I wouldn't squish too much into my neighbours. That just showed me where my head's at. The seats on either side of my free one were both occupied and I was genuinely concerned that I'd take up more than my fair share of the space. I sat. Guess what, it was never going to be an issue. On a seat that's probably about 20% narrower than the standard seats, I didn't overflow. I smiled to myself for the whole journey. I'm smiling now at the memory.

I'm going to have to be careful of my calorie intake today. I had a lovely breakfast after my run, a bowl of last night's chowder. It was about half the amount that I ate for dinner, and was still just over 400 calories. That's a high breakfast for me. so I'll need to be careful for the rest of the day. I've got good, healthy fare sorted out for lunch, so it's just dinner to think about. I'm going to input my lunch stuff into my tracker on mfp now, so I know exactly where I stand for dinner. It will be chicken of some sort.

Distraction. I need a Distraction.

I really want to eat chocolate. There are two tubs of sweets in the kitchen, an unopened tub of Celebrations and a mixed tub of Roses, Quality Street and Celebrations.  It's my own fault. I bought too much. The on line shopping was easily done, but it was also esay to just hit a button and order whatever, forgetting how much was already on the list. Hence, about five different types of savoury biscuits and far too many sweets arrived. I feel bad that it's all sitting there and TMM will end up eating most of it. It's as if I'm enabling him, his unhealthy food pusher. He's a grown man, he can make his own food decisions, but I still feel guilty.

I'm writing about it in order to stop me eating it. It gets the feelings off my chest. It won't necessarily stop me altogether, but at least while I'm expressing myself, I'm not chowing down. It makes me stop and ask myself, "Is it worth it? Do I really want those chocolates more than I want to keep my Christmas weight under control?" I've had all sorts of weight loss issues on Christmases past. From good losses to massive gains and the STSs in between. While I'm on a roll at the moment, basking in the weight loss zone, I might as well try my damnedest to stay away from unplanned calorie expenditure. So. No chocolates.

Another reason to stay within allowance is the size 12 clothing I bought in the sales today, jeans, joggers and a top. 

Yes, you read that right. Size 12!!! I can't help thinking that they've been mis-labelled, sized incorrectly. No way am I actually a 12. They are from Marks and Spencer. The jeans are "relaxed slim" fit. They are proper denim, not stretchy, so it's not a cheat that way. The top is a pretty wee, three-quarter sleeve tee shirt. It's a decent fit. I bought a few bras in the sale too. I had some vouchers to spend, and I needed underwear that fits properly. I actually took the time to try them on. Depending on make and style, I seem to be a 36C. That's a big change from some of my 40EE bras of the past! Much easier to find, though not in the sale. My new size seems to sell out! Pros and cons to being a bit more average.

Anyway, these are my first size 12s since I can't remember when. 1990? Maybe a bit before then? I honestly don't know. I won't believe I'm really that size till a few different shop's size fits me, say Marksies, ASDA and Primark. Whatever though, it's all a step in the direction of maintenance. 

So. Did it work? Did I eat chocolate? Well, that took about half an hour or so, so I was distracted for that long. And now I'm thinking of being a size 12, so hopefully that will deter me for a while yet.

Fingers crossed.

Mid way through Christmas week

I had two days of food excess. Christmas Day and Boxing Day were the two days that I over ate, big style. I reckon I ate roughly 6000 calories on each day. There was constant grazing on chocolate, and a couple of big goes at the cheeses and different crackers and savoury biscuits that I'd been very much looking forward to. 

This time last year, if you'd told me I was going to be a size 18, I'd have been delighted. Any size starting with a 1 instead of a 2, given I was used to being a size 24 or bigger. A size 16? That would have had me running  up and down the street naked in celebration. Size 16 always felt like a breakthrough size for me, break through in to normality.  And a size 14? Well, that would have been unthinkable.  And here I am. A size 14. I'm very happy. But. Uh huh. There's a "but." I feel slim and healthy. I like how I look in the mirror. But I don't like how I look in photos. I don't look as slim in photos. So now I'm thinking that 149lb is not the goal weight for me. I might actually go for 136lb, which would take me to the very top end of the healthy BMI range for my height. That's a stone away. I'll see how I feel. I'm not in a hurry. I'm still getting used to what I see in the mirror.

I've had some fun over the Christmas break. On Boxing Day, I went swimming in the sea. Just coz I could :-)

In the act. How are we managing to smile when I couldn't feel any of my appendages?

Afterwards.  I ws very impressed with my organizational skills.  I remembered to bring a fleecy, Christmas onesie, which was very cozy.

CB, my cousin's hubby is part of a group who go sea swimming all year round. I can say without fear of debate or contradiction that it was jolly cold! But it was good craic and I'm really glad I did it. Than it was back to CB's house, where BB had made a big fry up. Loads of fried carnivorous fare and stereotypical Norn Irish bread, chocolate buns and gall9ns of coffee later, I was warmed up and very sated. The rest of Boxing Day was filed with more grazing on chocolate and cheese. There were mamy slices of Christmas cake and stollen in there somewhere too.

After the two days of confectionery, I'm now using up food, especially vegetables. I don't want anything to be wasted.  So yesterday entailed eating a lot of fresh Brussels Sprouts and a big pot of broccoli and cauliflower soup. Yes, my farts are pretty ripe today and you wouldn't want to be the one who has to clean my cage later.

As for weight, anything below 153lb will be a win. The 149lb on Christmas morning always seemed ridiculously low, so I won't be surprised if it's a bit above that on Sunday, and that's even before I consider my couple of 6000 cal days. I have been on track since then though. No exercise, so I've stuck to 1200 cals, pretty much exactly.  It's not easy with the amount of stuff that's still in the house, but so far so good.

In the words of my favourite Star Trek Next Gen villains...

..."Resistance is futile!"

Yip, the chocolates are still out in force at work , Mars Celebrations, and The Force isn't that strong in me.

See what I did there? In a break from Sci Fi rivalry tradition, I quoted Star trek and Star Wars in the same paragraph! Some where, the geek gods are preparing a lightening bolt with my name on it :-)

Anyway, regardless of my nerdy references, I felt the need to give in. I had to have some chocolate. But I'm still relatively pleased with how I handled it. I made a conscious decision. Rather than eat a few mindlessly, and let's be honest, my definition of "a few" might stun some, I checked the MFP database for the calories. Most are about forty-five cals a piece! Defo not good calorie spending. I dipped in to the box of £1 charity sweets instead and got a 100g bag of mini eggs. I reckon about 450 cals, and there was more satisfaction to be had savouring them than scarfing down a hand full of tiny Twix and Snickers, or Heaven forbid, Bounties. Mmmmm, excuse me while I drool, fit to turn in to Homer J Simpson! Bounty!

I haven't been for a run for the last couple of mornings. Good sense finally prevailed and I decided to rest my ankle. It feels much better today. But I miss the extra calories that the exercise earns. My small session of circuit training doesn't earn much (though I can really feel the results in my abs) so I might walk up to TMM's work later, to meet him. It's a fifty minute walk, round trip, and should earn a couple of hundred cals.

Food has been good for the last few days. I haven't gone mad and cut down, just because I had my gain on Sunday. I've stuck within allowance though, and I'm happy that I'm doing what I need to to stay on track.

Water torture

You know that torture? The one where they talk about a drip of water hitting your forehead. Nothing too torturous about that, right? Except that it goes on constantly, drip, drip, drip on the forehead, for hours if necessary. It's said to drive you mad eventually. I don't know it such a thing ever existed as a practice, or if it's apocryphal, but that's how I feel about the chocolates that are in my office at the moment. The boss sets them out, in a bowl, at Christmas, for customers. It's Quality Street or Celebrations. And there they sit, calling to me, all day. For some reason, they are different to the bags of sweets that sit in a box, to buy for a pound, for charity. Those, I can ignore, nearly all of the time. I'm inured to them sitting there. The Quality Street? Not so much. Perhaps because I could just lift one if I fancied, rather than a whole bag. But I know that I couldn't stop at one. So I feel as if my resistance to them gets worn away a little drip at a time. This year, I have serious motivation behind me. I don't want to spoil my good weight loss record, so hopefully that will keep me away from spontaneous Quality Street eating. There's nowt wrong with a bit of planned, quality Quality Street time. In fact, it should be mandatory to have a treat of some sort, so long as I control the circumstances, not the other way around.

I saved my cals to try the full fat halloumi from this week's grocery delivery for tea tonight. It was fairly calorific, (what did I expect? It's cheese!) but tasty.  Salty goodness. I grilled it over roasted parsnip chips, made to use up three parsnips before they shrivelled up. It was nice. It's a squeaky food though, as in, it's mouth feel is a touch odd and it does actually squeak.  You can hear and feel it in your mouth as you eat it. So if that sort of thing squicks you (as it would TMM) then this is not a food for you. Me, I liked it well enough, but now my curiosity is satisfied, so I doubt that I'll get it again. Especially as it is so calorie laden.

On the running front, I'm such a sucker for advertizing. I'm the dream market for all those focused ads that appear on line, geared towards my buying history on amazon and my search history. It's quite fightening that such things exist, yet I don't fight it too hard. When an ad popped up for Vibrams at £57, I snapped them up. It's a good price, and if I keep running at teh rate I am, I will need some in a couple of months anyway. They should see me through to the marathon (if I do it.)  I think I mentioned a day or two ago, there's already over 170km on first pair. These are more girlie in appearance, very pink! They should arrive in the middle of next week.

I haven't told TMM that there are yet more running shoes on their way to me. But then, I haven't told him that I've signed up to next year's Belfast Marathon either. He worries when I'm out very early, before work, running high mileage. When I ran the marathon last year (depending on how loosely we define the word "ran") he couldn't get his head around the distances I was doing, especially on my long training run, which I always did on a Saturday morning. I had a look at a couple of training programmes, one particularly on Runkeeper. It's a sixteen week one, so I don't have to start it until the 9th or 10th of January to take me to Mon 1st May. I have until then to decide if I'm going to do it. And just to keep the panic in the forefront of my mind, the official website has a countdown!

Trying to not care about my saggy bits

I was looking at myself as I ran this morning. I'm a bit conscious of how I look as I run and checking out my body, as I move, is not the most flattering of angles. I thought about how chunky my thighs looked in my running leggings. And then I caught myself on and wised up. Who cares? Those chunky thighs are considerably less chunky than they were, they ran four miles this morning and they fit into size fourteen jeans. They've come a long way and they're much healthier than they were. So I need to stop obsessing about how I look.

It's hard to listen to that advise though, especially when I think about the saggy skin that flapped about my belly as I did a plank this morning, as part of my thirty day, full body thing. I peered down my body and saw the dangly stuff, just hanging there. It doesn't look so bad when I'm standing up, but let gravity get into the picture and boke. It doesn't look great. Still, again with the bright side, I did a fifty second plank That's progress :-)

I'm going for coffee with my wee cuz BB this avo after work and I'm very much looking forward to it. I'm not going to eat anything. It won't be a late one, so I'll be home for tea. Breakfast was some of the roasted butternut squash and ginger soup I made on Sunday. I like to have a savoury brekkie, and I love using up food that's already prepared. I have no boundaries about what constitutes a breakfast food, so soup is perfectly acceptable. And it was bloody delicious. The recipe was a la my facebook chum, Miss Luli, using ginger instead of my habitual curry powder, and roasting the BNS, when I normally just whack it in the pot raw. Mmmmmmmm! And for lunch today, I shall be trying some reduced fat halloumi cheese with my cherry toms. I got some full fat stuff too, to try grilling it, like wot I see all the posh TV chefs do. I'll try that some evening that TMM is working late. I think tonight will be a spaghetti balls-and-eggs. Except there'll be no spaghetti (carrot strips instead) and no beef mince (reduced fat pork mince). Or I might make cauli rice. It's gorgeous. (Again to Luli-esque specs)

My last attempt at a pork mince chilli with cauliflower rice. It was yummy!

Ho hum.Adieu for now!

Brrrrrr!

I'm changing my lunch. It's that time of year. For the last load of months, my lunch has routinely been chopped up apple, celery, carrot and cherry tomatoes, all brought in to work in a litre tub, filled to the brim.

The usual lunch.

Sometimes if I want to live it up a bit, I'll add in some peppers. Oh, the rock and roll life style I lead! As a meal, I can't honestly say that it fills me up, but it does distract me from my hunger and see me through till dinner time with TMM. It's gotten cold in Norn Irn this week, so I decided to whack it all in a pot and add a some scallions and a chicken stock cube.Yes, the apple was included. And I made a soup. I boiled it till tender and smusched it with Blendy Blenderson, my trusty hand whizzer, who I cannot live without. And pesto! (Pesto??? What a cool, appropriate typo. I meant presto obviously!) A yummy, low cal soup. It was lovely to have a hot lunch yesterday. It was also a bit more satisfying than the same ingredients, eaten chopped up, raw and cold.

Today's concoction is apple and celery soup. And it tastes amazeballs. Who knew? A whole flask for 300 cals. Yummo! An onion, two medium apples, five big stalks of celery, a chicken stock cube and about a litre of water and my usual method of chop it roughly, throw in a pot and simmer till tender, then pulverize. Needs black pepper, but my grinder wouldn't play ball. I need a new one. And I'm sorry darlink, but we just don't do ground black pepper in the Terry/TMM household! As if!

This pleases me muchly!

Ta da!!! My run this morning. My 5k sub thirty run this morning. Get me! In all honesty, I wanted to boke the entire final kilometer, but I did it! Now to make it official at a Parkrun. I don't think I'll get to run this Saturday, as I'm probably going to go to Mum's, but I'll do it soon. I'm going to go easy on my next couple of runs, just kick back and jog. Doing a sub 6 min km this morning nearly killed me, but I can see a day when it's the norm, so long as I keep running regularly. I've been grinning all morning.

Monday, Monday. So good to me.

I'm feeling disgustingly upbeat this morning. I have on a nice jumper that I rediscovered over the weekend, I sat on one of the skinny. fold down seats on the train on the way to work, and felt as if I had enough room, I feel slim and I went for a run first thing. All in all, it was a great start to the week.

I ran almost 8k this morning. I hadn't intended to do that much, but I've signed up to a training programme on Runkeeper, which sends me my week's runs. I asked for more than three per week, so last week and this it has sent me four. Last week, it started with a thirty minute workout on the Monday, so i guess I figured it would be more of the same today. Na uh! Today I was to do 7.2km (the long run last week was 6k) I think if I'd realized it was over 7k this morning, I'd have got up a little earlier. Still, I managed 6.8k last week getting up at 5.20am, so I reckoned today wouldn't be that different. And it was okay. I just tacked a bit extra on to the start of my route, and a wee bit at the end, and it worked out at 7.8km. Coolaboola!

I've been reading a bit about cinnamon, and it's health benefits. It's considered a serious wonder food, though I think we have to take claims like that with a pinch of salt. But it supposedly has anti oxidant and anti inflammatory properties. It's the anti inflammatory bit that interests me. Apparently, it's at it's most efficacious when it's consumed with fat, that's how you get the most of its goodness. I read a suggestion that you make up a tea with a teaspoon of coconut oil ( I have a very mildly flavoured one) a teaspoon of cinnamon, and a tea bag (I used a chai tea. Hell, let's over dose on cinnamon! I do love the flavour.) You know what, it wasn't the worst thing I've ever tasted, and at forty-five cals per teaspoon of the oil, six for the cinnamon, and none for black tea, it was way lighter in cals than making up a skinny latte would be. And I'd have needed to use full fat milk anyway, to get the fat content. I don't really want to use milk anyway. As much as I love cheese, I'm not a big fan of dairy. It's hard for me to get past the fact that we are pretty much the only animal on the planet that regularly used the milk of an animal of a different species, and that's not even taking into account that we are also the only beast that uses milk after weaning. Milk is nature's baby food. And there's gotta be a reason so many people are lactose intolerant. But that's just me. I'd rather try this tea combo. If I have time, I'll make it each morning. It's also a good way to get in a little healthy fat.

I was a bit hungry this morning, after my run and the tea. So I had a light had brekkie of two scrambled eggs. I earned over six hundred cals on the run, so it's no surprise that I was hungry. When I have time, I do enjoy an omelette for brekkie.

I spoke to Mum this morning. I really might change my goal to eleven stone (well, one pound below eleven stone, so I'm in the tens) I will see how I look in about sixteen pounds from now. I have a feeling 139lb is going to be too light, I don't want to look scrawny. That's very aging on a woman of my age. If I do change my goal, I'll be done in just sixteen pounds. Just over a stone away. That sounds ridiculously close. And theoretically doable by Christmas. I'm getting excited just thinking about it.

I got a great deal of fun out of posting that wee video of TMM and me in my "fat" jeans together. I keep looking at it and having a good laugh. I wish I could post the first attempt, but there really was too much of my knickers on show to be decent. And my belly was out too, looking less than flattering :-) Here are the stills. So glad I kept them.

In the jeans

Behind the jeans

Playing hookie today

Last night's dinner before our show

Because I had plenty of my day's food allowance left at tea time yesterday, I wasn't overly worried about eating out before going to our comedy gig. We chose a Japanese restaurant near my work place and even though it was still only just before 6pm, it was quite busy. I think that's always a sign that it's a good place to eat. And it didn't disappoint. I had king prawns in a garlic butter and coriander sauce, with green beans in chilli flakes, accompanied by steamed rice. It was gorgeous. No started or dessert meant that I did okay for calories, even allowing that there was definitely butter in the beans, as well as the obviously named "garlic butter sauce."

The gig was good craic, and I had enough calories left when I got home to have some crackerbread and low fat cheese triangles. I was hungry by then. I ended up using all of my exercise calories though, which I'd hoped not to do. But at least they were there, to be used if necesssary.

Today, TMM and I went to visit his folks. We were both off work, so it felt like playing truant. We started the day by having breakfast in our usual cafe. I had scrambled eggs on toast, with mushrooms and tomatoes. I didn't have the fry. Wow! That's a first in a while that I've been able to go into that place and nod order the fry up. I'm glad I kept it lighter though. It was enough to fill me, but meant I could have lunch at the out-laws' without worrying about over shooting my allowance. 

Once there, I felt under scrutiny at lunch time. They are lovely people, but my MIL is very pass-remarkable. She comments on absolutely everything. She noticed my weight loss and was very positive about it. All good. But when they are all eating, I feel very much as if I am being a pain in the ass when I don't want to eat what they are eating. So if she's making sandwiches, chances are I don't want white bread, spread with margarine, filled with whatever is on the go. She doesn't mean to sabotage my eating plan for the day, but she just doesn't really understand what is healthy and what is not. She genuinely believes that those sandwiches are a relatively healthy choice. I made my own lunch today. I'm too in the zone at the moment, to let a little social awkwardness about not eating what everybody else is, push me off track. So TMM and I went to the shop, and I was able to get roughly what I'd normally eat at lunchtime at work. I got an apple, cherry tomatoes and a cucumber and chopped them all up in a bowl. Of course, she had to comment, and steal a tomato. And, petty bastard that I am, I resented giving up the tomato (one toady tomato, out of 250g) because all I could think was, "You're having your sandwiches, and your pick of whatever else is in your cupboards, but you still covet some of my smaller offerings! How rude!" And she didn't mean it like that at all. But, because I was feeling a bit under the microscope, I was over sensitive. 

Having eaten breakfast, and then had a light lunch, after our visit, I was hungry at tea time, but only had about 600 cals left, to stay within 1200. I decided on a veggie curry with cauli rice.

Mushroom, spinach and green bean curry, with cauliflower rice

This was gorgeous, especially as there was loads of it, all within allowance and very filling. It's about my fifth time having cauliflower rice in a week and a half, and TMM is starting to complain about the smells I'm creating. But, as my best friend's mum used to say, "You can't eat good food and shite scenty soap!" I do have to admit though, that I smell at both ends, breath of garlic, bum of vegetal matter. Still, think of all that fibre in my diet! I had a totally meat-free day today. First in quite a while.

As to the meal itself, it was very tastey and I'm not ashamed to say that I used a curry sauce. I've no doubt that it's too high in both salt and sugar. It works out okay in cals though. Still, I can't be a saint all the time, and if the worst thing I do is to use a premade curry sauce powder once in a while, I'll do alright. And I'm not going to beat myself up, it was hard enough this evening when TMM bought a tub of gorgeous, luxury ice cream (of a well known brand) while I got none! It used to be quite the wee routine that we had, getting a tub each and settling in to watch something on telly. And I haven't done that for over seven months now. I think I've had ice cream about three times in that whole time, always just a small scoop or two at a restarant, never the unrestrained amount I'd have at home. I have to keep telling myself that to earn the amount of ice cream I'd really like (just to be clear, about a litre) I'd have to run for approximately four hours. For me, that's more than a half marathon, just to eat some ice cream in the gorb-like fashion I favour.

Now, on to my main obsession at the moment, other than the new running shoes that is. We were in the shopping centre before going to see the out-laws and called in to Dunnes. I like some of their clothes, and am in a very clothes frame of mind recently. ("No," I hear you gasp, on a violent intake of breath. "Surely not! You've hardly mentioned clothes this last few weeks!" You say, sarcastically.) I need long sleeved tee shirts, because work is baltic this week, so I bought them in a size fourteen. I haven't tried them on. It doen't matter if they are a little tight, as I'll be wearing them under jumpers and fleeces. But something tells me they'll fit better than I originally thought (I wasn't for buying size sixteens coz I think I'll move out of them before Winter is over, and as I said yesterday, I don't want to wear stuff that doesn't look good, when I've worked so hard to get my body in to better shape) I tried on a coat. A big, cozy one, in a sort of Parka style, with a fur trimmed hood. It was a size fourteen. It fitted. It fitted well. Wow! Seriously? First the jeans in a fourteen, now that coat. I'm seriously looking normal these days! I was tempted to buy it, just because it fit. But I don't need it, much as I really liked it. So I restrained myself. And I have just bought the new trainers, so I really can't justify more money going out of the bank.

On the new shoes front, everything I've read suggests that they are going to take some getting used to. A few articles are saying that there's an adjustment period of at least four weeks, which involves walking around the house in them for the first week or so, then running very short distances in them, necessitating carrying my other trainers to change into. Do I have the patience for that? I am thinking that I will take them out for a short spin in the morning before work. I have a half hour planned. I have been wearing them in the house today and yesterday. 

Wadda ya mean, my feet look weird???

They are awkward to wriggle my toes into initially. Goodness knows how I will manage to do it at 5.30am. But they are a cozy, comfy fit, and easy to walk around in. I think they will feel a bit weird out on the streets. I'm KT Taped and ready to go, so I'll see how I feel in the morning.

All I seem to talk about is food!

I just had to make the other night's cauliflower rice again last night. It was so tasty. I added to it a bit. A few veggies and some kidney beans made it like a vegan, cauliflower rice risotto. I decided to go meat free. With using kidney beans instead of meat and cauli instead of rice, I ended up having loads of calories out of my allowance left, and that's not even counting the exercise cals that I earned! I thought about eating a jar of biscuit spread that TMM had bought me. Yes, you read that right. Biscuit spread! WTF? Seriously? Who thinks this shit up?  It might sound as if TMM is making a habit of buying me unhealthy things. Normally, he doesn't, but both of these things, the meerkats a couple of nights ago, and the biscuit spread, are things we'd spoken about. The spread particularly, we talked about in Edinburgh, with a waitress one evening. I fancied trying it, especially when she said she'd eat the whole jar, with a spoon, while watching a film. The jar is 190g. And it has 1017 cals! How many??? And 190g? Sure, that wouldn't fill a gap in your tooth! I could have eaten the whole jar, but I would have had to use my hard earned, running cals. So it didn't happen. I took a wee taste, just to see what it was like. Very sweet. I has a big yogurt instead.

I finished yesterday having eaten 1164 cals. Bang on allowance!

Today I have finished pretty much bang on target too. No exercise calories earned, but my food has been okay. TMM made dinner, smoked fish, potatoes, carrots and brocolli. It was a nice, low cal meal. I had 350 cals left, and I hadn't had dark chocolate for ages, so TMM and I took a bit of a walk to ASDA and I bought a bar. I deliberately do not add chocolate and other treats to the ASDA delivery, so it means that if we want anything like that, it's not in the cupboard, we have to make the effort to go out for it.

Today's health related discovery was made after dinner. I was singing and playing the guitar when I realized how much easier my breathing is while singing. It was in a Cat Stevens song that I've found hard to reach some of the notes before.  It was ages since I'd played it. And tonight, it was no problem. Before I started this particular weight loss attempt, I had a goal that my guitar, a jumbo Fender, would look big on me. Obviously, when I was big, the guitar didn't look it. But now I'm a bit smaller, the guitar is starting to look quite large. Result!

My cousin is getting married in July and she's asked me to sing and play a couple of songs at the ceremony. Her date coincides, almost to the day, with the date I'd set myself to be at target. Even as it stands now, I would feel okay standing in front of a load of strangers, singing. I wouldn't feel awkward, or like a hefelump. This time a few months ago, I would have. But hopefully, come July, I'll be at goal, and feeling even more fab. (God, any more fabulous and I will be genuinely unbearable!) Actually, I had a dress in mind that I wanted to get back into, which I might have worn. But it fits me now! And as I've every intention of being one or two sizes smaller by then, I think I'll have yo rethink my wedding wardrobe ideas. Such fun! 

Yesterday was a good day

I've been obsessed by my shadow recently. Not for the first time. When The Main Man and I go for walks, it's usually something that I will notice at some point. We're walking along side each other, holding hands, and our shadows are also side by side. It's hard not to compare them. His is tall, lean and willowy (is willowy a word you'd use to describe a man? Don't get me wrong. He's very butch! :-) ) Mine? Hmmm. Well, I look like Ram Man!

Yip. That's a fair approximation of my shadow. Still, that's actually no longer the case. I've become aware of it starting to look more slender of hip (if not of thigh. I think I'm just always going to have chunky thighs, relative to the size of the rest of me. I blame all that trampolining when I was at university!) Now, when I catch sight of my shadow and compare it to TMM, it doesn't come up quite so wanting. I definitely could stand to be smaller yet, but it's getting there.

So, this obsession manifested itself at work yesterday. I was walking up the stairs when I realized that there was a good shadow thrown as I ascended. And guess what. I have a waist! Good grief, an actual, honest to goodness waist! In that particular shadow, I have an hourglass figure. Wow! I'll take that, thank you very much! I know shadows are, by their nature, distorted things. Of course it's not a true representation of my actual shape. But that never stopped me hating what I saw that was bad. So I'm not going to let it stop me enjoying the good. I love my shadow!

TMM brought me home a wee pressie from work yesterday. I'd mentioned a particular sort of sweets that I like, that they sell, and be brought me a bag. Jelly Meerkats. Nothing sophisticated for yours truly. It's a 250g bag, and I know that usually, once it's opened, I will eat the lot in one sitting. A greedy hallion? Me? Well, duh! Remember who's talking here. Having had dinner, I had 350 calories to spare and I figured the meerkats could get a bit of a going over. But of course, there's more than 350 cals in 250g of jellies. 870 cals to be exact! But I knew that going in, and I ate them anyway. Not a healthy, balanced choice, but one which I enjoyed to the full.

TMM says I humiliate my food. I like to eat things in a certain order when I'm savouring. So I eat chocolates from least favourite, to favourite (always the soft centres) and I eat jelly meerkat in order of colour, always leaving the reds and blacks to last. TMM finds this hilarious, and says he's never seen anyone expend so much energy on just organizing their sweets BEFORE they actually eat them. What can I say, I like them all lined up, in their colours, to await their demise!

The evidence of 870 cals of deliciousness

Having made the desision to eat the whole bag (and enjoy every mouthful) I ended the day about 500 cals over. No surprise there. I have been very good this last seven months at not deliberatly going over my allowance, and telling myself that I'll make it back before the end of the week. That way lies the destruction of all my good work thus far. So I've tried to be fairly strict with myself. I don't want to get sloppy now, when I'm feeling so good about myelf, my results and how I look. So I told myself that I'd get up for a run this morning. I worked out that I'd need to run for about an hour to make 600 calories, which would cover the 500 I went in to the red, and give a small comfort zone. Well, guess what. I actually did it. I got up and ran for fifty-six minutes, earning, according to Runkeeper, 596 cals. I am so proud of myself. I earned my meerkats in retrospect!

Do you know what was great about this run, apart from making back my calorie deficit? It was comfortable. Oh, I sweated and got out of breath. My legs got tired and I was glad to finish, but I ran for nearly an hour this morning, before work (polishes halo) and it was okay. Even though it was over two weeks since my last run. You know what, despite my sporadic attempts to get back in to it recently, I might actually genuinely be a runner! Me. Who's been over twenty stone at her heaviest (289lb). The ease with which I can don my gutties these days shows the difference weight loss can make to my movement.  It's a lot easier to run at twelve odd stone than when I was sixteen.  Mind you, at sixteen stone, I was running more consistently. So there's always something to work on. Even when I'm happy with my weight, I'll always be a work in progress. Sure that's as it should be.  I'd only get bored otherwise :-)

And so on to last night's dinner.  Wanting to keep it light, I'd already decided on cauliflower rice with my chicken curry when serendipity took a hand. A blog post Vegetabits came to my attention so I made it that way instead of my usual. I'm lazy about it. If I'm feeling adventurous I'll add onion and dried garlic. But this was on a wee level of its own. TMM even had some instead of noodles!

Chuck curry with delish cauli rice. Man, was it ever good!

I was cooking said cauli rice when TMM came home from work. And he did a double take at me! I LOVE double takes! He said it was the first time he'd looked and not recognized me initially. The man I love and have lived with for eight years had to look twice to check it was me. Magic!

Today's goal is to live by The Grit Doctor's rules from the book by Ruth Field, Run, Fat Bitch, Run which I've read a couple of times and love. I warn you though, you need a strong sense of humour.  It's abrasively encouraging. She states

1. Run
2. Drink water
3. Eat less crap (though "crap" may be me paraphrasing)
4. Get good quality sleep

Actually, #4 is my own addition. But hey, it's my blog :-) And I know I've said it before, but my sense of balance is very chuffed that rule one has one word, rule two has 2 etc. Obviously, I had to word rule four following the same pattern. I couldn't not. What do you think I am? Mental??? Anywho! Run, check! Water, semi check (the day's not over yet). I'm still drinking too much DFM* and black coffee. I'm an over caffeinated nightmare. Eat less crap, well the meerkats extravaganza will do me for this week I think, so no treats today. Sleep will always be my big challenge. So we'll see. I got about four hours last night, and that's sort of the norm. I will try to do better tonight. All the research would suggest that good sleep is good for weight loss, as well as general health, so it's a win all round. But I hate going to bed too early. I feel as if I'm missing out. Especially on a day like today when TMM won't get in from work till about 10pm.

That's it for now. Today, I will stick to 1200 cals. I'm feeling positive!


*Dark Fizzy Master i.e. diet cola of many different brands