Feeling back in control

I think I'm just going to have to accept that feeling under control is going to come and go. That's life. Yeah, intellectually, I know that. But I still get annoyed with myself when I feel my control around food slipping. Then, as I've said before, I get annoyed, because I shouldn't get annoyed with myself for being human. I'll learn to deal with it. I will. So long as I don't give in to the slight despair that I feel sometimes about the fact that, on some level, I'll probably always have to be aware of my food intake. I don't think I'll ever be one of those natural, devil-may-care types, who seem to be able to regulate what they eat without over analyzing it. But if I think of it in the same way that I do my alcoholism, it helps. I no longer say that I'm not drinking. I say that I don't drink. There's a subtle difference. It means that booze just doesn't enter in to the equation. Of course, food isn't that simple. I can't just abstain from it. But if I try to have a similar mindset, i.e. that getting fat again could kill me eventually, just as being a practicing alcoholic (rather than a recovering one) could, perhaps I'll be able to remember how important my weight loss is. I suppose that sounds rather melodramatic, but hey, whatever works!

Now, that said, I feel great today. A loss at the weekend will do that for me! This year has been a triumph, all in all. Next year, I plan to consolidate my good results and good health. I will get to a goal I accept and I will work on accepting myself, just being happy with what I look like, saggy tits, loose skin, occasionally sore knees, the works. That's not to say I won't bio-oil the shit outta myself, or wear clothes to disguise said bagginess, but I won't obsess about the less than perfect bits.

And I'm definitely giving up the DFM for good. I swear, it's harder to do than stopping the booze!