Out of sync

No weight as a title today. I was at Mum's overnight and as her scales hate me with a passion, there's no way I was standing on them, as I wouldn't have believed what they said anyway. So ,no point in depressing myself. I'll wait till tomorrow morning.

I was at an engagement party last night. I didn't realize that it was going to be a BBQ, but thankfully Mum did, so she made me scrambled eggs and smoked salmon before I left. That was more than enough to fill me, and I can honestly say that I didn't feel tempted by the burgers, even though they smelt great. I was there with my sisters, and Curly had one. It looked lovely, but I didn't get hung up on the fact that I wasn't having one. Sometimes on occasions like that, the fact that I wasn't eating would play on my mind, but not last night. Other times, if I was eating, I'd be very conscious of eating too much. I'd want more, but be aware that I didn't want other people to see how much I was eating, or how many times I was going back to fill my plate. I know I could easily eat three burgers. And different sides, like potato salad. These occasions can be a massive exercise in frustration for me. Either I'm not eating, and envious of everyone who is, or I'm eating, and afraid to eat as greedily as I'd really like to.

The girl whose party it was, AM, is a cousin of mine, and she's asked me to sing at the wedding service. I'm always in two minds when this happens. I like a wee chance to show off, and I genuinely enjoy singing and playing the guitar for people, but I also get extremely nervous about it. Still, at least it's almost a year away, 07/07/17, so I have plenty of time to learn the two songs. Coincidentally, that's almost exactly the date I set to get to my target weight of 139lbs. I set a goal on Runkeeper and it keeps track of where I am, and what percentage of the loss I'm at. I set the goal on the 12th of June, and have lost fourteen pounds of seventy-five since then. I'm 18% towards goal. It would be amazing to be there, or at least very close to there by the wedding. I'd love to get something nice to wear, that made me look slim, because I'd actually be slim. So now I have not just a date, but a concrete event to work towards. More motivation.

A girl I know on Facebook was talking about her old blog yesterday. A  lot of us blogged when we were using Weightwatchers On Line, and now these blogs are going to be closed down as part of the changes that WW are making. She was wondering if she could still access hers. Someone posted a link, and through that, not only did she find her blog, but I found mine. It was really fun to read what I was writing three or four years ago. I was so full of hope that I was going to get to goal that time. I'd done so well. It's annoying that I let myself gain weight again. Still, I read a post on the !st of Jan 2013, and I was full of hope and motivation. I was 181lbs and I felt brilliant. That's not so very far from where I am now, so I'm doing well.

Apparently there's a way to save the blogs before they are deleted, so I must try that. I'd hate to lose it irrevocably.

Sugar cravings. Fear of loosing control.

I'm having a hard time staying away from sweets and chocolate today. It started yesterday. The box of sweets in my office, that we sell for charity, are an assortment of things, my faves being Jelly Fruits, Jelly Babies, Hard Gums and Jelly Meerkats. I love Liquorice Allsorts as well. Many days, I can cheerfully ignore the box, which is sitting on the cupboard, to my left, in the office. Not yesterday though. And I know that once I give in, I can rarely stop. It's something that, in the last few months, I've been able to keep a lid on. I saw two bags of Allsorts yesterday, and it's definitely part of my obsessive behaviour that I couldn't just buy one bag. I had to bag the two.

I did buy both. But then I couldn't get a reliable calorie count on 100g (one wee bag's worth) of the sweets. I ate one of the bags while I drank my afternoon coffee. Then, suddenly, I just didn't want to eat the other one. It actually surprised me. One bag was enough. The fact that the other bag was there, available to be scoffed, was nearly enough to make me eat it anyway, despite knowing that I wouldn't really even enjoy it. But I was able to hold off. I was almost in a "To Hell With It" mood. But thankfully I didn't quite blow my day as much as I'd been initially prepared to. I still ended up two hundred cals over, but it could have been worse. I ended up counting the sweets at 380 cals per hundred grammes, one of the higher estimates that I found. The annoying thing about those charity bags of sweets is that there's no bar code on the bags, so no way to scan the exact type to find an accurate cal count.

The feeling of being out of control, which I had for a while yesterday, came back in force today. The second, uneaten bag of Allsorts was still in my desk at work, so I ended up eating them quite early in the day. I have about 800 cals left to see me through. It should allow me to have a decent dinner, so long as I do the usual thing of steering clear of pasta or rice, and using spiralized carrots or grated cauli instead.

I think the moral of the Liquorice Allsorts is that I should stay away for sugary stuff, as it just induces further cravings for more. I should indulge myself in cheese when I have the free calories instead. It's far more satisfying. The fear of loosing control, and eating mega amounts of unhealthy, "empty" calories from the likes of sugar, is something that could send me spiraling into gaining a shit load of weight again. It's what's happened before. That way lies me putting back on all that I've lost, loosing even more of my self esteem, and getting into a funk of depression, which is where I was without even realizing it, before I started losing weight in March. I don't want to go back to finding it so hard to do something as simple as getting out of bed in the mornings. There were days on the weekends that I was lucky to get up before 5pm, and I certainly didn't leave the house. There were a few weekends when I didn't go out at all once I came home from work on a Friday after work, till I had to get the train again on Monday morning. How did I not recognize that I depressed? Anyway, despite being very slow on the uptake at the time, I definitely don't want to go back to that.

And guess what? Even just talking about that has made me feel better. I feel much more able to leave sugar alone for the rest of the day. Once I'm out of work, the danger diminishes considerably. This blogging lark's pretty useful :-)

Obsessed

I've weighed myself each morning this week, since I weighed myself on Sunday. It's not good. It has yet to be lower than Sunday's weight, so I don't know why I keep doing it. It does mean that I'm officially there. At that place in my weight loss that I always get to. Obsession-ville, thy name is Terry. I have a hard time reigning it in, especially when my losses are going well. And I know thy have to slow down at some point. A stone a month just isn't sustainable, nor is it healthy. But I've still got four stone to go, so it's difficult to tell myself that slower is better. Despite my healthy goal on Runkeeper to get to goal by the end of June 2017, clearly I'd rather get there sooner. A lot sooner. Like by the end of the year. I know, I know. Unrealistic of me. I'll try my best to be sensible. But it goes against my nature :-) At least the goal progress updates on Runkeeper when I enter my new weight each week. And it estimates when I'm likely to finish. Thus far, it's well ahead of the game. Cool!

My obsession is showing in other ways too. It occurred to me yesterday that I have two states of being where food is concerned. Wanting it or eating it. Nothing in between. If I'm not thinking about food, it's only because I'm currently having a meal. And even then, does that count as not thinking about food? I am generally thinking about what I'm eating! 

Other than clearly having so issues around food as a whole, I'm pretty healthy at the moment. I'm eating well and drinking more water. If I could just get more sleep, and exercise regularly, I'd be a regular paragon of health and fitness. 

Today's stuff

One of the things that I have found to save me serious calories, allowing me to stay more easily within my daily allowance, is to substitute big complex carbs, like rice and pasta, for vegetable alternatives. Instead of rice, I will grate cauliflower, and saute it in one cal spray oil. It looks a bit like white rice when cooked, and bulks up a curry or chilli. Or I will shred carrots into thin strips and use them instead of spaghetti. Both of these options mean my plate looks just ad full as TMM's, but has considerably less calories.

To make it easier to do the carrots, I have a peeler that shreds the veg into fine noodle-like thingies. It's always been very useful. But it's had a lot of use, especially of late, and it's done well for a very inexpensive kitchen utensil. It's on its last legs however. I bought a spiralizer and in searching for it, came across this....

Yip. It's a massive sharpener (unless I have the hands of a pixie {I don't, honest}) And it's for "sharpening" veg like carrots, so you can use the shavings as veggie ribbons. Very good idea, I think. I tried it out tonight when TMM made bolognese.

The ribbons were great, actually nicer for some reason, than the way I'd been doing my carrots previously. I don't know why, but they weren't quite as sweet this way. The sharpener was only a couple of quid, and was definitely money well spent.

A girl who I met on the Weightwatchers on line site has added me to a Facebook page which is made up of old and current WW members. It seems that the WW community website, which had a very strong social network side to it, is closing down. I think that's what's happening. I used it a lot in the two years that I was an on line member, so I'm sure there are many people who will be sorry to see it go. There are various girls on this new FB page that I'd never have spoken to if not for WW On Line, and I actually met up with a few of them. First, there were five of us who met in Edinburgh (one of us was Scottish, so it seemed like a good place to meet), having never met in the flesh before. Then the same five and a few more met in Belfast, since that's where I'm from. And while later, a few more met in Southampton. It was great to get together in real life, as well as on line. And to this day, I get support from these women, on line, now on this new FB page, but also through mfp, which some of us use. It's brilliant to have people in the same boat. We all understand the highs and lows of being overweight, and trying to lose the excess. I think at the moment, we might all be following different ways to lose weight, but the method doesn't matter, it's all about being there to share idea and feed back, and to offer encouragement. So points, or syns, or calories, or carb free, or paleo, or whatever, it's a very useful resource.

Talking to someone who's been through what your going through, or who is going through it at the same time is so helpful. I get the same buzz when I talk to BB and CB. They get where I'm coming from. Speaking of CB, he biked yesterday, as I said. I did not run this morning. I was a bold girl last night, sat up reading far too late, and couldn't make myself get out of bed this morning. Must do better. I haven't confessed to CB yet. Perhaps I'll get up in the morning and get a run in before I talk to him. The weather's shite, but that didn't stop me last week.  I signed myself up to a training programme on Runkeeper, to train to do 5k in under thirty minutes. It's an eight week training schedule, with three runs a week. I used to be able to do that pace (just. My best time was 28:45) but that was a few years ago. I should be able to get down to it again. If I could, I'd be able to go running with TMM again, and although it would be slower than his natural time, it wouldn't be too painfully slow for him.

And back to the subject of support, and people who understand weight loss and all the shite that goes with it, hopefully Penfold and Smiley and I will be going for coffee tomorrow evening. TMM is working late, so it's a perfect time to head out. He can sort out a light dinner when he comes home. (He never wants much after a late shift. It usually after ten o'clock before he gets to eat and that's too soon before bed to eat heavily) I can sort myself out before going out. It means I won't go to a coffee shop hungry, so won't be too tempted by all the buns and tray bakes. There's always plenty of food in the house at the moment, not I've got into a routine of ordering on line and having it delivered. So I can have something healthy. I make it a point never to order chocolate or sweets as part of the delivery, even the very high percentage dark chocolate. I don't want to make having that sort of treat too easy, both for me or TMM. If we want something like that, we have to make the effort to go out and buy it. So I'm not able to just eat crap on spec. I have to actually leave the house to get it. It makes me far less likely to do it.

I've had a couple of good days, food wise, but today I feel a bit backed up. My belly's sore, as if it's distended inside. I think I need to seriously evacuate my bowels. So on that note, I'll go give that a try. Till tomorrow then! Toodles.

Shocker!

I nearly had a heart attack. There was a comment on my blog! First one ever! Good grief. I almost died from the shock. It made me smile :-) Nice start to the week, despite the fact that my motivation issues are still in play, and I didn't go running this morning. I'm using my brain too much, not something I usually accuse myself of. I need to just get out of bed, and not think about it, get into the habit of getting up as soon as the alarm goes. I don't have to run each time. I can do a DVD or some body weight exercises. But if I set a precedent of awaking, getting out of bed and getting dressed straight away, I'll stop thinking about it and questioning myself.

Today I might have done no exercise, but I have blogged, so part of my more disciplined week is in action. CB and I text again, and he went for a cycle, so now I'm honour bound to run in the morning. My gear is all set out already. A five k is on the cards.

I spoke to Penfold, and we're going for coffee some time this week. We haven't seen much of each other since we stopped going to the class on Wednesday nights, so it will be good to get caught up. She says she's just not feeling the weight loss vibe at the moment. I know what that's like. It's the most frustrating feeling in the world to know you should do something, for the sake of your health, not to mention self esteem, but not have the umph to do it. For me, the self loathing that that leads to is totally self defeating, but hard to avoid. And the further into the cycle I slip, the harder it is to get out of. I get mired down and can easily end up wallowing. Thankfully for me, that's not where I am at the mo, but it's very much a "there but for the grace of God..." situation. So if Penfold and I do go out some evening this week, I hope I can gee her up a bit. I don't mean in a "you need to lose weight" sort of way, rather in a "feel good about yourself regardless of weight" sort of way. In a "get together, have a bit of craic and a laugh, and come away having had a good time for an hour or two" sort of way.

I did a clear out of a few bits of clothing. There are a few pairs of trousers that I love wearing, but they are much too big for me now, so they do nothing for me, so I had to be ruthless, and dump them. I was sorry to see them go, but delighted at the same time that they're going because I'm too small for them. It's not a problem that I mind having. I hope it continues.While I'm changing in size and shape, I will be buying cheap clothes. I will stick to getting stuff in ASDA. It would be daft to buy nice things, only to have to get rid of them in a month or two (hopefully) I'll save anything that I really want till I'm a bit smaller.

Food wise, today I was careful to ensure that everything that passed my lips was calorie counted. If I consumed it, I counted it. Black coffee? Zero drinks? Even they were added in. Did you know that the ASDA Zero Sugar Mango Crush has eight calories in a two litre bottle? Not everyone is going to drink all two litres, but I think I established a long time ago that I'm a hallion, so two litres of low cal liquid is a mere trifle to me. That eighty calories would soon mount up if I didn't count it. So even though the cals in a mug of black coffee are negligible (usually less than ten) I count every cup I have. I really want to lose four ponds this week, or at least three and a half, to get under fourteen stone, hence the obsessive food tracking.

And finally, my Dr Marten bag arrived. My reward for getting to four stone loss.

It's gorgeous! And enormous. I'd no idea of it's titanic proportions. But I love it. And it matches my green DMs exactly, so what's not to love. All I have to aim for now is the green Gretsch guitar when I hit 139lbs. That's a way off yet, but not impossible. Watch this space.

199lb

Well, that's a first. A whole week between blog posts. That was not my intention when I started blogging, especially on a week when I actually had a few things to say. Ah well, today is a new day. I will try to be more disciplined this week. Writing something helps to focus me, so it's a healthy practice for me to get in to.

I lost half a pound this week. I wanted to lose four. That was so I could get into the thirteen stone bracket. But half off is half off. To state the obvious, it's better than staying the same or gaining. And it means I'm still moving downwards. It's all good. And I have to bear in mind that I went out for food this week (thankfully on Monday, at the start of my weight loss week, so I had the whole week to make up for the overdose of gorgeousness that was my meal that night) I will set my sights on a four pound loss this week instead, and that's where my discipline efforts will come in useful. I really want to run a few times this week. So the aims this week are regular blog posts and a few runs. Simples!

The meal with BB and CB (my cuz and her hubby) was brill fun. I've had a yen for pizza for a few weeks now, maybe even a couple of months, and I've been putting off satisfying the urge because I knew that when I gave in, I truly wanted to splurg. So I wanted to really earn it. Since I'd hit the four stone mark, and TMM and I were planning to a have a meal with the guys anyway, we decided pizza would be a good choice. They knew a place that did massive pizzas, so that's where we headed. And this was the result...

24" of cheesy, spicy goodness! I've no real idea of how many calories were involved, but with that and the garlic bread as a starter, and the Nutella pizza (yes, you read that right, Nutella pizza!) there must have been at least (and I do mean at least) 1000. And as for Nutella pizza. What evil genius invented that??? Warm pizza bread, melty chocolate, hazelnut spread and a scoop of strawberry ice cream. I think I died and went to Heaven. Or orgasmed, one or t'other. I did suggest that some peanut butter would have made the whole thing even more perfect, but is that a step too far? I do tend to take things a bit over the line. Mmmm, pizza, choc spread and peanut butter. Excuse me a sec, while I just slip in to a coma of foody desire here :-)

When we meet up again, I think we'll do a Chinese takeaway with the guys. So that's the next unhealthy meal I'm looking forward to, and I intend to earn it too, so there will be no guilt involved, and I'll be able to eat whatever I want and enjoy it to the full.

And now, running. I went for a run this week! Yes, I finally did it. Five kilometers in forty minutes. Not fast, but no stopping either, so pretty good for my first run in over a year. CB and I were talking about exercise while we were scarfing our pizza, and he said he might go for a cycle. When we text the next day, neither of us had done it, so we made a deal to do something before the following day. We both did. He went out on the bike and I ran. It's a start. And I was very pleased with myself for doing it.

In conclusion, this weeks goals... four pounds off and four runs. I can do it.

199.6lb

Just shy of three pounds off and under 200lbs! That's a grin on my face you can see. The size of the Cheshire Cat's! I'm still in awe of how well this is going. With just four more pounds, I will be into the thirteen stone bracelet.  I have now lost sixty-one pounds in just eighteen weeks. 

I think, because it's still early days, I mean for months is nothing in the weight loss game, I still feel the fresh enthusiasm of a newbie. The results are still good and there's been no slump as yet, so it's easy to stay upbeat. I still haven't managed to go for a run. That's truly ridiculous. But I have to remind myself that if I really wanted to, I'd just do it. 

As far as food is concerned, I find some days easier than others. If I have a big breakfast, I find it harder to find something suitably satisfying for dinner, as I have less calories to play with. So the very light breakfasts and lunches of my normal working day are more comfortable for me. Today being Sunday, I had brunch. So I didn't eat anything until half past eleven. And I ate slowly, so I've only just finished. It was low fat sausages and eggs, nearly five hundred calories in total. That leave seven hundred for later. I'd actually like to only eat five hundred and leave a couple of hundred in reserve for tomorrow night's pizza, but I might find that too difficult. I have to be realistic. A thousand calories isn't very much, and dinner is hours away. I will probably be too hungry to only have 500. But we'll see. I've just finished a very satisfying sausage omelette. I shouldn't be thinking of more food already. That's part of my problem though. I can always think about food, regardless of how soon after my last meal it is. 

Anyway, I phoned Mum and she was delighted with my result. She's going to weigh herself in the morning, so hopefully she'll be happy with how she does this week too. And it's time to order the Dr Marten bag that she said she'd buy me. Wooo. I wonder if it's in stock in the shop in Belfast, of if I need to get it on line. Off I go to do some research.  

Quiet but I'm not bored

My fave running shoes :-) Will they ever get any use???

It's been a quiet week so far. "No alarms and no surprises." Despite being in the middle of surfin' the crimson tide, I don't feel especially bloated or heavy. That's a bonus. Another positive is that my new box of 120 XLS pills arrived today via the postal service (God bless it!) and they are a full three, maybe four days early. I'm very gad that I had them delivered to the house as oppposed to work. I was just getting to the point of having to eek out the remainder of the original supply, so talk about good timing. It means that I won't have to ensure that I hold over two for my pizza on Monday night with my cuz BB and her hubster. 

I'm in an extra good mood because my sneal peek (I KNOW, OKAY! I keep saying I'm not gonna do it, but I keep doin' it! It's a problem. Could I found "Sneak Peeks Anonymous?) and I was a pound and a half lighter than on Sunday. It doesn't always translate to the official weigh in, but it's in the right direction, so I can but hope. I really, really, really want to be under 200 pounds this week. It would be great to have achieved that, so I could use my pizza meal as a celebration. I'll be eating it guilt free regardless, I've no problem with eating something that's been off teh menu for over four months. Once in a blue moon won't blow my spectacular results. Just so long as I can steer clear of complacency, which has always been my major foe before. Well, that and boredom. I fully intend to save pretty much all of my day's calorie allowance on Monday forr my evening meal. I might try to earn some extra calories too, so I can go mad with the cheese and the spicey, meaty toppings. I've really thought about this too much, haven't I? Teehee. It's just a pizza, for cryin' out loud! :-D

So far this week, I have yet to go for a run. I kept promising myself that if there was one thing I would do on my week of, it woud be to finally get my cowardly arse out into the streets to run. I have been watching a couple of friends who use mfp log their runs with envy in my heart, but I've done nothing about it. I haven't given up thoug, there's still tomorrow morning. TMM has to get up uber early for work (he starts at 6am) which means he'll leave the  house at about 5.30. So I could get up then. The roads will be extremely quiet, with a combination of it being so early and a holiday week. So I'm really going to try to go to bed early tonight, then get up early tomorrow. Just a 5K trot, that's all I want to attempt. 

COME ON TERRY! GET YOUR CONSIDERABLY LESS FAT ARSE IN GEAR!!!

On my week off..

There have probably been three of four occasions in my weight loss history when I've genuinely started to feel "normal." That is, when I've felt as if I'm not quite fat enough to warrant a second look from strangers in the street, or when I've been able to look at myself in the mirror, especially sideways on, and not feel as if I'm a freak. This is definately one of those times. A new jumper arrived for me from Amazon* and in trying it on, I checked myself out in the mirror. I looked normal. Like a real person. I really liked myself in it. And then TMM tried it on. It wasn't massively too big for him. I mean, I'm actually starting to get into clothes that would look okay on him!

I can't wait. I'm so going to try on all his jeans and shirts as I get smaller. And he knows this. Better yet, he's okay with it. It makes him grin to see me so happy. And when I eventually do try something on and it fits me, he'll be almost as pleased as I am. He's brilliant that way. I know I bang on about him a fair bit, but as anyone who's ever had an unsupportive partner knows, it makes an amazing difference to be with someone who just wants you to be happy, and who doesn't see it as a trial to cook healthily for you. On a Sunday morning, when I come back from the bathroom, having weighed myself, he waits till I tell him the result. He doesn't push, but I know he's keen to know how I got on. Then when I tell him, especially if it's a big loss, he will put his hands on my waist (I'm usually still naked at this point, having just stood on the scales) and ask "Where'd it go? It's melting away!" I love him :-)

So yeah. I'm starting to feel "normal". And I love it. I can't help smiling. I am definitely walking taller, holding myself straighter, which in turn is making me look slimmer. It all adds to my increasinly positive self image.

I find myself caught in a bit of a vicious circle of my own making. A victim of my own success, if you will. I've done very well in the past four months. Lost over four stone (yes, I know, I've been very quiet about it. You might have missed that fact. Did you know I've lost over four stone in four months? Sorry, but I just can't say it enough :-D ) As I've written, I did the first three months purely though calorie counting, and using MyFitnessPal as a food database and food diary. It woked a treat, no doubt about it. Then I saw an ad on telly for XLS Max Strength and thought, "Hmm, I wonder if that would speed things up a bit." Basically, I got greedy and impatient, but it's so hard not to think like that when you've got at least eight stone to lose and you just want to lose it now!

I'd used the brand's product before. Not this one, but a fat binding one. And there was no doubt in my mind that it worked. If you followed the instructions, and stayed away from fatty food, it worked without unpleasant side effects and just encouraged you to eat more healthily. If you took the pills, and ate fat? Well, then it's your own fault if you couldn't fart without shitting yourself. And it wasn't nice shit either. Oily and orange. I know, because I did it deliberately one day to test it out. It was very effective, I can tell you from experience. I used to get really annoyed with the reviews I saw for the product that complained about the fecal incontinence, the smelly shite and the inability to fart without shitting (danger farts, as they're known.) It angered me that people blamed the product for these things. Had they not read the instruction leaflet that was in the box? All of these possibilities were very clearly explained. That's what the product did if you ingested fat. SO YOU WEREN'T BLOODY WELL SUPPOSED TO EAT FAT!!! That was the point!

Anyway, what was the point of this rant again? Oh yeah, my vicious circle. So now I've had a month on the pills, and it's been a month of further good losses, so I'm afraid to come off them in case my losses slow down. I thought, albeit very briefly, about not getting another supply of them. But I have to own that I sent to Amazon* for them last night. Yip. There's a fresh box on route as we speak. It's £47. And as I don't use them twice a day, since my lunches at work are usually too light to warrant it, the tub of 120 tablets, a month's supply if taken two with two meals a day, will last me nearly twice that long. If they continue to keep my weight loss accelerated at the present rate, they are worth every penny, and I'll only need them for possibly one more purchase after this one.

I could do it without them, but I want to keep losing quickly. Then, when I'm at my goal (or at least really close to it) I can come off them and just up my calories a little so I can learn to maintain.

Now that I've lost four stone, I'm getting a handbag from the DrMaten shop. It's a backpack satchel, and it matches my green DMs. I decided a couple of months ago that it'd be a great incentive to keep going. I was aiming for three stone off. But by the time I thought of it, I was already too close to three off, so I decided to wait to four stone. And here I am. It's not a cheap bag, so it's a hell of a prize.

I treated myself to some new jewellery recently. A friend of mine makes the most gorgeous stuff, and she takes commissions, so I asked her to make me a ring and earring set, something chunky, in sterling silver, with pink and green stones. After a couple of messages back and forth, and consulting on the exact stones to use, we decided on copper, wrapped in sterling silver, with rose quartz and peridot. Oh my goodness. I was so excited. I got a message within a day to say she'd made the earrings. My specially designed, bespoke, one of a kind, pair of earrings. Then a day later, I got a photo of the ring. She'd gotten all excited about having a new commission, and sat up all blooming night to make something.

As you can see from the photo, they are gorgeous, amazing, and genuinely unique. No one else has pieces like this. I know it's incredibly narcassistic, but I love that they were designed specially for me. So that's my wee treat to myself. What is it L'Oreal says, "Because I'm worth it." Well, I am!

The pic below is stuff she made for me previously.

She's really talented. Her stuff is brilliant. And I love treating myself to it once in a while. It feels really special. She's in the state Georgia (about fives hours behind me) and ships it all the way to me in Ireland. That makes it even more special. This is her FB page.

https://m.facebook.com/mixedmetalmedley/


*Other mail order companies are available.

A day off with TMM...

...and we did a good bit of walking. I suggested a run this morning. I hoped it would break me of my nervousness of getting out and about. He didn't fancy it however. He was up for a walk though, so we went along the coast for a bit and were out for over an hour. According to Runkeeper I earned about 400 cals for that.

A while later, we walked to a local shopping centre and back. That was over four kilometres round trip, and approximately another three hundred calories. All in all a good day of activity and now my legs are justifiably tired.

We ate at Costa while we were out. I hadn't had much this morning other than coffee and was feeling a bit nauseous after the exercise. I chose as sensibly as I could. It was definitely better to eat something, even if it wasn't going to be ultra healthy, than to continue feeling ill. My low fat flat bread and salted crisps came to less than five hundred cals. After a couple of tuna, mayo and sweetcorn wraps for tea, I used about two hundred and fifty extra calories today. Not bad considering I earned over seven hundred. I'm still five hundred cals in the green for the day. And feeling good.

With my coffee this morning, I had some dark chocolate and raspberry, which Mum got me from Lidl. It's been in the cupboard, taunting me, for s few days now. I hadn't enough cals any day since I got it, to try it. It's been driving me mad. So I had some for breakfast. Not sensible, I know, and the reason for my nausea later. But at least I practiced some restraint. I only ate half of it, not the whole bar.  So that's progress :-) But I didn't get it again. It's too nice and too hard to say no to.

I feel like my period is starting today, so hopefully it will be over before I step on the scales on Sunday.

202.4lb

A pound and a half. A good solid loss after the massive five pounds of last week. Am I disappointed that I didn't get below will 200lb this week. Well honestly, I am. Despite knowing that this is a great loss, I can't help wanting it to be more, to go faster, to hit the next milestone sooner.

I had a good look at myself in the mirror yesterday. The difference in just four months is amazing. Even my worst view of myself, side on, is considerably better. So much smaller. The difference that four stone and two pounds has made is immense. Most of my trousers are now much too big for me. I certainly have to wear a belt with all of them. 

I'm off work this week,so I'm going to take the time to clear out my wardrobe. I'm going to be ruthless and dump everything that I don't wear. My wardrobe is way too full and I don't wear the half of it. It will encourage me to only wear stuff that actually fits, which always looks much better. It means it will look at bit sparce for a while, but that's okay. Better that than my wardrobe toppling over with the weight of all the useless clothes. I need to get used to making do with clothes for a while anyway. While I'm getting smaller, there's no point in buying much, as I won't be wearing it for long. I'd like my final size to be a fourteen at most. That's considered large, especially for a woman of my short stature. But a solid, trim fourteen would be perfectly healthy for me.

An update. Finally.

I'm guilty again of not keeping this diary very faithfully this week. But honestly? I'm struggling for things to say. Everything is very much as it's been so far. I'm still managing, more or less, to stay within my 1200 cals per day. I'm still taking two of the fat-buster tables before my main meal, have been for a month now, and I still expect my weight loss to slow down at any moment so am trying to steel myself for that, when it happens. I don't want to get down hearted just because I can no longer lose a stone a month. But for now, I can't say that to myself enough.  A stone a month. Four stone in four months. It's pretty darn amazing. 

I will weigh myself tomorrow as normal and hope and pray that dinner at Mum's last night doesn't make me heavy. She made a gorgeous roast chicken and stuffing dinner. With loads of gravy and veg. Her stuffing and gravy are the best in the world! Who's Mum's isn't? And I ate far too much. Even though I'd used less than 200 cals during the day, I still finished over 150 over. That was one bad-ass plate of food! Amazeballs! Totes amazeballs!

Train journeys

It amazes me how weight loss affects so many aspects of my life. I say that even with the years of experience of being fat, then getting thinner that I have. It can still make me sit up and think when I realize that even my daily commute is very much changed by being a more healthy size. 

Something as simple and as basic as the size of my bum on the seats, especially the foldy down ones that are sort of the last choice. The ones that you can only use so long as there's no one in a wheelchair in need of the space.

Having to stand used to be a major concern.  It rarely happens on my train, but when it does, it's very crowded and uncomfortable.  And as a very overweight person, not only was I conscious of how much space I was taking up, I was uncomfortable to the point of pain. My back and my feet would ache and I would be praying for loads of people to get off at the first major stop, to free up a few seats. 

Last time the train was that full, I could already feel a massive difference in my comfort level while I had to stand. I was not entirely pain free, but certainly a lot closer to it than before. 

Annoyed with myself

I'm a bit pissed off with myself. Yesterday, a customer gave me a box of Dairy Milk chocolates, as a thank you, for getting a special tyre order for him. Now, I should tell you that Cadbury's are my favourite brand of chocolate, though that's not quite as true as it used to be, since Kraft took over and they no longer use Dairy Milk as their default chocolate. The Creme Eggs have changed because of that. They're no where near as nice. Still, even with that, I find chocolate hard to refuse. Come on, I mean, seriously. Especially free chocolate. I took them home, My genuine intention was to give them to TMM.

I ate my dinner. Lovely healthy baked fish, potatoes, broccoli and cauliflower. Then, with TMM out of the house, my strength of will broke, and I retrieved the sweets, fully intending to scoff them all. (I hadn't given them to TMM at this point, so I wasn't being a bitch and stealing them back) I started with my favourite flavours, strawberry and orange, I ate about ten of them, approximately 100g, at 515 cals. I had about 250 to play with, so I used twice that, and I'm really disappointed in myself. I wouldn't have deliberately gone over my daily allowance like that early in my mfp food tracking. I really don't want to get to the point where that is the norm, and I'm always having to earn back calories that I've over spent.

That is what I did today though. I redeemed myself slightly by eating a low cal dinner and earning three hundred calories on a walk afterwards with TMM. So I'm back in the green for the week. Hopefully, it's early enough in the week that the chocolate won't have had a negative effect on my loss this week. 

EXERCISE !!!

I am feeling guilty about not starting running again yet. I told myself I'd start when I got to sixteen stone, and here I am, fourteen and a half, and still no start to it. I keep making excuses... people will stare at me coz I'm still too fat... I didn't get to sleep early enough to get up so early... I'll hurt my dodge left knee. None of these things are insurmountable. I really just need to suck it up and get on with it. I know I'll be glad when I do. And if I want to run the Belfast marathon again next May, and do it under five hours (my first and only attempt took six hours, twenty-five minutes and eleven seconds, I'd like to better that by a good margin) then I'd better start running again soon, get up to par with the 5k distance, and work from there.

I feel as if I've gotten a handle on the food side of things at the moment (I can never afford to get complacent and say it's completely under control) so my lack exercise is letting me down. I'm aware that I can't be 100% perfect, no one can, and at least I've started going for a few walks with TMM, but I'd be a lot happier if I was doing a wee bit more.

204lb

Well, as much as I hoped to hit four stone off in four months, I genuinely didn't expect that I'd do it today! With a five pounds loss this week, I have now lost four stone half a pound, and still have a week of my four months left. I'm on cloud nine.

I'm especially happy with the loss this week as I had a lovely meal out with TMM and my cousin BB and her hubby. We ate a main course (the portion was a very generous size) and I decided to have dessert. I had sticky toffee pudding. It was lovely, though in retrospect, I question whether it was worth the calorie expenditure. Still, I ate every pick, and enjoyed it. I finished the day about six hundred calories in deficit. To put that into context though, that still means eating only 1800 calories in the day, which is still slightly less than the amount a woman requires to maintain her weight. (I used an on line tool to work mine out at about 1900 cals for a woman of my age and activity level.) So even a very bad day in terms of my diet at the moment is a good day at the over eating stages of my life. I ate a little less yesterday to make up for it a wee bit. 

I have been very remiss in my updates this week. I genuinely have not felt as if I have anything new to write. Everything has been very much the same. I stick fairly rigidly to my 1200 calories a day, I go over a little sometimes and try to make it back, eithe by eating less the next day, or doing a bit of exercise, and I worry excessively about not having a good loss each week. I still haven't started to do any real regular exercise, though TMM and I have gone for a few walks, which have earned me a few hundred calories. I have set my alarm early on a number of occasions, in order to go for a run before work, but it's yet to happen.

The most strenuous workouts I've managed to da so far are the Wednesday evening ones at the class with Penfold and Smiley. Last wek my abs didn't recover for five days! But it was a good pain. It made me feel like I'd really worked hard.

I've been taking the XLS tablets once a day, before my main meal, now for exactly a month. I started taking them on 3rd of June. It's impossible to say if they have aided my loss or done nothing. Certainly they do not seem to have impeeded it. I was 217.2lb when I first took them, so I've lost 13.2lb in those four weeks. Would I have lost that regardless of the tablets? It's a stone in the month, which is what I was already averaging. I'll never know. It was only a month's supply that I bought, but using them before one meal most days means that the supply has eeked out a bit. I haven't decide if I'm going to buy more, though let's face it, I probably will.

When a plateau is a good thing?

I read an article that suggested that a plateau is not necessarily a bad thing. Rather, it's a sign that things are going well, changes are happening. And while it's easy to become disheartened, not sticking with it only makes things worse. I hope I can think like that when I'm in that situation.  Easier said than done, I'll warrant.

I had sweet potato chips today. I cut up wedges of the sweet potato and baked them. I also baked thick slices of bacon, like smoked gammon, with pineapple. And made the pineapply, smokey, salty juices into a gravy. Mmmmm.  It was bloody gorgeous. Although it was very high in salt, at least the sweet potato was healthy. And that's two days in a row that I've come in slightly under my allowance. Not to mention walking on Saturday, Sunday and today. Add in the amount of water that I've drunk, and very little diet cola, and I reckon I've been quite a good girl.

Fresh week, fresh start

I took a good look at myself in the mirror this morning after I got dressed. I especially looked at my side on profile. That's my worst, fattest-looking view. I look good. Comparatively speaking obviously.  I'm still fat and look like shit in compatible to Angelina Jolie, but for someone who has been over twenty stone at some point of their life, I look okay.

It was to remind myself that a smallish loss is not the end of the world. I didn't do much wrong last week, I still lost weight and am still getting healthier and smaller. It's all good.  So it's onwards and upwards this week. I am going to make this a good week, get firmly in to the fourteens and keep in the green, calorie wise.

GO TERRY

209lb

It's not much, that 0.8lb, but it's better than I thought I was going to do. So I'll take it and be grateful. I thought that I was surely heading for a STS (stay the same) because of all the unpromising sneak peeks.

Today I have stayed within the 1200 cal allowance.  Given the nearly three and a half stones loss, I am really surprised that the allowance hasn't gotten smaller. But perhaps it's not going to get smaller than that. It's already quite a tiny amount of daily food for a grown woman. I do find it difficult sometimes not to go over. A lot of the time, it's down to plate envy, looking at TMM's dinner and wanting what he's having. Tonight he had beans on toast, with low fat sausages and smoked bacon. I had homemade potato and leek soup with three low fat sausages. (See above pic. Discovered them a few weeks ago and I love them. They're only about forty-five cals per sausage and both the flavour and texture are great.) Don't get me wrong, my food was lovely. His just looked more and I'm greedy. I want more. But if I don't have enough calories, I need to just suck it up and make/eat what I can "afford." I always feel better about my efforts if I do.

Both today and yesterday, I earned a couple of hundred extra calories. I walked with Mum yesterday and this morning TMM fancied taking the air before having breakfast. And we were very good. We ate in instead of going to our fave caff for a big fry. We had scrambled eggs and salmon and toast. Saved money and calories :-)

Anyway, that's a good, positive start to the week. Here's to the rest of it going the same way.

Nothing new to say

It's just more of the same. Angst in case I don't do well at the scales in the morning and moaning about my sore abs after the exercise class on Wednesday evening. They are still sore today, especially when I laugh.

I went walking with Mum this morning, then got off the train a stop early on the way home, and walked for a further twenty-five minutes. I earned over 400 cals, then broke my own rule by eating them. I have still finished the week almost 1000 cals in the green though, so I made up for my heavy start to the week. I've also drunk loads of water this week, and practically no fizzy pop. I've been so good. I'm uber well hydrated. Because of the unpromising sneak peeks though, I'm still worried about the scales.

Nowt I can do about it though. I'll just have to wait and see, then suck it up, whatever happens.

Progress, but it still might not be a good week

Well, in for a penny, in for a pound. So I had another sneak peek this morning. It was slightly better news in that I was only about a pound heavier than my weight from last Sunday. I'm trying so hard not to have high expectations of this week. It's tough. I've done so well each week so far that it's going to be disappointing and hard to accept when it slows down.

I was at Mum's this evening and we had chicken curry with grated cauliflower instead of rice. It was lovely and very low in calories. So I had plenty left over for some orange and almond dark chocolate. It's been a good couple of days for food after a slightly dodgy start to the week. I've caught up after going in to the red early on.

Good and bad

There are these horrible plastic patio chairs in the kitchen at work. They are the sort that the legs would splay out and you'd land on your arsenal, if you were too heavy for them. I've been close to that point a few times. I would sit down on them very gingerly and not move about too much. At those points in my weight, my hips are really too broad for the width of the chair, and you can see bits of me squeezed out the side. That's not the case at moment. I am becoming narrower of hip, so I can actually fit the width of the seat quite comfortably between the arms. There's a ways to go yet, but it's definitely getting there.

Not good sneak peeks. Again with the impatience. I wish I could listen to my own advice and leave mid week weighing the Hell alone. Each day this week so far, I've weighed a good two pounds too heavy. *Sighs* Not good. So I've been a bit down about my chances of a loss this week. It doesn't matter how much I tell myself that I should prepare myself for a slow week because I've been so successful so far,the prospect of a gain or no loss still depresses the Hell out of me. Telling myself that I should be realistic doesn't make it so. Unfortunately. 

This just means that I should concentrate on the positive and remember that it's not all about the numbers on the scales. I'm getting healthier and smaller and that's what counts.

Guilty

I'm feeling a touch guilty because I ate a large tub of fat free vanilla yoghurt and knowingly put myself over my calories by 160. It's not as bad as last week's 400 on Sunday, but feels worse as there's no special occasion to excuse it. And I did no extra exercise to atone for it. I tried to go easy today to make back the deficit. Or run around the living room some more. But TMM cooked this evening and used full fat mince which added calories to the recipe that I normally make.

Slight point of interest. Despite the fact that I should know better, my language about food still indicates that I judge myself and food as "good" or "bad". I either behave or misbehave.  I talked about atoning for what I ate as if it was a single or evil. I genuinely know that food is neither good nor bad. It just is. If I had any sense of moderation, I could eat anything, so long as I balanced it out. But since I never know how to have enough of a good thing, there are somethings that I need to stay away fr, at least initially.  Big example being ice cream, which  I haven't eaten for nearly four months.

I really want a pizza. A full, fatty, cheesy, spicy, meaty pizza. All to myself. Probably a couple of thousand calories worth. Ten inches of unhealthy goodness. What's keeping me from going, "to Hell with it," is the thought that I still need to make back the 160 over that I went from the yoghurt. I go to my class this evening and will do about forty minutes of sweaty exercise, so that will make me feel better. I will also eat low cal, as I'm entirely in charge of my own food tonight. So after tonight I will be back in the green, calorie wise. As for the whole pizza idea? I'm not giving up on it, just putting it on the back burner for a few days, till I genuinely have the calories to enjoy it, guilt free. 

Running amok

Yesterday I ran for forty minutes around the living room, dining room and kitchen. I was pleased to do it for a consistent forty minutes. When I say that I ran around then, that gives the mistaken impression of loads of space. It's more like running (trotting, jogging, ambling, take your pick) pretty much in a straight line, through all three rooms in twenty strides, then turning on the spot to go back again. It's a dull way to run, but it's better than nothing, earns a few calories and will do till I have the confidence to run outside.

I spoke to Mum about my loss yesterday. She was well pleased, both for me and herself.  She's  been counting calories, using the lists that I made her and she lost two pounds this week. She only has about another ten to go. Lucky woman. Me? Seventy-two. Maybe a bit less if I'm happy when I get to 150 pounds instead of 139. So she's fired up to be good again this week. Which reminds me. She wanted me to check something out for her, something she ate today, and I forgot to phone her back. Must remember in the morning. After all, a weight loss guru's work is never done :-)

209.8lb

A loss of 3.4lb this week. To say I'm pleased is a massive understatement. That loss takes me under fifteen stone, into the fourteens.  Only just, I'll grant you, but there nonetheless. Well chuffed.

Are the pills helping, even though I'm only using  them at one meal? I'd use them at a second meal if I ate a large enough one, but since I generally don't, it doesn't seem worth wasting one. I'll get longer before I buy more, using them this way. That's two full weeks of using them and beyond my stools being a bit looser on some occasions, there don't seem to be any bad side effects.  Of course, I don't always remember to take them half an hour before I eat, so I can be a bit inconsistent.  But so far, at least I haven't completely forgotten.

That's fifty-one pounds gone now. Three stone nine. Only five more pounds to four stone, and ten pounds to get under 200lb! Plenty of mini goals to aim for.

Update:
I love vegetables, which is handy when I'm losing weight. I have never met a vegetable that I didn't like. But even more so, I have yet to come across a vegetable that wasn't made even more delicious by the addition of onions, chicken stock cubes, water and a judicious application of heat. I'm talking about soup. Mmmmm. I made potato soup this  afternoon and it was gorgeous. So simple, so filling, so tasty.

Another Update:
I forgot to make a big deal of the fact that I hit the fifty pounds off mark today. Went over it a bit actually. How could I have forgotten that???

I'll write more tomorrow. Honest

A relatively quiet couple of days hasn't been great inspiration for blog writing. I've generally eaten well within my allowance and have earned a few extra cals a number of times this week and haven't eaten them, meaning that I have more than made up for the deficit I had last Sunday at dinner before the comedy gig. I should have easily made a couple of hundred extra on at least three days. So here's hoping for my weight in in the morning. I keep telling myself that I should be prepared for a low loss this week. But I so want to get below 220lb! Anyway. Fingers crossed. I've worked hard this week. I hope it pays off.

Bad Terry!

I'm a bad girl. I haven't updated for a couple of days.  But there's been very little to say. Honestly.   It's all been very quiet on the Western Front. Even this is just a quick note to say I haven't forgotten my diary or fallen off the wagon.  It's been a good couple of days as far as food is concerned. I went to the class with Penfold on Wednesday night and did the forty minutes exercise classes.  We used kettlebells, my first experience of them. It was exhausting and I'm still feeling the after effects. But it was a good kind of pain that it engendered and it earned me over 500 cals! So, well worth the effort. 

It feels as if I'm going to have a slow week as far as weight loss is concerned.  I know I've said that before, but I really am due a week when I lose very little.  As much as I would love to lose at least three and a half to get into the fourteens, I must prepare myself to be disappointed. And once I get into the fourteens, i. e. under 210lb, I'll be so close to going under 200, I'll be able to smell it!

Run, Terry, run!

No. Still haven't made it outdoors for an early morning run yet. Still a bit self conscious and aware of my big belly. I'll get there soon. Not having been for a run, I still managed to do some exercise today. Penfold and I went to the class, had a bit of craic with the other girlies and then did forty minutes of exercise. Tonight, the leader, Northern Lass, had brought kettlebells and we used those throughout the class. I couldn't find a calorie count for kettlebells on map but I checked it out on line and it said I'd earned 535 cals for the whole activity. 

That's two days in a row now that I've done enough exercise to earn extra calories. My food/exercise diary looks very good, a couple of hundred calories in the green, two days in a row. And my body feels pleasantly tired. I'm really looking forward to going to bed.

Setting goals

I've gone on to Runkeeper and set a weight loss goal. I love stats, so a wee graph of the pounds I've lost is always welcome. I do wonder if it's putting too much pressure on myself, but I can always change it or delete it if it bugs me. I'm actually hoping that it will help motivate me to do some exercise since it's on Runkeeper. I've linked RK with mfp, so RK gets my weight updates and mfp knows when I've logged some exercise.

Of course, it doesn't necessarily mean that the goal I've set is realistic. I've set it to lose seventy-five pounds by this time next year. That would take me to 139lbs. My ultimate goal. My weight loss nirvana. That averages out at a pound and a half a week. Sounds okay, but plateau happen, regardless of how perfectly one follows a programme. I have to try to stay positive and consistent.

While on the subject of apps. I got a new phone. Lovely piece of kit it is too. I love me a new gadget, a new toy to play with. I was footering with the system's inbuilt health app, you know the sort of thing that's standard on a smart phone these days. They all have pedometers and stuff. Well, who'd a thunk it!?!? This has a bloomin' heart rate monitor too. Flippin' heck. I'll be expecting it to cook me a healthy dinner next! Anyway, I still haven't gotten myself out of bed early to go for a run on any morning yet, so perhaps these new goals and apps will help. This evening, while I waited for TMM to come home from work, I did the ab challenge and then jogged around the living room and kitchen, as I did on Saturday. I'm getting myself used to jogging for half an hour. I might try (again) to get up in the morning and actually run outside (radical idea, I know)

TMM walked to the garage to get his nightly snack of "Cheezies" and chocolate, so I went with him for the short walk. I haven't been adding chocolate or snacks to our ASDA shopping delivery. It means that we have to make the effort to buy the less healthy stuff. It's not just sitting in the house. It's easier for me to stay on track, and TMM doesn't mind the wee walk. I was very good, resisted temptation and had a bowl of strawberries and fat free vanilla yoghurt. 

A calorie heavy start to the week.

It's as well I did well with my weight loss this week. And I'm glad that we went out last night, early in my weight loss week. We went to Belfast, for the Reginald D Hunter gig, early and had dinner in a bar while watching the football. Even though I had nearly 1000 cals to play with, I think I still went over by nearly 400 cals. I could have done better, eaten lighter. But I really enjoyed what I had. Chicken breast and bbq ribs, with chips and a couple of slices of cheesy garlic bread. If I'd held off on the garlic bread, I'd have not done too badly, but what the heck. It was lovely, I enjoyed it. It's done now.

So, that should be all the motivation I need to do some exercise this week. One decent run would cover it.

It struck me that while it's three and a half pounds to get into the fourteens, it's only two and a half till I have lost fifty pounds!

I was hungry this afternoon and found it difficult to stay away from the sweets in the office. I looked at mfp to remind myself of how over my allowance I went yesterday. That dampened my ardour for the sweets a little. Then I had a coffee and drank some water. I'm so pleased with last week's loss, I really want to keep up the good work. So I've planned to make a light lamb curry and sweet potato wedges. That should be fairly low cal. 

213.2lb

Four pounds off! That's half a stone in two weeks! I didn't see that coming. Even with the tablets, with my period hitting my yesterday, and the fact that I'm feeling it big time this morning, I really thought the best I could hope for was a small loss. But that's great. In three and a half pounds I will be under 210 pounds, under fifteen stone, in the fourteens. Who'd a thought that just three months ago?

How much is due to the tablets? I'll never know. I am taking two before my main meals.When I remember! That's an issue, I'll admit. I do forget. Twice I've take them just after, once during. It's meant to be half an hour before. As I eat so lightly during work, I usually only take them be for my main meal. Well, what ever's going on, whatever I'm doing, it's working. Can't argue with four pounds. That's my first week on them over. I did the first three stone alone. I will happily accept help with more weight loss.

I don't know how my eating will go today. I got up late and ate late enough to call breakfast "lunch" without even pretending it was "brunch." So there wasn't a traditional breakfast food in sight. Just chicken breast. I think high protein is good for me when I'm on my period. As far as a main meal is concerned, I've no idea what I'll be doing. We are going out this evening to see a comedy gig. I can't wait. Reginald D Hunter! I love him. And there is a football game on before hand that The Main Man wants to see. Northern Ireland have made it thought to the group stages of the European Championship for the first time ever. They've never qualified before. So we're going to go Belfast early and see if there's a bar or a big screen up at the front of the city hall to watch the match.

Plenty to do for the rest of the day, so no idea where food will factor in to that. But I've loads of my allowance left, so hopefully I won't do too badly. After all, it's only three and a half pounds till I get in to the fourteens now. Could I do that for next week? It's possible, so I want to be good. I don't want to queer my pitch.

Blah! Bad timing.

My period started today. That's the worst timing. My weigh in is tomorrow so it's bound to make me weigh heavy. But there's not a darn thing I can do about it, so I'll just have to lump it and hope for a doubly good result next week. Ah well. Whadda ya gonna do?

I wrote out what Mum's refering to as her "diet book." She's convinced I should publish it. Reckons there's a market for doing this sort of thing on an individual basis for people. I spoke to her as I worked out the calories in meals that she makes regularly. And I got her to tell me ingredients for soups she makes, so that I could work them out too and tell her how much she was eating per portion.

I was pleased with the result. There are listd of calorie values for many basic foods. A few recipes of both hers and my construction and a few meal ideas. Over the course of the next week, I'm sure she'll think of other things she needs and I can work them out for her as she thinks of them. After a while, it could be quite a comprehensive wee guide. I'm even thinking of printing off a few wee pictures, like the ones I do for my blog to add to the book. Just for fun.

We went for a walk before our breakfast of scrambled eggs and smoked salmon. Yum. A fave brekkie of mine. We were out for fifty minutes and did just over four kilometers. My GPS app, Runkeeper, is linked to mfp, so it worked out the calories used and sent them to my food diary. Very useful.

I got a new, smaller phone. My last one was a phablet and too big to carry about in my pocket. This one will be much easier to use for Runkeeper when TMM and I go for a walk. I'm going to log stuff a lot. The last time I used it regularly was while training for last year's marathon. So other than today, it's been a while!

N S V

I think I've explained NSVs before, but just in case I haven't, it stands for Non Scales Victories. That is, anything that shows success in weight loss that's not related to the numbers on the scales. So clothing getting looser, being able to walk up stairs without getting so out of breath, being able to touch toes after years of a big belly getting in the way. Anything like that. I've had a couple come to mind in the last day or two.

The train was busy after work yesterday evening. I normally hate having to stand, even for a couple of stops. It hurts my feet and my back. Both of those parts of my body have taken some abuse since I got heavy again. But yesterday, it wasn't so bad. I'm sure it would have started to hurt after a while, but initially it was fine. It was a definite improvement on the last time I had to stand, which was a few weeks ago. I love seeing these signs of getting fitter, especially after so short a time.

Another one is that I now have a few pairs of trousers that I can take off without unbuttoning them. They just slide over my, still not inconsiderable, hips. I'm almost at the point of having to stop wearing a couple of pairs, they're so loose. I am well pleased. 

I went out for coffee with Penfold and Smiley last night. I'd eaten my dinner beforehand, so wasn't too tempted by all the cake. Mind you, there was a gorgeous looking salted caramel cheesecake that nearly wore me down :-) But dinner had been lovely. Flour tortillas with the left over chilli for a couple of nights ago, lettuce, garlic mayo and cheese. I absolutely honk of garlic today!

Mum wants help

My mum wants to lose about a stone in weight. She's not exactly fat, but she's definitely a bit over weight for her height. All the women in my immediate family are short. My two sisters and I are five foot two, while Mum is only five foot. Yes, we're a family of munchkins. As such, as soon as we put on any weight at all, it's very obvious on our bodies. So Mum would like to lose a little, but she's useless with technology, so there's no point trying to get her to google calorie values of food, or to use an app like MyFitnessPal. Well, she doesn't actually even have a mobile phone! In her own words, she needs a dietitian and a physical trainer. What she'd really like is for someone to literally tell her exactly what to eat. If money was no object, she'd definitely pay someone to organize her food and exercise.

She's asked me to write down the calorie values of the foods that she eats regularly. She wants me to work out a few menus too, and also work out the calories in a few recipes. I will write out a few of the soups that I make, and the bolognese, chicken curry and pork stirfry recipes. If I list other ingredients for things like a fry up (mostly grilled foods though) then Mum will be able to work out other meals that she cooks. I must try to remember to write down raw and cooked values for things like potatoes, and dry and cooked values for rice and pasta.

I want to put it all in to a nice, hardbacked notebook, something that Mum can hold on to. But a notebook is too rigid. A ring binder would be better, as pages can be added as necessary. I'm going to look out for an A5 binder and paper tomorrow, so I can get it started to take up to Mum on Friday.

I didn't go to the class tonight. The other girls weren't keen to go. As I've been eating healthily, I wouldn't have minded going. But it doesn't especially bother me that we didn't. Penfold, Smiley and I are going to go for coffee tomorrow. I told Penfold that I'd hit the three stone in three months, and she wants to know exactly what I'm doing. So tomorrow I'll explain the mfp app to her, and tell her how lightly I eat during the day so that I can eat a good sized meal at night.

I saw a girl at work today who I know runs a lot. She did her first marathon the same month that I did mine. She always encourages me to get out running again, and after speaking to her today, I do feel as if I'd like to go out for a run early tomorrow morning. My exercise has increased a littlebut not much. I only managed three days in a row for the abs and butt challenges. I have gone out for walks with TMM a couple of times, but nothing too sweaty. I'm three months in. I ran about my house for forty full minutes on Saturday. There's no reason for me not to get out for a wee half hour jog tomorrow morning. No reason at all. And I should start my challenges again from Day Three.

And again this week, I watched a programme on telly about couple losing weight together. And again, just like last week, I was actually lighter than both of the couple. I'm just not as massively over weight as I was. It feels really good!

How the pills work. In my opinion. In layman's terms.

I think the pills make you shit some of the food you eat out, before all of the nutrients are absorbed, and that's how some calories aren't "eaten." I say that because, as regular as I normally am in the pooping area of my life, this past few days, I've needed the loo quite quickly after taking two tablets, then eating a meal. As I eat very lightly at lunchtime, and even then, it's usually only fruit and veg, I'm not bothering with pills at that meal. That has the happy side effect of me not needing to use the loo mid afternoon as if I suffered from IBS.

Previously, I've used tablets like this before, that acted only on dietary fat. Orlistat, I think they were called. They were more of a preventive thing. They could cause faecal incontinence if you ate fat while taking them. That was partly the point, to stop you eating fat. (Well, it wasn't the point to make you fart shite. It was more that you knew that's what could happen, so you avoided it.) The body couldn't absorb fat while on the tablets, so it would pooh it out. Farts could become a game of Russian roulette. Danger farts! Great craic. It was oily and bright orange. Yuck in the extreme. But in fairness to Orlistat, it is stated very clearly that if you don't eat fat, you won't have the unpleasant side effects. I only know about them first hand because I deliberately ate something greasy, just to see what would happen.

These aren't quite like that. So far, no danger farts. Going to the loo is just quite immediate after a meal, and the stools can be quite loose. But it's not too bad, and certainly, if it works, then nothing that's not worth putting up with for the result.

Quiet start to the week

A very quiet day. Not much to report really. Both yesterday and today I have just broken even as far as calories are concerned. I did a short walk each day, of twenty to thirty minutes. I haven't eaten any of those extra few cals earned. My new found, reborn confidence, thanks to my weight loss, is allowing me to wear clothes I would not have thought of a few months ago. I changed into lycra capri pants and a top I bought in Marksies ages ago, and along with my gutties that ran the marathon with me last year, I headed out for my wee walk with TMM. I also wondered where my black Adidas hoodie was, one TMM bought me. I knew it would be too small for me, but I full intended to be able to wear it soon. It was something to aim for. I found it quickly. And while it doesn't exactly fit, I can wear it and it won't look bad till it does.

217.2lb

Weight loss graph for the last three months

3.4 pounds off! Thank you very much! Most excellent! I'm really chuffed with that, getting me past three stone in twelve weeks. My Meerkats didn't bite me in the bum yesterday,  but I can't let that happen again, or it won't be too long before these great results are a thing of the past, pills or no pills. It will be interesting to see how this week goes, using them for a whole seven days.

I love writing these Sunday posts, titled with just my current weight in pounds. I love seeing the slightly decreasing number each week. I'm so glad I started that. It's such a clear indication of how I'm doing. Of course,  I wouldn't be enjoying it at all if the numbers were going up :-)

Update:
Went to Mum's for baby brother, Baldy's, birthday. Mum had laid out loads of cold cooked meats, salads, coleslaw, potato salad and pasta and cous cous, not to mention cocktail sausages. So much food. I put together a small (ish!) plate of everything and then didn't have seconds. I ate at about three o'clock. It's half eight now and I'm still not hungry. That's just as well, since my estimate is that even that small plate of food was at least eight hundred calories. I earned a few calories with the twenty minute walk from the train to Mum's, but I'm not going to eat them. If I get hungry later, l'm just going to bed that way.

With the sibs today, and they noticed a difference in my appearance already.

A game of two halves

Yesterday was a triumph. I didn't eat the Meerkats and I completed day three of my ab and butt challenge. Small victories, but worth celebrating. I feel good knowing that, in these three months, I have never knowingly, deliberately gone out of my way to eat over my allowance. That makes it easier to continue to keep trying to stay within it. On previous attempts, I'd go over a daily limit because of a specific treat I wanted to gorge on. Then I'd tell myself that I'd make it up the following day, eating less or exercising more, and a lot of the time, I didn't manage it. That hasn't been the case this time, so far. I'm not going to take for granted that I will continue with this vigilance. I don't want to get complacent.

I had a really good omlette for breakfast today, but it hasn't really filled me. That's unusual. Eggs normally satisfy my appetite for hours. I am currently arguing with myself,  trying to talk myself out of eatig something else.  I've calculated a bolognese fir dinner and only have about 150 cals left. Soup for lunch it is then.

The XLS Max Strength arrived. I'm still conflicted about taking them (so conflicted that I spent £45 on them? *Raises eyebrow in cynicism*) It feels like cheating at the moment. I have nothing ideological against using them. If they work and they're safe, and you need them, then have at it. My problem is that at the moment,  I don't need them. I'm eating well and sticking to my plan like glue. I'm losing weight like I haven't lost it in years. I'm just using them to try to speed up the process even more. Like I said, cheating.

After all that wrangling with my conscience, I took them twice yesterday, two before lunch, two before dinner. I was a bit windy last night. But then I usually am. There's nothing to suggest that it was down to the pills. I'll just keep an eye on things "south of the boarder." :-) I won't be telling TMM or Mum about them. 

LATER THAT SAME DAY:

Damn and double damn! I broke. I ate the Meerkats. TMM had left the bag out, on the dinning table and they were calling to me, screaming at me actually, all day. I finally succumbed. 850 calories worth of succumbed! Rats! Damage control you say? This might be beyond damage control. I might have to just chalk this one up as my first fully mindful slip, and get on with weighing myself in the morning and starting a new week. No need to hang, draw and quarter myself as penance. Just learn from it and don't do it again.

EVEN LATER THAT SAME DAY:

Ha, damage control! I laugh in your face, I spit in your eye. "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!" As I was wallowing in the guilt of my meerkat feast, I wondered how many calories, I could earn for various cardio exercises. I found that half an hour of jogging up stairs would earn 750! I thought I'd give it a go and make up some of my allowance deficit. I managed five minutes! With difficulty. Then I thought, I might as well jog around the living room and earn some anyway. Did I look like an eejit? Definitely! But who cares? I can look as eejitty as I like in my own living room, especially as I did forty minutes. According to mfp, I earned over 600 cals with my forty-five mins of aerobic exercise. Not to be sniffed at. Better than that though, to my way of thinking, for my long term goal, is that it gives me hope that I could go out the door and do a half hour jog. I can start running again soon, I think. It won't kill me, though it remains to be seen how I'll feel tomorrow or the next day. 

This has been a day of ups and downs. Fingers crossed, as always, for the scales in the morning.

Temptation!

TMM bought me a bag of some favourite sweets of mine. Jelly Meerkats. Mmmm! I love 'em. Unfortunately I had not planned on them, so I don't have any calories left from today's allowance. But boy, am I ever tempted to eat them anyway! It's a 250g bag, at 340 cals per 100g. That's 850 cals for the whole bag. And let's be honest,  there's no way I wouldn't eat the whole bag. So I'm going to have to try to resist. Eep! Wish me luck!

Friday feeling!

The good weather continues and so does my good mood and optimism. It's been a glorious week, and while I've had to go to work (really, in Northern Ireland, it should be declared a public holiday when the weather's this good!) it's been lovely even looking out my office window at it. The weekend beckons, with TMM working tomorrow but off on Sunday, so we are both going to Mum's for baby bro's birthday. Two full days on which to be good and continue to lose weight and work towards three stone off, and getting into the lower end of the fifteen stone bracket.

To that end, I have today's meals already worked out. I'm going to make a beef curry this evening and have it with carrot "noodles" instead of rice. That means I can have a good, bulky, filling meal minus all the calories of rice. It should see me staying within my allowance easily. I just use a special peeler on the carrots, with teeth instead of the flat blade that a peeler normally has. It cuts the carrots into narrow, spaghetti-like noodle thingies. Then I cook them off in a big pan or wok with a little garlic flavour one cal fat spray. (I'm going to turn into a bulb of garlic one day!) Because they are carrot, they can be quite sweet (though a good dose of black pepper can sort that out) but I like that. Might not be to everybody's taste, but it means I eat about ninety calories instead of over 300, which would be my count for rice. A slightly sweet flavour is a small price to pay for that sort of cal trade off.

TMM finishes work early today, as do I. I'm not heading to Mum;s since we're going on Sunday, so perhaps we can go out for a dander after dinner (and my ab and bum exercise, day three today) this evening. The weather's due to continue to be nice, and a wee walk by the sea would be gorgeous as well as calorie burning. I'm so lucky to live by the sea!