Guilty

I'm feeling a touch guilty because I ate a large tub of fat free vanilla yoghurt and knowingly put myself over my calories by 160. It's not as bad as last week's 400 on Sunday, but feels worse as there's no special occasion to excuse it. And I did no extra exercise to atone for it. I tried to go easy today to make back the deficit. Or run around the living room some more. But TMM cooked this evening and used full fat mince which added calories to the recipe that I normally make.

Slight point of interest. Despite the fact that I should know better, my language about food still indicates that I judge myself and food as "good" or "bad". I either behave or misbehave.  I talked about atoning for what I ate as if it was a single or evil. I genuinely know that food is neither good nor bad. It just is. If I had any sense of moderation, I could eat anything, so long as I balanced it out. But since I never know how to have enough of a good thing, there are somethings that I need to stay away fr, at least initially.  Big example being ice cream, which  I haven't eaten for nearly four months.

I really want a pizza. A full, fatty, cheesy, spicy, meaty pizza. All to myself. Probably a couple of thousand calories worth. Ten inches of unhealthy goodness. What's keeping me from going, "to Hell with it," is the thought that I still need to make back the 160 over that I went from the yoghurt. I go to my class this evening and will do about forty minutes of sweaty exercise, so that will make me feel better. I will also eat low cal, as I'm entirely in charge of my own food tonight. So after tonight I will be back in the green, calorie wise. As for the whole pizza idea? I'm not giving up on it, just putting it on the back burner for a few days, till I genuinely have the calories to enjoy it, guilt free.