Tuesday, 12 July 2016

On my week off..

There have probably been three of four occasions in my weight loss history when I've genuinely started to feel "normal." That is, when I've felt as if I'm not quite fat enough to warrant a second look from strangers in the street, or when I've been able to look at myself in the mirror, especially sideways on, and not feel as if I'm a freak. This is definately one of those times. A new jumper arrived for me from Amazon* and in trying it on, I checked myself out in the mirror. I looked normal. Like a real person. I really liked myself in it. And then TMM tried it on. It wasn't massively too big for him. I mean, I'm actually starting to get into clothes that would look okay on him!

I can't wait. I'm so going to try on all his jeans and shirts as I get smaller. And he knows this. Better yet, he's okay with it. It makes him grin to see me so happy. And when I eventually do try something on and it fits me, he'll be almost as pleased as I am. He's brilliant that way. I know I bang on about him a fair bit, but as anyone who's ever had an unsupportive partner knows, it makes an amazing difference to be with someone who just wants you to be happy, and who doesn't see it as a trial to cook healthily for you. On a Sunday morning, when I come back from the bathroom, having weighed myself, he waits till I tell him the result. He doesn't push, but I know he's keen to know how I got on. Then when I tell him, especially if it's a big loss, he will put his hands on my waist (I'm usually still naked at this point, having just stood on the scales) and ask "Where'd it go? It's melting away!" I love him :-)

So yeah. I'm starting to feel "normal". And I love it. I can't help smiling. I am definitely walking taller, holding myself straighter, which in turn is making me look slimmer. It all adds to my increasinly positive self image.

I find myself caught in a bit of a vicious circle of my own making. A victim of my own success, if you will. I've done very well in the past four months. Lost over four stone (yes, I know, I've been very quiet about it. You might have missed that fact. Did you know I've lost over four stone in four months? Sorry, but I just can't say it enough :-D ) As I've written, I did the first three months purely though calorie counting, and using MyFitnessPal as a food database and food diary. It woked a treat, no doubt about it. Then I saw an ad on telly for XLS Max Strength and thought, "Hmm, I wonder if that would speed things up a bit." Basically, I got greedy and impatient, but it's so hard not to think like that when you've got at least eight stone to lose and you just want to lose it now!

I'd used the brand's product before. Not this one, but a fat binding one. And there was no doubt in my mind that it worked. If you followed the instructions, and stayed away from fatty food, it worked without unpleasant side effects and just encouraged you to eat more healthily. If you took the pills, and ate fat? Well, then it's your own fault if you couldn't fart without shitting yourself. And it wasn't nice shit either. Oily and orange. I know, because I did it deliberately one day to test it out. It was very effective, I can tell you from experience. I used to get really annoyed with the reviews I saw for the product that complained about the fecal incontinence, the smelly shite and the inability to fart without shitting (danger farts, as they're known.) It angered me that people blamed the product for these things. Had they not read the instruction leaflet that was in the box? All of these possibilities were very clearly explained. That's what the product did if you ingested fat. SO YOU WEREN'T BLOODY WELL SUPPOSED TO EAT FAT!!! That was the point!

Anyway, what was the point of this rant again? Oh yeah, my vicious circle. So now I've had a month on the pills, and it's been a month of further good losses, so I'm afraid to come off them in case my losses slow down. I thought, albeit very briefly, about not getting another supply of them. But I have to own that I sent to Amazon* for them last night. Yip. There's a fresh box on route as we speak. It's £47. And as I don't use them twice a day, since my lunches at work are usually too light to warrant it, the tub of 120 tablets, a month's supply if taken two with two meals a day, will last me nearly twice that long. If they continue to keep my weight loss accelerated at the present rate, they are worth every penny, and I'll only need them for possibly one more purchase after this one.

I could do it without them, but I want to keep losing quickly. Then, when I'm at my goal (or at least really close to it) I can come off them and just up my calories a little so I can learn to maintain.

Now that I've lost four stone, I'm getting a handbag from the DrMaten shop. It's a backpack satchel, and it matches my green DMs. I decided a couple of months ago that it'd be a great incentive to keep going. I was aiming for three stone off. But by the time I thought of it, I was already too close to three off, so I decided to wait to four stone. And here I am. It's not a cheap bag, so it's a hell of a prize.

I treated myself to some new jewellery recently. A friend of mine makes the most gorgeous stuff, and she takes commissions, so I asked her to make me a ring and earring set, something chunky, in sterling silver, with pink and green stones. After a couple of messages back and forth, and consulting on the exact stones to use, we decided on copper, wrapped in sterling silver, with rose quartz and peridot. Oh my goodness. I was so excited. I got a message within a day to say she'd made the earrings. My specially designed, bespoke, one of a kind, pair of earrings. Then a day later, I got a photo of the ring. She'd gotten all excited about having a new commission, and sat up all blooming night to make something.

As you can see from the photo, they are gorgeous, amazing, and genuinely unique. No one else has pieces like this. I know it's incredibly narcassistic, but I love that they were designed specially for me. So that's my wee treat to myself. What is it L'Oreal says, "Because I'm worth it." Well, I am!

The pic below is stuff she made for me previously.
She's really talented. Her stuff is brilliant. And I love treating myself to it once in a while. It feels really special. She's in the state Georgia (about fives hours behind me) and ships it all the way to me in Ireland. That makes it even more special. This is her FB page.
https://m.facebook.com/mixedmetalmedley/


*Other mail order companies are available.

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