137.8lb

Out for a walk on a sunny Sunday afternoon

This week marked a whole year on mfp! It's flown in, though it rarely felt like that at the time. And such a difference in that relatively short time frame. Just looking at my clothes, hanging on the washing line, shows how much things have changed. That's a definite reason to avoid gaining. I bought cheap jeans to embroider, and they are starting to look really good. I'm taking ages over them, adding bits and pieces to the pattern, at the pockets, down the side seams and along the bottom of each leg. I'd hate to waste all that work! So I can't get any bigger.

I made my decision to start maintaining on the 17th of Feb. That was three weeks ago. And it's been three weeks of wild fluctuations where my weight is concerned. I did get a bit disturbed by an upward move of about six pounds, not knowing if that much of a difference was normal or should be considered a gain. So last week (it's a whole week since I've blogged) I decided to be really careful with my calories. The week didn't pan out that way. I went over on quite a few days, and I ate far too much processed sugar. I ran and walked a lot, as I was on a week off work, so at least I earned a lot of calories. But I ate every single one of them, and more besides. I just can't have jelly meerkats in the house for any length of time. They are a great sourse of carbs for my long runs, but to have a large amount of them on hand isn't wise. So I'm going to try buying them on a Saturday, a single day before my weekly longer run. Who knows, maybe using them as fuel on runs of longer than thirteen miles will act as a sort of aversion therapy. I'll start to associate them with hours of exercise. Seems unlikely, I do love them so. But you never know. I live in hope.  

I stepped on the scales after a fifteen mile run this morning, thinking that I'd weigh heavy. I'd eaten 200g of the jellies, which was 700 cals, and drank my sport drink (low sugar, but caffinated) to stay hydrated. I didn't feel heavy or bloated, but I was sure that after the calorie heavy week I'd had, I'd definitely not have lost weight, and I'd have to be careful this week, looking for my daily balance between eating enough to fuel my exercise and not over eating, and going lighter on the processed sugars. I have to admit that I stepped on and off the scales about a dozen times when I saw the results. I had to be sure. I'm not sure that I believe it even now. 137.8 lb. Under 140 lb. In the nines! My weight this morning was nine stone twelve. I haven't had a weight in the nines since 1998. I was in shock. In a good way of course. I got in to the shower (the best part of any run, a good, long, hot shower) and I started to cry. I stood under the water and just felt overwhelmed for a few minutes. To say my weight was nine stone something just sort of took my breath away a bit. Even if it's a false low, amonsgt my daily fluctuations, it means it's in my body's weight range now.

This weekend my head may just explode. I did a Parkrun yesterday and smashed my PB by three minutes and four secounds.

I'd hoped to get under twenty-eight minutes, and instead got twenty-five minutes forty-one seconds, and then today my weight was nine stone twelve. I can't get my head around both of those things.

I'm really going to try to eat only whole, nutritious foods this week. As I mentioned, I've eaten far too much processed sugar recently. So, I'm just going to take each day as it comes, not think too far ahead, not the rest of the week or even tomorrow. Just for today I will eat whole and healthy. And where possible I'll try to exercise a little something that I'm not exactly known for, restraint. I was pleased with my efforts so far today. After my run, I had coffee with coconut oil and cinnamon, 25g of walnuts and some raw carrot. Good quality, healthy fats, protein and fibre. Then lunch was an omelette with veg and low fat sausages. Low fat sausages full of goodness knows what, but I'm using up the last of them from the freezer, then they'll be gone and further sausagery shall be proper, good quality butcher's ones, every now and again.

My lunch consisted of three eggs and three of the sausages (they're small) as well as scallions, onion, green pepper and mushrooms. Because I'm a greedy hallion by default, I could easily have used four eggs (I've done six in the past) and all six sausages. I really had to debate with myself to only use half, but I was pleased with myself when I left three to one side, cooked and ready to be used in a similar meal another day. It felt like a win to me. If I could always act so sensibly, these small changes would all add up and make maintaining a lot easier. Mind you, if I could always act so sensibly, I'd never have become the weight I was!

Despite the over indulgence in sugar, even yesterday, my meals themselves were wholesome and filling. A massive omlette after Parkrun, and a big tuna, chickpea and sweetcorn salad for tea.

I'll be trying to blog more this week. It keeps me more accountable. It's harder to go so over my daily allowance when I have to admit to it, even vaguely anonymously, over t'interweb.

"A kilo of meerkats arrived for me today,"...

...I said last night, and that's when TMM just nearly wet himself laughing, calling me a "tiny moron," but his tiny moron, so that was okay. :-) No, they are not at all paleo, but I ordered them to try, as a fuel for my long runs, before I decided to go mostly paleo and I refuse to waste them. I love jelly meerkats! They are even nicer than jelly babies. But I darn well better earn them, as they're pure sugar and about 350 cals per 100g. It's not good for my will power, to have a bulk amount arrive. I brought them home from work without opening them and divided them in to 100g bags. Then I hid them in my "running" cupboard, where I keep my hydration tablets and sports nutrition stuff. TMM laughs at me because when we moved in to our house, I had a wool cupboard. Now I have a candle cupboard and a travel mug/flask cupboard. And none of this includes "Terry Corner" which consists of an organized mess of techie stuff and other running accoutrements, as well as my guitar things. It's not really a mess. I know where everything is in it :-)

TMM and I had a bit of a walk on Sunday to get a little exercise in.

I haven't run quite as much as I'd have like this last few days. I fell on Thursday and hurt my left calf and my right hip. Damn, I'm gonna be held together with K T tape if I'm not careful. I didn't do my planed fourteen mile run on Saturday, so I feel a bit behind in my training. It's nothing I can't make up, and the rest was necessary. I did 6.7 km yesterday and nearly 12 km this morning, so I'm back at it, but I'm keeping an eye on my hip especially (the calf is better) I think I'll have a rest day tomorrow.

I'm consciously eating different things to try to vary my nutrition. So I made popcorn yesterday with coconut oil and seasoned it with sea salt, fresh black pepper and dried garlic, which I crushed in a mortar and pestle.

It was only afterwards that I remembered that corn isn't at all paleo. But hey ho! It's not the worst thing I could eat, and the whole paleo thing will come back to me as I do it. In total though, I was happy with how I ate yesterday, a big omelette with peppers and scallions for breakfast, raw veg for lunch, avoided the meerkats altogether and homemade beef stew for tea. Some home popped popcorn and a bit of extra dark, organic chocolate as a treat later on. In total it came to about 1800 cals and I'd earned 400, so I was still 100 in the green. I'm going to be feeling my way with how many of my exercise calories to use, but it's all a learning process.

Today I had 25g each of almonds and walnuts, as well as my cinnamon and coconut oil coffee on the train on the way to work. I had meant to have eggs again, but time got away from me. It's Parkinson's Law. The task expands to fill the time allotted. Even though I was up a wee bit earlier, I didn't end up with any extra time to eat. If fact, I faffed about so much, I was a bit later than usual. Still, it was nice to have nuts for a change. And I bought baby sweetcorn and tender stem broccoli to have with an apple and plums for lunch. Mixing it up a bit and getting different nutrients. It's all good. And, big news. I haven't bought DFM for a couple of days!!!

My big idea to meditate while running was a partial success yesterday and this morning.

And that's what I expected so I'm really chuffed. I managed a minute or two at a time of clearing my mind before general mental flotsam and jetsam materialized. It made me smile this morning as I considered, here I am, forty-eight years old, running eight miles before breakfast, eating healthy and meditating. Then it struck me, if I'm thinking these thoughts, then I'm not meditating! Darn and blast, and back to the drawing board. Teehee. I just need practice :-) Even with the stop/start nature of my first foray, it made me mindful of my breathing and my footsteps and introduced a nice flow to things, which I enjoyed very much.

A change of attitude

This week, I've upped my calories and still lost two pounds. I'm not complaining. It gives me a comfortable zone within which to work. It also bares out what some of my FB chums were saying about me not eating enough. I've started eating more and obviously fired up my metabolism. Excellent Smithers, as Monty Burns would say. 

I finally have the body I've always wanted. It's a healthy weight, strong and fit. By no means is it perfect. I would need to go under the knife to get rid of my loose skin, the result for getting morbidly obese and losing over one hundred pounds three times now (and the rest in between) and my age, but it's in the best shape it can be in without surgical aid. And you know what, I actually like it. I can forgive the flaps and folds, even when I'm hearing my bingo wings slap about under my top as I run. (That happened a couple of mornings ago, and it took me a wee while to work out what the noise was. Teehee.)

Yes, this is me now. This is my healthy, strong, fit body. So, what am I going to do with it? I'm darn well going to look after it, that's what. I'm going to be good to it and kind to it. I've been letting sugar get a bit of a hold on me lately. Ironic, when I'm finally at goal, that I would risk it all just for a sweet fix. I think I might need to go cold turkey on the processed sugars, and by that I mean give up my fat free yoghurts and my sugar free sweets, as well as my DFM. They all train my palate to want sweet stuff and I'd really like to get away from that.

To that end, I'm definitely thinking of eating "clean" and going down the paleo route. I will absolutely still be tracking on mfp though. I need the structure and discipline of keeping a food diary. I'm considering yoga and meditation. I could only benefit from a more holistic approach and I love the idea of using my morning run as a meditation. It's a matter of being able to tune out my thoughts, but stay aware enough of my surroundings to stay safe. I've done it before for brief spells, using my breathing or footsteps as a focus. I'm going to give it a go again in the morning.

I'd really like to eat more slowly than I currently do, and to stop thinking of food as a treat, but as the stuff that fuels my body. It doesn't mean that I can't enjoy it, but it's primary purpose is to keep me functioning. I don't want to suck the joy out of food. It's one of the loveliest. social activities you can partake of, to eat with others. And I enjoy eating alone too. But I'd like to learn moderation. Eat the things that are good for me, in healthy amounts. It goes against my gung-ho nature to practice any sort of restraint in things I enjoy, but I'll give it a go.

Today has been a good day for food. Bacon, scrambled eggs, mushrooms and low fat sausages for breakfast. The low fat sausages aren't a good paleo option but they were in the freezer and I don't want to waste food. We went to Caffè Nero where I had dark chocolate covered coffee beans and salted popcorn. Both aren't too bad for being overly processed. The two cups of coffee that I had there were the only ones I had today. I had frying steak with onions and carrots for dinner and 300g of grapes for afters. TMM and I went for a walk so I earned a few extra cals. My total intake was just under 1600 cals. I am in the green.