Water torture

You know that torture? The one where they talk about a drip of water hitting your forehead. Nothing too torturous about that, right? Except that it goes on constantly, drip, drip, drip on the forehead, for hours if necessary. It's said to drive you mad eventually. I don't know it such a thing ever existed as a practice, or if it's apocryphal, but that's how I feel about the chocolates that are in my office at the moment. The boss sets them out, in a bowl, at Christmas, for customers. It's Quality Street or Celebrations. And there they sit, calling to me, all day. For some reason, they are different to the bags of sweets that sit in a box, to buy for a pound, for charity. Those, I can ignore, nearly all of the time. I'm inured to them sitting there. The Quality Street? Not so much. Perhaps because I could just lift one if I fancied, rather than a whole bag. But I know that I couldn't stop at one. So I feel as if my resistance to them gets worn away a little drip at a time. This year, I have serious motivation behind me. I don't want to spoil my good weight loss record, so hopefully that will keep me away from spontaneous Quality Street eating. There's nowt wrong with a bit of planned, quality Quality Street time. In fact, it should be mandatory to have a treat of some sort, so long as I control the circumstances, not the other way around.

I saved my cals to try the full fat halloumi from this week's grocery delivery for tea tonight. It was fairly calorific, (what did I expect? It's cheese!) but tasty.  Salty goodness. I grilled it over roasted parsnip chips, made to use up three parsnips before they shrivelled up. It was nice. It's a squeaky food though, as in, it's mouth feel is a touch odd and it does actually squeak.  You can hear and feel it in your mouth as you eat it. So if that sort of thing squicks you (as it would TMM) then this is not a food for you. Me, I liked it well enough, but now my curiosity is satisfied, so I doubt that I'll get it again. Especially as it is so calorie laden.

On the running front, I'm such a sucker for advertizing. I'm the dream market for all those focused ads that appear on line, geared towards my buying history on amazon and my search history. It's quite fightening that such things exist, yet I don't fight it too hard. When an ad popped up for Vibrams at £57, I snapped them up. It's a good price, and if I keep running at teh rate I am, I will need some in a couple of months anyway. They should see me through to the marathon (if I do it.)  I think I mentioned a day or two ago, there's already over 170km on first pair. These are more girlie in appearance, very pink! They should arrive in the middle of next week.

I haven't told TMM that there are yet more running shoes on their way to me. But then, I haven't told him that I've signed up to next year's Belfast Marathon either. He worries when I'm out very early, before work, running high mileage. When I ran the marathon last year (depending on how loosely we define the word "ran") he couldn't get his head around the distances I was doing, especially on my long training run, which I always did on a Saturday morning. I had a look at a couple of training programmes, one particularly on Runkeeper. It's a sixteen week one, so I don't have to start it until the 9th or 10th of January to take me to Mon 1st May. I have until then to decide if I'm going to do it. And just to keep the panic in the forefront of my mind, the official website has a countdown!

Trying to not care about my saggy bits

I was looking at myself as I ran this morning. I'm a bit conscious of how I look as I run and checking out my body, as I move, is not the most flattering of angles. I thought about how chunky my thighs looked in my running leggings. And then I caught myself on and wised up. Who cares? Those chunky thighs are considerably less chunky than they were, they ran four miles this morning and they fit into size fourteen jeans. They've come a long way and they're much healthier than they were. So I need to stop obsessing about how I look.

It's hard to listen to that advise though, especially when I think about the saggy skin that flapped about my belly as I did a plank this morning, as part of my thirty day, full body thing. I peered down my body and saw the dangly stuff, just hanging there. It doesn't look so bad when I'm standing up, but let gravity get into the picture and boke. It doesn't look great. Still, again with the bright side, I did a fifty second plank That's progress :-)

I'm going for coffee with my wee cuz BB this avo after work and I'm very much looking forward to it. I'm not going to eat anything. It won't be a late one, so I'll be home for tea. Breakfast was some of the roasted butternut squash and ginger soup I made on Sunday. I like to have a savoury brekkie, and I love using up food that's already prepared. I have no boundaries about what constitutes a breakfast food, so soup is perfectly acceptable. And it was bloody delicious. The recipe was a la my facebook chum, Miss Luli, using ginger instead of my habitual curry powder, and roasting the BNS, when I normally just whack it in the pot raw. Mmmmmmmm! And for lunch today, I shall be trying some reduced fat halloumi cheese with my cherry toms. I got some full fat stuff too, to try grilling it, like wot I see all the posh TV chefs do. I'll try that some evening that TMM is working late. I think tonight will be a spaghetti balls-and-eggs. Except there'll be no spaghetti (carrot strips instead) and no beef mince (reduced fat pork mince). Or I might make cauli rice. It's gorgeous. (Again to Luli-esque specs)

My last attempt at a pork mince chilli with cauliflower rice. It was yummy!

Ho hum.Adieu for now!

Copying my blog

I'm not sure why. Maybe in an effort to recapture a bit of what I had with WW on line, I'm copying my blog on to myfitnesspal. I suppose my mind likes the idea of everything being in one place. It tidies things up. Blog, tracker, exercise linked in with Runkeeper, all under one roof, as it were. As I looked at it, about to copy every entry from the last nine months, I read some of it. It made me see from a fresh perspective just how far I've come. Okay, so there are a few things that I still don't like, and I've a few pounds still to lose, but the difference is immense, and I'm really happy with myself.

I'm really looking forward to Christmas, to having a few days off with TMM, and just relaxing. I'm going to try very hard not to let too much of my holiday revolve around food. Surely I can socialize without having to eat constantly. I know it's how we show our friends and family that we love them. We prepare meals, and hope that they'll show their appreciation by enjoying them. But I'd like to just enjoy a person's company without feeling under pressure to eat things that just aren't worth the calorie expenditure to me. Now, having said that, I don't want to be anal about eating nothing nice. I think I'll plan a wee spluge on choccies at some point of Christmas day. Hopefullt, I'll start the day, with TMM, with an early morning run. It makes us feel so smug for the rest of the day, as if we've earned our pressies and our dinner :-)

And speaking of running. My 5k this morning was good.

A decent pace (for me!) without killing myself and the weather was really mild in comparison to last week. I'm thinking of getting another pair of Vibrams. My current ones are brilliant, still the most amazingly comfy shoes I've ever run in, and I've now done over 160km in them. I'll need to change them around the 500km mark, I think. The Vibram website has a sale on, but it's only in America. Booooooo hiss. Tempting me with fabulous prices, but not being able to ship them to me :-( Dang!

159.4lb

Weigh in day!

I lost 1.2lb this week and I can't tell you how chuffed I am with that! What with the calorie laden birthday meal, the early surfin' of the dreaded crimson tide and the heavy sneak peak, I wasn't all that hopeful of any sort of loss. This consolidates last week's big loss nicely (not such a fluke after all) and puts me into new territory. I'm under 160 pounds. Wow! Couldn't tell you the last time that was the case. Certainly not while I've been with TMM. My BMI is 29.2 and I've only six pounds to lose to get into the ten stone bracket. It all still seems a bit too good to be true. But I ain't complaining. TMM weighed himself and I am now a full twenty pounds lighter than him. Of course, he's six foot tall, so I should be considerably lighter than him. But again, this is a bit of a first :-)

He's not working today, so we went out for brunch. A big fry up,

which I estimate at about 900 cals, which leaves me three hundred for a BNS soup that I'm going to make for tea. There'll be plenty left over to take a flask of it to work for lunch tomorrow. 

I didn't run either yesterday or today, so I'm really looking forward to doing a few km tomorrow morning. I want to earn the extra calories as well as get some exercise under my belt! I have been continuing my thirty day full body challenge though. Tomorrow I'm up to 

• 19 sit ups
• 24 crunches
• 8 leg raises
• 17 second plank
• 47 squats
• 43 second plank
• 10 push ups

It only takes a few minutes after my run, but it makes me feel as if I'm starting to work on some of my saggy bits. There's not a lot I can do about the loose skin, barring going under the knife, but I might as well do what I can to tone and strenghten the muscle beneath.

Right nostrilled???

I reckon that's what I am. Like being right handed, you know? I have only just discovered it recently. Just as my left hand is not as dexterous (no surprise, since dexterous literally means "right handed") my left nostril is either lazy or just plain no good at its job. When I was running in the cold this week, the right nostril was the one that was dripping off my face. Lefty? Doing sweet Fanny Adams! And it's the same when I eat a hot curry. The right side of my nose goes into overdrive, and the left hibernates. Go figure. All I can say is that I don't tend to carry hankies when I run. The left sleeve of my running jacket is a tad crusty this week :-)

My birthday meal on Wednesday night was very rich. I did indeed end up having the mixed grill, with chips. I had strawberrry pavlova for dessert, with a little cream though, instead of sticky toffee pudding. I can't be too sure exactly how many calories I consummed, but I guesstimate at about 2000 for the whole meal :-) Phew! And I feel no guilt whatsoever. I deserve a wee treat. I've been bloody good for months! Anyway, it was just one meal, one special occasion. If I can learn to do it, then draw a line under it, I could happily live my life like that. It's when I start to let myself feel entitled to these treats on a regular basis that I get in to trouble. Not a problem at the moment though, while I'm so zoneified! I ran six miles on the day of the treat, and three more the morning after. I genuinely think that the deficit should be well taken care of.

Post birthday run. Runner's high!

I weighed myself this morning, the first sneak peek of the week. Result? 162.2lb. Which is heavy. It could be one of many things. I took yet another early period. Only twenty-three days since the end of the last one. I'm still keeping an eye on that. If it was weight loss related, I'd normally stop having periods. So it really could be the onset of menopause symptoms. I've done okay. I've got to forty-eight without even thinking about it, so if that's what it is, I've no complaints. Well, unless if fecks with my weight loss. Then I'll gurn about it a lot! 

There's always also the chance that I weighed artificially light last week. I tend to do that on the week prior to my period. And I didn't realize I was so periody when I weighed last Sunday. As well as that, the heavy meal on Wednesday could have had an effect. I know that on balance I've done okay for staying within allowance this week. I ran five times in total, so I more than earned the calories, but who knows what the old body has decided to do, now that I've thrown it a bit out of its routine.

Whatever the case may be, I can't believe I've hit a time when 162 is a heavy day! That in itself is something to be grateful for. Seriously. If I weigh heavy in the morning, I need to keep that in mind. Yes, of course I want to lose and get into the 150s, even if only by half a pound, and if I don't, it's hard not to think of it as a wasted weigh in, but if that is the case, think about it Terry! 160 anything is not a heavy weight for you! Very far from it. And so long as I know I've done nothing wrong, I'm still on track and not starting one of my slippery slopes, then it'll even itself up in a week, or two.

So that's my philosphical take on today's, slightly heavier than I'd have liked, sneak peek.

I finally measured my bust this morning. Nearly all of my bras are the wrong size. They are all massive on me. Ah, my poor, ever decreasing boobies! It's very sad for them. I remember a day when a 42EE was the order of the day! Now? Well, according to self measurements, a la instructions on t'interweb, I should be a 36C. This is as yet untested. I'm going to buy one today, and see how I get on. I bought a nice wee set in Edinburgh, the bra of which was a tad on the small side at the time, which now fits better, and I think I have one other that fits okayish. I really need some underwear! 

Happy birthday to me!

As the title suggests, today is my birthday. Forty-flipping-eight. Would someone please explain how the heck that happened? I'm pretty sure it was just yesterday that I was at university!

I have a wee tradition. I take the day off on my birthday and just do what ever I want. Sometimes TMM can do it too, though he couldn't this year. I love getting to spend a sneaky day with him, midweek. It feels as if we're on the beak. But I enjoy a solitary day too, when I should be working, but I'm not, just out of self indulgence.

My indulgence at the moment is sitting in Cafe Nero, having a large black Americano (extra shot), some popcorn and a fizzy water. Boys oh! I know how to live it up!

I'm blogging and looking out the window, watching the world go by, feeling decadent and spoilt rotten. Even the weather has given me a present today. It's bright. Sunny and clear, crisp and cold. In short, perfect November weather.

And I will make an admission. I dug out a Christmas jumper. And yes, I'm wearing it. It might be a bit early for some, and I happily concede that point. But for me, my birthday is the tipping point, when I go into "Christmas Season mode." The jumper is a tad on the large side, but it still looks okay. And I've bought enough stuff recently. Even I, with a serious recent proclivity for over spending on new clothes (most of which, I need, in my defence)  genuinely can't justify anything more, especially something so transient as a Christmas jumper. But I feel a million dollars today, baggy jumper or not. And when I say spoilt rotten, I really am.

I'm a grown woman, Hell, I'm well in to middle age, and I adore my birthday. My sibs and Mum gave me my cards and pressies last Friday night, when we all met at Mum's for my birthday tea. It's been a real struggle not to open them before today. I get so impatient. But I wanted there to be something to open this morning, so I held off. I'm very proud of myself. I didn't open a single one!

I opened them at 6.30am. Yip! Like a kid at Christmas.

I went for a run at the usual time. I know I'm off work, but I thought that I would run early, then I could shower, have coffee, open pressies and go back to sleep on the settee in front of the telly, if I fancied it. I really wanted to run to earn the calories for going out for dinner tonight. TMM and I are going to the pub across the road (not a three minute walk away!) which has a great restaurant. The menu never changes, but it's consistently good. I figured I'll probably really treat myself tonight, and have the mixed grill, with chips, and sticky toffee pudding for afters. That's a lot of calories. I mean, a whole helluva lot! A six mile run won't come close to covering it, but it'll make a dent in earning it. So 6 miles/10k was my distance this morning, when I went out the door at 5.30am. It was cold and clear, no wind at all, which is very unusual by the sea these mornings. Full base layer, but no gloves or hat, so not too bad for a November run. I ran 5k, then decided to add my other regular 5k route, in order to earn more calories. And I do want to up my weekly distances gradually, so it's all good. I earned almost 800 cals in my one hour six minute run.

God! I am loving how fit I feel at the minute. Hitting a hill (Bangor, Co Down, is a hilly wee bugger of a town) and not nearly expiring at the top, is the best feeling! 

TMM, as I said, had to work today, but he came downstairs when I got in from my run, to give me my pressies. He knows me so well. He bought me a beautiful silk scarf, with sparkles, making it perfect for Christmas, and it can be worn as a sort of stole. He got me a poncho with a massive, thick ribbed, roll neck and fringing. It will look amazing with jeans. And a handbag. "A handbag?" as Lady Bracknell exclaimed. Yes, even though I need another handbag like I need another hole in my head, the man knows I love a handbag. Handbags and shoes. You can never get too fat to wear them, so I love 'em (Well, technically, you can get too fat for your shoes, though you need to gain a lot of weight!)

So, I'm very stylish today. But not only that. My gorgeous siblings might just have bought me...some DMs! Again, I needed a tenth (!!!) pair of DMs as much as I needed another handbag, but seriously? New DMs!!! These were a pair, a photo of which I'd posted on FB. They only went and bought them!

They're amazing! They're white! How the Hell am I, who am extremely hard on shoes, going to keep them clean? My first stop today, when I eventually got dressed, was to call to a shoe shop and buy some protection spray and some cleaner!

So it's official. I have the coolest sibs in the whole world. This year's pressie was DMs, last year, it was a tattoo :-)

Saggy, baggy, haggy

I am definitely the personification of saggy at the moment. It's sad but true. My poor boobies are each like a tennis ball at the bottom of a sock :-) It's okay when I'm dressed. It can be disguised with a good bra. It's certainly much easier to hide that than it was to dress up the weight that I've lost, so clearly I'd rather have this "problem." But it doesn't change the fact that I look a bit odd in parts. Inner thighs are another big (not so big?) problem area.

With that in mind, I started a small thirty days full body programme today. I got the idea from a girl who's been taking on thirty day challenges for the last few months, and one of her recent ones was a full body one.

Example of a thirty day full body challenge

While this isn't identical, it does have some of the same exercises, and works the same away, in that the reps increase as the days go on. I intend to run first, about half and hour, or 5 km, and then do the exercises. Today it was pretty easy. I ran for thirty-five minutes, then did

• 7 sit ups
• 2 crunches
• 2 leg raises
• 10 second plank
• 25 squats
• 15 second plank
• 7 push ups

None of this could be called tough exactly, as there are so few reps at the moment, but it doesn't take too long for them to increase, and since they all increase together, it will become a bit more difficult fairly quickly.

I'm glad there are a few ab exercises. Core strength is really useful in running, and I tend to ignore it, so this can only be a good thing. I always meant to strengthen my core before my marathon attempt, but never did. As always, Bikerbabe, my wee chum across the briney from me, has been leading by example. She was doing some strength work last week, and it really made me think that I needed to get off my arse and add a bit of diversity to my workouts (for "workouts" see "running"). My thirty day programme will take me almost to Christmas, a good, natural cut off point for such nonsense. I will get to Christmas and be just a little fitter all round, all things being equal. And then hopefully, TMM and I can continue a wee tradition that we started a few years ago. We get up early on Christmas morning, go for a 5k run, come home for a shower, put on fluffy pjs (well, fluffy for me, obviously, something more manly for TMM) then open our pressies, while eating chocolate! I can't wait!

This morning's run was the first to involve base layer and a top layer, as well as long legged tights. It's definitely colder in Norn Irn today. And I'm feeling it a bit more than I did this time last year. But there's always an up side. Check out my new hat!

My Anna from "Frozen" look.

Thankfully the forecast is a little more clement for tomorrow.

For the first time in a very long time, I ate a whole bar of Lindt dark chocolate last night. All 100g of it. So today's run was dedicated to earning that in retrospect. I'm proud of myself that I did just that.

My food today has been very healthy. Dinner was an absolute fluke of a triumph. I had the shopping being delivered sometime between 7 - 9 pm, and I didn't want to wait till then to cook. And you know that feeling when you want to use stuff up in the freezer? I knew there was fish in there that my gorgeous, but fussy, Main Man wouldn't eat. So I defrosted it (mostly) and threw it in a pan, covered it with thinnly sliced onions and potatoes, ground masses of black pepper and dried garlic over it and covered it with a glass lid. Then I just left it to cook gently in its own juices and steam till the spuds were tender. (By which time the groceries had arrives {nice and early} and were put away)  Oh my goodness. It was amazeballs! I'm not sure I could make it again if I tried, but it worked tonight, was very healthy and used up veggies and fish before this week's fresher stuff arrived. I feel so domesticated :-)

160.6lb

Whoop whoop!!!

And there it is. The 100 pounds loss I've been waiting for. 3.4lbs off this week. So now I've officially lost seven stone two pounds, which is a whole small person.

I now weigh eleven stone six and a half pounds or seventy-three kilos in new money. Definitely sounding normal. I think I was 73kg back in 2000  for a while. So, sixteen years since I've been this weight. Wow! That puts things into perspective. 

My BMI is 29.4. In the twenties!!! To get to just under 25 (i. e what's deemed healthy) I would need to get to 136lbs. That's 24 pounds away. And one app said my "ideal" weight was 126! There's no way I should loose almost another two stone, even for the sake of the numbers. I know that there are plenty of women of my height who are happy and healthy at those weights, but I genuinely think I'd look ill. In fact, I got my very first, "I don't think you should lose much more," from my mum. I've assured her that I'm not going much further, but I need her to trust me on that. I don't want to hear the negative type comments about starting to look too skinny.

It's my plan to get just below eleven stone, just half a stone away, and look at my goal and think about stopping. It all seems so possible now. Could I actually get to maintenance this time???

Tough in parts this week

It's been a few days, so an update is due. I'm having my first sneak peek free week (sneak, peek, week! I'm a poet, and I didn't know it!) in ages, so I genuinely have no idea where my weight is going this week. I've been tracking everything as usual, and despite my best intentions, I've eaten the majority of my exercise cals. I always intend to only eat half, so that way, I eat a little more to fuel my added activity, but keep a few in the bank, to spur on the weight loss. I'm a bit annoyed with myself for not having the will power to stick to that plan. Then I get annoyed with myself for being needlessly annoyed with myself. Confused? You will be :-)

I'm no dozer. I know it's okay to eat what I've earned. And it'a a darn site better to eat what I've earned, than to eat what I haven't earned. And it's certainly better to eat what I've earned rather than to go hungry, just for the sake of my pride, so I can say to myself, "Oh, look at me, aren't I great? Look at all the exercise calories I haven't used!" all the while, resenting the fook clean out of TMM, who's happily chomping away on a 200g bar of chocolate, or a full packet of custard creams, or a full tub of prawn cocktail pringles! So, I do know it's better to eat the earned cals than to sit and suffer. That way lies the destruction of all my good work, coz I know I'll go boogaloo and eat all round me. That would entail a litre tub of Pooh Bear ice cream, some stuffed chicken olives, Cumberland sausage and a cream bun or four! At least! Maybe not necessarily in that order, but who knows? I may have given this all a bit too much thought :-) I just want to be on my guard against exercising to earn calories and using the extra cals as an excuse to overeat.

Since the start of the week, I've found it hard to hold back on cravings, especially for savoury things. It's been a bit better today. Is it a monthly thing? Don't know. I made sure to have a decent breakfast the last couple of days, and that's definitely helped. Today I had scrambled eggs and smoked fish. a) Delicious! b) Very filling. I love me some eggs for breakfast!

Anyway, as it pans out, so far, I'm breaking even this week, cals wise, so it's not been a bad week. Exercise wise, I've been positively angelic. I ran every morning before work, bar Monday, when I took a break, having run Saturday and Sunday.

I'm happy to be consistently getting up early and getting out on the street, so I'm not overly worried about pace. I think I'm more about distance at the mo. I'm going to slowly increase my long runs. I have till the New Year to decide if I want to train for the Belfast Marathon again, and I can comfortably do six miles at the mo, so there's no hurry to decide. I don't know if I could be arsed with the commitment it would take. It would be four solid months, building up to going for runs that would last four hours or more. If I do the marathon again, I'll want to do it below five hours, which is an hour and a half quicker than my first attempt in 2015.

Belfast Marathon 2015. Can't believe I completed 26.2 miles!

Race day next year is Monday 1st May 2017. It's not that far away. I'm thinking about it seriously.

I've been running in the toesie shoes for about four weeks now, and I'm well used to them. I love the feel of them as I run.They are extremely comfortable. I did notice that I'm prone to blisters on my sole near the bunion on my left foot, but judicious application of a half strip of K T tape has stopped that. However, I read this week about changing my gait a little and I made a very simple adjustment. I literally just became aware of splaying my toes as I run. I don't remember to do it all the time, but I do it enough that it will eventually become a habit. It seems to have made a difference, even in the couple of days that I've been doing it. With the toes in these shoes being individually pocketed, there's loads of room for them to wriggle about. I've nearly forty-eight years of conventional shoe wearing conditioning (that's not a phrase I ever thought I'd say!) to overcome,  but I really think these weirdo "feet", as my Mum calls them, are the way to go. Honestly, my left knee feels better than it has done for years. Goodness knows what, of the many things I'm doing, is helping. Taking the cinnamon with coconut oil in my coffee in the morning, or the ibuprofen, with the anti inflammatory properties, the K T tape, the shoes or let's not forget seven stone of weight loss, which certainly can't hurt. It could be any, all or none of the above. But whatever, I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing. 

              

Check out my new hoodie :-)

Jean-Luc Picard rocks!!!

I've been wearing a jumper and hoodie under coat in work this week. The temperature has dropped a bit. And I and still didn't look like Michelin Man.

Whose actual name is Bibendum, in a bit of tyre related trivia.  Oh, the interesting job I have!.

Adapting

This post is a bit waffly and introspective. It's about stuff that I've talked about before. Ad nauseam. It's about how I see myself, in actuality and in my head. I'm having a hard time recognizing myself in the mirror at the mo. That woman, who looks kinda normal, attractive even, cannot possibly be me! I know she is. She picks her nose and scratches her arse at the same time as I do. She has my eyes. But that's all I recognize.

It's happened so quickly this time, this transformation of my body. I don't really know why. Something clicked in my brain, using the calorie counting app worked effectively, I finally got my bum in to gear and started some exercise, and along with the total support of my gorgeous Main Man and family, I found camaraderie with a bunch of folks in the same position on t'interweb. A perfect storm, and here I am. Lighter and smaller than I've been for years. And while I love it (I can't tell you how much I love it) I'm terrified. I'm so scared that I'll let my control slip and end up back where I started. It's happened before. More than once. And it's unrealistic to think I won't have rocky times. No one can be perfect one hundred per cent of the time. How will I cope if I start to eat too much again, and start to gain? Will I be able to regain control? Nip any trouble in the bud? And why am I borrowing trouble? Why even think this way? Why not just be happy about my success thus far, and play the rest by ear? I think I just want to be ready in case the worst happens. Imagine how demoralizing it would be to be unable to fit into the new clothing I've bought. All those size fourteens that I'm so proud of. And the boots? No way they'd have fit over my calves before. I'd be more than gutted if I had to stop wearing them!

But, after all that, please don't think I'm complaining. If these are problems, then they are problems that I'm very glad to have. I just think I have to be aware that I need some time to adapt to the new me. My body needs time to settle into its new shape and my brain needs time to get used to seeing me as I now am. I just want to be aware of it all as it happens, so I don't start over eating again and mess it all up before I've had a chance to truly, fully become this sexy ass woman I see in the mirror!

164lb

It's no secret that I've been feeling fabulous recently. I haven't exactly been quiet about it. Well, these boots. Oh my God! I feel sexy as fook when I wear them. I couldn't help taking these pics. I feel all Sally Bowles in them. The Main Man, not so much of a fan :-) He calls me an S & M nightmare. Teehee.

They look amazing with a couple of my dresses.

I lost a pound and a half this week, and that takes me to a bit of a milestone. I missed the seven stone mark by a pound and a half still, and it's still three and a half to 100 pounds  off, but my BMI hit 30! I know that still sounds high. Well, that's because it is still high. But it puts me at the top end of the next "fat" band down. I am now officially merely overweight and no longer obese!!! I honestly think it's been at least ten years since that was the case.

TMM had to work for a few hours today unexpectedly. We'd been going to go out for breakfast, but decided instead that we'd go for a late lunch once he got home. It meant I'd rather hold off on my breakfast so I could have a big lunch, than have the eggy breakfast that I'd originally planned. I lay on in bed for a while, once he'd left, but I talked myself in to going for a run, so I could earn extra calories to have that big lunch. I did 10k, which earned me nearly 800 cals. That was enough for the burger which I ended up having.

I was pleased with that pace.I'd like to get to under an hour for 10k at some point. That would be a new low for me, and I think it's doable.

This week, I want to try to be very good. That 100 pounds  loss is beckoning.

New PB, new boots. What's not to love???

I love it when I'm so in to my running that I have to do a wash for sports gear alone. I ran five times this week and a wash was so needed. I usually wear the same bra two days in a row, same with leggings. I use a clean top every time. This week, my fifth run was Parkrun and I did it sub-thirty! I'm well chuffed. And I can totally see that I should be able to go a wee bit faster. It's so exciting to see improvement and room for more.

There was extra excitement this week when my new boots arrived. Black, heeled, knee high and DMs! Totally gorgeous, totally sexy!

And with a three and a half inch heel, they make me five foot five and a half, and I look loads slimmer at that.  Imagine. At 165.4lb and 5'2", my BMI is about 30, at 5'5.5" it would be 27! Teehee. The difference between obese and merely overweight.  I have to say though, that's the first time in yonks I've checked my BMI and I'm chuffed it's thirty. It'll be in the twenties this week. I just know it! And I couldn't possibly tell you the last time that happened!

Brrrrrr!

I'm changing my lunch. It's that time of year. For the last load of months, my lunch has routinely been chopped up apple, celery, carrot and cherry tomatoes, all brought in to work in a litre tub, filled to the brim.

The usual lunch.

Sometimes if I want to live it up a bit, I'll add in some peppers. Oh, the rock and roll life style I lead! As a meal, I can't honestly say that it fills me up, but it does distract me from my hunger and see me through till dinner time with TMM. It's gotten cold in Norn Irn this week, so I decided to whack it all in a pot and add a some scallions and a chicken stock cube.Yes, the apple was included. And I made a soup. I boiled it till tender and smusched it with Blendy Blenderson, my trusty hand whizzer, who I cannot live without. And pesto! (Pesto??? What a cool, appropriate typo. I meant presto obviously!) A yummy, low cal soup. It was lovely to have a hot lunch yesterday. It was also a bit more satisfying than the same ingredients, eaten chopped up, raw and cold.

Today's concoction is apple and celery soup. And it tastes amazeballs. Who knew? A whole flask for 300 cals. Yummo! An onion, two medium apples, five big stalks of celery, a chicken stock cube and about a litre of water and my usual method of chop it roughly, throw in a pot and simmer till tender, then pulverize. Needs black pepper, but my grinder wouldn't play ball. I need a new one. And I'm sorry darlink, but we just don't do ground black pepper in the Terry/TMM household! As if!

This pleases me muchly!

Ta da!!! My run this morning. My 5k sub thirty run this morning. Get me! In all honesty, I wanted to boke the entire final kilometer, but I did it! Now to make it official at a Parkrun. I don't think I'll get to run this Saturday, as I'm probably going to go to Mum's, but I'll do it soon. I'm going to go easy on my next couple of runs, just kick back and jog. Doing a sub 6 min km this morning nearly killed me, but I can see a day when it's the norm, so long as I keep running regularly. I've been grinning all morning.

The start of the week

In the last couple of weeks, since my weight has begun to start with an "eleven", I haven't really taken time to stop and smell the roses, to appreciate that my weight starts with an eleven. Seriously. Eleven stone eleven and a half pounds is what I weighed at weigh in yesterday. My weight starts with an eleven!

Yesterday was a tough day, food wise. I spent a lot of it hungry. I don't know why. I think I spent my calories unwisely earlier on. I waited till TMM got up before I ate. I wasn't sure if we were going to go out for breakfast but we decided to save money and calories by eating in. I had a pack of ASDA mango. But as always, I ate the whole 300g. Then I had 60g of cheddar and eight crackerbread.  It all came to nearly 600 cals. TMM made chicken, potatoes and greens for dinner, with gravy. That was about 850 cals. Thankfully, we'd walked to the sports shop, so I earned about 300 cals and that covered what would have otherwise been a deficit.

At the shop, I was there to look for a new sports bra. I also wanted one more pair of three quarter length running tights. I got rid of any running gear that was too big or too grotty. I also need to get rid of the capri running leggings that I have at Mum's coz they're big enough now for me to be conscious of them and uncomfortable in them as we walk. So in all, my sports gear is a bit depleted. I got a great Shock Absorber bra in a lovely bright colour and a size or two smaller, as well as one very bright pair of three quarter length leggings. I couldn't wait to wear them this morning, on my next run.

Gratuitous sports bra shot! Obviously I didn't run like this. Never mind modesty, it was too cold. But it looked great with the new UnderArmour top that TMM bought me. 

I'm going to try very hard to do well this week. I only have four and a half pounds to lose to hit 100 pounds and twelve to go to get just under eleven stone. God, it's really all to play for! I'm pleased that despite feeling a bit hungry, I managed to stay on track yesterday. 

165.4lb

2.4lb off this week, and given that I thought I might stay the same, I'm more than chuffed with that. I suppose the fact that I had two bloody periods (pun unintended!) last month didn't help my outlook. Still, there it is. A loss regardless. Excellent.

I thought long and hard about it, and I changed my goal on myfitnesspal. It was, as I've said before, 139lb, just enough to have my weight start with a nine stone something. As I creep ever closer to that figure, I see a few more bones starting to show through the decreasing blubber, and I wonder if I won't end up looking a bit scrawny at that weight. So I added fourteen pounds to it, and made it 153lb, or ten stone thirteen. I'll see how I look then. I can't deny that my vanity wants me in the nines. That's where BMI charts say I should be in order to be healthy. Actually, they say I'll be overweight if I'm over nine stone eleven, but sod them. I think they definitely need to be taken with a pinch of salt. A Dead Sea's worth of salt! My weight chart starts at about seven stone twelve! I'd look dead at seven stone twelve! But I'm sure there are some five foot two females who'd look okay at that weight, so we just need to look at each individual in turn, to see where they fit on the scale of these BMI charts. They are a guide, not an infallibale, definitive measure of perfection. Well, that's what I think.

The long and the short of it is (the fat and the thin of it?) I will see how I feel when I get to 153 lb. Which is less than twelve pounds away! Amazeballs! I do really want to be in the nines, but not if it makes me look ill. Anyway, could I possibly feel any better than I already do? I went walking with Mum yesterday morning and I felt fabulous, so energized and just, well,  fit. It's our Saturday routine if I stay on teh Friday night (which I do every other week normally. We get up early, go for a walk, somewhere between five and eight kilometres (three to five miles, in old money) which takes between forty-five minutes to an hour and forty-five. Then I shower as soon as we get home while Mum makes breakfast of scrambled eggs and smoked salmon. Yes, I'm an almost forty-eight year old woman, and my mother still spoils me rotten. I'm a lucky, lucky girl.

Yesterday our walk was a whole two hours,

which Mum was pleased to find earned her nearly five hundred calories. She's trying to loose a few pounds before Christmas, and not finding it easy. But she's tiny! Only nine stone three. Mind you, she is the original five foot female. Literally. And possibly shrinking. Teehee. Thank God she's computer illiterate and will never read that! :-)  Anyway, we had our well earned brekkie and a good old yarn as we ate. Mind you, it's a wonder we still had stuff totalk about, we talked the whole two hour walk. I think TMM is glad it's Mum getting it in the ear for a change, instead of him!

This week I'll be watching my feet. I seem to be getting blisters quite easily just under where I have bunions. I've always had bunions. It's definitely genetic, and my granny's fault :-) I was never one to wear heels, or very tight shoes, so it's just a family trait. I'm lucky, in that they're not sore, just not pretty. So I need to make sure I either have plasters on when I run (I love Compeed!!!) or I will K T Tape my feet. I don't want my runs to be uncofortable.

I'm also noticing a bit of pain in my left breast. Not in the main body of the breast, but on the outside lower part, and usually if it's dangling when I bend over (not a pleasant mental image for y'all.) I have lost a fair bit of mass off my boobs as I've lost weight, and I wonder if it's sore because it's not getting enough support. The pain is hard to describe. It's not constant, and it feels sort of bruised? There's no disernable change in texture under or on the skin. So I am being careful to keep it supported (even in bed, where I never wear anything) and I'll keep an eye on it. I genuinely think the tissue is just a bit stressed. I'm going to a sports shop today, so I'll see about a couple of good sports bras too. The ones I have feel as if they locjk my boobs up like Fort Knox, but they are old, so new ones can only help.

It's still early in the day, so TMM and I are going to walk to the sports shop (half hour there and back) and probably go out for lunch. I love me a lazy Sunday!

Borrowing trouble

I've been very lazy this week regarding my blog. There hasn't been much going on, beyond more of the same. I'm eating well, staying within my allowance (for the most part) and running a few times a week. This week, I've actually run each morning before work, and have managed to get my 5k time consistently below thirty-four minutes, which I'm pleases with. I'd love to be able to do the Parkrun tomorrow, and try to go sub thirty, but I'm going to Mum's tonight, so we'll go for a walk in the morning instead, weather permitting. I'll aim to Parkrun again next week.

I'm not sure why, but I sort of feel as if I won't loose weight this week. Even if I didn't, it wouldn't be the end of the world. I'm getting close to the finish line, and things are bound to slow up. But there's no real reason for my pessimism. I look good and I've eaten and exercised well. I think I'm just a bit afraid of my control slipping. Today I've eaten some jelly sweets and minstrals. They are counted, but I still feel a bit guilty. Daft. It's not helped by all the left over Halloween sweets. I've only eaten a few, and I counted them, but I still felt guilty because they weren't planned. I need to work on keeping stuff in perspective. It's good for me to remember positive stuff, like TMM hugging me from behind, and how far round me his arms can go nowadays. And yesterday he bought me a new running outfit, apropos of nothing, just coz he said I've done so well, and I deserve some workout gear that fits me properly. It's all size fourteen! As were the jeans, teeshirt and cardi yesterday, that I wore to work.

My vanity continues. I find that I'm standing more at my desk in the office. I could argue that it's because it's better for me than sitting on my arse all day, but I know it's really because I know I look better at that angle. Yip. So vain! Anyway, as I contemplate eating stuff that I haven't planned, and worry about losing control of my eating again, I will try to tell myself that the occasional sweet isn't a problem, and I will remind myself of how far I've come, just since March.

Old photos of me. Only a few years ago. And not at my biggest!

Me last night, trying on my new gear. Looking fit and healthy. And NORMAL!!!