Not the start to the week that I wanted.

Post run omelette breakfast. Came out like scrambled eggs. Delicious. 

Mon 13/03/17
It wasn't the worst day in the world, but you'd think, after such a brilliant weight yesterday, a fantastic Parkrun on Saturday and a great fifteen mile run yesterday (with no aches and pains afterwards!) that it would have been easy to have a flawless day. I'd want to consolidate my results, right? Uh uh. *shakes head in disbelief* I managed to go right over my cals by about 800. And I'm peeved with myself. I'm particularly annoyed because it was with sugar. Again. Darn and blast my sugar addiction. I suppose if I manage to stay below 2000 cals a day, I  should still maintain, even on a day that I don't run. I'd just rather train myself to eat my calories more wisely. Some walnuts or avocado would be good. Not processed, overly refined sugar. But hey ho. Tuesday was another day, so I intended to get up early, do six miles, earn 700 cals, and start afresh.

I mentioned having no aches and pains after Sunday's run. I can hardly believe it. Knee, Achilles, calf, hip? All dead on! And the run itself? The same run, done two years ago, took three and a quarter hours. Yesterday it took two hours forty-two minutes. That's not a result of me trying to be faster, just a natural consequence of being a lot lighter. It feels amazing to be fit :-) 

Tue 14/03/17
My weight was still good on Tuesday morning, despite the extra eating, so I was relieved, and I know I just need to lighten up a bit on myself. It'll come with time. The panic that I'm going to get uber fat again should die down, I'm sure, as I learn how much I can eat. I feel very much like a broken record, going on and on about learning how to eat, now I'm not trying to lose. Still, it's what's in my head, so it's what I waffle about.

I ran 10k on Tuesday and did it in under an hour! I was incredibly pleased with that.

Both my continued low weight and the run were great results. I was very happy and in fact, I was impossible to anger all day. (It makes me a much nicer person to work with.) But I find it hard to strike a balance. How to I work out if I'm being merely ebullient or if I've veered off into bombastic? It's like the constant repetition I find myself writing. It's what's in my head, so it's what I write about. Similarly, when I'm happy or excited with things, that's what comes out, but I'd hate it to sound boastful. That's not how I mean it. It's just that it's hard to reign in my excitement, or dial down my responses. I'm not used to looking like this. It's going to take a while to get used to it. 

I ate only real food on Tuesday, no processed sugar, had a run, and stayed within my allowance (including eating all of my exercise calories) so I felt good about the day in general.

Wed 15/03/17
A rep from one of my suppliers in work told me I was looking a bit cold yesterday, and asked if all of my fleeces were too big for me now. Over my nineteen years in the tyre trade, I've accumulated fleeces and body warmers from most major tyre manufacturers. And every one of them is at least a man's size XL, some XXL. My most recent Michelin one looks like a large mini dress on me. But I love it, coz it's so toasty warm. Still, it looks ridiculous. My rep chum said they were clearing out their warehouse and he'd see if he could find me anything in a medium or a small. He was as good as his word, and a medium body warmer arrived for me, with our tyre delivery today. Yay! It fits :-)

New Hankook body warmer!

Another great thing about yesterday was getting a message from someone on mfp, just out of the blue, someone I don't know, but who got in touch to say "Well done", and offer encouragement and help, if I need it. What a lovely thing. I must admit that I haven't been at all active in the community of mfp. I did all that when I was with WW on line, so you'd think I'd have thought of it. But then, it took me eight months to realize that I could post a blog, so it's hardly surprising that I'd forget the community too. So I have FB and mfp to talk to "virtual" fat fighters and healthy folks. As much as TMM and my family are amazing (and they really are. No question) only other over weight people really get what's going on in my head.

I had intended to run this morning, but went to bed very late, so decided that sleep was more important. I miss the extra calories though, so might still go out after work. TMM is working late, so I'll be looking after myself for dinner. I might have mackerel, or something else that he normally wouldn't be too keen on. I'm trying to make an effort to vary things, and get a decent amount of healthy fat in to my diet. And some dark, leafy greens.

On another plus note, I've have less DFM. Still not off it completely, but I've subbed in camomile tea once or twice. What can I say? I'm a work in progress :-)

137.8lb

Out for a walk on a sunny Sunday afternoon

This week marked a whole year on mfp! It's flown in, though it rarely felt like that at the time. And such a difference in that relatively short time frame. Just looking at my clothes, hanging on the washing line, shows how much things have changed. That's a definite reason to avoid gaining. I bought cheap jeans to embroider, and they are starting to look really good. I'm taking ages over them, adding bits and pieces to the pattern, at the pockets, down the side seams and along the bottom of each leg. I'd hate to waste all that work! So I can't get any bigger.

I made my decision to start maintaining on the 17th of Feb. That was three weeks ago. And it's been three weeks of wild fluctuations where my weight is concerned. I did get a bit disturbed by an upward move of about six pounds, not knowing if that much of a difference was normal or should be considered a gain. So last week (it's a whole week since I've blogged) I decided to be really careful with my calories. The week didn't pan out that way. I went over on quite a few days, and I ate far too much processed sugar. I ran and walked a lot, as I was on a week off work, so at least I earned a lot of calories. But I ate every single one of them, and more besides. I just can't have jelly meerkats in the house for any length of time. They are a great sourse of carbs for my long runs, but to have a large amount of them on hand isn't wise. So I'm going to try buying them on a Saturday, a single day before my weekly longer run. Who knows, maybe using them as fuel on runs of longer than thirteen miles will act as a sort of aversion therapy. I'll start to associate them with hours of exercise. Seems unlikely, I do love them so. But you never know. I live in hope.  

I stepped on the scales after a fifteen mile run this morning, thinking that I'd weigh heavy. I'd eaten 200g of the jellies, which was 700 cals, and drank my sport drink (low sugar, but caffinated) to stay hydrated. I didn't feel heavy or bloated, but I was sure that after the calorie heavy week I'd had, I'd definitely not have lost weight, and I'd have to be careful this week, looking for my daily balance between eating enough to fuel my exercise and not over eating, and going lighter on the processed sugars. I have to admit that I stepped on and off the scales about a dozen times when I saw the results. I had to be sure. I'm not sure that I believe it even now. 137.8 lb. Under 140 lb. In the nines! My weight this morning was nine stone twelve. I haven't had a weight in the nines since 1998. I was in shock. In a good way of course. I got in to the shower (the best part of any run, a good, long, hot shower) and I started to cry. I stood under the water and just felt overwhelmed for a few minutes. To say my weight was nine stone something just sort of took my breath away a bit. Even if it's a false low, amonsgt my daily fluctuations, it means it's in my body's weight range now.

This weekend my head may just explode. I did a Parkrun yesterday and smashed my PB by three minutes and four secounds.

I'd hoped to get under twenty-eight minutes, and instead got twenty-five minutes forty-one seconds, and then today my weight was nine stone twelve. I can't get my head around both of those things.

I'm really going to try to eat only whole, nutritious foods this week. As I mentioned, I've eaten far too much processed sugar recently. So, I'm just going to take each day as it comes, not think too far ahead, not the rest of the week or even tomorrow. Just for today I will eat whole and healthy. And where possible I'll try to exercise a little something that I'm not exactly known for, restraint. I was pleased with my efforts so far today. After my run, I had coffee with coconut oil and cinnamon, 25g of walnuts and some raw carrot. Good quality, healthy fats, protein and fibre. Then lunch was an omelette with veg and low fat sausages. Low fat sausages full of goodness knows what, but I'm using up the last of them from the freezer, then they'll be gone and further sausagery shall be proper, good quality butcher's ones, every now and again.

My lunch consisted of three eggs and three of the sausages (they're small) as well as scallions, onion, green pepper and mushrooms. Because I'm a greedy hallion by default, I could easily have used four eggs (I've done six in the past) and all six sausages. I really had to debate with myself to only use half, but I was pleased with myself when I left three to one side, cooked and ready to be used in a similar meal another day. It felt like a win to me. If I could always act so sensibly, these small changes would all add up and make maintaining a lot easier. Mind you, if I could always act so sensibly, I'd never have become the weight I was!

Despite the over indulgence in sugar, even yesterday, my meals themselves were wholesome and filling. A massive omlette after Parkrun, and a big tuna, chickpea and sweetcorn salad for tea.

I'll be trying to blog more this week. It keeps me more accountable. It's harder to go so over my daily allowance when I have to admit to it, even vaguely anonymously, over t'interweb.

147.8lb

My weight this morning was a bit up again. I talked about fluctuations yesterday, but my Sunday weight is sort of the one that I count, so this feels like a gain, not a daily blip. It's no major cause for alarm, but I do need to look back over my week and make an adjustment obviously. Maybe I'm eating too many of my running calories. One way or the other, I'm keeping an eye on things because I'm not going to start gaining again. I've been so close to goal too many times to screw it up, now I'm actually here and happy.

This week, TMM and I are off work. We have a couple of theatre trips planned and a pizza night with friends. We are also going to ask his mum and mine out for lunch. I'm going to be extra vigilant about my calories on all these occasions. Every wee mouthful will be counted. And I'm definitely going to run on the days I'm eating out, starting with tomorrow, which is my pizza day. That's going to be high calorie and I was going to go on a long run to counteract it. But I ran a lot yesterday, and my hip is sore today, so I'm resting today and will probably go a bit easier than I really want to in the morning. I'd rather do that than injure myself. I got TMM to help me tape my hip. And I did the usual to my knee and Achilles. I'm a work of art! Today, while I didn't run, TMM and I did go for a walk, so I earned a few cals. And there was eye candy aplenty. 

I won't deny I'm scared.  Scared of getting complacent and getting big again and also scared of becoming anal and obsessive about not gaining. I know it's about finding a balance and its early days so I can't expect to be there yet. I just have to stay focused for a bit, while retaining some perspective. Easy peasy. How hard could it be??? Teehee :-D

Daily fluctuations

I'm getting used to the whole maintenance thing. I'm still trying to get used to the idea that that's really me in the mirror, but it's fun. I am weighing myself every morning, which is probably not a great idea, it's a bit obsessive. But I'm sure I'll lighten up as I settle into my new routine. My weight is going between 142 and 146 pounds. Daily fluctuations are normal, so it's not a problem. I'll just keep an eye on the range. Food has been good this week, as has exercise. I've been in the green with my daily allowance, and running has been fun.

I ran sixty kilometers this week, twenty-two and half (fourteen miles) of which was this morning. I've come to realize that it takes me about three miles to warm up, and for the kinks to be worked out of my achilles, calf and hip. Then it's great for about nine miles, before it all starts to ache again. My endureance is definately improving though. And my times are so much better than last time. Today's run took two and a half hours. Last time I did that distance it took about three hours fifteen minutes. That's just down to weight loss.

Today's run. Very happy with the pace, even though I was very tired and a bit achey by the end.

My time for a similar distance two years ago, weighing 209lb, according to mfp records. So I was nearly five stone heavier thatn I am now. Big difference!

I'm loving it. I'm not saying that the idea of running fifteen miles next week fills me with joy. I sort of dread these long runs, while anything under ten miles, I do genuinely look forward to. But I know that I can survive the longer ones, and I feel better for having done them. I can't believe I'm a person who genuinely looks at their GPS and thinks, "It takes me three miles to warm up," or "Only seven kilometers to go!"

I drank better today, sipped a little more consistantly, so took on more fluid. I also used the jelly meerkat sweets as my fuel. I worked out that I'd need about 170g to provide about 120g of carbs. I ended up only eating 100g, but I'm still getting used to fueling on the hoof, so I can work on getting enough in me over the next eight weeks. I can't believe that that's my training schedule half done. Just fifty-seven days to go! Eek!

My shoes took a bit of a batttering today. As I ran off the road to the coastal path, I ended up running through some quite wet and muddy ground. It made me realize that I might actually quite enjoy trail running. My poor wee toesie shoes need a wash though. Mind you, then I ran through some puddles, and it seemed to rinse the worst of the mud off. The Vibrams are brilliant when they get wet. The water drains out of them, so while they stay wet, there's no accumulated puddle in each shoe.

Thank goodness they are machine washable!

We went out for brunch afterwards. TMM had a lie in while I ran. It was extra nice as we are both now off for a week. We are basking in the "NO Work For A Week" zone!

Parkinson's Law?

The time I find hardest to eat sensibly, or better yet, to not eat at all, even more than when I'm at work, is just before dinner, after work, when I'm cooking. I'm hungry and sometimes don't want to be bothered to cook something tasty and nutritious. It doesn't matter how well I've eaten at work, even if I've had a big, filling and nutritious lunch, by the time I get off the train and in the door, it's like I'm conditioned to feel hungry. And what happens? I sometimes just shovel any old rubbish that I find in the fridge into my bake and add up the calories (and the consequences) later. There doesn't tend to be too much in the house these days that isn't real food, with the exception of TMM's pot noodles, so I usually end up with some calorie laden hunk of cheese. If I could just make a rule and stick to it, no eating before dinner, I'd be fine. But easier said, when I feel I could eat the left leg o' a scabby wain.

During the times when it's hard to stay on track, if I could just remind myself why I'm doing this, how much I don't want to get fat again, how good it feels, being fit enough to run at my best and wear my lovely running gear. I'm nearly 50 and I've never felt this good before. Why would I risk it??? And here's a question. Is there a Parkinson's Law for fat people? I have definitely found that my calories consumed expand to fill my daily allowance. I mean, I managed fine on 1200 most days (I say that. I know there were also days that it was a struggle, especially the last couple of months), and now I'm sometimes finding sticking to 1550 a challenge. Go figure!

Yesterday was the day. I went to the salon and got my hair done.

Even better, yesterday was the salon trip that TMM paid for, as a treat of hitting my goal, and for being sensible enough to stop, even though I didn't hit 136 lb. (An aside: he's so funny. He told me recently that he started going out with Ram Man and he's ended up with Skeletor!)

Gotta love a bit of retro cartoon action!

But back to my hair! After taking the professional's advise, I didn't go the light pink I was originally thinking about. My colour wouldn't do it right. But I love what I got and I can work towards going lighter. It's not too bad for maintenance. I could go back every eight weeks or so. So happy with it. It was a proper treat.

Yesterday. All sleak and straightened, fresh from the salon.

Today. Not so sleak, but a better idea of the colour. Sort of a plum/maroony dark pink?

Yesterday was fabulous. It felt so decadent to be off in the middle of the week. I was very early for my appointment, so I sat in a cafe before hand, and watched the world go by with a double espresso and a small amount of dark chocolate. I felt so relaxed as I watched everyone else scurry to work. Then there was the hair. So double fabulous. But then? Triple fabulous! I tried on, and subsequent;y fitted in to a pair of size ten jeans! I still believe sizing is a marketing ploy. But I'm not immune to it, to my shame.

I fancied buying a cheap pair of jeans to embroider. It's a while since I've customized an item of clothing, so I'm looking forward to getting started. I got a pair for £15 in Dunnes and went to try them on. I fitted in to the 12s nicely. Too nicely actually. An hour's wear and they'd be stretched out a bit. Since I'm going to spend hours embroidering them, I want them to be a nice fit, so I tried the 10s, on the off chance. They fastened! They were neat on me, but again, with an hour's wear, they'll relax in that way that denim does. So I bought them and they are soon to be covered with sunflowers and daisies, my favourite flowers. Maybe even a butterfly or two. I can't wait to get stuck in!

We had a Chinese takeaway last night. It was ages since I'd had one and I really enjoyed it. No, I'm still not fully paleo, clearly :-) My weight this morning, which I checked, just as a matter of interest because of the takeawy, was not too bad. It was a little up, probably due to water retention, given how salty the food was. I ended up 300 cals over which I more than made up on today's run. Happy days! I do have more takeaway planned for Monday night, when we meet up with my cuz BB and her hubby CB. But I'm on a week's holiday next week, so I'll have loads of time to go for a big run to earn the pizza and garlic bread that I fully intend to enjoy immensely and without guilt.