NYE

I don't know what it is about this look, but I feel sexy as fook when I wear these heeled "Converse" style shoes. I haven't worn them much, because even this relatively small heel has always given my bad knee a hard time while I was heavy. Now, not so much :-) Mind you, the thin sole is no fun. Thinness of the sole.  Sounds like an existential issue :-) Still, what price vanity? They go really well with my new jeans, bought from the Marksies sale yesterday. Love it!

The using up of veggies, before they go mouldy, continues. Today it was carrot and parsnip soup. Never tried it before. It was a good use of slightly soft, past their prime, but still totally usable veggies. I'm so proud of my thriftiness . 

Today was my consecutive 300th day of tracking on MFP. What a great, round number to end the year on.

So, that's the final blog of the year. Tomorrow sees the start of 2017. I am grateful for so many things this year and weight loss isn't the most important one, when compared to the loved ones in my life, but it's probably the one that's most obviously "in your face" to anyone who's known me at my heaviest. It certainly has had a huge impact on my daily life. When simple things like breathing and walking get easier, you've got to believe you're doing something right.

Toodle-oo for 2016. Happy New Year to y'all.

Distraction. I need a Distraction.

I really want to eat chocolate. There are two tubs of sweets in the kitchen, an unopened tub of Celebrations and a mixed tub of Roses, Quality Street and Celebrations.  It's my own fault. I bought too much. The on line shopping was easily done, but it was also esay to just hit a button and order whatever, forgetting how much was already on the list. Hence, about five different types of savoury biscuits and far too many sweets arrived. I feel bad that it's all sitting there and TMM will end up eating most of it. It's as if I'm enabling him, his unhealthy food pusher. He's a grown man, he can make his own food decisions, but I still feel guilty.

I'm writing about it in order to stop me eating it. It gets the feelings off my chest. It won't necessarily stop me altogether, but at least while I'm expressing myself, I'm not chowing down. It makes me stop and ask myself, "Is it worth it? Do I really want those chocolates more than I want to keep my Christmas weight under control?" I've had all sorts of weight loss issues on Christmases past. From good losses to massive gains and the STSs in between. While I'm on a roll at the moment, basking in the weight loss zone, I might as well try my damnedest to stay away from unplanned calorie expenditure. So. No chocolates.

Another reason to stay within allowance is the size 12 clothing I bought in the sales today, jeans, joggers and a top. 

Yes, you read that right. Size 12!!! I can't help thinking that they've been mis-labelled, sized incorrectly. No way am I actually a 12. They are from Marks and Spencer. The jeans are "relaxed slim" fit. They are proper denim, not stretchy, so it's not a cheat that way. The top is a pretty wee, three-quarter sleeve tee shirt. It's a decent fit. I bought a few bras in the sale too. I had some vouchers to spend, and I needed underwear that fits properly. I actually took the time to try them on. Depending on make and style, I seem to be a 36C. That's a big change from some of my 40EE bras of the past! Much easier to find, though not in the sale. My new size seems to sell out! Pros and cons to being a bit more average.

Anyway, these are my first size 12s since I can't remember when. 1990? Maybe a bit before then? I honestly don't know. I won't believe I'm really that size till a few different shop's size fits me, say Marksies, ASDA and Primark. Whatever though, it's all a step in the direction of maintenance. 

So. Did it work? Did I eat chocolate? Well, that took about half an hour or so, so I was distracted for that long. And now I'm thinking of being a size 12, so hopefully that will deter me for a while yet.

Fingers crossed.

Mid way through Christmas week

I had two days of food excess. Christmas Day and Boxing Day were the two days that I over ate, big style. I reckon I ate roughly 6000 calories on each day. There was constant grazing on chocolate, and a couple of big goes at the cheeses and different crackers and savoury biscuits that I'd been very much looking forward to. 

This time last year, if you'd told me I was going to be a size 18, I'd have been delighted. Any size starting with a 1 instead of a 2, given I was used to being a size 24 or bigger. A size 16? That would have had me running  up and down the street naked in celebration. Size 16 always felt like a breakthrough size for me, break through in to normality.  And a size 14? Well, that would have been unthinkable.  And here I am. A size 14. I'm very happy. But. Uh huh. There's a "but." I feel slim and healthy. I like how I look in the mirror. But I don't like how I look in photos. I don't look as slim in photos. So now I'm thinking that 149lb is not the goal weight for me. I might actually go for 136lb, which would take me to the very top end of the healthy BMI range for my height. That's a stone away. I'll see how I feel. I'm not in a hurry. I'm still getting used to what I see in the mirror.

I've had some fun over the Christmas break. On Boxing Day, I went swimming in the sea. Just coz I could :-)

In the act. How are we managing to smile when I couldn't feel any of my appendages?

Afterwards.  I ws very impressed with my organizational skills.  I remembered to bring a fleecy, Christmas onesie, which was very cozy.

CB, my cousin's hubby is part of a group who go sea swimming all year round. I can say without fear of debate or contradiction that it was jolly cold! But it was good craic and I'm really glad I did it. Than it was back to CB's house, where BB had made a big fry up. Loads of fried carnivorous fare and stereotypical Norn Irish bread, chocolate buns and gall9ns of coffee later, I was warmed up and very sated. The rest of Boxing Day was filed with more grazing on chocolate and cheese. There were mamy slices of Christmas cake and stollen in there somewhere too.

After the two days of confectionery, I'm now using up food, especially vegetables. I don't want anything to be wasted.  So yesterday entailed eating a lot of fresh Brussels Sprouts and a big pot of broccoli and cauliflower soup. Yes, my farts are pretty ripe today and you wouldn't want to be the one who has to clean my cage later.

As for weight, anything below 153lb will be a win. The 149lb on Christmas morning always seemed ridiculously low, so I won't be surprised if it's a bit above that on Sunday, and that's even before I consider my couple of 6000 cal days. I have been on track since then though. No exercise, so I've stuck to 1200 cals, pretty much exactly.  It's not easy with the amount of stuff that's still in the house, but so far so good.

149lb

My Christmas earrings and TMM's Christmas tricorn hat! 

Very briefly. Wow! What a Christmas present. A loss of 6.2lb. No idea where that came from. I'm usually a little lighter the week before my period. That started today. With a couple of days of rich, heavily calorific intake, I'm sure that will be tested, but it gives me a couple of pounds leeway on my 153lb goal. I'm so pleased with things. What a weight loss year I've had. More details tomorrow. I just wanted to post before I go to bed. Officially, it's already Boxing Day, since it's after midnight. But I'm not in bed yet, so it still counts as Sunday, and this is my Christmas Day.

Hope everyone's had a lovely Christmas.

Brief hiatus

I have had nearly a full fortnight off exercise. Running especially.  The result is now my achilles feels almost perfect and I'm itching for a run. And in the meantime? I've lost about 5lb! Unofficially. Maybe it was the break in routine that my body needed after over a solid month of running. Whatever the reason, thank you to the weight loss gods.

It's looking as if I will go in to Christmas Day, my day of planned excess, of chocolate, cheese, condiments and stuffed meats, a couple of pounds under my goal. That will give me some wiggle room so I'll hopefully not be too far off goal when the new year hits. I'd love to start on a high. Though in fairness, I'm pretty high regardless. I have heels on today, making me about 5' 5" tall. With today's unofficial weight of 149lb, that makes me a BMI of 24.7. Teehee. If only I were three inches taller.  But no. I like being a short arse, so I'll just enjoy the novelty for today :-)

TMM is working today, so I have a few messages to do, then it's up to my mum's with all my sibs and a few family friends. It's Christmas Eve tradition to eat Mum out of house and home. Home made chicken soup and chicken sandwiches.

I'm well and truly excited, even down to putting the Christmas duvet on the bed. I'll get home from Mum's about midnight, then TMM and I can go to bed for the last sleep before Christmas.

Happy Christmas!!!

A post of exclamations!!!

Okay, I know. I know I shouldn't do it, but I've weighed myself for the last three mornings. I hope to lose this obsession a bit as I get used to my body, but for now... sheesh! what's a girl to do?!?! And the results were bloody good! Each day (that's three in a row!) I've weighed less than 154lbs!!! Yesterday and today, it was 152.4 lbs. That's half a pound below my goal! That's under eleven stone!!! Under 70kg! It was the year 2000 last time I was even close to 70kg. Three mornings in a row, I have been nearly in tears, thinking about being below eleven stone for the first time in over sixteen years. It doesn't count until my proper WI day, but wow! And I could end up not weighing this on Sunday morning, but still, it means that it's on the cards.

Oh, to be ten stone something!

Christmas excitement is building!

I'm officially feeling Christmassy. In fact, the Christmassyness is hanging clean outta me! Even looking at the date written down is making me excited - 21/12/16, 21st Dec 2016, woo hoo!!! I've got my Rudolf jumper on and my snowman earrings, and the jumper actually plays "Rudolf, The Red Nosed Reindeer!"

Not to mention my hat, with the lights and the tinsel.

Oh yes! I'm officially what my OH calls, "A Christmas Nightmare!" :-) I have a constant squirrly feeling in my tum, and a tingle in my joints. Yeah, I know it sounds like an illness, but it's all good, I swear.

As usually happens, I had a brilliant idea for The Main Man's pressie, but it only hit me two days ago. And I needed to order it on line. Bum! But a couple of emails to a very helpful chap, and my parcel arrived to work today. So exciting!!! I shopped at the Christmas market in Belfast last night too, so now TMM is well set. I can't wait to see his face. He doesn't read my blog, but I'm keeping schtum till after I present him with his present. Just in case :-)

Food is back on track. I've been feeling uber controlled and very happy with myself. The colder weather has curtailed my enthusiasm for running this week, and I've let my sore Achilles give me an excuse. So I've earned no exercise cals since Saturday. But I don't feel guilty. In fact, I'm pretty chuffed that I've managed to eat within thirty cals of my 1200 each day, even without extras. I feel lighter, if that makes sense. I'm hoping for a good result this week, but one way or the other, I'm going to enjoy myself on Christmas day, and start fresh on Boxing Day!

Feeling back in control

I think I'm just going to have to accept that feeling under control is going to come and go. That's life. Yeah, intellectually, I know that. But I still get annoyed with myself when I feel my control around food slipping. Then, as I've said before, I get annoyed, because I shouldn't get annoyed with myself for being human. I'll learn to deal with it. I will. So long as I don't give in to the slight despair that I feel sometimes about the fact that, on some level, I'll probably always have to be aware of my food intake. I don't think I'll ever be one of those natural, devil-may-care types, who seem to be able to regulate what they eat without over analyzing it. But if I think of it in the same way that I do my alcoholism, it helps. I no longer say that I'm not drinking. I say that I don't drink. There's a subtle difference. It means that booze just doesn't enter in to the equation. Of course, food isn't that simple. I can't just abstain from it. But if I try to have a similar mindset, i.e. that getting fat again could kill me eventually, just as being a practicing alcoholic (rather than a recovering one) could, perhaps I'll be able to remember how important my weight loss is. I suppose that sounds rather melodramatic, but hey, whatever works!

Now, that said, I feel great today. A loss at the weekend will do that for me! This year has been a triumph, all in all. Next year, I plan to consolidate my good results and good health. I will get to a goal I accept and I will work on accepting myself, just being happy with what I look like, saggy tits, loose skin, occasionally sore knees, the works. That's not to say I won't bio-oil the shit outta myself, or wear clothes to disguise said bagginess, but I won't obsess about the less than perfect bits.

And I'm definitely giving up the DFM for good. I swear, it's harder to do than stopping the booze!

155.2lb

Phew! Down 2.4lbs on last week. So that's the gain gone, with just over a pound extra. Meaning I'm 2.2lbs away from my goal. Once there, I'm not sure what I'll do. I don't look as slim in photos as I do in my head, or indeed in comparison to what I think I see in the mirror.  I can see me not being happy to stay at ten stone thirteen. But I'll get there first and see.

It's been hard to stay away from the cheese and crackers in the house the last few days. Sticking to 1200 cals hasn't been easy. I haven't had a run since Tuesday.  My achilles is feeling much better but I haven't earned many extra calories.  I'm going to go for a run in the morning before work. I'll take it easy, just pootle for 5k, which should earn about 400 cals.  I'll feel better about my efforts when I get that under my belt. My thirty day challenge went to the wall after day 25. Just five more days would have completed it. But I've gained some core strength, so I'll build on that.

One week to Christmas.  I weigh in on Christmas morning, since it's a Sunday this year. Then it's over to a day of excess. One day. I'm going to allow myself a day full of cheese, chocolate, condiments and stuffed meats. Then the following day, I intend to be back on it with zeal, starting with a Boxing Day swim in the sea at Donaghadee, with a group called the Chunky Dunkers. Sounds nuts, but I'll give it a go.

Addicted to shopping

I'm gonna have to stop. I've already had to put aside a couple of pairs of trousers that I bought very recently because they are now too big, and barring last year's Christmas jumpers, and the odd thing of TMM's that I wear because it smells like him, I refuse to wear stuff that's too big anymore. It's all very well that I bought a few clothes as I got smaller. I needed them. But I have to stop now, at least till my body has settled at where it's going to stay. Running shoes? I can justify those (well, that's what I tell myself :-D )

Second pair of toesy running shoes. Light and comfy. And nice in pink.

The acid test will be when I go in to town after work today. I really have to start my present shopping! If I can go in to Primark without buying myself something, then I'll consider it a success.

I guess it's understandable. I'm excited about how I look in clothes these days, so it's hard to rein myself in. But I need to. It's a terrible waste of money otherwise.

Food's been on track this week. I'm happy to have stayed within allowance, given I'm not running and earning extra cals at the mo. I'm actually pretty impressed that I rested this morning too. I'll probably run on Monday again, and stick to circuits and walking till then. It's all good. I have an ache in my abs at the moment because of all the planking, sit ups and crunches. It's a good ache. I like it, even though it hurts to laugh :-)

I know I've said it before, but this feeling of all over wellness is amazing. The idea that I can just go out the front door and walk for an hour, without it killing me, is fantastic. I can throw on running shoes and run six miles, just like that. It's not fast, but it's totally, absolutely doable. I can do sit ups and push ups and not have a heart attack! So I have a bit (well, okay, a lot) of saggy skin. And I'm still heavier than a BMI chart says I should be. Damn! Who cares?

I feel brilliant and TMM thinks I'm a wee star. Life is fab!

In the words of my favourite Star Trek Next Gen villains...

..."Resistance is futile!"

Yip, the chocolates are still out in force at work , Mars Celebrations, and The Force isn't that strong in me.

See what I did there? In a break from Sci Fi rivalry tradition, I quoted Star trek and Star Wars in the same paragraph! Some where, the geek gods are preparing a lightening bolt with my name on it :-)

Anyway, regardless of my nerdy references, I felt the need to give in. I had to have some chocolate. But I'm still relatively pleased with how I handled it. I made a conscious decision. Rather than eat a few mindlessly, and let's be honest, my definition of "a few" might stun some, I checked the MFP database for the calories. Most are about forty-five cals a piece! Defo not good calorie spending. I dipped in to the box of £1 charity sweets instead and got a 100g bag of mini eggs. I reckon about 450 cals, and there was more satisfaction to be had savouring them than scarfing down a hand full of tiny Twix and Snickers, or Heaven forbid, Bounties. Mmmmm, excuse me while I drool, fit to turn in to Homer J Simpson! Bounty!

I haven't been for a run for the last couple of mornings. Good sense finally prevailed and I decided to rest my ankle. It feels much better today. But I miss the extra calories that the exercise earns. My small session of circuit training doesn't earn much (though I can really feel the results in my abs) so I might walk up to TMM's work later, to meet him. It's a fifty minute walk, round trip, and should earn a couple of hundred cals.

Food has been good for the last few days. I haven't gone mad and cut down, just because I had my gain on Sunday. I've stuck within allowance though, and I'm happy that I'm doing what I need to to stay on track.

Nine months in

On the 7th of December, it was nine months ago that I started tracking on MyFitnessPal. I'd flirted with it as a weight loss scheme before, but always in conjunction with other things, usually with Weightwatchers points or my brief stint with Slimming World. This time, I kept things simple, using calorie counting alone. No points, no syns, no paleo, just 1200 calories a day, with additional allowance for exercise. I linked mfp to Runkeeper, so the apps keep track of each other. They each know my weight and can see what I've logged on either one, be it food or exercise. I like that. It automatically updates the info on one app when I input it to the other.

My fitness app section of my phone. They are all linked to Google Fit and keep track of each other. Surely I should be more worried about the Big Brother-iness of all this??? But I love it :-)

The result of keeping things simple has been success. By tracking every single mouthful, remembering that everything has a calorific value, even down to the DFM* and coffee, I've lost weight consistently. Almost every week, my weight has dropped to the point where I now look as if i don't have a weight problem, I'm still a bit chunky of thigh, and generous of arse, but within the parameters of the standard fashion industry. Dare I say, I look normal. Phew, I never would have thought this time last year that I'd be saying that so soon. It genuinely is down to tracking everything and trying like crazy to stay within allowance. I haven't made excuses this time around, or gone over my calories deliberately, telling myself that I'll make them up tomorrow. I either earn the extras for a treat, like my massive birthday feast last month, or I don't eat it. That simple. I won't always be able to be that strict with myself, I know that. Once I get to goal, I'll need to learn to relax a little. But for now, this works for me.

I had a tiny melt down between Sunday and yesterday because I had my first unexplained gain. I've gained twice previously, each by half a pound, and each as I was expecting my period. This time, it's not that time of the month, and it was just over a pound. Eek! Panic stations! What did i do wrong??? Not a damn thing. It's just what happens. And so long as I don't get all distracted by the fact that I didn't like the numbers on the scales for one Sunday out of forty ,I'll just keep doing what I'm doing, and have a loss this week. It took me to talk to my Facebook chums to get a sensible head on my shoulders. Many sage things were muttered in my cyber shell-like, and I particularly liked being reminded that those mortals out in the world, who aren't watching their weight, have fluctuations too. That's life. Our bodies aren't robotic, after all. 

Yesterday I ran and earned four hundred calories. I ate half of them. Sunday was an almost entirely exercise free zone, so I stuck to my 1200. Today, I've earned 400, so at most I will aim to eat half of them. If I keep to that plan, I'll know that regardless of the result, I'm doing nothing wrong, neither over nor under eating, and the weight will come off when it needs to. Would I like to be 153lbs by the New Year? Hell yeah! But if I'm not? I'm still a weight loss success this year. I'm healthier and happier with my body (droopy tits, loose skinned, bad kneed article that it is!) than I've been for twenty years. I have the support of my partner and family, as well as friends, both actual and virtual, and in general, I'm having a ball. Not to mention, it's nearly Christmas.

What's not to love?

*DFM - Dark Fizzy Master i.e. diet cola

157.8lb

I'm a day late in posting this because I was sulking. It was very painful to write that weight as the blog title. And I spent a good part of yesterday persuading myself to be honest and not just spoof that I'd stayed the same instead of owning up to a gain of 1.2lb. It's still hard to say that.

I didn't do anything different this week. Maybe I ate a few more of my exercise calories, but I stayed within allowance if I add those in. Even the gorgeous strawberry sundae from Saturday was counted.

So I don't know what's going on. Perhaps my body is just telling me that it needs to acclimatize to its new size? It's telling me to slow down? So long as it's not calling a halt to proceedings altogether. There's no way that a five foot two body should be saying it's at it's ideal weight at eleven stone four! I should be able to lose another stone with ease and I'd still be considered heavy for my height, according to charts. Not that I intend to let charts and tables dictate what weight I'm happy at. This is not the result I'd hoped to post this week. I was so close to getting below eleven stone before the New Year. It could still happen, but it's looking less than likely.

I couldn't help myself. I had a sneak peek this morning before my shower. It didn't help or console me. It was heavier again! Damn and blast. What am I gonna do this week to keep myself going? I need to keep things in perspective and not panic. TMM is worried about me taking drastic action, starving myself or taking to running twice a day. Even if I wanted to, I don't think I could do either of those. 1200 cals a day is as low as I want to go. It can be hard enough to stick to. I managed yesterday though, which I was pleased with. And the running? Once a day is enough, especially as I'm trying to avoid injury. My left achilles is defo a bit weaker at the mo.

For me, gaining at the moment isn't so much about the extra pounds, though that's not great, as much as it's about the fear of losing control again and ending up back where I started. I know this week's gain isn't a real one, the result of overeating. It's not an unhealthy gain, it's a just-one-of -those-things sort of gain. Whatever the reason, I just have to suck it up and get on with things. Do what TMM says, and think of the big picture, how well I've done, regardless of this week's weight. If I think about where I was last Christmas, that should keep me on the straight and narrow.

Okay. I feel better for 'fessing up and getting it off my chest. Whinge officially over! :-))

156.6lb

Yes! 2.8lb consigned to the bin. God! I so hope l let it stay there this time! I really don't want to have to do all this again. I've lost 104 pounds in total and have tracked on myfitnesspal for 273 days straight. I'm pretty darn happy with that.

TMM and I went out for breakfast/lunch and I had my usual 900 calories of fry up. I made tomato soup yesterday, so that will do me for tea later. It's about 150 cals for a big bowl.

Beyond that, it's been a quiet day. No run, day fourteen of the thirty day challenge still to do, and Strictly Come Dancing to look forward to on t'telly. 

The day before weigh in

My thirty day, full body challenge app

Day thirteen of my thirty day, full body challenge. So my routine was as follows

• 29 sit ups
• 42 ab crunches
• 14 leg raises
• 27 sec plank
• 65 squats
• 66 sec plank
• 12 push ups

And may I just say? The plank nearly did me in. It's definitely the closest I've come to not completing the proscribed time. I did it though. Just! I wouldn't fancy anyone judging my form though ;-)

I did think that I might do the Parkrun this morning. TMM was on a late start shift at work today so we would have had plenty of time. We ended up having a lie in, and it was much better :-) So off he went to work while I have Saturday off. I hate that he works in retail and weekends off together are rare, but at least we're both working.

When I'm not working, especially when I'm alone at home, I can find it quite hard to eat sensibly. At the start of the day, I see all those calories ahead of me and my factory settings is to equate them to litres of ice cream. Even now, after nine months of healthy eating, my first thought, even before coffee this morning, was about what rubbish I could "afford" on my 1200 daily cals. (There will be no extras earned since I didn't go for a run. {And I've no idea how you count the small circuit that is my thirty day challenges.}) Still, the fact that it's weigh in day tomorrow should help to keep me in line. The last thing I want is a gain that would take me out of the 150s, just as I've gotten in to them. With my newly set, slightly higher, goal weight of 153lbs, it's just possible (though maybe not entirely probable) that I could hit it by the new year. Wouldn't that be something? Starting the New Year as I meant to go on. On maintenance!

A helluva thing to aim for!

One of those days

It's been one of those days when I've seen people who haven't been in my office all year, so they've noticed my weight loss. One delivery guy saw me from behind and thought I was somebody new! I'm grinning about that as I type :-D And a customer said it was like looking at my younger, thinner sister. That could sound a bit insulting, but I know it wasn't meant like that. In fact, all in all, today has been a Hell of an ego boost, and big headed as I am at the moment, I do not need more of that. Still, I felt really good at work today.

And here's something I didn't know I still possessed. A pair of pants from a few years ago. Still in good nick, I hasten to add. This will illustrate a point. Check out the label. I do not remember owning anything in that size! Talk about selective memory!

While TMM was working this evening, I deciced to do a clearout of my underwear, keeping nothing that doesn't fit correctly, even if it's quite new. Obviously, this was a very old pair. I don't even know why I still had them, beyond an inability to chuck stuff out if it's still got some life in it. For proof of my hoarderiness, here's the pile of undies that I'm dumping!