167.8lb

It's been an out of sorts kind of week, with a funeral thrown in for good measure. I've been sneak peeking all week, and early indications were for a four pounds loss. At one point during the week, I was about a stone lighter than The Main Man. That's amazing to me. My weight this morning was 2.8lb down and took me a tiny bit below twelve stone and still at least ten pounds lighter than my other half. I've been under twelve stone all week, but now it's my official mfp weight. While it's not as low as I achieved during my SP, I still feel good about it. I could have weighed heavy because my moons arrived a good week and a half early. Three weeks between periods is so not the way to go! I hope it's not the start of my body messing me about because it's lost body fat. At my age, it would be hard to tell if it was amenorrhoea or menopause! I'll watch it for a few months and see what happens.

My loss so far is ninety-three pounds. I started at 260.6lbs and now I'm 167.8lbs. When I see it written down, starting weight as two sixty something, current weight now one sixty something, it puts it into perspective for me. I've come a long way. 

I was wary of the funeral this week because I hate being in situations where I'm not in control of my food. Once I'm maintaining, I'll learn to lighten up, but till then, I want to remain in charge. The first hurdle of my two days was negotiated with ease, more by good luck than good judgment. There was a gathering at the house before heading to the chapel, as I was quite late, because I'd been to work, I had no food, which suited me just fine. I actually ended up getting a relatively early train home, so I was able to make dinner for myself. Total control. Yeah Baby! I made spuds, bacon and mushrooms and even had some cheese. All within allowance.

I am definitely learning some restraint and even managing to practice it sometimes. Like measuring out 50g of cheese and not picking at a wee bit more, adding an extra 10g but not counting it (and it's forty or so cals) Or cooking a pot of chilli and not eating it all, just because I have the allowance, actually stopping because I've had enough. And the one I'm most proud of this week, having loads of cals left and not buying the tub of ice cream even though my cals would cover it, but going home and cooking proper food. That's a true achievement for me.

I know it's vain, but when I'm wearing something I like, I take a photo of it. It seems to encourage me. I'm vanity personified at the moment. My funeral outfit looked quite well. I was dressed entirely by George at ASDA, which means it was all cheap, and I won't mind when I get too small for it.

At the funeral itself, my nephew didn't recognize me. He said, "You are getting so tiny!" (It was definitely in italics in my head.)  Then he told me that one of my sisters had asked if he'd seen me, he looked around at the choir (where I was actually standing at the time) and told her no. He looked right at me! It was only as he left the chapel and looked again, that he recognized me. And in the car, on the way to the hotel for a cuppa afterwards, one of my brothers said, "You're shrinking away to nothing." In all, it was a big day for people noticing that I'm a lot thinner than I was the last time they saw me. Cousins, aunts and uncles all had something to say. It was all very positive. Even the uncle who said in his booming voice, so at least two tables of famiy heard, "Keep the weight off this time," didn't mean it badly. He's just a man of a certain age, with no idea of tact. He's concerned for my health. Of course, I couldn't exactly let it lie. I had to reply, "Well, I'll do my best, but there's no guarentees. You never know, this time two months from now, I might be a fat bastard again."

I discovered a cousin who's also using mfp. And I was raging (jokingly) to discover that while I was on a 235 day streak, he was on 277!!! We spent the day boring the rest of the table with our comparisons of calories, and checking out how many cals were in a pint of guinness :-)

Yesterday, TMM and I decided to do the Parkrun which takes place in the park about a minute's walk from our house. I hadn't done Parkrun for about two years. I've been nervous of doing it while I was so close to doing 5k in forty minutes. As I managed 5k in just under thirty-three minutes, I didn't feel so self conscious about running with a couple of hundred other people. It was, well, fun isn't exactly the right word, but I was glad I did it. And it was a good time for me. Certainly my fastest at Bangor Parkrun. Position 204 in a field of 249, so definitely not last :-)

By way of an antidote to my vanity, and all the clothes shots I'm subjecting y'all to, I will post a photo taken at the Parkrun. There's always someone there, taking shots for the Facebook page. This is a perfect example of how what I see in my head is totally different to the reality. This photo totally gives lie to the fact that in my head, when I run, I imagine a svelte, athletic individual.

Will you look at that? Even the fact that I'm dressed entirely in black doesn't help! :-) Ah well. Who cares? At least I look happy. Sort of :-)

After that, we walked to a shopping centre, earning me a few more cals, as it's a half hour walk each way. I bought a stole sort of thing, which I love. And I couldn't help wearing it straight away. TMM was in a different shop at the time, and when he came looking for me, he nearly walked past me because I was wearing somehing different. He says I'm not safe to be left alone for five minutes. 

Taken in a loo in a coffee shop. That's a changing table behind me :-) The stole is furry and multi coloured. What's not to love?

I spent last night (after Strictly Come Dancing of course) carving pumpkin lanterns

and making pumpkin soup. I'm avoiding pumpkin pie this year. I'm not making anything that involves pastry. I don't know what else to do with scooped out pumpkin flesh. And I have a lot of it to use. 

There's about a kilo and a half in the freezer, and I used over a kilo in the current pot of soup. I have to contend with the sweets in the house for the kids that might call to the house. I hope we get some. Otherwise there's a lot to take in to work on Tuesday!

Today I didn't run. TMM and I went for a walk, in order to earn eating breakfast out. In fact, we ended up walking both before and after our meal, which as always, became more of a lunch than a breakfast. Weather wise, it's been a great weekend, so it was lovely that TMM wasn't working, and we were able to take advantage of it.

Mixed bag

The next couple of days are going to be a bit of a mixed bag, and full of the proverbial mixed blessings. The main thing is a family funeral that I have to attend. That makes it sound obligatory. Well, if I want my family to keep talking to me, it kind of is, but I also want to go. Okay, want is the wrong word, but...ahh, you know what I mean. So that's emotional. And on a selfish level, I can't help wonder how I will manage, food wise, both tonight at the wake, and tomorrow at the chapel and after. Clearly I need to be able to live in real life situations. This is life. Shit happens. Unplanned shit. So I'll just try to be aware, not get too hungry, and steer clear of anything too sugary or too processed carby. Not easy at an Irish funeral, where the white bread sandwich and the sausage roll are king!

On the up side, I will get to see loads of family members who I usually only see on such occasions as this. Hatches, matches and dispatches are big family days out.

I had a run this morning and managed to do 5k in 32:18 !!! Good grief. Yes, I did want to boke afterwards, but it was worth pushing myself. I totally have sub thirty in my sights.

I decided to check out some old runs on Runkeeper to see when I managed to do the Parkrun in under thirty, I actually found a run where I did 5k in 28:16.

I do not remember ever getting that fast. So now I really have something to aspire to. It was only two and a half years ago. I can get there again. I know I can. I'm probably as light now, if not a little lighter, than I was on that run. -  Right, I just checked out my old blog from my WW online days. Guess what. I was 170lb the day I ran that. Wow. Almost exactly what I was this morning. Yes, okay, time to 'fess up to another sneak peek. I was 165lb this morning!!! My God, I'm skinny! Teehee. :-) And yes, just a wee bit in love with myself.

I was walking to work from the train, and two of the guys I work with caught up with me on the way from the train station. One of them spoke to me just a short while ago and asked, tongue in cheek, if I was on drugs. Apparently that's the only way I could be "disappearing" the way I am. He said it was really noticeable now. Must be the change in style of clothing. I'm wearing stuff that actually fits me. That has bolstered me for the day. I can't stop smiling.

Now, I just have to stay on track over the next two, out of routine, days.

Optimistic

A sneak peek this morning had the scales at 166.4lb! Wow. That's four pounds lighter than Sunday.  Naturally, my usual criteria applied. First thing in the morning, naked, after a poo and before food :-)  Of course, it might not hold. So many variables can change things. But when I get a light weight, however "unofficial," it makes me feel good.  It reinforces that I'm going in the right direction and encourages me.

I was about to say "good" to describe weight, but I changed my mind and wrote "light" instead. The latter is slightly more quantifiable, though still subjective. The former suggests that there is such a thing as a "bad" weight. I want to get away from that way of thinking. No judgmental words, no pejorative terms to refer to weight. 

I had a short run this morning. I'm getting ever closer to my milestone time. Foe me, to be able to break thirty minutes for five kilometres is a big goal. And to do it consistently is my mecca. My PB at Parkrun was 28:45. That's a long time ago, and I haven't been anywhere near it for years. This morning I managed 33:39! I'm over the moon. My pace went below seven minutes per km for the first time in absolute yonks! I can smell a sub thirty 5k! 

Monday, Monday. So good to me.

I'm feeling disgustingly upbeat this morning. I have on a nice jumper that I rediscovered over the weekend, I sat on one of the skinny. fold down seats on the train on the way to work, and felt as if I had enough room, I feel slim and I went for a run first thing. All in all, it was a great start to the week.

I ran almost 8k this morning. I hadn't intended to do that much, but I've signed up to a training programme on Runkeeper, which sends me my week's runs. I asked for more than three per week, so last week and this it has sent me four. Last week, it started with a thirty minute workout on the Monday, so i guess I figured it would be more of the same today. Na uh! Today I was to do 7.2km (the long run last week was 6k) I think if I'd realized it was over 7k this morning, I'd have got up a little earlier. Still, I managed 6.8k last week getting up at 5.20am, so I reckoned today wouldn't be that different. And it was okay. I just tacked a bit extra on to the start of my route, and a wee bit at the end, and it worked out at 7.8km. Coolaboola!

I've been reading a bit about cinnamon, and it's health benefits. It's considered a serious wonder food, though I think we have to take claims like that with a pinch of salt. But it supposedly has anti oxidant and anti inflammatory properties. It's the anti inflammatory bit that interests me. Apparently, it's at it's most efficacious when it's consumed with fat, that's how you get the most of its goodness. I read a suggestion that you make up a tea with a teaspoon of coconut oil ( I have a very mildly flavoured one) a teaspoon of cinnamon, and a tea bag (I used a chai tea. Hell, let's over dose on cinnamon! I do love the flavour.) You know what, it wasn't the worst thing I've ever tasted, and at forty-five cals per teaspoon of the oil, six for the cinnamon, and none for black tea, it was way lighter in cals than making up a skinny latte would be. And I'd have needed to use full fat milk anyway, to get the fat content. I don't really want to use milk anyway. As much as I love cheese, I'm not a big fan of dairy. It's hard for me to get past the fact that we are pretty much the only animal on the planet that regularly used the milk of an animal of a different species, and that's not even taking into account that we are also the only beast that uses milk after weaning. Milk is nature's baby food. And there's gotta be a reason so many people are lactose intolerant. But that's just me. I'd rather try this tea combo. If I have time, I'll make it each morning. It's also a good way to get in a little healthy fat.

I was a bit hungry this morning, after my run and the tea. So I had a light had brekkie of two scrambled eggs. I earned over six hundred cals on the run, so it's no surprise that I was hungry. When I have time, I do enjoy an omelette for brekkie.

I spoke to Mum this morning. I really might change my goal to eleven stone (well, one pound below eleven stone, so I'm in the tens) I will see how I look in about sixteen pounds from now. I have a feeling 139lb is going to be too light, I don't want to look scrawny. That's very aging on a woman of my age. If I do change my goal, I'll be done in just sixteen pounds. Just over a stone away. That sounds ridiculously close. And theoretically doable by Christmas. I'm getting excited just thinking about it.

I got a great deal of fun out of posting that wee video of TMM and me in my "fat" jeans together. I keep looking at it and having a good laugh. I wish I could post the first attempt, but there really was too much of my knickers on show to be decent. And my belly was out too, looking less than flattering :-) Here are the stills. So glad I kept them.

In the jeans

Behind the jeans

170.6lb

That's 2.6 pounds off this week. At this stage of the proceedings, with so much already gone and relatively little left to lose, that's a bloody good loss. I've lost ninety pounds in total now, and am creeping ever closer to being under twelve stone! Wow. For my weight to start with eleven seems inconceivable to me. I sort of wish I could get back into my head space from the start of March, just to tell myself that I was gonna be here, in October. 

When I went for my run yesterday morning, it was 8am as I went out the door. That means it was full on daylight.  I'd never have believed, back in March, that I'd be ready to run, out on the streets, in front of real people, this soon. But get me! Weird feet and all. I care not a jot!

Just thirty-one pounds now to my ultimate goal. If I decide to go that far. That's when I'll buy myself my green Gretsch guitar. But given that I can already see my clavicle, another two stone might be a step too far. I can imagine my mum and sisters especially telling me to stop before I lose that much more. So I'll play it by ear. I want to get to a point that I feel I can genuinely say I'm happy with. To feel, yes, this is me, my weight loss efforts are over. I'm in maintenance. No longer a work-in-progress, as far as losing is concerned anyway.  Maintenance. That will be new territory for me. I've never, in any of my weight loss attempts, felt like I've been at that stage. There's always been just that wee bit further to go, just a wee bit more to lose. So that will be a virginal experience for me. I will treasure that. There's precious few of them left when you get to my age! Teehee.    

I'm very proud of myself.  I worked out how to put a video on here. Yay me! This is me and TMM, both fitting in to my old jeans. 

The pile of bags of clothes I'm getting rid of from yesterday's clear out.

Saturday

I got a sneaky run in this morning. I was determined to have a rest day, but once TMM went to work, I couldn't help myself. I just really fancied a run. So on went the Vibrams (have I mentioned that I love them?) and for the first time in months, I went out with out having KT taped. I won't make a habit of that, coz I like the security of being taped up. Not just that, but my new tape arrived the other day, so I have loads of it to use. I'm going to play it safe and keep taping up my left knee and my right foot. This tape is very pretty. I do love my green and pink combo. This time, the pink is camo!  

It's been said that the Vibram shoes are to simulate barefoot running. So I can run barefoot in the streets without the dog shit. Hmm, it was a close thing today. There seem to have been a lot of people in my area who let their canine charges use the foot path as a doggie toilet. How bloody rude! I did manage to avoid it. My shoes remain dog shit-less. 

I took myself around the coast for my run this morning. How lovely. Aren't I a lucky so and so!

I managed quite a good time. I ran just over 6k, but at the 5k mark, I was on just over thirty-five minutes. Over all, my pace was just about a seven minute kilometre. That's not too bad, given my lack of running over the past year and a half.

I was sweatier this morning than yesterday too. Due to working harder perhaps?

I think it's fair to say that my love of running is back. Like many things, I'm not going to take it for granted. But I am enjoying the fact that I ran five times this week.

I had a lovely afternoon with TMM. We went for a late lunch, which was very welcome as I hadn't eaten much after my run and shower. We had a leisurely meal. The usual fry up, which I have saved as a "meal" on mfp so I don't need to track all of the constituent parts each time.  It works out at about 900 cals. High, yes. But my main meal of the day. Even though we do it regularly (usually once a week) eating out with TMM always feels like an occasion. I just enjoy that we go out in each others company And I love that we can eat out together. I can have what I want, and count it on my tracker. Okay, I do have to be more careful than I'd be naturally, hence my weight gain, but it's totally do-able. Like I said, massive fry up with the love of my life? Love it! 

Today I did a massive wardrobe clearout. And now I have ten bin bags worth of stuff to be thrown out/given to charity shop/recycled. I also went through the bags of things that I'd cleared away a few years ago. I got rid of lots of it, but I found a few jumpers that I loved from that time, so they are in the wash as we speak. I can't wait to wear them again. I did a huge tidy up and now my wardrobe is beautiful. Even my DMs are sitting pretty.

For the first time, I think ever, since moving in to this house, all my clothes are in the one place. They are all in the bedroom. I've really streamlined them. That said, I still have too many clothes! So no shopping till I'm at target. By that stage, I will be smaller and hopefully I will need to throw more jeans and tops out. That was my criteria in this clear out. Anything too big, that looked baggy, went out. That's a lot of shit to dump, when you've been buying clothes to accommodate at least twenty-five years of your life spent over weight. Ten black bags Dude! Seriously!

I found the old pair of jeans that I keep to remind me how big I got. They are not the biggest size I ever wore.  I'm pretty sure I was growing out of size twenty-six at one point. These are an ASDA size twenty-four. It felt good to try them on. TMM had a go too. It put me in good form for my weigh in tomorrow :-)

Too in your face?

No one has made any such comment. I haven't had any thing negative said to me, in fact, quite the opposite. I've only had positivity and support from friends, family and readers alike. Every now and then though, I feel a bit guilty about the way I keep bumming and blowing about how good it feel, how well my weight loss is going or how great clothes look on me now. I worry about it a little. I know how annoying it can be to hear someone rattle on about how brill they are doing, when my own weight loss attempts have gone to shit and I feel like fuck all beat up in a cup. So I really don't want to be having that affect on someone. I sincerely hope there's someone who can get the opposite reaction, i.e. "Wow, if she can do it, so can I."  

Despite fearing that my current ebullient mood is off putting, I can't write about anything else. It's how I feel. I feel bloody good, with a massive side helping of gratitude that something in my tiny mind clicked, and allowed this attempt to flourish. I've lost and regained weight enough times to know that I can't take this situation for granted. And every time I hear of someone struggling, I feel it's there but for the grace of God. So please, excuse my exuberance. It's not meant to be bombastic for the sake of it. I'm just so excited!

Now, that said, here I go again. 

 

Good run this morning. A bit faster.

I really enjoyed a run this morning. I did what I wanted to after yesterday's run. I went a little quicker and got my fastest 5k time in this running incarnation. About thirty-seven minutes. Cool. I'm happy with that. For now :-) One of the best things was how un-sweaty I was afterwards. I was still sweaty, but no where near what I've been previously. It's a combination of a cooler morning and being lighter and a bit fitter, I'm sure. But I can see it in photos I've taken.

Post run, 13th August.

 Post run, this morning. Feeling positively skinny. No where near my usual puce colour!

I'm going to have a day or two off running. I want to rest my legs, having used the Vibrams two days in a row now. Feet are still feeling good though. I did buy some Heelys though. Now that's some wacky. fun shit. I had to google how to use them! Then TMM came home from work to find me cooking dinner last night, heelying up and down the kitchen tiles. Not amused! "I've just got over worrying about you pulling a hamstring using those shoes (he's not a fan of the Vibrams) and now I come home to this? You're not wise!" Teehee. Sure, it keeps him on his toes. Or is that me? Or heels? Ahh, I'm confused :-)

Such fun!

 I'm not going to my mum's this evening, so I have complete control of my food. I feel a sausage casserole of some sort coming on.

Results are in!

I gave in. I couldn't help it. TMM bet me that I would, and indeed, he knows me very well. There was no way I was going to wait four weeks to acclimatize my feet to my Vibram running shoes. I wore them about the house for a couple of hours yesterday and the day before. TMM wouldn't let me wear them to his folks' house because he said I'd be burnt as a witch!

I went for a run this morning and did 5k in them, Wow, they're different. It's distinctly odd to feel the ground so clearly through the soles. I can't lie, I was worried (possibly still am, a little) about the total lack of cushioning/shock absorption, but the logic is that, before we wore shoes, our bodies evolved to be able to run and walk without them. All I have to do is get my feet and legs used to it. Because the Vibrams use different calve muscles (their website informs me) it might take a short while for my legs to strengthen up. But the girl I know who uses them has never had a problem. So, ever the optimist, I'll assume that I won't either.

While running, my pace was a little slower than my Monday and Tuesday runs. I was being quite careful to not strike the ground too hard. I felt lighter on my feet. My 5k was done in about thirty-nine minutes. Yeah, Paula Radcliff is safe. If I have no undue aches and pains tomorrow morning, I'll do the same distance and try to run at the slightly faster pace, and see how I get on.

I was pleased that I managed to get them on at 5.20am. There's no doubt that they are fiddly, in comparison to traditional gutties, but it's just a matter of me learning to wiggle my toes into the correct toe pockets. My big toe on each foot is clearly very fond of my second toe, as they both try very hard to join that toe in the second pocket. But once fitted correctly, they are so cosy and snug. I love how they feel. And there's absolutely no rubbing between the toes.

My major surprise was that I had no knee pain (left knee) and no upper foot pain (right foot) after or during the run. These are the areas that I use K T Tape on, and they usually niggle while I run. No out and out pain, but just a wee shout out every now and again to remind me they're there. Not today though. Hmmm! Coincidence? A few more runs will be necessary to check that out. But it's definitely a good sign. And then, when I was walking to the train station afterwards, my legs weren't tired at all. In fact, they felt refreshed! Go figure. It could be psychosomatic, but I don't care. If it works, coolaboola!

I was very hungry afterwards, so had some breakfast for a change. I had three eggs, scrambled in the microwave. Low in calorie, but very satisfying. I genuinely wasn't hungry again until after 1pm. I had a handful of the sugar free wine gums that I had delivered from Amazon. So far, they haven't caused too much devastation in my bowel area (though TMM did complain of circus tent-like smells in the bedroom) and they are really like real wine gums, so no complaints about them.

Playing hookie today

Last night's dinner before our show

Because I had plenty of my day's food allowance left at tea time yesterday, I wasn't overly worried about eating out before going to our comedy gig. We chose a Japanese restaurant near my work place and even though it was still only just before 6pm, it was quite busy. I think that's always a sign that it's a good place to eat. And it didn't disappoint. I had king prawns in a garlic butter and coriander sauce, with green beans in chilli flakes, accompanied by steamed rice. It was gorgeous. No started or dessert meant that I did okay for calories, even allowing that there was definitely butter in the beans, as well as the obviously named "garlic butter sauce."

The gig was good craic, and I had enough calories left when I got home to have some crackerbread and low fat cheese triangles. I was hungry by then. I ended up using all of my exercise calories though, which I'd hoped not to do. But at least they were there, to be used if necesssary.

Today, TMM and I went to visit his folks. We were both off work, so it felt like playing truant. We started the day by having breakfast in our usual cafe. I had scrambled eggs on toast, with mushrooms and tomatoes. I didn't have the fry. Wow! That's a first in a while that I've been able to go into that place and nod order the fry up. I'm glad I kept it lighter though. It was enough to fill me, but meant I could have lunch at the out-laws' without worrying about over shooting my allowance. 

Once there, I felt under scrutiny at lunch time. They are lovely people, but my MIL is very pass-remarkable. She comments on absolutely everything. She noticed my weight loss and was very positive about it. All good. But when they are all eating, I feel very much as if I am being a pain in the ass when I don't want to eat what they are eating. So if she's making sandwiches, chances are I don't want white bread, spread with margarine, filled with whatever is on the go. She doesn't mean to sabotage my eating plan for the day, but she just doesn't really understand what is healthy and what is not. She genuinely believes that those sandwiches are a relatively healthy choice. I made my own lunch today. I'm too in the zone at the moment, to let a little social awkwardness about not eating what everybody else is, push me off track. So TMM and I went to the shop, and I was able to get roughly what I'd normally eat at lunchtime at work. I got an apple, cherry tomatoes and a cucumber and chopped them all up in a bowl. Of course, she had to comment, and steal a tomato. And, petty bastard that I am, I resented giving up the tomato (one toady tomato, out of 250g) because all I could think was, "You're having your sandwiches, and your pick of whatever else is in your cupboards, but you still covet some of my smaller offerings! How rude!" And she didn't mean it like that at all. But, because I was feeling a bit under the microscope, I was over sensitive. 

Having eaten breakfast, and then had a light lunch, after our visit, I was hungry at tea time, but only had about 600 cals left, to stay within 1200. I decided on a veggie curry with cauli rice.

Mushroom, spinach and green bean curry, with cauliflower rice

This was gorgeous, especially as there was loads of it, all within allowance and very filling. It's about my fifth time having cauliflower rice in a week and a half, and TMM is starting to complain about the smells I'm creating. But, as my best friend's mum used to say, "You can't eat good food and shite scenty soap!" I do have to admit though, that I smell at both ends, breath of garlic, bum of vegetal matter. Still, think of all that fibre in my diet! I had a totally meat-free day today. First in quite a while.

As to the meal itself, it was very tastey and I'm not ashamed to say that I used a curry sauce. I've no doubt that it's too high in both salt and sugar. It works out okay in cals though. Still, I can't be a saint all the time, and if the worst thing I do is to use a premade curry sauce powder once in a while, I'll do alright. And I'm not going to beat myself up, it was hard enough this evening when TMM bought a tub of gorgeous, luxury ice cream (of a well known brand) while I got none! It used to be quite the wee routine that we had, getting a tub each and settling in to watch something on telly. And I haven't done that for over seven months now. I think I've had ice cream about three times in that whole time, always just a small scoop or two at a restarant, never the unrestrained amount I'd have at home. I have to keep telling myself that to earn the amount of ice cream I'd really like (just to be clear, about a litre) I'd have to run for approximately four hours. For me, that's more than a half marathon, just to eat some ice cream in the gorb-like fashion I favour.

Now, on to my main obsession at the moment, other than the new running shoes that is. We were in the shopping centre before going to see the out-laws and called in to Dunnes. I like some of their clothes, and am in a very clothes frame of mind recently. ("No," I hear you gasp, on a violent intake of breath. "Surely not! You've hardly mentioned clothes this last few weeks!" You say, sarcastically.) I need long sleeved tee shirts, because work is baltic this week, so I bought them in a size fourteen. I haven't tried them on. It doen't matter if they are a little tight, as I'll be wearing them under jumpers and fleeces. But something tells me they'll fit better than I originally thought (I wasn't for buying size sixteens coz I think I'll move out of them before Winter is over, and as I said yesterday, I don't want to wear stuff that doesn't look good, when I've worked so hard to get my body in to better shape) I tried on a coat. A big, cozy one, in a sort of Parka style, with a fur trimmed hood. It was a size fourteen. It fitted. It fitted well. Wow! Seriously? First the jeans in a fourteen, now that coat. I'm seriously looking normal these days! I was tempted to buy it, just because it fit. But I don't need it, much as I really liked it. So I restrained myself. And I have just bought the new trainers, so I really can't justify more money going out of the bank.

On the new shoes front, everything I've read suggests that they are going to take some getting used to. A few articles are saying that there's an adjustment period of at least four weeks, which involves walking around the house in them for the first week or so, then running very short distances in them, necessitating carrying my other trainers to change into. Do I have the patience for that? I am thinking that I will take them out for a short spin in the morning before work. I have a half hour planned. I have been wearing them in the house today and yesterday. 

Wadda ya mean, my feet look weird???

They are awkward to wriggle my toes into initially. Goodness knows how I will manage to do it at 5.30am. But they are a cozy, comfy fit, and easy to walk around in. I think they will feel a bit weird out on the streets. I'm KT Taped and ready to go, so I'll see how I feel in the morning.

Such fun!

Oh, life is fab. I'm going to see Sean Lock tonight after work. I can't wait for the show. He's very funny. TMM and I both like him and love going to live comedy. It will be preceded by the minefield that is eating out, with its many pitfalls, but I've plenty of calories to use and I earned 500 this morning with my four mile run. Yes, I am preening as I write that. Big Smug McSmug, who came first in a smug competition, in Smugland. And to add to the joy, TMM and I are both off work tomorrow, so there's no rush to get home to have to get up early tomorrow. It feels decadent to be off mid week. Like we're playing hookie. 

The day continued in the good vein in which it started, despite the train running very late. It was really busy, and due to its lateness, and while it got packed, I wasn't taking up more than my share of hte space. Nor was I sweating as it got warm. It's the little things (like my bum now!) that make me smile.

My run is another reason I think life is great. I ran for almost fifty minutes. Mo Farrah has nothing to worry about, but man! I enjoyed it. And I'm chuffed that I ran for the second day in a row. And then, icing on the cake. My new shoes arrived. A day early. I can't wait to try them out.

Aren't they fabulously weird! They come with instructions! And not just, "Stick your feet in and run," type instructions. I'm supposed to get used to them slowly, as they make you use different muscles to the ones I normally use. I hope I have the patience. Oh, what am I saying? No way I'll do that. It even says to wear them only in the house for the first week or two, then only wear them for 10% of my work out. I'll give it to the end of tomorrow before I'm chomping at the bit to get out in them.

I'm getting picky

1. Run                                       ✔
2. Drink water                        ✔
3. Eat less crap                      ✔
4. Get good quality sleep   ✔

So far today's check list is looking good. As to eating less crap, well, I've had a few sweets, counted and tracked of course. Some sugar free wine gums arrived for me today.

They are the sort that could cause some violent reactions in the old intestinal area, so I have to be careful. Also, while they are sugar free, they aren't totally low calorie. They are about a third lighter than standard fruit jellies. The Meerkats were 350 cals per 100g, these are 240 per 100g. A bit of a saving. But it defo pays to be aware that sugar free does not necessarily mean calorie free. It's not like a big bottle of DFM! And sleep wise, I managed about five hours, which is a step in the right direction.

Today's beginning was the polar opposite of yesterday's. I got straight out of bed at 5.30am, threw on my running gear and was out the door by 5.45. 6.5km later and I  had earned 500 cals and was feeling jolly smug. It was further than I'd intended to go. I headed out with just half an hour in mind. That wouldn't even get me 5k done these days, though I'm working on it. But I took a different route to the one I'd intended, and just kept going. Cool. It felt good.

Another way that this morning was different to yesterday was that I had a sneak peek and was two ponds lighter. All good news. I'm gunning for below 168lb. I'm gonna get below twelve stone soon!

I intend to do 6k tomorrow too, regardless of weather. I was disgusted with myself on Friday that I let the rain, albeit very heavy, put me off. I will start running regularly and frequently again. If nothing else, my sense of competition won't leave me alone. I don't want to fall behind BiberBabe and HelsBells! So I have to get my act together and run as regularly as my two muses do :-) And now I have Lou too. She runs in the Vibram shoes, and it's because I finally knew someone who's used them, that I got up the balls to try them. I got an email to say they should arrive on Thursday. I love getting new running shoes!

There also Viv. She's been consistency personified recently.  I'm trying for a bit of that.  All these cool folks who I talk to on Facebook and hear how they're getting on. It's amazingly motivating.

I'm really trying to motivate myself on the running front. I want to get up a head of steam and get into the habit of running before work again. I'd like to get three or four runs a week in. To that end, as well as new shoes, I've ordered more KT tape,  an armband holder for my phone and some calcium supplements.  Talk about geared up

As I get smaller, I find that I get a bit snobby about my clothes. Not labels, but size. I find that I won't wear stuff if I think it's too big or baggy. I want to show off my new shape. It's as if I've spent all those years making do with whatever I could sling over myself, and now that I don't have to, I won't. Today's choice of sartorial elegance is a pair of Size 14 M & S jeans. Yes. You read that correctly. Size 14! The denim is stretchy, so it's kind of a cheat, but I don't care. They hug my bum and feel good. I feel good. I think I look good too. Watch as my head swells with pride.

173.2lb

As is my wont, when things don't go the way I want them to in this weight loss attempt, I had a bit of a sulk today when I lost no weight at my weekly trip to the bathroom scales. I stayed the same. Already, having written it down, I know it's not the end of the world. And it's certainly not a gain. But it makes me feel as if I wasted a week. I got no closer to getting under twelve stone or any nearer to my target. Even though I know that I didn't really do anything wrong, food wise, I still find myself second guessing my choices this week. Where could I have done better? But, as we used to say on the weightwatcher forum, staying the same has the initials STS, which also stands for Still Totally Sexy, or Still Totally Slimmer. So I just had to get over myself and get on with my day. 

One way to cheer myself up was to try on all of TMM's jeans, while he was at work. I had a lot of fun doing that, and ended up selecting a pair that I wore today. They made my bum look rather nice, if I may say so myself! I also tried on a couple of his shirts and a jumper. Then, I was wearing them and his boots when he came home from work, as I hid behind the door and waited for him to find me. It made him laugh when I added in my very poor impersonation of him. It's a very mature relationship that we have :-)

I am going to try to be very conscious of my calorie use this week. I don't want to get complacent. I don't want to start to let little things slip into my habits, like leaving small calorie things off my daily tracker. All this time, I've counted absolutely everything that passes my lips, be it a single sugar free mint, or a cup of black coffee, or a bottle of DFM. All of those things have practically no caloric value, but I've noted them anyway. And it's stood me in good stead, so I don't want that habit to change. I also don't want to start to cheat a bit when looking things up on the database. By that I mean, if there are two values given for something, for example eggs, I don't want to automatically plump for the lower value one. I need to be careful that I try to keep things as accurate as possible. For that reason, I finally threw away the jar of buscuit spread that TMM bought me to try. I'd had a wee taste, and that was okay. Just the once, that was fine. ut by today, I'd had three or four wee tastes out of it, and in a tiny jar that contained over 1000 cals, three of four wee tastes had a calorific value, which I didn't count. Now, it really was a very small amount that I'd taken out of the jar, but it was starting to add up. So better safe than sorry. I dumped it. If I'd really liked it, I would have eaten it and thought it worth the calories, so I'd have earned the cals for it. But I would just have been eating it for the sake of it. That's just a waste of effort to earn calories for. When I threw it out, I actually ran the spread under the hot water and poured it down the drain. I was genuinely afraid that If I threw it into the bin, in one piece, I might go in after it later, and eat it anyway. I felt much better once it was done, but throwing it out was hard. My natural tendancy towards not wasting food was quite difficult to override. 

As always, I start the week with a plan to run more. I've ordered some running shoes and a phone armband which should arrive this week. Hopefully I will be motivated to get out and use them. I've also set up a training plan on Runkeeper, so I want to get stuck in to that too. The shoes are a bit different. They are Vibram Five Fingers, and have indivitual toe pieces. They simulate barefoot running, so it should be interesting to try them out. 

So that's it. I'm going to try for a really good loss in seven days, to keep my average weekly loss up. I really want to get under twelve stone!

All I seem to talk about is food!

I just had to make the other night's cauliflower rice again last night. It was so tasty. I added to it a bit. A few veggies and some kidney beans made it like a vegan, cauliflower rice risotto. I decided to go meat free. With using kidney beans instead of meat and cauli instead of rice, I ended up having loads of calories out of my allowance left, and that's not even counting the exercise cals that I earned! I thought about eating a jar of biscuit spread that TMM had bought me. Yes, you read that right. Biscuit spread! WTF? Seriously? Who thinks this shit up?  It might sound as if TMM is making a habit of buying me unhealthy things. Normally, he doesn't, but both of these things, the meerkats a couple of nights ago, and the biscuit spread, are things we'd spoken about. The spread particularly, we talked about in Edinburgh, with a waitress one evening. I fancied trying it, especially when she said she'd eat the whole jar, with a spoon, while watching a film. The jar is 190g. And it has 1017 cals! How many??? And 190g? Sure, that wouldn't fill a gap in your tooth! I could have eaten the whole jar, but I would have had to use my hard earned, running cals. So it didn't happen. I took a wee taste, just to see what it was like. Very sweet. I has a big yogurt instead.

I finished yesterday having eaten 1164 cals. Bang on allowance!

Today I have finished pretty much bang on target too. No exercise calories earned, but my food has been okay. TMM made dinner, smoked fish, potatoes, carrots and brocolli. It was a nice, low cal meal. I had 350 cals left, and I hadn't had dark chocolate for ages, so TMM and I took a bit of a walk to ASDA and I bought a bar. I deliberately do not add chocolate and other treats to the ASDA delivery, so it means that if we want anything like that, it's not in the cupboard, we have to make the effort to go out for it.

Today's health related discovery was made after dinner. I was singing and playing the guitar when I realized how much easier my breathing is while singing. It was in a Cat Stevens song that I've found hard to reach some of the notes before.  It was ages since I'd played it. And tonight, it was no problem. Before I started this particular weight loss attempt, I had a goal that my guitar, a jumbo Fender, would look big on me. Obviously, when I was big, the guitar didn't look it. But now I'm a bit smaller, the guitar is starting to look quite large. Result!

My cousin is getting married in July and she's asked me to sing and play a couple of songs at the ceremony. Her date coincides, almost to the day, with the date I'd set myself to be at target. Even as it stands now, I would feel okay standing in front of a load of strangers, singing. I wouldn't feel awkward, or like a hefelump. This time a few months ago, I would have. But hopefully, come July, I'll be at goal, and feeling even more fab. (God, any more fabulous and I will be genuinely unbearable!) Actually, I had a dress in mind that I wanted to get back into, which I might have worn. But it fits me now! And as I've every intention of being one or two sizes smaller by then, I think I'll have yo rethink my wedding wardrobe ideas. Such fun! 

Yesterday was a good day

I've been obsessed by my shadow recently. Not for the first time. When The Main Man and I go for walks, it's usually something that I will notice at some point. We're walking along side each other, holding hands, and our shadows are also side by side. It's hard not to compare them. His is tall, lean and willowy (is willowy a word you'd use to describe a man? Don't get me wrong. He's very butch! :-) ) Mine? Hmmm. Well, I look like Ram Man!

Yip. That's a fair approximation of my shadow. Still, that's actually no longer the case. I've become aware of it starting to look more slender of hip (if not of thigh. I think I'm just always going to have chunky thighs, relative to the size of the rest of me. I blame all that trampolining when I was at university!) Now, when I catch sight of my shadow and compare it to TMM, it doesn't come up quite so wanting. I definitely could stand to be smaller yet, but it's getting there.

So, this obsession manifested itself at work yesterday. I was walking up the stairs when I realized that there was a good shadow thrown as I ascended. And guess what. I have a waist! Good grief, an actual, honest to goodness waist! In that particular shadow, I have an hourglass figure. Wow! I'll take that, thank you very much! I know shadows are, by their nature, distorted things. Of course it's not a true representation of my actual shape. But that never stopped me hating what I saw that was bad. So I'm not going to let it stop me enjoying the good. I love my shadow!

TMM brought me home a wee pressie from work yesterday. I'd mentioned a particular sort of sweets that I like, that they sell, and be brought me a bag. Jelly Meerkats. Nothing sophisticated for yours truly. It's a 250g bag, and I know that usually, once it's opened, I will eat the lot in one sitting. A greedy hallion? Me? Well, duh! Remember who's talking here. Having had dinner, I had 350 calories to spare and I figured the meerkats could get a bit of a going over. But of course, there's more than 350 cals in 250g of jellies. 870 cals to be exact! But I knew that going in, and I ate them anyway. Not a healthy, balanced choice, but one which I enjoyed to the full.

TMM says I humiliate my food. I like to eat things in a certain order when I'm savouring. So I eat chocolates from least favourite, to favourite (always the soft centres) and I eat jelly meerkat in order of colour, always leaving the reds and blacks to last. TMM finds this hilarious, and says he's never seen anyone expend so much energy on just organizing their sweets BEFORE they actually eat them. What can I say, I like them all lined up, in their colours, to await their demise!

The evidence of 870 cals of deliciousness

Having made the desision to eat the whole bag (and enjoy every mouthful) I ended the day about 500 cals over. No surprise there. I have been very good this last seven months at not deliberatly going over my allowance, and telling myself that I'll make it back before the end of the week. That way lies the destruction of all my good work thus far. So I've tried to be fairly strict with myself. I don't want to get sloppy now, when I'm feeling so good about myelf, my results and how I look. So I told myself that I'd get up for a run this morning. I worked out that I'd need to run for about an hour to make 600 calories, which would cover the 500 I went in to the red, and give a small comfort zone. Well, guess what. I actually did it. I got up and ran for fifty-six minutes, earning, according to Runkeeper, 596 cals. I am so proud of myself. I earned my meerkats in retrospect!

Do you know what was great about this run, apart from making back my calorie deficit? It was comfortable. Oh, I sweated and got out of breath. My legs got tired and I was glad to finish, but I ran for nearly an hour this morning, before work (polishes halo) and it was okay. Even though it was over two weeks since my last run. You know what, despite my sporadic attempts to get back in to it recently, I might actually genuinely be a runner! Me. Who's been over twenty stone at her heaviest (289lb). The ease with which I can don my gutties these days shows the difference weight loss can make to my movement.  It's a lot easier to run at twelve odd stone than when I was sixteen.  Mind you, at sixteen stone, I was running more consistently. So there's always something to work on. Even when I'm happy with my weight, I'll always be a work in progress. Sure that's as it should be.  I'd only get bored otherwise :-)

And so on to last night's dinner.  Wanting to keep it light, I'd already decided on cauliflower rice with my chicken curry when serendipity took a hand. A blog post Vegetabits came to my attention so I made it that way instead of my usual. I'm lazy about it. If I'm feeling adventurous I'll add onion and dried garlic. But this was on a wee level of its own. TMM even had some instead of noodles!

Chuck curry with delish cauli rice. Man, was it ever good!

I was cooking said cauli rice when TMM came home from work. And he did a double take at me! I LOVE double takes! He said it was the first time he'd looked and not recognized me initially. The man I love and have lived with for eight years had to look twice to check it was me. Magic!

Today's goal is to live by The Grit Doctor's rules from the book by Ruth Field, Run, Fat Bitch, Run which I've read a couple of times and love. I warn you though, you need a strong sense of humour.  It's abrasively encouraging. She states

1. Run
2. Drink water
3. Eat less crap (though "crap" may be me paraphrasing)
4. Get good quality sleep

Actually, #4 is my own addition. But hey, it's my blog :-) And I know I've said it before, but my sense of balance is very chuffed that rule one has one word, rule two has 2 etc. Obviously, I had to word rule four following the same pattern. I couldn't not. What do you think I am? Mental??? Anywho! Run, check! Water, semi check (the day's not over yet). I'm still drinking too much DFM* and black coffee. I'm an over caffeinated nightmare. Eat less crap, well the meerkats extravaganza will do me for this week I think, so no treats today. Sleep will always be my big challenge. So we'll see. I got about four hours last night, and that's sort of the norm. I will try to do better tonight. All the research would suggest that good sleep is good for weight loss, as well as general health, so it's a win all round. But I hate going to bed too early. I feel as if I'm missing out. Especially on a day like today when TMM won't get in from work till about 10pm.

That's it for now. Today, I will stick to 1200 cals. I'm feeling positive!


*Dark Fizzy Master i.e. diet cola of many different brands

173.2lb

A loss of 1.4lb. So that's me at just over twelve stone four pounds. My next mini goal is to get below 170lbs, so that's only three and a half pounds away. Then I aim for below twelve stone, which is about five pounds away. Wow, so close to being eleven something! 'S amazing!

TMM and I went to Starbucks for breakfast before he started work at 11.30 this morning. I was very good, and steered clear of the fruit toast, butter and jam. Nice as it is, I wanted proper food, so I had egggs and toast when I got home instead. And it left me cals to have some pineapple and light cheese spread later. Dinner will be a bolognese made with reduced fat pork mince. It's cooking on a low heat, slowly, as I type (smells great!) I won't have enough calories to have pasta with it, but I find that I don't overly miss pasta, when I can shred up some carrots instead, though I can imagine that they'd be a bit sweet for some tastes.

I earned a few extra calories today because I walked home from The Bucks, once TMM had started work It took about forty-five minutes, because I went the long way. And when I got home, I decided to try on TMM's jeans again. I'm clearly obsessed with clothes at the mo. I tried his jeans on a few weeks ago and was well chuffed to get them pulled over my thighs, but they wouldn't button. Well guess what! Yip! Today, they buttoned. God, I feel so thin! I might put them on again and be wearing them when TMM comes home from work, just to see if he notices ;-)

Anyway, feeling thin, and walking tall today, so the positivity continues. My walk was good, but I still need to get my running shoes on again. It's been over a week now since I ran. I'll set the alarm again in the morning, and try to get up without thinking about it. That's the key, just do it on automatic. So fingers crossed!

More clothes!

I know the last post was all about clothes that I'm loving at the moment but I tried this dress on as well, later in the day, and I was super chuffed with the result. This dress didn't even zip up before we went to Edinburgh.  And now it does!!!

See that grin on my face? That's me realizing that it fits and actually, it fits well, and it's one of my absolute favourites. I only got to wear it once. I love this dress! I bought it on sale, for £10, then I had the zip replaced to make it sit better. So in total, it has cost me £20. But my reckoning, I need to wear it nineteen more times to make it worth the money. Therefore I'm going to make sure I get to wear it at least a few times before I get too small for it. And I will get too small for it. Soon!  TMM says we're going to go out for dinner next week so I can get a chance to wear it out somewhere. I'm grinning so hard at the minute, just thinking about it.

I'm a bit conscious of all this feel good stuff sounding a bit boasty. That's not what I'm going for at all, but while I'm feeling good, I want to make the most of it and share it. I hope I don't have down spells, but they are only to be expected. I also hope I'll be able to work through them by writing and staying positive. 

Free dinner and cheap clothes!

It felt like I made a free dinner last night because I just used up left overs and had a gorgeous feed. The rest of the spicy pork sweet and sour with some potatoes (very few), sweetcorn, peas and a couple of pineapple rings all together as a side instead of rice. And it was totally yummy! And left me slightly under my calorie allowance. I was going to get a big ASDA fat free yoghurt, but that would have taken me over by about 150 cals. That's actually okay, as even then, I'd only have had 1350 cals in the day, still low, even for a short-arse woman such as myself, but it's too close to weigh in to eat extra, so I left it. I wasn't at all hungry anyway, just wanted something, you know? When you don't need it, but fancy something sweet?

A quick sneak peek this morning, the first one this week (well done me!) showed about 1.5lb off. But there are a couple of reasons to take that with a pinch of salt. First, it's the week after my moons, and I usually weigh heavy, so come tomorrow, that weight might change. My "official" weigh in could end up differnt. Second, for some reason, I seem to weigh lighter on a Saturday. Don't know why, and it could be nonsense. I can't have Saturday as my weigh in day though, as about half of the time I'm at Mum's, having stayed the night on the Friday, and her scales hate me with a passion. So, no. That ain't happening. If I do end up weighing heavy, I have to remind myself that it's nothing I've done wrong this week. I've eaten well. Not just within allowance, but balanced. Not too much rubbishy use of allowance, just a few sugar free sweets, and a couple of yoghurts. So if my losses aren't what I'd like, I will try to remember that my body is definitely getting smaller as well as lighter. TMM's clothes tell me that when I try them on (and doesn't that still induce a massive grin!) and my own peepers tell me that when I look in the mirror. 

This morning, being a Saturday when TMM wasn't working and I hadn't spent the Friday night at my mum's, we went out for breakfast, though as usual, it was vey much brunch/lunch by the time we were actually eating. I had the fry up. It's a generous plate of food (for "generous" read "large") and I've previously saved it on mfp as about 900 cals. That's an estimate, and it could actually be a little more or less, but I don't think it's too far out. Thankfully, it's a very filling feed, and I won't need much else today. We ate late enough that it will be after tea time before I'm hungry again, and then I think I'll make a big pot of butternut squash soup. Low cal, but warming and satisfying. 

We took our time over breakfast, then did a quick look some charity shops and T K Maxx. I found a great dress for £5.50. Sure, you couldn't beat it. Then a shawl/wrap type thing in TKs. Now, I have to admit that I need another wrap about as much as Donald Trump needs to learn to be obnoxious, yet I couldn't resist. It had green in it, which matched the new dress and a redy, maroon that matched the DMs that I'm going to wear with the dress. How could I not buy it?

£5.50 dress from charity shop. Did I mention it's a size 16???

Dress with the vintage leather jacket that fits me again. Dress £5.50, jacket second hand from a friend, DMs birthday pressie from the sibs a couple of years ago. Pretty much that only thing bought at full price is the underwear (last week in M&S in Edinburgh FYI :-D )

And finally, the dress with the T K Maxx wrap (not so cheap, but still okay at £16. God, I've turned into Jeff Banks or something. And if that don't age me...)

Said no to takeaway!

Last night I practised great restraint. TMM fancied a takeaway. I'd had feeling he might suggest it and told myself I'd just cook something healthy for myself. When he suggested it however, the idea of a Chinese chicken chow mein was really appealing and I seriously considered it. But chalk one up to the healthy options, I said I was okay cooking and I made myself a spicy pork sweet and sour. It was lovely. He still fancied takeaway, so got a pizza. Goodness knows how many hundreds of calories I saved myself! I was very pleased to finish the day slightly under target. A pizza would never have allowed that.

It's the first time in a couple of months that I've managed to say no when a Chinese or pizza has been on offer. We used to eat them at least once a week. In recent months, it's been far less for me, though TMM still eats them a little more than I think is healthy. But I hate the idea of nagging him into eating less processed food. I don't want to become an evangelist, or worse, to become smug and all about him having to eat better just because I do. Of course, then I want to balance it with wanting him to live well. All I can do is make sure if I'm eating well, that the option is there for him to as well. Lord knows, he's big enough and ugly enough to take care of himself. Thankfully though, a lot of the time, we do manage to eat together, and for the most part, home cooking is the way we choose to go. Tonight was a perfect example. He got home from work a bit before me, and by the time I was in the door, he was cooking spuds, cauli and bacon medallions. All very low cal, especially as I now tend to eschew most condiments, especially Tommy K. Too full of sugar. 

But none of this means that these things are entirely off the menu. If I fancy a bit of ketchup with my fry up, I will have it. And I'm definitely not abstaining from chicken chow mein and pizza for ever. I just want to eat it less, so that when I do have some, I truly enjoy it as a treat, and not something I feel entitled to have every day. Where's the fun in that? It's nothing special. It becomes common place.

A couple of NSVs in the last two days. All of a sudden, they are coming thick and fast. Like the double takes. I'm starting to see people look at me twice as they have to check that it's really me. One guy who delivers to us at work, stood at the counter and looked at me in my office, shook his head and said,"Fucking amazing!" And that was it. That was all she wrote :-) I'm 100% sure it was a compliment.

One of my work mates finally commented yesterday. He was a bit reticent, I think afraid of insulting me. But he basically said,"I'm not meaning to be cheeky, but have you lost a lot of weight?" I was chuffed to see that someone in work had noticed! At last. So I just said that, yes, I had, and it wasn't at all cheeky. In fact, it made my day.

Today, my NSVs were clothing related. I can get back in to my biker leathers, not that I have a bike at the moment. My leather trousers and textile jaket, that zip in to a one piece, fit again. And actually look okay! Also, a vintage red leather biker jacket, from the 70's, given to me by a fellow alcoholic at AA about eight years ago, I can wear it again! I'm super chuffed about that, as it's a pure classic piece of clothing. And I love it! Guess what I'm wearing tomorrow!!! And TMM asked me to try on a green leather jacket of his. It fits too, actually better than my own red one. So I now have two leather jackets at my disposal. Oh, and a Winter coat, that I bought in a charity shop, for £3.50. It fits snuggly, so by the end of winter, when I no longer need it, it should be too big, if I keep losing. Even as my losses slow down, this should be the last Winter that I need that coat. Because, as I've said before, is will be the last time I need to lose weight.

So, Friday tomorrow. The end of my first week back to work after my week off. As far as food is concerned, I've ended each day within budget. Mostly even a little under. As far as exercise goes, I've managed one decent walk with TMM and one short one. Not so hot. No running at all. TMM gets up for a very early shift at work in the morning, so I will try again then. I will finish my working week with a wee three miler before breakfast. I will keep setting the alarm until it takes!

Lap dancing

Clearly this is not me. Ahhh, to have that figure! Some day my friends, some day.

I can't remember the last time I sat in my partner's lap. Just like making love with me on top, it's something that's gone by the wayside as I slowly got bigger and bigger, and more self conscious about my body, even in front of a man who clearly adores me. My body image is a weird thing. I have no problem being naked, regardless of size, (I mean really no problem. I will go downstairs after my morning shower and stick the kettle on to boil before getting dressed) but the jigggles, blubbery wobbles and flesh slappy noises embarrass me. Go figure! And as for sitting on his knee, no way Hose. I didn't want to stop the blood flow in his legs because of my weight.

Well, last night, intent on torturing me, in his usual loving way, TMM grabbed me as I went to leave the room, to go to the loo. Yes, this is standard practice in my house. He loves to be my torturer and I'm delighted to be his torturee. On grabbing me, he pulled me down on top of him as he sat on the settee and I settled in his lap. God! I hadn't realized how much I missed it! It felt amazing and I felt no guilt or discomfort as my weight settled on him. So the result of his torture? Hell slap it up him! He's made a rod for his own back now ;-)