Edinburgh: Day three - just pottering about

Have I had too much time on my hands for someone who's away? I've written more in the last week than I have since I started blogging. It's probably just that I have more to write, I suppose, as I'm away from home and out of my comfort zone. Also, TMM falls asleep relatively early, meaning I can spend time writing before I go to bed.

We've been so lucky with the weather these last few days. There have been a few sharp showers, but in the main, it's been sunny. And very windy, which I love! But who cares about the rain? Anyway, there's no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothes. We have probably been around the city completely about three times in total, with the amount of walking we've done in the past three days. Day three, we had no where specific to be, so we left the hotel relatively early, just after nine and wandered till we found a cafe we liked the look of. 

Bacon roll and chai tea

This was a fairly sensible choice at this place. I could have gone for wholemeal toast, or porridge, or a sweet pastery, but these days, I prefer to temper my carbs with some protein. Even with the streaky bacon, it was not a calorie laden breakfast. It was just one roll.

On our coffee break that avo, I had a bag of salted popcorn and some dark chocolate that I'd bought a couple of nights ago. And after our walking about the town all day, Runkeeper told me we'd earned about 900 calories, so I reckon I could eat and enjoy the chocolate without guilt. 

Steps totals for the last three days, in the uber hilly Burgh of Edin

We've been in a Starbucks and a Nero, but for the most part have used non chain type places. And have only used local restaurants for dinner. Mmm, that haggis was gorgeous. I wonder where I can buy it in Norn Irn.

Day three's dinner was a seafood and steak place just round the corner from the hotel. That was the most sybaritic of my meals while I've been here. There was cream involved in the sauce and a whole cheese board to myself! Naughty Terry! In all honesty, I enjoyed it immensely and feel no guilt at all. I ordered a shellfish plater, and I'm gutted that I forgot to take a photo of it to show y'all, because when it arrived, it looked amazeballs. And when I'd finished with it? It looked like the shell of a burnt out helicopter. Now, that I remembered to photograph. I worked hard at my food tonight. I probably earned the calories as I deshelled the crabs and mussels!

The empty shells after I'd attacked my dinner

This has been a lovely break. It was amazing to get away with TMM. It's not something we do very often, so it felt indulgent. And eating out for breakfast, lunch and dinner feels hedanistic too.  But it's been a break with a difference for me too, because I genuinely have managed to eat well. I've had the choice to go mental and have sticky toffee pudding every night if I wanted to or to visit the fudge shop and eat the entire stock. But I actually didn't want to. I weighed up my options and decided that leaving Edinburgh, having enjoyed my food without making a pig of myself was what I wanted.  I don't always managed to make that decision, so I'm going to savour it and continue to do it while it lasts.

I have so enjoyed looking like a regular Joe (Josephine?) on this trip and the ease with which I was able to walk about for hours and keep up with TMM. All because of weight loss. It's worth not having a caramel square with my coffee if I continue to feel like this. 

Edinburgh: Day two - Coping rightly

Me being a sentry at the castle

This living life, and eating healthily, it's all about coping like a normal person and trying to not eat like my true fat personality would have me do. My natural inclination is toward excess. It always has been, in everything.  If I go on a knitting jag, I'll knit every day for six months, till I'm sick of it, then not touch my needles again for two years. Or with exercise, I will run five times a week for a year, then avoid it like the plague till I'm fat again, and can't run a step. The same applies to my eating and dieting. The most I've ever managed is two years, before going off the rails and regaining the weight. I know I need a change of attitude, a way to moderate my naturally obsessive, addictive personality. I go, ram stam, gung-ho into stuff. So if I could avoid that a bit this time, it might go some way towards making my results last. Actually, I guess it's a bit late to avoid my excessive behaviour altogether. You can't lose six stone in seven months without a little obsession. But if I could ease it off a little, now I've got less to lose, it might help. That's why I feel my first day here was a success. I had a sensible brekkie, avoided sweet stuff with my coffee, but then allowed myself to have a small dessert later. And no massive portions or going back for more. Maybe it's like being a recovering alcoholic.  I'll never have it beaten and there's always a chance I could fall off the wagon, but with awareness, I can stop it beating me.

Day two's first NSV was the bath towel from the hotel en suite fully encompassed me. Not with much of an overlap, I'll grant ya, but there's no way in Hell that would have been even close to happening six months ago. The next NSV was the steep walk up Arthur's seat. It was very tough going, and got steep immediately. But I was absolutely able to do it. Fitness wise anyway. My fear of heights meant that we got about half way before I had to call it a day. We walked for about an hour and a half, and a lot of it was very hard work. So I didn't make it to the top, but I earned a fair few calories regardless. With Arther's Seat, the castle and just walking all over the town, today we were walking for over four hours.

View from the castle

I was good with my food again. I'm pleased that I've so far managed to keep food under control, despite being away from home. We went walking before eating today, so we found a great wee cafe on the Royal Mile, quite close to the castle, to eat afterwards.

Picturesque street view at lunch time

We both had a bagel, with smoked salmon and cream cheese. It wasn't overly calorific, and I really enjoyed it.

Then in Caffe Nero* I again, as before, had just the coffee as I rejavinated myself, while TMM had tea and a bun. Despite knowing that I had earned a few hundred calories with the hilly Arthur's Seat alone, I decided that I'd rather keep them in hand, in case I fancied an extravagant dessert later. As it was, later TMM and I shared a small cheese board as dessert, and it wasn't overly high in calories, as the portions were small, especially when divided into two. My dinner was exactly what I'd wanted, haggis, neeps and tatties. That's haggis, turnip and potatoes to the uninitiated. And it was gorgeous. Again, we steered clear of starters so we could have afters without guilt. Is this that illusive moderation of which I spoke earlier?

All I have to do now, is avoid that darn fudge shop that I visited three years ago with my Weightwatcher friends. I was sure that I wouldn't find it, but of course, TMM and I walked right past it. Damn and blast it! I will not actively seek it out again.

So, that was it yesterday. Lots of walking and some good, honest food. Portions were "real person" portions, and not me and TMM portions. Despite the fact that TMM and I always say we eat with our eyes, and like to see a full plate, we were totally satisfied with what we had today. We need to down size our potons at home.

Today will consist of a bit of shopping and a bit more walking. I need a hair brush. Seriously, what sort of idiot, with hair all the way down her back, comes away without a hairbrush? And TMM wants to check out record shops. There's still a chance I will buy that jacket in H & M too. I need a little restraint in my shopping habits as well as my food!

*Other coffee shops available, but Nero is my favourite of the chains.

A day of Non Scales Victories

View from my seat as we left Belfast

It has been the most amazing day today. TMM and I rarely go away together, so that in itself was reason to be happy, but so many other things were good for me, revolving round my weight and health. The first thing was the plane seat. It was comfortable! More than that, there was room to spare, and it wasn't a massive seat. I wasn't even touching the arm rests. I am far from skinny. I have no illusions. But that seat was not too small for me. I can't tell you how happy that made me. I actually felt a bit teary. And there was room to spare with the seat belt too. No extension necessary. I can not over emphasize how embarrassing it is to have to ask for that sort of help. I know I'm a bit obsessed with my own norks at the minute, but here's a pic of me with my seat belt. Yeah, I'm a tad narcissistic at the mo. Hopefully it will wear off, otherwise I will become unbearable.

Next thing was a trip to H & M. A girl on FB mentioned a bomber jacket she got there, and there was a photo of her wearing it. I really liked it. It was khaki, which I'm really into at the minute. So when I saw a H & M in Edinburgh, I called in with TMM, to try it on. The one I found was not exactly the same, but I found a size 16, and had a go, despite being pretty sure that a sixteen would be too small. Well, cut my legs off and call me Shorty, it only went and fit. And fit well. Not too tight, not stretched. And TMM said it looked well on me. I was very tempted to buy it there and then. But I decided to keep my powder dry and possibly buy it when I get back to Belfast. I really liked it.

On the subject of clothing, on our way out to dinner this evening, TMM offered me his jumper to wear over my dress. It not only fitted me, it looked good. I adore fitting in to his clothes almost as much as I love weighing less than him!

The main win today has been the ease with which I was able to walk around. We were on our feet all day, and walked about the city centre. Edinburgh is one heck of a hilly city, and I managed it, no problem. Of course, walking up to Arthur's Seat may be on entirely another level (literally.) I hadn't realized quite how high it is, so it will be interesting to see if we manage to do it. We're thinking that we will possibly try it tomorrow. I tell you what, if we do, I will have well earned my dinner that day!

Today, I'm made relatively sensible choices. When we went to Starbucks* this afternoon, TMM got a caramel square with his tea, and I exercised great restraint and had just coffee. It was a large bucket of coffee, but just coffee alone, nonetheless. I'm so proud of myself, especially after not having a fry up this morning at the airport.

I had dessert after dinner this evening, but it was two small scoops of vanilla ice cream, with a shot of espresso poured over it. I know that doesn't sound very exciting. Like, why would you even bother to waste the calories? But seriously, it was lovely. Such a simple idea, and so delicious. And because I had dessert, while The Main Man had his sticky toffee pudding, I didn't feel deprived. It wasn't at all high in calories, so I don't feel even a little guilty about it.

My main was a burger with caramelized onions. I got them to leave the cheese off it, so I saved a good handful of cals there. And I asked for a side of seasonal veg. We bought some bits and pieces at a wee shop, to have with coffee in the hotel later, so I went for my usual choice of very high percentage dark chocolate. But I didn't eat any of it. There was no need. I'd had something sweet in the ice cream, and that satisfied me. After dinner, we went for a wee dander, so while it wasn't exactly overly energetic, it was better than going straight home to veg out in front of the telly.

I know it sounds quite boring, but it's at times like this that I'm glad that TMM and I don't drink. Imagine all the calories I would go through if I drank alcohol! Such a waste of good calories that I could be eating!


*other coffee shops available. I especially like Cafe Nero :-)

What we can see from the front door of our hotel

The trip has begun!

I'm on the airport and my flight is in an hour! We're on our way to Edinburgh. Can't wait. TMM and I rarely go away together so I'm excited.  I won't lie though. I'm worried about coping with the foods side of things. But my first test, breakfast here, before out flight, went okay. I avoided a full fry and had scrambled eggs and toast, with no butter. A sensible enough choice. Let the games begin!

Jog, log and blog!

Spurred on by inspiration from both the always gorgeous BikerBabe and super hot mama, Helabells I got up for a run this morning, and feel as if I've started Monday on an excellent footing. The gee up that I received from reading the girlies' blogs was helped by the fact that I do live in an amazingly lovely part of the world. It's a joy to run with scenery like this.

I feel refreshed and awake after my shower, and I have to say, after another great pooh. This is a habit I could get used to. I just need the time! It's a time consuming process, this joggging, logging and blogging! Ahh, TMM! He does have a wonderful turn of phrase.

TMM and I are thinking of heading away for a few days, last-minute, and I find myself preoccupied with how I will cope away from home. Eating my fry up at the weekend, even two days in a row, as I did this week, is not the same as eating out, every meal, for four days. At home, I make adjustments on the rest of the food that I eat that day. That won't be so easy while away. So I think my campaign plan will include eating lighter breakfasts. We'll probably book room only, so will eat at cafés for brekkie. I foresee scrambled eggs or porridge in my near future, though I find it very difficult to pass up a fry. I reckon we'll both probably skip lunch. That's what we do when we've had food out at the weekends. At home, we don't even have much of a tea on those days. 

How do normal people do it? How do they eat while they are on holiday and not make pigs of themselves and not come back a stone heavier? Okay, we'll only be away three nights if we go, so a stone gain would be going some, but seriously, these mythical "normal" people? How do they manage?

But enough worrying about what we're going to do if we go away.

I coloured my hair yesterday. I'm back to being a full on red head. I think it suits me, and makes my face look a little thinner.

It's not to cover the grey. Honest ;-) It perks me up to do it, gives me a fresh look, especially as I haven't dyed it for ages. Mind you, I don't need much perking up at the minute. I'm in such good form after my loss this week. 

I hope that that feeling will carry me through if we go away. And I really hope it will remind me that feeling like this is so much better than anything I could eat.  The progress I've made has been so amazing, it would be daft to ruin it, even for a few days away with the love of my life. He won't want me to make myself unhappy either.

Progress over the last six months

We're talking about going to Edinburgh. The last time I as there was with the Weightwatchers girlies. We did not eat like WWers, I can tell you. And one of the best, and worst, things we discoverd (or rather Amazing remembered) was where the fudge shop was. Oh my goodness. What fresh Hell would it be to go there again! Thankfully, as I recall, it is not on the main street, so hopefully we would not go past it. But TMM likes to explore so if we do "do" (Teehee, I said "do do." Do do means pooh! [But I digress]) Edinburgh, we probably will find it.

Edinburgh, the last time I was there

One good thing if we go away. I won't be worried about the size of my bum in plane seats. We would be flying economy, Easyjet or something of that ilk, so space is at a premium and I've been in the position before of being uber self conscious of my size on a flight. It was mortifying to be so self aware, sitting beside some poor random, spilling over in to their space and sweating because I got so warm. The embarasment didn't help, as I would flush with scunderment as well as just the general heat I always dealt with because my body was so blanketed with blubber. One particular trip was all the harder because I was going to The Shetland Islands, and that meant two planes each way. So I had to try to make sure I got the window seat four times, instead of just two. It was easier to sit slightly side on in a window seat, allowing for a little more room. Thank goodness for sympathetic flight staff. The girl on one of the flights was really nice. It would have been so much more unpleasant if she hadn't been so good. And believe me when I say, it was bad enough as it was.

I was in the shower after my run this morning, and I started noticing more bones. There are distinct lumps and bumps under my skin. And I'm fairly sure that they're ment to be there. It's an odd feeling. The main one that I felt this morning was my collar bone. I commented on it a few weeks ago. It's a little more pronounced, even this short amount of time later.  We were lying in bed the other night, I was on my side and TMM was spooned behind me. He put his hand on my hip and had a wee feel around (Oi! don't be rude! :-D ) He could definitely feel that something was different. Then he realized. He could feel a hip bone! I don't know if he's ever felt a hip bone on me. What's next, eh? Ribs???

Last night, I checked my old WW blog for my lowest weight. I wanted to see where I am now, in comparison to where I was then. Almost exactly three years ago, I was 168lb. Only ten pounds lighter than I am now. Wow! I'm close to being the lightest I've been for years. So that's the next major mini goal, after the six stone loss mark, which is only two pounds away. Lose two pounds, hit six stone off, then lose another nine to get to 167lb, and just under twelve stone.

Oh yeah! It's all to play for. It's ON baby!!!

178.6lb

Woo! And indeed hoo! A three pounds loss, taking me to 12st 10.5lb. And just as a wee bonus, I am now officially lighter than TMM! I am lighter by four pounds. He's within his weight range. I always knew my BMI would be fine if I could just have grown the ten inches necessary to be six foot! That has put me in a brilliant mood. I'm lighter than TMM !!!

TMM and I have been out for breakfast (well, lunch) this morning, than for a walk, which earned back a few of the calories.

And I'm pretty pleased. It earned about half what my fry up cost. But as I've said before, it's worth every single calorie to me. And it might as well be two meals. I certainly won't eat till at least tea time. And I have butternut squash soup that I made yesterday that we can have for tea. So tea will be a low cal option

Smuggy Smuggerington

Yes, that is me. Big Smug Mc Smug, who came first in a smug competition in Smugland. Can you tell I'm feeling a bit smug? "And why?" you ask. Well, I'll tell you why. This is the first day of my holiday. Nine days off stretch ahead of me in one long, lovely, leisurely period, and I got up this morning, at 7am no less, to go for a run. So I wear my smuggness with pride, as a badge of honour. I've earned it :-)

The run felt good. I came to a bit of a realization mid trot. I always miss running when I'm not doing it. And I bitch at myself constantly about needing to get out there and start again. Then when I finally do get out on to the streets, all I can think of is getting the run over, racking up the miles and earning the calories. That's all well and good. I want to run the distances and burn or earn more calories, that's why I started after all. But I also want to enjoy the running for the sake of the running. So mid run today, it struck me that I should just stop concentrating on how far into my distance I am, and how long it is till I finish. I should live in the moment and just run and enjoy it. It worked. I still had about 2km to run at that point and I was tired (5k is a big deal for me at the moment, while I build up my stamina again) but the rest of the run was definitely easier. 

It feels like a great start to the day, never mind my holiday. I know I deserve a shower, a shit and a coffee. All of which I now badly need, but I stopped to blog first because I was excited at having got up, voluntarily, to run, in the daylight, later than normal, among real people. And I felt okay about it, not too self conscious. I know I have an obsession with "normal" but it's honestly earned. It comes of years of being far from percieved normality, and to think I pass for it now sort of blows my mind. I wore a running top from TKMaxx, an XL, so about a size 16.

Seriously, I think I looked okay in it. No one looked twice at me as I jogged passed them, except in tha way that non runners look at runners anyway. And I can so live with that. To be seen as a runner again will be wonderful.

Now, on to that shit that I need/deserve. After the uber carnivorous meal on Thursday night, I decided to go meat free yesterday, so I made a mushroom and chickpea curry for dinner last night, and had it with grated cauliflower and garlic instead of rice. It was darn tasty, and light-ish in calories, so I made back half of what I over spent on Thursday. All good. But oh, my God! My anal emissions last night were nothing normal! Circus tents out there are jealous of the sulphurous evil I created. I reckon the combination of the really good quality meat on Thursday and the chickpeas on Friday was pretty deadly. I'll be lucky if TMM hasn't been rendered unconscious in his sleep (I mean bad unconscious, as opposed to just sleep unconscious, obviously)  Moving swiftly on.

As far as the run was concerned, my foot and knee held up well. Both still taped, I will give it till tomorrow to see how they feel.

Then hopefully run again on Monday. Ahhh. A good start to the day. I love life at the moment.

Post run coffee. Ahhh! And relax.

Quiet week

I haven't said anything this week since weigh in. It's been a quiet week.  I've been on track with my food and busy at work. I'm looking forward to being off with TMM next week. We've no plans but it will just be nice to have no work to go to and be off together.

Actually, food wise, I was out with my gorgeous, funny cousin BB and her hubby CB last night. I'd pretty much saved most of my daily calories so I could have the mixed grill at the restaurant but changed my mind and had the fillet steak. Cooked to perfection, it was the best steak I've had in ages. And, while I love the mixed grill, and think it's worth every single calorie, this swap allowed me to have a slice of strawberry pavlova for afters. Good food, good craic and a manageable calorie deficit. What's not to love!

I went running last week, Wednesday I think, and a day or two later had pain in the top of my foot, along the top of the middle toes. I ran again on Monday regardless, and while the pain didn't really get worse, it certainly didn't lessen any. It scuppered my plans to run again on Wednesday and this morning. I want it to get better as I don't want to make it worse and then need even longer for recovery.  So I YouTubed KT tape ideas for that sort of pain and I've taped my foot up. So that's my right foot and my left knee. I swear, TMM thinks I'm held together with KT tape!

It's super important that I get back in to regular running now. I've been thinking of next May's marathon, which I'd need to be properly training for at the start of January.  But also, BikerBabe mentioned coming over to Belfast next year with her hubster for the Belfast Half Marathon.  It would be fab to do it with her, and I defo wouldn't want to hold her back. I think TMM and I will start our week off with a wee Parkrun in the morning. I can test out my foot (and knee! God, I'm falling apart and I'm not even 48 yet!) and it will be a second run in less than a week.

181.6lb

12 stone thirteen and a half pounds. That's what I weighed this morning. All pound off and I'm under thirteen stone. In the twelves.  By the skin of my teeth, but I don't care. I'm twelve stone something. Oh my God. I'm in the twelves!

Last night I tried on clothes from my thinner days. They were all running tops. And they all fit. Fit well enough to run in, in comfort. So as far as my "thin" clothes are concerned, there's  just my size 14 jeans to work on. A month or so away yet, but I  will get there.

Drum roll please....

....for I finally went for a run this morning! Ta da!!! For the fourth time in about as many months, I put on my best running shoes, the ones that ran the Belfast marathon in May 2015, but have only run about twenty miles in the intervening year and a half, and went for a run. It's as it always is, it was a pain in the arse to get out of bed at oh dark thirty, but I'm so glad once I've made the move.

There were a few things about this run that were different to the last one. Firstly, it stayed dark the whole time. I love running in the early mornings when it's dark. It's a throw back to when I genuinely didn't want anyone to see me, a fat lass, running and splodging about the streets. I care a little less about that these days (just a very little, I still care a bit) but I genuinely just like running in the dark, with street lighting.

The other changes were size related. First was my sports bra. I really need to tighten the straps and to have it on the tightest back strap too. I used to need it on the loosest one, so this morning I thought I'd try the middle one. I'd just started running when I realized that it wasn't quite enough. So next time (oh yes, there will be a next time!) I will have it on the tightest hooks, and see what that does. I wore a bum bag, a wee neoprene number that holds a key, some money and my phone, and I had to bring in the waist strap of it by quite a lot.

I was very pleased about that wee change. It felt more tangible than the bra strap change for some reason. And finally, I wore a top that I bought to run in in T K Maxx at least four years ago. It was one of my favourites, and I hated when I got too big for it. Well, not any more. It fits perfectly now, and I felt fabulous wearing it!

It was a good run in all. I felt comfortable as I worked up a sweat. I'm about two and a half stone lighter than I was when I ran the  Marathon (see finishers tee shirt below. It didn't fit me when I got it. It's supposed to be an XL, but it's a sporty XL, and they are rarely generously sized, in my experience)

I'm lighter than I was, but not as fit. Just the idea of 26.2 miles kills me at the mo. That said, I did just over three miles this morning, and I'm very happy with that.

So here I am, and I feel a-maz-ing! And I wouldn't be feeling quite so good (still walking on air because of my losses and the size 16 jeans, but not as good) if it wasn't for the run that I finally got out of bed to do. As always, that is down to the encouragement of another friend. What is it with me, and needing to be shoved in the right direction? A few weeks ago, it was down to a conversation with CycleBoy. He said he hadn't been out on his bike for ages, and I said that if he went for a cycle, I'd go for a run the following morning. Bloody bugger went and did it, so I had to uphold my end of the bargin. Then it was down to TMM, who fancied a wee trot a couple of Sunday's ago. He hadn't run for ages, so we went out together and he went at my pace. We did 5k and I know the only reason I did it was that I had company.

I have two on line friends who run. Well, more than two, but very specifically, these two and I form a chain. Helsbells is the reason that I took up running. We befriended each other Facebook stylee on the Weightwatchers website. They had a cool social networky- type-thing going on, and we could buddy up, write on each other's walls, keep blogs and stuff. It was fab for support and motivation. Hels was doing the Couch to 5k and I was jealous of her get-up-and-go. I wanted some of that. So I shamelessly copied her and started to run. It took a while, but before I knew it, time had passed, and I was running a whole year, and could do 10k in about sixty-one minutes (I never broke the hour, but that's still a goal.)

Then I met BikerBabe . She says that I'm part of the reason that she took up running. That makes me so happy. I actually had a positive influence on someone! Go figure :-) So in this wee running chain, BB is the child, I'm the mum and Hels is the Granny (Teehee, Hels :-D )Anyway, Hels has just entered a half marathon, and has been running early in the mornings again for ages. BB has a half marathon in about three weeks, and she's been training like a champ! So I see their fitness activities being logged on mfp and I'm super jealous. But yet, not jealous enough to get off my  ever decreasing arse and do something about it. Well, BB called me on it yesterday. We were texting talking about how good it felt to be on a roll, and to have a few days straight of healthy eating, and I said I was jealous. And, straight up, sensible girlie that she is, she says, and I quote,
  "Don't be jealous of my running...get the hell out there and do it!!!"
(The punctuation is all hers as well :-D )
She was bloody right too. I need to stop thinking and start doing. So I did. And aren't I glad!

These are two women who I "met" on line. We are on different land masses and we connected over t'interweb. Feckin' weight issues will make friends of people who'd never meet up otherwise. But that's what we did. We met up, in the actual world, as well as the virtual one. A few of us talked about meeting for a weekend away, went to Edinburgh and had a ball. Then about six months later, we did it again, this time in my home town of Belfast. This was when I met BB and Hels for the first time, in the flesh**. There were nine of us that time. After that, it was Southampton. We did Scotland, Ireland and England. Darn, we didn't manage Wales for the full set!

Any who! What's the point of talking about this? Oh yeah, support and motivation come for the most unlikely sources. Two girls I'd never have met if I wasn't a chubbster, trying to be thinner, have both inspired me to run of late. I have the other half, and family. I'm very fortunate. But the more the merrier, and these uber wonderful peeps know how I feel, to the very core. They've been there. That's special. And they're not the only ones, just the ones I connect with through running. There are so many more. I'm a lucky bastard.

Well, that's a pretty long one today (oo er mrs! Fnaar, fnaar!) Toodle till next time. I might even have had another run coz I'm feeling pretty pumped up at the moment. Of course, I'll see how the old legs fare in the morning!


** Note:
   just realized I lied here. I first met BB I Southampton a few months later. Sorry, that was a quick bout of EOS (early onset stupidly)

Train seats

I finally did it. I sat on one of the foldy-down seats on the train. You know, the ones that you only sit on as a last resort? Coz they're small and squashed up against each other. And they are on a hinge so you think that if you're too heavy, they'll collapse and you'll be scundered? Yes, one of them. And I genuinely didn't feel as if I was taking up more than my share of space. There was honest to God space for somebody to sit on the one beside me! I love this feeling! I can't get enough of it.

182.6lb

This might all sound a bit boastful and bombastic, but I'm genuinely psyched about how I'm doing weight wise at the moment. I don't want to sound annoyingly hyper or full of myself. I can hear myself going on about it, and I know it can be hard to listen to, especially if someone is not in a good place in their own health and fitness at the moment. I'm very lucky with TMM. He's so happy that I'm happy, and he lets me waffle on for ages without his eyes even glazing over :-) He's the most wonderfully supportive partner I could wish for. When I weighed myself this morning, he was in the bathroom with me. He just looked at me expectantly, and was so chuffed for me when I told him how I'd done. He just grinned at me and gave me a massive hug.

That's a loss of nearly four pounds this week and takes me to seventy-eight pounds off in total. Just twenty-two more to a 100lb loss. Just forty-three to go, in total until I get to goal. That's if I decide to go that low. I might stop at 154lb i.e eleven stone, rather than 139lb (9 st 13lb) Even 139lb is a couple of pounds above my supposed heaviest healthy weight, but I think I will look a bit too thin on it. So I might stop somewhere between ten and a half and eleven stone. In just one more pound, I will be under thirteen stone, and in to the twelve stone bracket.

I know that all sounds a bit obsessive, reeling off all the numbers like that, but I love taking in my stats on a Sunday, after weigh in. Well, I love it when it's been a good result. After a gain? Not so much :-) And this was a bloody good week. I half expected a slight, post period, gain. No siree, Bob, not this cowboy! Not today! And I feel amazing.

TMM and I went to Starbucks for brekkie. He was starting work at 11am, and I just decided to stay on, have another coffee, write my blog, read a bit and play Facebook games. What a lovely way to spend a lazy Sunday morning. As far as food is concerned, there's not much in Starbucks that I care to eat these days. It's all sugary, carby stuff. I'm not saying it's off limits, coz it's not. I had fruit toast, butter and jam last time I was here. And I very much enjoyed it. But it's not worth the calorie expenditure today. I'd rather have a high protein breakfast today. So I'll enjoy my recreational coffee, then have a brisk half hour walk home (earn a few exercise calories!) in the lovely Norn Irn sunshine, then go home for a nice, home cooked lunch.

I am in such a good mood today, with my losses being great, and fitting into smaller clothes, that I can't understand why it is that I let myself gain the weight again each time. Why do I let complacency get the better of me and let things slip? I am on an uber high today, feeling a bit hyper actually. So it makes me gung ho about my eating and I feel sort of infallible, as if I'll never eat in an out-of-control fashion ever again. Clearly, that's nonsense. I've been here before, and I've lost this wonderful sense of superlative brilliance. So I need to guard against losing it again. No one can remain this up for ever. That'd be exhausting. It's unsustainable. The ideal would be to have a few wee ups, but to level out and be able to maintain that.

That's my problem. I never get to a stage where I am entirely happy with my results, to the point when I say to myself, "Right. That's me finished losing weight. Now, I'm on maintenance." If I think about it, although in the past I've been at least two stone lighter than I currently am, I've never felt quite this good before. It's probably a combination of the weight loss, and being a little older, and genaerally more comfortable in my own skin, even when I'm bigger. This week, things seem to have snowballed. It feels as if, all of a sudden, I'm fitting in to things that I had to put away three years ago. It reality, all that's happening is, that in trying on the jeans, I've reminded myself of other things that fitted me back when they did, so I'm digging them out, and getting in to what I started to think of as my "thin" clothes once I'd gotten fat again. There are a few running tops that I absolutely loved. Perhaps wearing them again will encourage me to exercise. I can only hope.

Onward and upwards (downwards?) Here's to another good week, all things being equal.

:,-) - Tears of joy

I can't explain how happy I feel. I feel thin. I look down at my body, the same one I had last week, and I feel thin. And all because of the two pairs of jeans that now fit me. Being the proud re-wearer of these trousers has made a huge difference to me.

It probably sounds a bit daft to say that there are actually tears in my eyes as I think about this.  But what am I saying? Anyone who's tried to lose weight, especially if it's been a significant amount, will understand exactly where I'm coming from. This is a very emotional subject and deeply personal. Those of us affected by it can easily be brought to tears by many aspects of it.

Size 16 is a milestone point for me, even though it's still bigger than I want to be. This time six months ago, when I'd just started to track my food, I was a size 24 at least and all I could think was that to be a size 16 would be so normal. And here I am. Looking sorta normal.

It feels as if it has happened all of a sudden. One minute I'm so obese that people look at me twice in the street, the next, I can blend in to a crowd, with no one even giving me a second glance. 

Tomorrow is my weigh in day, and it's the week that I'm most likely to have a slight gain. I seem to weigh light on the week running up to my period, then a little heavy on the week that I come off it. I finished surfin' the crimson tide yesterday, so a small gain might be on the cards, regardless of the fact that I have had a good week, food-wise. It's happened twice before though, a sneeky wee half pound on. to ruin my good record of straight losses. Bugger it! Still, I'll keep my fingers crossed that I lose a bit, and if I don't, I will try to hold on to the feeling of being in the size 16 jeans! Did I mention that I'm very happy about that ??? :-)

Size matters ? ? ?

Which is it? Does size matter or does it not? I don't mean my physical size, my actual body. For me, in that respect, there's no question that size absolutely matters. I want to be smaller, for both health and ascetics. I'm talking about the number on the wee label, sewen into my clothes. Such a small, seemingly innocuous thing.

I read an article recently that suggested sizing is a marketing ploy. I can only agree. What better way to make me buy something than to tell me it's a sixteen, when I should be an eighteen? Of course that will make me feel good. I'm just that stupid and gullible. But it's no way to live. I should just realize that so long as my clothes fit well, and are comfortable, the number on the label is immaterial. It's not as if anyone can see it! I wish I could be that sanguine.

Someone very wise in my FB group suggested cutting the labels out. Such a good idea!

So it's terrible when I try on something in what I consider a good size, and it doesn't fit. I feel depressed and can be in a bad mood for the rest of the day. I don't know why I do it to myself because I know that sizing is worse than useless. It's almost arbitrary and there's certainly on consistency from brand to brand, shop to shop, or even sometimes within the same shop! I mean, you can't even relay on all the jeans within a shop's own brand being the same. That's truly the height of ridiculousness!

Then again, what about when the boot's on the other foot? When I try on something and it does fit? And that's where today's thoughts have sprung from. I was getting dressed this morning and there was something about the fit of my size eighteen jeans that made me think I should try on the size sixteens that I dug out a couple of months ago. I last wore them about three years ago, and finally had to give up on them and put them away as I got gradually larger. There are a couple of pairs of fourteens for me to aspire to as well. I was very pleased to find that they fit me. They fastened up with no problem! I wouldn't want to wear them with a clingy top just yet. I've got a helluva muffin top going on above the waist band. But I don't care! They genuinely fit!!! Soooooo happy.

And that's my point! I know sizes are a piece of crap. But I still care! Ah well, at least I'm happy with the situation today. Actually, you couldn't anger me today if you tried :-) Believe me, I've been on the other side of this coin too many times not to appreciate this feeling.

Happy

I'm sitting on the train, on my way into work, and I can't help smiling to myself.  The seat seems so much roomier. I suppose it doesn't just seem roomier, it actually is. It's a small everyday thing, but it's brilliant. When it's the other way round, when the seat's too small, when I'm so massive that the arm rests dig in to me, or worse, when I have to leave them upright, it's small, everyday things like that that can ruin my day and nearly make me cry. It's lovely to be on the right side of it for a change.

I have a couple of theatre trips planned in the near future. Hopefully the same feeling will apply to the seats there too :-)

186.4lb

I now weight 13 stone 4.4 pounds. Seriously. Just five pounds more and I'm in the twelves! That's almost inconcievable to me. I can't believe that I'm under thirteen and a half stone. I lost three pounds this week and of course I'm delighted. It seems like a long time since I had a big loss, though it truth, it must only be a few weeks. Despite the fact that I felt less than perfect this week, I felt I'd gone over my allowance more times than not, I must still be doing something right.

Putting my losses into perspective, I've now lost seventy-four pounds and only have 

forty-seven and a half to go. Less than fifty pounds! That sounds like so little to me. I know it's a substatial amount of weight. Crikey! It's more than some people start out needing to lose. But it's a very small amount to me.

Mmmm. Breakfast! Up and about early today, so a cooked brekkie of eggs on marmite and toast with brown sauce and black pepper. One of my favourite (so long as the yolks are runny!)

Tights!

Why don't my legs look like that? :-(

I used to think that tights were the most awkward item of clothing ever invented. Not only are they ridiculously easy to poke your fingers through, but they get tangled up so darn quickly! That was before I lost a few stones in weight, this time around. Turns out, it's been my legs that are the awkward things, not the damn nylons! As I tried to put them on, I'd always get one leg on just fine, then the second one would always twist. It happened every time. Darned annoying. This last couple of days, I've been wearing a skirt for the first time in yonks, which has meant wearing tights too. And guess what! No twisty problem. I managed to get the tights on without any hassle. So it must have been the size of my thighs that was causing the problem. Even when I was buying the biggest size in nylon, they was a pain, and it was likely that the tops of my thighs would rub together so much as to cause the nylon to tear. I gotta tell you, if you've never experienced the burn of upper thighs rubbing together, you're one lucky sod. It hurts, especially if it gets to the bleeding stage. Thankfully, I haven't had that for a long time. But I remember it keenly.

So, now I'm wearing a large in tights. Just a large! I'm well pleased with myself. And they are fitting fine. I'm not generally a large, or even an extra large yet. But in tights from ASDA*, I'm a large!

On Monday, my third supply of the fat busters arrived from Amazon**. I told myself that I'd use three lots of them. Then go back to not using them. So that leaves me about a month and a half to two months if I'm going to stick to that. I know myself. I don't know if I'll stick to that promise, especially if my losses have slowed down too much. I don't notice side effects with them. I don't eat a lot of high fat foods, but I don't think they work the same way the Orlistat did, with the fecal incontinence. I do notice that if I manage to remember to f]take them a full half hour before eating (which is what one is supposed to do) then I go to the loo fairly quickly after dinner, I mean within an couple of hours, to pooh. That seems to be how they work, in my non-expert opinion. You shit some of the calorie out before you absorb them!

As well as the tights success, I can really see my face getting thinner again. My face has two stages, and nothing in between. Round and fat, and thinner with actual cheek bones. And the cheek bones are starting to appear. My face was one of the things that Penfold commented on when she, Smiley and I went for coffee a couple of nights ago. I love that other people are noticing now too. Our coffee date was great for another reason. The three of us are in the same place, weight loss wise. We all want to do it this time, lose the weight and keep it off. When we go out together, no one has a bun with the coffee. We have out hot beverages, and compare dieting notes. We all agree that it's great to have the support without a class. We can be there for each other. Penfold and Smiley are next door neighbours,so they're going walking together too. We are all going to start getting together a wee bit more often I think, to keep up our momentum, while we're all feeling gung ho!


*Other supermarkets available :-)

**Other mail order services available :-)