189.4lb

Under 190lb! Finally just over five stone lost! And on a 175 day streak, as far as MyFitnessPal is concerned.

I lost two pounds this week, and I'm well chuffed. As frustrated as I am to see my losses slow down substantially, I keep telling myself that it's the way weight loss works, and I'm still doing really, really well. As TMM said this morning, "You can't keep losing four pounds a week or you'd die!" He does have a way with words, that man :-) And of course, he's right. Doesn't mean I have to like it. Why can't I just lose four pounds a week until I get to ten stone? Hmmm? Is that so unreasonable? Apparently it is. Dang!

175 days of being food conscious. That's a week and a half off six months and so far my attention span remains intact. If I just get on with things, and lose a sensible enough amount before my gung ho phase finishes, and my standard complacency kicks in, I should do okay. It's definitely my biggest fear, that I have to go through this all over again in a couple of years, because I enter the yoyo cycle again. For what? Like the fifth time? I'm so bored with myself and my inability to get to a healthy weight and then maintain it. Not this time! Seriously. I'm done. I'm getting healthy, and gonna stay healthy.

In an ideal world, I will get to a sensible weight and then go paleo again. I loved eating like that, and I genuinely believe it's very good for me. But not easy for me to lose weight on. Others might manage to, but I found that I didn't. So I'll save it until I'm where I want to be, weight wise. I love the idea of using less processed foods. I've already cut down a lot on those. Prepacked cooked ham especially was something I ate far too much of. I found that when I was following plans like Slimming World, because things like cooked ham were either low in syns, or syn free, I'd eat a lot of it. But it's not good to eat too much of anything, even if it's low cal, and ham has so much salt and sugar added to it, it's nutritional value is surely questionable. But that's just me. Unable to eat anything in moderation. Give me a choice between leaving some in the pack, or finishing the whole lot, I'll be the one scoffing the lot! Even if it's a 400g pack of cooked ham. I think I even did a 750g tub once in one sitting. Tell me again how I got to be 289lbs at my heaviest!

Today, I ate most of my calorie allowance after I weighed myself, in a brunch frittata the size of a small European country (I'm thinking somewhere tiny like Vatican City) made up of left overs from the fridge. I do like using up food so it doesn't get thrown out, and the remains of last week's pork mince cottage pie, with a few small left over boiled potatoes, in a frittata might not sound great, but it tasted bloody amazing. TMM was not of a mind to join me in my culinary experiment (boring porridge for him. Seriously Dude, live a little :-D ) So it was all mine!!!

Yeah, okay. That photo does not do it justice. It was far nicer than it looks. The feta on top does the pic no favours :-) There was lots of it and it was jolly tasty. No complaints here!

That's it for today, except to say that I'm wearing a skirt, for the first time in yonks, and I actually look quite nice. It's a boost to the old confidence. (BTW, the skirt cost me $2.00 in a charity shop (that should be a pound symbol. Why doesn't my Kindle keyboard have a pound symbol???)

Changes

A month or so ago, I tried on one of TMM's coats. It's sort of militaristic, old, well worn, a bit shabby. Hmmm, except for the military reference, I recognize that description. Maybe that's why he loves me too! Anyway, I love that coat and I was chuffed when it fit well enough to wear. It didn't close, but still looked good. It's summer anyway. Who needs to close their coat? Even in Belfast :-)  Except today. It's pissing down and I wanted to zip the coat up. 

IT ZIPPED !!! My belly has clearly and visibly shrunk in the last four to six weeks. 

I am in love with myself today :-)

So that's the true start of it. Me stealing my other half's clothes, that is. He genuinely doesn't mind. He loves how happy it makes me when I hit a milestone like this. He'll even sacrifice his much beloved threads to the alter of my ego when I get smaller. Even his jeans! Not that I'd be able to wear them outside. He's six foot tall, and I'm the eponymous, squat, five footish, female. Mind you, I will definitely wear them round the house when I eventually get into them. He is slim of hip, so it will be a while. Nevertheless, I have it in my sights!

191.4lb

Graph for the last five and a half months. It's so much easier to be positive when I look at the pictures. I'm a simple soul that way. :-)

It's a lot easier to write that blog title when it indicates a loss. No prevarication this week about writing a post. Last week, it was very hard to be honest. It was harder than it should be to just write a couple of numbers down. Okay, I know that I'm uber invested in this weight loss process, but who am I kidding if I can't own up, out loud as it were, to what the scales say?

I love the system I've got for the titles on my Sunday blogs.  It's lovely to see the posts with my weight as a header, and to see that the numbers are steadily decreasing. The downside of that is that on the two occasions that I've gained half a pound, that's equally apparent. And it's hard to look at. Still, twice in five and a half months, with almost 70lb / five stone gone? Not too shabby!

This week's loss of two pounds was still a disappointment to me. Sure, I know that's greedy. A loss, is a loss, is a loss. And, as I keep trying to tell myself, I can't keep losing a stone a month ("Why the Hell not???" my inner diva screams.) But I wanted, I SO wanted, to lose four pounds this week to get under 190lb, and to get well under the five stone off mark. I had a massive sense of entitlement about it. I deserved it. I shouldn't have gained last week, so I should have lost big this week. Right? Hmmm, what do you mean that's not the way this shit works? Dang!

So, next week it is then. I'm going under 190 next week :-)

I'm currently in Starbucks. TMM is working today, and he decided to go to The Bucks for brekkie. I decided to join him. He had fruit toast and I couldn't resist having some too. Mmmm. Fruit toast, butter (real butter!!!) and strawberry jam. I'm going to walk home from here, so that's a half hour at a brisk pace. It will burn off about half the calories that I've just consumedif I'm lucky. Guess. Go on, guess how many cals I've just scarfed  I looked it up on mfp. Starbucks Fruit Toast, no toppings? 480 cals. The butter and jam on top added another 200. That's almost as much as my Sunday Fry Up at our regular cafe. Still, it was nice to see TMM before he started work, and the walk will be a bit of exercise, and I'll just count it as today's treat. No dark choc for me later, and a light lunch of the rest of the broc and cauli soup I made yesterday.

All in all, I'm in a good mood. I may not have had the uber loss that I wanted, but I still lost, I'm still 69.2lb lighter than I was when I started all this again on Sunday the 6th March. I'm wearing size 18 jeans, not size 24, and I'm definately smiling more. My back and knees don't hurt and TMM doesn't think I'm going to have a heart attack when I walk to the train staion or die in my sleep because of sleep apnea.

It's all good :-D

The dreaded plateau

I'm being a bit presumptive. I only gained half a pound this week, and we're only half way through the week. So there's no reason to assume that I will plateau. I could easily have a loss this week. But I've been doing the usual, weighing myself each morning. And there's no movement as yet. Yeah, I shouldn't panic and I'm continuing to follow my 1200 calorie a day limit, but I can't help getting ahead of myself.

Of course, it's far too early to be thinking along these lines. If I'd stayed the same or gained for three or four weeks in a row, then I could try a new strategy. But there's no harm in assessing what I'm eating at the minute. I definitely haven't had the same amount of home cooked, proper meals in the evening. If TMM has been working, I've thrown together a plate of food,which while within calorie allowance, hasn't been great, nutritionally speaking, high in additives and salt normally. With that in mind, even though The Main Man was working late last night, I cooked a well balanced meal last night. Quinoa with pork, onions, mushrooms and green pepper. And the obligatory garlic. Mmmm. I know it doesn't look particularly appealing, looks a tad anemic actually, but it tasted bloody great :-) Is it just me though? Am I the only one who thinks that quinoa is the culinary equivalent of pubes in your food? The wee husks that separate from the seed as they cook look very pubey, short, curly and get stuck between your teeth :-) Still, it tastes good, and it's an interesting alternative to rice or pasta. 

Food of late, as I said, has been a little less healthy than when I first started losing weight again, five m onths ago (165 days ago, according to my "streak" on mfp) I've been at the DFM again. (Boo hiss!) Diet cola has long been a huge weakness of mine, hence TMM's name for it, Dark Fizzy Master. I've eaten a lot of cracker bread and low fat cheese with gherkins. I've made loads less veg soups.And my water intake has dropped, proportional to the increase in DFM.

There's plenty I could be doing better. I could certainly be using more sleep too. Blah!!! Talk about a work in progress. I wish I could get my "Run, Fat Bitch! Run" mindset back. That's a great book by Ruth Field. It's funny and a motivational kick up the bum. She espouses three super simple rules.

1. Run
2 .Drink water
3. Eat less crap

(I love that rule one has one word, rule two has two words and rule three has three words. I don't know it that was intentional, or if I've even remembered it correctly, but it appeals to my sense of symmetry. Teehee) 

The book is on my Kindle. I might reread it to try to boot myself up the bum.

All that said, I'm feeling positive today. I'm wearing my new Star Trek tee shirt, and it makes my norks look jolly splendid. :-D

My food is planned, and I'm meeting an old school friend after work. It's gonna be a good day. Toodles!

All is good in Terry's world of the volumnetrically challenged

My weekend sulk is officially over. That's so yesterday. I have remained on track and am not feeling fat or disappointed in myself. Yes, still disappointed that the good week I'd had didn't show on the scales, but that's old news now. Nowt I can do about it. So, I can continue to sulk (not happening!) or I can chose to think of this as a week to consolidate my losses thus far. That's how I'm thinking of it.

Because I'm not punishing myself for a no show on the scales, I had a Chinese takeaway with TMM last night. All counted and within allowance. Good grief! I enjoyed it. Hadn't had one for ages. CB, if you're reading this, we still have to do a Chinese some time soon. You, me, TMM and BB. Chop sticks ahoy! 

I have many reasons for feeling in fine fettle today. I need new undercrackers! All of my bras and knickers are too big for me.  It's a great problem to have.  But I resent spending money on stuff that, all things being equal, won't fit properly in a couple of months. So, cheapies at ASDA, here I come.

And. I was able to buy tights in a  size Large. Not XL. I know tights stretch, but only so far. And Large would have strangled me below the waist before. All going in the right direction, despite my small gain this week.

193.6lb

I spent yesterday sulking. I hate seeing that small increase in numbers. I can waffle on with the best of them about not getting caught up with the reading on the scales and how we should go with how we feel in our clothes. This is especially true when we've had an on track week. We all know that small, inexplicable gains just happen. It's annoying, frustrating as f**k actually, but there you have it. But it's a different story when the small, inexplicable gain happens to me.

Hypocrisy, thy name is Terry!

The kicker is, everything felt great last week. I did have a big fry up on Saturday, but I tempered that  by eating light the rest of the day. I know I'm coming off the back of surfin' the crimson tide, and I weighed light last week, as I usually do the week before. So that's probably it. TMM was very encouraging, just reminding me how well I've done over the last five months. To only have had two half pound gains, in all those weeks, is pretty darn spectacular. 

So I need to just suck it up, and get on with it. I'd be raging with myself if I allowed it to get to me so much that I gave myself a bad week over it. So far, it's been a good day today. I'm on track. 

I'm not over weight. I'm under tall.

I worked it out. If I was 6' 2", my BMI would be spot on  :-)

It's all about where I'm coming from

This weight loss lark, and how we feel about it and ourselves, really is all a matter of perspective. I'm five foot two, and want to be a comfortable size 12 and weigh under 10 stone to be on the correct weight/height range. I'm currently 13st 11lb, wearing size 18 jeans. And I feel fabulous. For me, it's all about where I'm coming from. If I was on my way up from a lower weight, I'd be feeling like shite, but because I'm on the way down, almost fourteen stone feels amazing in comparison to almost nineteen stone. So weird as it sounds, there've been times when I've weighed lighter than I do now, but felt worse. And even though my BMI is still far within the obese range, I feel great. To be honest, I'm just delighted to be out of the morbidly obese range. So today, I'm walking with my head held high, a spring in my step and a smile on my face. It's gonna be a good day, my fellow fat banishers. Hope y'all feel the same. 

So far, it's been a funny week. First the funeral and lack of control during the day to eat as I normally do. Then I had the recreational eating last night that visiting relatives bring with them. One of my uncles is visiting my mum for a few days. We rarely see him, so I called to Mum's and of course, being an Irish mother, she had to provide a table groaning under the weight of food. But I was pleased with myself. I made sensible choices, and stayed within my allowance.

Today, I have the lovely feeling of knowing that I'm going home to a fridge full of healthy food, and most of my calorie allowance intact, so I can feast to my heart's content, and still be a good little fat fighter :-)

After the funeral

I was thinking about how I didn't eat till I got home after the funeral yesterday. Sometimes it's the best way for me to remain in control. If I eat something, like when Mum offered me biscuits or chicken legs yesterday, all that does is set of a desire to eat more. I'm genuinely better off if I can just go hungry. If I can make myself abstain, then I can be in control when I do eat. Of course, I have to remain in control and not overeat when I do eventually consume something. There is always the danger that I'll go mental and over do it.

Today, I had my tea at Mum's and it was easy enough to eat well as it was a buffet style meal. Lots of cold meats, low fat pate and salad.  I know I'm well within my cals allowance today. Actually, I've felt great today. I'm in size 18 jeans and a tee shirt, which make me feel as if I look normal. And I'm wearing a cardigan that TMM gave me, one of his, that a few months ago would not have come close to fitting me.

I'm feeling a bit windy today. Maybe it's the quorn chilli.  

This week, I want to lose four pounds.  I'm surfing the crimson tide, so it probably won't happen, but if it did, it would take me to over five stone list and under 190lbs. How's that for two mini goals?

Out of routine

It's going to be an odd one today. I have a funeral to attend, at which I'm singing. Food will be an after thought and not something that I have control over. I know it should be the last thing on my mind. There's a grieving family to think of. But I can't help being glad that I weighed in yesterday and have a whole week make back any over spend on calories that might happen.

The projected overspend didn't happen because I just didn't eat. We didn't go back to the house afterwards for food, so although I hadn't eaten all morning, by the time we got home, at about 4pm, what I ate was entirely under my own control. 

The top picture is what I had. Crispbread, tuna with onion and light mayo, some very low cal cheese triangles, anchovies (yum!) and rocket. It was the sort of meal that my other half thinks is a bit weird, but I like it. That and a big glass of my dark fizzy master. I added it all up in mfp and had enough cals over for a bowl of quorn chilli later on, as well as a few squares of dark choc with caramel and salt. 

TMM bought me that bar when he was coming home from work a few days ago. He knows my tastes so well. It was gorgeous! 

The picture below my food is what TMM had. Quorn chilli, with chips and cheese. Gorgeous, salty, tangy, vintage cheddar which tastes amazing melted over chilli. Unfortunately, I don't have enough cals in the bank to have cheese on my chilli, but I made my choice to have chocolate instead. And it was delish. I will admit to some plate envy when I saw TMM's food and compared it to mine. I'd never have been dissatisfied with what I was having if I hadn't seen his, But I just told myself that this week's loss of three and a half pounds was worth not eating his food. I could have had that sort of meal if I'd really wanted, as I had loads of cals to spend. But my lunch was just fine.

I'm feeling very buoyed up by the support from the FB group. It's nice to read about everybody else and how they're doing, whether they're happy with their efforts, or if they're struggling. Hopefully we all help each other along. Everyone has been nothing but encouraging. I think the fact that it's a secret group, so not just anyone can find it, is a good thing. It means that you need to be added by someone else. So everyone is sort of recommended. That sounds sort of exclusive, in the original sense of the word, but it's not really meant to be. 

I'm going to try to get up for a run in the morning. One of these days, it'll work :-) I'll keep going till it does. 

193lb

Three and a half more pounds bite the dust, and I'm now well into the thirteen stone mark. I feel amazing. Thirteen stone eleven pounds sounds like "normal" fat to me, rather than "obese" fat. It doesn't matter that I am still technically obese. After being over eighteen and a half stone when I started five months ago, and nineteen and a half when I started WW On line in 2011, and twenty and a half stone when I started WW a few years before that, believe me when I tell you that thirteen stone and odd pounds feels nothing like obese. It feels fabulous. 

Today marks the five month mark of my weight loss efforts (this time around. My last time around. I promise to myself that this is it. I'm staying healthy this time.) I am two pounds away from having lost five stone in those five months. And isn't that something! It's amzing to me that I've come so far, so quickly. I'm a wee bit in love with myself today :-) I've looked at myself in the mirror today, and I genuinely like what I see. That's not to say I'm not still a work in progress, but I can almost see the end in sight, even if it is still a wee bit off yet.

I'm getting a lot of support and encouragement from the new facebook page that I'm a part of. It's a real shame the Weightwatchers are shutting down all or some of their community website, but as that's what was behind the inception of this new FB group, I can only be grateful that it happened. I'd long since lost touch with quite a few of my old WW contacts, and now I'm chatting to loads of them again. There are updates on how everyone is doing, what sort of plan they are using to lose weight, whether people are losing, gaining or maintaining, and pictures and recipes of food we're all eating. I even showed the photo above, to show that my bones are finally staring to show through my blubber. That's an honest to God clavicle, right there! Who knows, maybe I'll even eventually find my ribs!

Thirteen stone eleven. I still can't quite believe it! I'm amazed. And I just haven't been able to stop grinning :-D

Tuesday - Saturday.

Despite promises to myself to be on track all week, I finished a couple of hundred calories over the limit on two days. After the 900 calorie fry up for lunch on Monday, I did not partake of the gorgeous looking Jaffa Cake cake in the cafe at the walled garden. TMM had a piece and it looked lovely, but I was determined to use my remaining calories for good. The groceries had been delivered, so there was plenty of real food in the house. I boiled two large turkey drumsticks, made the stock in to soup, and ate pretty much all the meat from one leg. (I love the dark meat. Could literally eat it all day.) Although everything I ate after the fry was healthy, it was still over my daily allowance.  So  I did better the rest of the week, but always felt like I was on the back foot, as of catching up wasn't really possible. I'm hopeful that I've done okay. I have to get into the thirteens on Sunday.

However, I defo won't lose a stone this month. I'd need to lose six pounds this week for that to happen. I'm nowhere near that sort of loss this week. It's been a while since I had a miracle week like that.

Doing a systematic purge of wardrobe.  Any trousers that I no longer have to unbutton to take off no longer make the cut. Tops that are too baggy are out too. I no longer want to wear things that are unflattering so out they go. I bought a pair of size 18 trousers in ASDA, just plain black canvas jeans. They look good. And a size 20 top. They look great together with my green DMs. I'm wearing the ensemble now and I feel great. It's making me walk with my head held high and I have a smile on my face.

196.4lb

It's a loss of 2.6lbs. I didn't quite make it under fourteen stone, but I'm only half a pound away. I can't pretend I'm not disappointed, but it's still a good result, especially for a week when I went over by a couple of hundred calories on a couple of days. I need to watch that this week, not get cocky, or it will come back and bite me in the bum at my next weigh in.

In an effort to make myself start running (yes, I'm still wittering on about getting out running on a regular basis) I've ordered some proper K T tape. I've bought cheap stuff before, and it's been useful, so I thought I'd see if the brand name one, which is quite a bit dearer, is any better. I hope that spending the money will encourage me to actually use the darn stuff. It's stretch tape that you put around your joints if they give you pain when you exercise. There are various configurations for applications to knees especially, in order to give full or partial support. I used it for a few months when I was training for the marathon, and I found it very good. It's my left knee in particular which give me jip.

Both TMM and I are off today, so it feels like we're playing hookie on a school day. We got up late, went out for breakfast (more like lunch!) and then went for a gentle walk. There's a gorgeous walled garden near us, and we like to go in to it a few times a year, just to see how it's developing. It reminds me of my fave children's books, "The Secret Garden."

I ate a massive fry up, counted all the calories, and don't feel remotely guilty. Then our walk earned me a few exercise calories, but not many. It was just nice to get out in the air, on a lovely sunny afternoon. Even a little activity is better than none at all.

I'm feeling positive in general at the moment. My old Weightwatcher blog has encouraged me. Knowing that I'm not so far away from where I was then is great. I feel good about my chances of being slim by the time I sing at AM's wedding too. I bought a pair of trousers and a top on Saturday in the sale in M&S and they were a size 18. It's the first 18s I've bought in ages, and I was chuffed to bits when they fitted me. I'd love to be a 12 by the wedding. Fingers crossed I can stay motivated that long. At the moment, it doesn't feel like it will be a problem. If I could keep it together till then, I could get my dream of my gorgeous guitar looking massive on my newly slender body :-)