When a plateau is a good thing?

I read an article that suggested that a plateau is not necessarily a bad thing. Rather, it's a sign that things are going well, changes are happening. And while it's easy to become disheartened, not sticking with it only makes things worse. I hope I can think like that when I'm in that situation.  Easier said than done, I'll warrant.

I had sweet potato chips today. I cut up wedges of the sweet potato and baked them. I also baked thick slices of bacon, like smoked gammon, with pineapple. And made the pineapply, smokey, salty juices into a gravy. Mmmmm.  It was bloody gorgeous. Although it was very high in salt, at least the sweet potato was healthy. And that's two days in a row that I've come in slightly under my allowance. Not to mention walking on Saturday, Sunday and today. Add in the amount of water that I've drunk, and very little diet cola, and I reckon I've been quite a good girl.

Fresh week, fresh start

I took a good look at myself in the mirror this morning after I got dressed. I especially looked at my side on profile. That's my worst, fattest-looking view. I look good. Comparatively speaking obviously.  I'm still fat and look like shit in compatible to Angelina Jolie, but for someone who has been over twenty stone at some point of their life, I look okay.

It was to remind myself that a smallish loss is not the end of the world. I didn't do much wrong last week, I still lost weight and am still getting healthier and smaller. It's all good.  So it's onwards and upwards this week. I am going to make this a good week, get firmly in to the fourteens and keep in the green, calorie wise.

GO TERRY

209lb

It's not much, that 0.8lb, but it's better than I thought I was going to do. So I'll take it and be grateful. I thought that I was surely heading for a STS (stay the same) because of all the unpromising sneak peeks.

Today I have stayed within the 1200 cal allowance.  Given the nearly three and a half stones loss, I am really surprised that the allowance hasn't gotten smaller. But perhaps it's not going to get smaller than that. It's already quite a tiny amount of daily food for a grown woman. I do find it difficult sometimes not to go over. A lot of the time, it's down to plate envy, looking at TMM's dinner and wanting what he's having. Tonight he had beans on toast, with low fat sausages and smoked bacon. I had homemade potato and leek soup with three low fat sausages. (See above pic. Discovered them a few weeks ago and I love them. They're only about forty-five cals per sausage and both the flavour and texture are great.) Don't get me wrong, my food was lovely. His just looked more and I'm greedy. I want more. But if I don't have enough calories, I need to just suck it up and make/eat what I can "afford." I always feel better about my efforts if I do.

Both today and yesterday, I earned a couple of hundred extra calories. I walked with Mum yesterday and this morning TMM fancied taking the air before having breakfast. And we were very good. We ate in instead of going to our fave caff for a big fry. We had scrambled eggs and salmon and toast. Saved money and calories :-)

Anyway, that's a good, positive start to the week. Here's to the rest of it going the same way.

Nothing new to say

It's just more of the same. Angst in case I don't do well at the scales in the morning and moaning about my sore abs after the exercise class on Wednesday evening. They are still sore today, especially when I laugh.

I went walking with Mum this morning, then got off the train a stop early on the way home, and walked for a further twenty-five minutes. I earned over 400 cals, then broke my own rule by eating them. I have still finished the week almost 1000 cals in the green though, so I made up for my heavy start to the week. I've also drunk loads of water this week, and practically no fizzy pop. I've been so good. I'm uber well hydrated. Because of the unpromising sneak peeks though, I'm still worried about the scales.

Nowt I can do about it though. I'll just have to wait and see, then suck it up, whatever happens.

Progress, but it still might not be a good week

Well, in for a penny, in for a pound. So I had another sneak peek this morning. It was slightly better news in that I was only about a pound heavier than my weight from last Sunday. I'm trying so hard not to have high expectations of this week. It's tough. I've done so well each week so far that it's going to be disappointing and hard to accept when it slows down.

I was at Mum's this evening and we had chicken curry with grated cauliflower instead of rice. It was lovely and very low in calories. So I had plenty left over for some orange and almond dark chocolate. It's been a good couple of days for food after a slightly dodgy start to the week. I've caught up after going in to the red early on.

Good and bad

There are these horrible plastic patio chairs in the kitchen at work. They are the sort that the legs would splay out and you'd land on your arsenal, if you were too heavy for them. I've been close to that point a few times. I would sit down on them very gingerly and not move about too much. At those points in my weight, my hips are really too broad for the width of the chair, and you can see bits of me squeezed out the side. That's not the case at moment. I am becoming narrower of hip, so I can actually fit the width of the seat quite comfortably between the arms. There's a ways to go yet, but it's definitely getting there.

Not good sneak peeks. Again with the impatience. I wish I could listen to my own advice and leave mid week weighing the Hell alone. Each day this week so far, I've weighed a good two pounds too heavy. *Sighs* Not good. So I've been a bit down about my chances of a loss this week. It doesn't matter how much I tell myself that I should prepare myself for a slow week because I've been so successful so far,the prospect of a gain or no loss still depresses the Hell out of me. Telling myself that I should be realistic doesn't make it so. Unfortunately. 

This just means that I should concentrate on the positive and remember that it's not all about the numbers on the scales. I'm getting healthier and smaller and that's what counts.

Guilty

I'm feeling a touch guilty because I ate a large tub of fat free vanilla yoghurt and knowingly put myself over my calories by 160. It's not as bad as last week's 400 on Sunday, but feels worse as there's no special occasion to excuse it. And I did no extra exercise to atone for it. I tried to go easy today to make back the deficit. Or run around the living room some more. But TMM cooked this evening and used full fat mince which added calories to the recipe that I normally make.

Slight point of interest. Despite the fact that I should know better, my language about food still indicates that I judge myself and food as "good" or "bad". I either behave or misbehave.  I talked about atoning for what I ate as if it was a single or evil. I genuinely know that food is neither good nor bad. It just is. If I had any sense of moderation, I could eat anything, so long as I balanced it out. But since I never know how to have enough of a good thing, there are somethings that I need to stay away fr, at least initially.  Big example being ice cream, which  I haven't eaten for nearly four months.

I really want a pizza. A full, fatty, cheesy, spicy, meaty pizza. All to myself. Probably a couple of thousand calories worth. Ten inches of unhealthy goodness. What's keeping me from going, "to Hell with it," is the thought that I still need to make back the 160 over that I went from the yoghurt. I go to my class this evening and will do about forty minutes of sweaty exercise, so that will make me feel better. I will also eat low cal, as I'm entirely in charge of my own food tonight. So after tonight I will be back in the green, calorie wise. As for the whole pizza idea? I'm not giving up on it, just putting it on the back burner for a few days, till I genuinely have the calories to enjoy it, guilt free. 

Running amok

Yesterday I ran for forty minutes around the living room, dining room and kitchen. I was pleased to do it for a consistent forty minutes. When I say that I ran around then, that gives the mistaken impression of loads of space. It's more like running (trotting, jogging, ambling, take your pick) pretty much in a straight line, through all three rooms in twenty strides, then turning on the spot to go back again. It's a dull way to run, but it's better than nothing, earns a few calories and will do till I have the confidence to run outside.

I spoke to Mum about my loss yesterday. She was well pleased, both for me and herself.  She's  been counting calories, using the lists that I made her and she lost two pounds this week. She only has about another ten to go. Lucky woman. Me? Seventy-two. Maybe a bit less if I'm happy when I get to 150 pounds instead of 139. So she's fired up to be good again this week. Which reminds me. She wanted me to check something out for her, something she ate today, and I forgot to phone her back. Must remember in the morning. After all, a weight loss guru's work is never done :-)

209.8lb

A loss of 3.4lb this week. To say I'm pleased is a massive understatement. That loss takes me under fifteen stone, into the fourteens.  Only just, I'll grant you, but there nonetheless. Well chuffed.

Are the pills helping, even though I'm only using  them at one meal? I'd use them at a second meal if I ate a large enough one, but since I generally don't, it doesn't seem worth wasting one. I'll get longer before I buy more, using them this way. That's two full weeks of using them and beyond my stools being a bit looser on some occasions, there don't seem to be any bad side effects.  Of course, I don't always remember to take them half an hour before I eat, so I can be a bit inconsistent.  But so far, at least I haven't completely forgotten.

That's fifty-one pounds gone now. Three stone nine. Only five more pounds to four stone, and ten pounds to get under 200lb! Plenty of mini goals to aim for.

Update:
I love vegetables, which is handy when I'm losing weight. I have never met a vegetable that I didn't like. But even more so, I have yet to come across a vegetable that wasn't made even more delicious by the addition of onions, chicken stock cubes, water and a judicious application of heat. I'm talking about soup. Mmmmm. I made potato soup this  afternoon and it was gorgeous. So simple, so filling, so tasty.

Another Update:
I forgot to make a big deal of the fact that I hit the fifty pounds off mark today. Went over it a bit actually. How could I have forgotten that???

I'll write more tomorrow. Honest

A relatively quiet couple of days hasn't been great inspiration for blog writing. I've generally eaten well within my allowance and have earned a few extra cals a number of times this week and haven't eaten them, meaning that I have more than made up for the deficit I had last Sunday at dinner before the comedy gig. I should have easily made a couple of hundred extra on at least three days. So here's hoping for my weight in in the morning. I keep telling myself that I should be prepared for a low loss this week. But I so want to get below 220lb! Anyway. Fingers crossed. I've worked hard this week. I hope it pays off.

Bad Terry!

I'm a bad girl. I haven't updated for a couple of days.  But there's been very little to say. Honestly.   It's all been very quiet on the Western Front. Even this is just a quick note to say I haven't forgotten my diary or fallen off the wagon.  It's been a good couple of days as far as food is concerned. I went to the class with Penfold on Wednesday night and did the forty minutes exercise classes.  We used kettlebells, my first experience of them. It was exhausting and I'm still feeling the after effects. But it was a good kind of pain that it engendered and it earned me over 500 cals! So, well worth the effort. 

It feels as if I'm going to have a slow week as far as weight loss is concerned.  I know I've said that before, but I really am due a week when I lose very little.  As much as I would love to lose at least three and a half to get into the fourteens, I must prepare myself to be disappointed. And once I get into the fourteens, i. e. under 210lb, I'll be so close to going under 200, I'll be able to smell it!

Run, Terry, run!

No. Still haven't made it outdoors for an early morning run yet. Still a bit self conscious and aware of my big belly. I'll get there soon. Not having been for a run, I still managed to do some exercise today. Penfold and I went to the class, had a bit of craic with the other girlies and then did forty minutes of exercise. Tonight, the leader, Northern Lass, had brought kettlebells and we used those throughout the class. I couldn't find a calorie count for kettlebells on map but I checked it out on line and it said I'd earned 535 cals for the whole activity. 

That's two days in a row now that I've done enough exercise to earn extra calories. My food/exercise diary looks very good, a couple of hundred calories in the green, two days in a row. And my body feels pleasantly tired. I'm really looking forward to going to bed.

Setting goals

I've gone on to Runkeeper and set a weight loss goal. I love stats, so a wee graph of the pounds I've lost is always welcome. I do wonder if it's putting too much pressure on myself, but I can always change it or delete it if it bugs me. I'm actually hoping that it will help motivate me to do some exercise since it's on Runkeeper. I've linked RK with mfp, so RK gets my weight updates and mfp knows when I've logged some exercise.

Of course, it doesn't necessarily mean that the goal I've set is realistic. I've set it to lose seventy-five pounds by this time next year. That would take me to 139lbs. My ultimate goal. My weight loss nirvana. That averages out at a pound and a half a week. Sounds okay, but plateau happen, regardless of how perfectly one follows a programme. I have to try to stay positive and consistent.

While on the subject of apps. I got a new phone. Lovely piece of kit it is too. I love me a new gadget, a new toy to play with. I was footering with the system's inbuilt health app, you know the sort of thing that's standard on a smart phone these days. They all have pedometers and stuff. Well, who'd a thunk it!?!? This has a bloomin' heart rate monitor too. Flippin' heck. I'll be expecting it to cook me a healthy dinner next! Anyway, I still haven't gotten myself out of bed early to go for a run on any morning yet, so perhaps these new goals and apps will help. This evening, while I waited for TMM to come home from work, I did the ab challenge and then jogged around the living room and kitchen, as I did on Saturday. I'm getting myself used to jogging for half an hour. I might try (again) to get up in the morning and actually run outside (radical idea, I know)

TMM walked to the garage to get his nightly snack of "Cheezies" and chocolate, so I went with him for the short walk. I haven't been adding chocolate or snacks to our ASDA shopping delivery. It means that we have to make the effort to buy the less healthy stuff. It's not just sitting in the house. It's easier for me to stay on track, and TMM doesn't mind the wee walk. I was very good, resisted temptation and had a bowl of strawberries and fat free vanilla yoghurt. 

A calorie heavy start to the week.

It's as well I did well with my weight loss this week. And I'm glad that we went out last night, early in my weight loss week. We went to Belfast, for the Reginald D Hunter gig, early and had dinner in a bar while watching the football. Even though I had nearly 1000 cals to play with, I think I still went over by nearly 400 cals. I could have done better, eaten lighter. But I really enjoyed what I had. Chicken breast and bbq ribs, with chips and a couple of slices of cheesy garlic bread. If I'd held off on the garlic bread, I'd have not done too badly, but what the heck. It was lovely, I enjoyed it. It's done now.

So, that should be all the motivation I need to do some exercise this week. One decent run would cover it.

It struck me that while it's three and a half pounds to get into the fourteens, it's only two and a half till I have lost fifty pounds!

I was hungry this afternoon and found it difficult to stay away from the sweets in the office. I looked at mfp to remind myself of how over my allowance I went yesterday. That dampened my ardour for the sweets a little. Then I had a coffee and drank some water. I'm so pleased with last week's loss, I really want to keep up the good work. So I've planned to make a light lamb curry and sweet potato wedges. That should be fairly low cal. 

213.2lb

Four pounds off! That's half a stone in two weeks! I didn't see that coming. Even with the tablets, with my period hitting my yesterday, and the fact that I'm feeling it big time this morning, I really thought the best I could hope for was a small loss. But that's great. In three and a half pounds I will be under 210 pounds, under fifteen stone, in the fourteens. Who'd a thought that just three months ago?

How much is due to the tablets? I'll never know. I am taking two before my main meals.When I remember! That's an issue, I'll admit. I do forget. Twice I've take them just after, once during. It's meant to be half an hour before. As I eat so lightly during work, I usually only take them be for my main meal. Well, what ever's going on, whatever I'm doing, it's working. Can't argue with four pounds. That's my first week on them over. I did the first three stone alone. I will happily accept help with more weight loss.

I don't know how my eating will go today. I got up late and ate late enough to call breakfast "lunch" without even pretending it was "brunch." So there wasn't a traditional breakfast food in sight. Just chicken breast. I think high protein is good for me when I'm on my period. As far as a main meal is concerned, I've no idea what I'll be doing. We are going out this evening to see a comedy gig. I can't wait. Reginald D Hunter! I love him. And there is a football game on before hand that The Main Man wants to see. Northern Ireland have made it thought to the group stages of the European Championship for the first time ever. They've never qualified before. So we're going to go Belfast early and see if there's a bar or a big screen up at the front of the city hall to watch the match.

Plenty to do for the rest of the day, so no idea where food will factor in to that. But I've loads of my allowance left, so hopefully I won't do too badly. After all, it's only three and a half pounds till I get in to the fourteens now. Could I do that for next week? It's possible, so I want to be good. I don't want to queer my pitch.

Blah! Bad timing.

My period started today. That's the worst timing. My weigh in is tomorrow so it's bound to make me weigh heavy. But there's not a darn thing I can do about it, so I'll just have to lump it and hope for a doubly good result next week. Ah well. Whadda ya gonna do?

I wrote out what Mum's refering to as her "diet book." She's convinced I should publish it. Reckons there's a market for doing this sort of thing on an individual basis for people. I spoke to her as I worked out the calories in meals that she makes regularly. And I got her to tell me ingredients for soups she makes, so that I could work them out too and tell her how much she was eating per portion.

I was pleased with the result. There are listd of calorie values for many basic foods. A few recipes of both hers and my construction and a few meal ideas. Over the course of the next week, I'm sure she'll think of other things she needs and I can work them out for her as she thinks of them. After a while, it could be quite a comprehensive wee guide. I'm even thinking of printing off a few wee pictures, like the ones I do for my blog to add to the book. Just for fun.

We went for a walk before our breakfast of scrambled eggs and smoked salmon. Yum. A fave brekkie of mine. We were out for fifty minutes and did just over four kilometers. My GPS app, Runkeeper, is linked to mfp, so it worked out the calories used and sent them to my food diary. Very useful.

I got a new, smaller phone. My last one was a phablet and too big to carry about in my pocket. This one will be much easier to use for Runkeeper when TMM and I go for a walk. I'm going to log stuff a lot. The last time I used it regularly was while training for last year's marathon. So other than today, it's been a while!

N S V

I think I've explained NSVs before, but just in case I haven't, it stands for Non Scales Victories. That is, anything that shows success in weight loss that's not related to the numbers on the scales. So clothing getting looser, being able to walk up stairs without getting so out of breath, being able to touch toes after years of a big belly getting in the way. Anything like that. I've had a couple come to mind in the last day or two.

The train was busy after work yesterday evening. I normally hate having to stand, even for a couple of stops. It hurts my feet and my back. Both of those parts of my body have taken some abuse since I got heavy again. But yesterday, it wasn't so bad. I'm sure it would have started to hurt after a while, but initially it was fine. It was a definite improvement on the last time I had to stand, which was a few weeks ago. I love seeing these signs of getting fitter, especially after so short a time.

Another one is that I now have a few pairs of trousers that I can take off without unbuttoning them. They just slide over my, still not inconsiderable, hips. I'm almost at the point of having to stop wearing a couple of pairs, they're so loose. I am well pleased. 

I went out for coffee with Penfold and Smiley last night. I'd eaten my dinner beforehand, so wasn't too tempted by all the cake. Mind you, there was a gorgeous looking salted caramel cheesecake that nearly wore me down :-) But dinner had been lovely. Flour tortillas with the left over chilli for a couple of nights ago, lettuce, garlic mayo and cheese. I absolutely honk of garlic today!

Mum wants help

My mum wants to lose about a stone in weight. She's not exactly fat, but she's definitely a bit over weight for her height. All the women in my immediate family are short. My two sisters and I are five foot two, while Mum is only five foot. Yes, we're a family of munchkins. As such, as soon as we put on any weight at all, it's very obvious on our bodies. So Mum would like to lose a little, but she's useless with technology, so there's no point trying to get her to google calorie values of food, or to use an app like MyFitnessPal. Well, she doesn't actually even have a mobile phone! In her own words, she needs a dietitian and a physical trainer. What she'd really like is for someone to literally tell her exactly what to eat. If money was no object, she'd definitely pay someone to organize her food and exercise.

She's asked me to write down the calorie values of the foods that she eats regularly. She wants me to work out a few menus too, and also work out the calories in a few recipes. I will write out a few of the soups that I make, and the bolognese, chicken curry and pork stirfry recipes. If I list other ingredients for things like a fry up (mostly grilled foods though) then Mum will be able to work out other meals that she cooks. I must try to remember to write down raw and cooked values for things like potatoes, and dry and cooked values for rice and pasta.

I want to put it all in to a nice, hardbacked notebook, something that Mum can hold on to. But a notebook is too rigid. A ring binder would be better, as pages can be added as necessary. I'm going to look out for an A5 binder and paper tomorrow, so I can get it started to take up to Mum on Friday.

I didn't go to the class tonight. The other girls weren't keen to go. As I've been eating healthily, I wouldn't have minded going. But it doesn't especially bother me that we didn't. Penfold, Smiley and I are going to go for coffee tomorrow. I told Penfold that I'd hit the three stone in three months, and she wants to know exactly what I'm doing. So tomorrow I'll explain the mfp app to her, and tell her how lightly I eat during the day so that I can eat a good sized meal at night.

I saw a girl at work today who I know runs a lot. She did her first marathon the same month that I did mine. She always encourages me to get out running again, and after speaking to her today, I do feel as if I'd like to go out for a run early tomorrow morning. My exercise has increased a littlebut not much. I only managed three days in a row for the abs and butt challenges. I have gone out for walks with TMM a couple of times, but nothing too sweaty. I'm three months in. I ran about my house for forty full minutes on Saturday. There's no reason for me not to get out for a wee half hour jog tomorrow morning. No reason at all. And I should start my challenges again from Day Three.

And again this week, I watched a programme on telly about couple losing weight together. And again, just like last week, I was actually lighter than both of the couple. I'm just not as massively over weight as I was. It feels really good!

How the pills work. In my opinion. In layman's terms.

I think the pills make you shit some of the food you eat out, before all of the nutrients are absorbed, and that's how some calories aren't "eaten." I say that because, as regular as I normally am in the pooping area of my life, this past few days, I've needed the loo quite quickly after taking two tablets, then eating a meal. As I eat very lightly at lunchtime, and even then, it's usually only fruit and veg, I'm not bothering with pills at that meal. That has the happy side effect of me not needing to use the loo mid afternoon as if I suffered from IBS.

Previously, I've used tablets like this before, that acted only on dietary fat. Orlistat, I think they were called. They were more of a preventive thing. They could cause faecal incontinence if you ate fat while taking them. That was partly the point, to stop you eating fat. (Well, it wasn't the point to make you fart shite. It was more that you knew that's what could happen, so you avoided it.) The body couldn't absorb fat while on the tablets, so it would pooh it out. Farts could become a game of Russian roulette. Danger farts! Great craic. It was oily and bright orange. Yuck in the extreme. But in fairness to Orlistat, it is stated very clearly that if you don't eat fat, you won't have the unpleasant side effects. I only know about them first hand because I deliberately ate something greasy, just to see what would happen.

These aren't quite like that. So far, no danger farts. Going to the loo is just quite immediate after a meal, and the stools can be quite loose. But it's not too bad, and certainly, if it works, then nothing that's not worth putting up with for the result.

Quiet start to the week

A very quiet day. Not much to report really. Both yesterday and today I have just broken even as far as calories are concerned. I did a short walk each day, of twenty to thirty minutes. I haven't eaten any of those extra few cals earned. My new found, reborn confidence, thanks to my weight loss, is allowing me to wear clothes I would not have thought of a few months ago. I changed into lycra capri pants and a top I bought in Marksies ages ago, and along with my gutties that ran the marathon with me last year, I headed out for my wee walk with TMM. I also wondered where my black Adidas hoodie was, one TMM bought me. I knew it would be too small for me, but I full intended to be able to wear it soon. It was something to aim for. I found it quickly. And while it doesn't exactly fit, I can wear it and it won't look bad till it does.

217.2lb

Weight loss graph for the last three months

3.4 pounds off! Thank you very much! Most excellent! I'm really chuffed with that, getting me past three stone in twelve weeks. My Meerkats didn't bite me in the bum yesterday,  but I can't let that happen again, or it won't be too long before these great results are a thing of the past, pills or no pills. It will be interesting to see how this week goes, using them for a whole seven days.

I love writing these Sunday posts, titled with just my current weight in pounds. I love seeing the slightly decreasing number each week. I'm so glad I started that. It's such a clear indication of how I'm doing. Of course,  I wouldn't be enjoying it at all if the numbers were going up :-)

Update:
Went to Mum's for baby brother, Baldy's, birthday. Mum had laid out loads of cold cooked meats, salads, coleslaw, potato salad and pasta and cous cous, not to mention cocktail sausages. So much food. I put together a small (ish!) plate of everything and then didn't have seconds. I ate at about three o'clock. It's half eight now and I'm still not hungry. That's just as well, since my estimate is that even that small plate of food was at least eight hundred calories. I earned a few calories with the twenty minute walk from the train to Mum's, but I'm not going to eat them. If I get hungry later, l'm just going to bed that way.

With the sibs today, and they noticed a difference in my appearance already.

A game of two halves

Yesterday was a triumph. I didn't eat the Meerkats and I completed day three of my ab and butt challenge. Small victories, but worth celebrating. I feel good knowing that, in these three months, I have never knowingly, deliberately gone out of my way to eat over my allowance. That makes it easier to continue to keep trying to stay within it. On previous attempts, I'd go over a daily limit because of a specific treat I wanted to gorge on. Then I'd tell myself that I'd make it up the following day, eating less or exercising more, and a lot of the time, I didn't manage it. That hasn't been the case this time, so far. I'm not going to take for granted that I will continue with this vigilance. I don't want to get complacent.

I had a really good omlette for breakfast today, but it hasn't really filled me. That's unusual. Eggs normally satisfy my appetite for hours. I am currently arguing with myself,  trying to talk myself out of eatig something else.  I've calculated a bolognese fir dinner and only have about 150 cals left. Soup for lunch it is then.

The XLS Max Strength arrived. I'm still conflicted about taking them (so conflicted that I spent £45 on them? *Raises eyebrow in cynicism*) It feels like cheating at the moment. I have nothing ideological against using them. If they work and they're safe, and you need them, then have at it. My problem is that at the moment,  I don't need them. I'm eating well and sticking to my plan like glue. I'm losing weight like I haven't lost it in years. I'm just using them to try to speed up the process even more. Like I said, cheating.

After all that wrangling with my conscience, I took them twice yesterday, two before lunch, two before dinner. I was a bit windy last night. But then I usually am. There's nothing to suggest that it was down to the pills. I'll just keep an eye on things "south of the boarder." :-) I won't be telling TMM or Mum about them. 

LATER THAT SAME DAY:

Damn and double damn! I broke. I ate the Meerkats. TMM had left the bag out, on the dinning table and they were calling to me, screaming at me actually, all day. I finally succumbed. 850 calories worth of succumbed! Rats! Damage control you say? This might be beyond damage control. I might have to just chalk this one up as my first fully mindful slip, and get on with weighing myself in the morning and starting a new week. No need to hang, draw and quarter myself as penance. Just learn from it and don't do it again.

EVEN LATER THAT SAME DAY:

Ha, damage control! I laugh in your face, I spit in your eye. "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!" As I was wallowing in the guilt of my meerkat feast, I wondered how many calories, I could earn for various cardio exercises. I found that half an hour of jogging up stairs would earn 750! I thought I'd give it a go and make up some of my allowance deficit. I managed five minutes! With difficulty. Then I thought, I might as well jog around the living room and earn some anyway. Did I look like an eejit? Definitely! But who cares? I can look as eejitty as I like in my own living room, especially as I did forty minutes. According to mfp, I earned over 600 cals with my forty-five mins of aerobic exercise. Not to be sniffed at. Better than that though, to my way of thinking, for my long term goal, is that it gives me hope that I could go out the door and do a half hour jog. I can start running again soon, I think. It won't kill me, though it remains to be seen how I'll feel tomorrow or the next day. 

This has been a day of ups and downs. Fingers crossed, as always, for the scales in the morning.

Temptation!

TMM bought me a bag of some favourite sweets of mine. Jelly Meerkats. Mmmm! I love 'em. Unfortunately I had not planned on them, so I don't have any calories left from today's allowance. But boy, am I ever tempted to eat them anyway! It's a 250g bag, at 340 cals per 100g. That's 850 cals for the whole bag. And let's be honest,  there's no way I wouldn't eat the whole bag. So I'm going to have to try to resist. Eep! Wish me luck!

Friday feeling!

The good weather continues and so does my good mood and optimism. It's been a glorious week, and while I've had to go to work (really, in Northern Ireland, it should be declared a public holiday when the weather's this good!) it's been lovely even looking out my office window at it. The weekend beckons, with TMM working tomorrow but off on Sunday, so we are both going to Mum's for baby bro's birthday. Two full days on which to be good and continue to lose weight and work towards three stone off, and getting into the lower end of the fifteen stone bracket.

To that end, I have today's meals already worked out. I'm going to make a beef curry this evening and have it with carrot "noodles" instead of rice. That means I can have a good, bulky, filling meal minus all the calories of rice. It should see me staying within my allowance easily. I just use a special peeler on the carrots, with teeth instead of the flat blade that a peeler normally has. It cuts the carrots into narrow, spaghetti-like noodle thingies. Then I cook them off in a big pan or wok with a little garlic flavour one cal fat spray. (I'm going to turn into a bulb of garlic one day!) Because they are carrot, they can be quite sweet (though a good dose of black pepper can sort that out) but I like that. Might not be to everybody's taste, but it means I eat about ninety calories instead of over 300, which would be my count for rice. A slightly sweet flavour is a small price to pay for that sort of cal trade off.

TMM finishes work early today, as do I. I'm not heading to Mum;s since we're going on Sunday, so perhaps we can go out for a dander after dinner (and my ab and bum exercise, day three today) this evening. The weather's due to continue to be nice, and a wee walk by the sea would be gorgeous as well as calorie burning. I'm so lucky to live by the sea!

Will I ever learn?....

.... I weighed myself this morning. Why do I do it? If it's a good result, it can set me up for disappointment on Sunday if I don't meet my own expectations. If it's a bad result, it pisses me off. I'm currently pissed of. I was 0.2lb heavier than on Sunday morning. Bummer dude! It makes me wonder how I would have fared if I'd gone to the class to get weighed last night. Of course, it's three full days to Sunday, and a lot can change in that time. And I so want to lose two pounds this week, in order to hit the three stone mark! But I have to keep telling myself that I'm due a slow week. My period's in the post and I know my body can not sustain the rate at which I've been losing so far. Still, I can't help hoping. Damn my foolish optimistic heart!

I'd really like to be able to say that I've lost three stone as I might be going to Mum's on Sunday this week. It's baby brother's birthday. I wonder if the sibs will notice a difference in me. I last saw them all at Easter, which is ages ago. My loss might be apparent now.

Heck! I've just had an epiphany, albeit a small one. But it's made me smile by putting things into pespective. I may have been unhappy with my weight this morning, but I was still only fifteen stone eleven pounds. This time three months ago I was nearly nineteen stone! I need to remember important points like that. D'oh!!!

Becoming "normal"

I had a new experience while watching telly this evening. Well, New in this weight loss attempt anyway. There are precious few genuinely new things for me to experience, with all the years my weight's been up and down. I was watching a programme about weight loss, and I was actually lighter than the people on TV! I can't remember the last time in recent days that that's happened. Wow! I'm starting to get into "normal" overweight, as opposed to "standing out, being stared at in the street" overweight. 

I finally did the ab and squat challenges from the apps that I downloaded. Yay. I feel better for doing it. It was only a few minutes but it's a start of me exercising at home. It makes up for the fact that Penfold, Smiley and I didn't go to our class tonight. I've been okay food-wise, and I think I'd have lost weight at the class scales. And I was good at tea time this evening. I used up left overs from the last couple of days.