Sunny weather = optimism

The weather is gorgeous today. It has been since the weekend, and I'm feeling good. I really want to stick to a few cals less today. Last night's meal out and Sunday's new recipe might have had me slinking under my allowance by the seat of my pants, so it would be good to have a couple of hundred calories in hand. But it doesn't feel as if I will have a problem being well behaved, food-wise anyway, today. I'm feeling very organized since my groceries were delivered on Sunday. I haven't actually set foot inside the supermarket in over a week, so there's been a lot less temptation to buy stuff I don't need, that will just ramp up my calorie consumption.

Well, I ended up going to the supermarket after all, to buy a cabbage and some uber light mayo. I decided on baked potatoes for dinner and wanted to make low fat coleslaw. Half a white cabbage, shredded, a large carrot, grated, half an onion, grated and 100g of very low fat mayo made a large amount of 'slaw, of which I ate a full half. And it was only about 140 cals for my portion. Two medium sized potatoes, approx 365g, including skin, baked with no butter, about 350 cals, and some baked beans with garlic, smoked paprika and smoked bacon, about 400 cals, meant I stayed about 100 cals below my allowance for the day. It was a heavy enough evening meal, calorie wise, but lots of good stuff and really satisfying. There are bits and pieces left over that I'll probably eat tomorrow after the class.

Out for dinner

I should have taken a photo of my meal. That was one big ass plate of food. Instead, all I've got is a photo of the pub/restaurant. TMM suggested yesterday that we go out for dinner tonight. In his usual considerate way, he thought I'd prefer to eat out at the start of the week, giving me six full days before I weigh myself again. He's right, Sunday or Monday would definitely be the days I'd pick. I will still get weighed on Wednesday night too. I've all d a  tomorrow and Wed to be good.

I didn't eat at all in work. I could have, I had my usual fare with me, but it wasn't hard to skip food. I knew I has some cooked chicken and veggies over from last night's dinner if I wanted anything before we went out. Our table was booked for 7.30pm. It wasn't inconceivable that I'd be hungry before then. In the end, I just had a small piece of chicken, about fifty grammes. I find that protein really staves off my hunger pangs.

I'd checked out the menu on line, thinking about what I'd eat. It's not a restaurant that has a calorie count of its meals on line, unfortunately. It's a small bar in my town that does really good food. But at least knowing the menu before hand allowed me a small measure of preparation. I decided that I'd have the mixed grill for main course, no starter, and a coffee if TMM decided on sticky toffee pudding for dessert, which i uually what we get when we eat there.

I was very pleased with myself when I stuck to that plan. I didn't even have chips or saute potatoes with my main. I ordered a salad. As always, when you order a salad with a meal, there's some component that makes it less healthy, be it a dressing, cheese, coleslaw, usually something fatty. There was cheese and coleslaw with mine tonight. I ate the cheese. It was quite a small amount. And gave the coleslaw to TMM. Even so, there's no doubt it was a heavy meal, and I will possibly just about come in at my calorie limit for the day. How the Hell does one count the cals in tobacco onions? I'll just have to guestimate.

Needless to say, there'll be no chocolate tonight :-) And I should also say, that big ass plate of food was gorgeous. As it always is in this restaurant.

Coincidence?

Isn't coincidence a weird thing? Or is it just good timing? Am I just in the right head space to notice what's in front of me? Either way, it seems weird. I'd said yesterday about definitely doing some form of exercise today, something sweaty, to burn calories, and watching telly later, I saw an ad for a free thirty day subscription to a website that has the video workouts for those crazy programmes like P90X and Insanity. Beachbody.com is a website with the workout videos streaming and with a community side to it. I've just looked it up and can't find anything about a free thirty days. I'll have to hope I see the ad again. Maybe there's a code to enter. Scratch that. I googled "beachbody 30 days free" and found it. Gotta love interweb searches! :-)

Another ad I saw, I'm not so proud of acting on. XLS Medical Max Strength is a tablet that restricts the calories absorbed from food into the body. The first version of this product worked solely on fat. This one is advertised as working on fat, carnival and protein. I think you eat healthily, exercise, drink water and take the tablets on top of that to increase the resulting weight loss. How does one know what the XLS is responsible for, and what would have been lost anyway?

Why am I even thinking about it? I've lost forty pounds in less than three months without extra help. Why am I even considering it? Because I'm impatiently, despite paying lip service to the idea of taking as long as it takes. It's bloody tough when you know you still have over five stone to go to hit your recommended BMI. Even though I might stop a little before then, I still have a long way to go. And I want to get there before I'm too old to enjoy it.

Anyway, debate about the wisdom of using these tablets, or the necessity of them aside, I said above that I'd acted on the ad. I did. I checked them out on Amazon, read some reviews, and bought a month's supply, to be delivered next week. It cost forty five pounds. A fool and their money...etc. Some of the reviews mentioned a reduced appetite. That would be great if it worked that way for me. I'd love to be a bit less hungry in the afternoons. They're on their way, too late to cancel, but I might still decide not to use them. I sort of feel like I'm letting myself down by even considering it. Sort of cheating. And I'm still losing well at the moment, so should I really try to fix what's not broken? Maybe I should hold them in reserve for a couple of stone, when things are bound to slow down or plateau. I really am an idiot!

220.6lb

Three pounds lost this week. That's a good week! Just one more to go under 220lb and two more to hit three stone. If I do it next week, I'll be at three stone in three months. Wow! And this week takes me properly into the fifteen stone bracket. I've a lot to be thankful for. I know I've worked hard for it, sticking quite closely to the 1200 cals a day limit. That's a strict amount, and it's not always easy. But then I step on the scales and get that sort of result and it's all worth it. I look at my weight loss graph for the last eleven weeks, and it reinforces it even more. It's a really steep slope down from 260.6lb to 220.6lb. Forty pounds gone! In eleven weeks!

Yesterday morning, Mum said she could see a difference in the shape of my face. I saw a photo that TMM took of me a few months ago, and the difference in my face is amazing. It was just so round in the photo. Now there are definitely cheek bones trying to make their presence felt.

This morning I had a late breakfast of salmon. Not everyone's idea of a breakfast food, unless it's smoked and in scrambled eggs (which is what I had at Mum's yesterday) but I don't mind what sort of food I eat at any meal. And this was in the fridge, at it's date, needing used. Why waste it? High in protein and healthy omega 3 fats, it was really filling, so I'm hoping it will tide me over till the grocery delivery arrives, and I cook the tea. It was also relatively high in calories, so I don't want to eat anything else before my main meal with TMM.

Once the shopping arrives, I fully intend to make good my promise to myself to do some exercise. I've even managed to drink some water today. I used to be so good about my water intake. Now it's mostly diet cola. I must wean myself of my Dark Fizzy Master once more.

Getting organized

I'm feeling good about next week's efforts. I'm getting organized and doing my grocery shopping on line. I did it at the last minute this week, and it saved both time and money. If I call in to ASDA on the way home from work every day after work, that's an extra twenty minutes or so before I can start cooking the dinner, if TMM's working too and not able to cook. Also, I always buy more than I need. Usually it doesn't stop at just the ingredients for dinner. It's an extra opportunity for temptation too. I can buy a bar of chocolate, that sits in the cupboard, and I want to eat it, even if it's a day when I know that I don't have enough calories in my allowance. So actually, it saves time, money and temptation. All good! It genuinely was a joy this week to walk straight home and know that there was food already in the house. Yip. That's how disorganized we generally are. We don't have a store cupboard full of ingredients. We normally shop pretty much every day.

So, this week I have arranged for a delivery tomorrow afternoon, in time to cook dinner for TMM coming home from work. I've even checked out the ASDA website for recipes, to do something different tomorrow. And I was able to add the ingredients to my shopping list for the delivery. All at the click of one button. Eh, technology! It flabbers my gast! It told me the calories in the complete bloomin' recipe too! So, no excuses for boring food tomorrow.

TMM is working all day tomorrow and I am going to do some sort of exercise. It will be half way through the week since mt Wednesday evening weigh in, so a good time to do an extra exercise session compared to last week. I'm going to do something sweaty to burn some calories and that will make two sweaty exercise sessions, counting the exercise at the classs. I keep disappointing myself with my lack of exercise so far. I continually tell myself that I'm going to do more, then I don't. Will I ever make myself start running again? So far, I've convinced myself that I need to postpone it till I'm a bit lighter, so it's easier on my knees. That excuse will only hold for so long, till I'm fourteen stone, at most. I should really start before that. I've run while I've been heavier.

Weigh in in the morning. Just two more and I'll be at this three months. Five pounds to lose to hit three stone off. Totally doable. Fingers crossed.

Friday night at Mum's

I went to Mum's after work today. This was tonight's dinner. Mmmm. Lamb! My favourite meat. Fattier than other choices, so I don't eat it ofter. It's not TMM's fave, so that's another reason we don't eat it every week. But I do enjoy it and I think I worked out the calories vaguely accurately. It was relatively high, so it's as well I didn't over eat at work. I had chicken breast for breakfast. I think I function best with protein in me for my first meal. Then I just ha a couple of cups of black coffee, diet pepsi and two apples during work, so I'd have the bulk of my calories left, to eat at Mum's.

It's been a slight challenge to keep from eating after dinner the last couplee of nights. And today, it was hard to stop myself from eating the left overs at Mum's. Even though there were mainly vegetables, I had to steer clear of them. I'm trying to remind myself that everything has a calorific value, and I'm so at the top end of today's allowance that even extra veg could push me over. I'm not even thinking about the extra gravy. Goodness knows what was in that! So I managed to stay way from it.

I think I'll try to go a ouple of hundred cals light tomorrow, just to be safe.

Definitely getting smaller

So far, no pains from the exercise class last night. But that's where I made the mistake last week. I had a false sense of security, thinking that I'd escaped the pain, only to start hurting on Friday, and not feel better till about Monday. Hopefully, it won't be as long lasting this week, and will gradually get better as my body gets used to it each week.

I caught sight of myself in the full length mirror in my bedroom last night. I can see that I'm getting thinner. My belly is quite a bit smaller. And my face is definitely already thinner. I can't believe that it's noticeable after less than three months. This is the best weight loss attempt I've made since the very first one, back in 1996, when I lost six stone in six months. If I managed that again, I'd be beside myself with joy. So far, I'm definitely on track to hit three stone in three months, but I'm trying not to be too hung up on that idea. All I should care about is getting a little lighter and healthier every week. A slow pace shouldn't bother me. But I'm only human. If I can do it quickly, I'll take that option every day of the week. Mind you, I need it to stick this time. This is to be the last time I need to lose weight.

Total control

I really fancied a Chinese takeaway last night, but made a beef curry instead. Still relatively high in calories, but that was down to quantity rather than poor quality ingredients. And I knew exactly what went in to making it, so was able to account for it accurately. At least I controlled the content if not the amount that I ate. 

I seem to have hit a couple of days that there's not much to write about. I feel a bit guilty not updating yesterday, but there's only so much even I can waffle about. It's been a quiet couple of "just getting on with things" days. I've eaten within my calories, and managed not to step on the scales. I've not eaten chocolate, as I've used all my allowance on actual food. Having lost over two and a half stone, I'm surprised that my allowance hasn't gone down yet, but I'm not going to argue. The idea of eating less than 1200 cals a day does not appeal to me.

This evening I went to the class again with Penfold and Smiley (her next door neighbour, who's a lovely girl) Although there is no prescibed food programme with this class, the weight loss was good this week, and most people were in a great mood. The wee talk was lively and motivating. The exercise was as tough as last week, but at least this week I knew what to expect. I got sweaty and out of breath, so I burned some calories. All good! And I lost three and a half pounds off last week's weight. I don't count this as my true weigh in. My Sunday morning one is the real one. It's not easy to see the scales on a Wednesday evening show me as at least half a stone heavier than my own morning weight, but as long as it keeps going down, I'll not mind too much. And I just have to keep telling myself that it's Sunday morning that counts. It is lovely to go on to the myfitnesspal app and log half an hour of aerobic exercise, which shows as earning over three hundred calories. Yay! 

Dinner was a hodge podge of left overs, but all within cals. My only dilemma is whether or not to have chocolate, which would have to come out of my earned exercise calories. It wouldn't use them all, but would certainly eat into a fair percentage of them. After seeing that in black and white, I think I'll leave the chocolate alone for today, and save the calories. 

Good dieting start to the week.

Despite a busy and annoying day at work, my dieting week is off to a good start. TMM wasn't working, so he had dinner ready when I got home. Smoked fish, boiled baby potatoes, carrots and broccoli, with garlic extra low fat mayo. It's a really low calorie dinner and left me enough of my daily allocation to finish my bar of dark chocolate, with some spare.

To be honest, I wonder about the sanity of eating "lighter than light" mayo, just as I doubt that diet colas or any fizzy drink are healthy, despite their low cal nature. Goodness knows what alchemy has to take place for a low cal mayo to emulsify and so it looks like the real thing. I've made real mayo. It's delicious and good for a body, in small amounts obviously, as it's also very high in fat and calories. But the stuff I used today is very chemical in nature. Can't be good for me. I did douse it with loads of fresh garlic. I will stink later :-)

Grrrr!

When am I due my period?  I'm feeling distinctly premenstrual!  Maybe I have low blood sugar and should eat something.  As it is, there could be a customer service related murder some time today :-/

223.4lb

Well, it's hard to be disappointed with a loss of two and a half pounds, and yet I am. Down right daft, I know. It's just, with weighing 224lb a couple of days ago, I was sure it would be more by this morning.  And I was really keen to get a good foothold in the fifteen stone bracket. Still, I need to wise up and be delighted with the result I got. I still got into the fifteens, albeit by the skin of my teeth. And only eleven weeks ago I was more than halfway through the eighteens. So I need to remind myself that I'm doing really well!

My aim this week is as unrealistic as it normally is. I want to lose four pounds to get under 220lb. And it's only five pounds till I've lost three stone! So every mouthful counts! Go Terry!!!

TMM and I headed out for the afternoon. We had lunch at our fave cafe first. I normally have a big fry up. There's no guilt involved, I worked out the calories a while ago, so I know what I'm letting myself in for. It comes to about 800 cals, and once I've eaten it, I know that I won't require much in the way of dinner later on. Today, both TMM and I fancied something a bit lighter for a change and had a toasted bagel with smoked salmon and cream cheese. It's not a totally calorie light meal as neither salmon or cream cheese are fat free and the bagel was not a low fat one, but it was healthy enough and easy to guestimate the amount of cals. I reckoned on just under 600, in comparison to the just under 800 for the fry. So a couple of hundred saved.

We took a gentle walk around the walled garden in one of the parks close to our home. I by no means worked up a sweat, but we were out and about, and moving, so it was better than sitting on our bums in the house all afternoon.

It's good for the mood to get out. And as it was sunny, I got to wear the new hat that I bought yesterday. I do love a hat!

All this, and I have calories left over for chocolate!

T F I Friday and Saturday

I genuinely thought I'd escaped any aches and pains from the exercise the other night. Whoops! Was I ever wrong! Friday, I could bearly sit on the bog without doing myself an injury. Today it wasn't so bad. TMM and I went for a walk before we had breakfast and it loosened things up a bit. Still hurt, but not so bad. Mind you, it's a sort of pain that I quite like. It means that I've moved my body in a way that it's not used to, so hopefully it did me some good, as well as helped shift a few ounces. And it's not unbearable. I'm just very aware of it. I know I didn't overdo it.

I haven't done my ab challenge yet. So much for good intentions. I had plenty of opportunity to do it while TMM cooked dinner and I waited for the groceries to be delivered on Thursday and again when he was working late on Friday. And all day when I was off work today. No reason in the world why I couldn't have done it, for all the time it would have taken.

I had a sneak peek on Friday. 224lb. I will be very disappointed if I'm not in the fifteens on Sunday morning. I feel good, like I should have lost loads of weight. So fingers crossed I'm not in for a big shock.

I've decided on an incentive. It's a big one for when I hit 139lb. When I hit my ultimate goal. There's a guitar that I really want. A Gretsch, a dark green one. All American,  rock and roll and f holes. Or, in a word, gorgeous. I really want it! I could buy it now, but I figure if I work for it, I'll really appreciate it.

Low calorie. My arse!

I'm disgusted. I bought a Schweppes "low calorie" drink a couple of days ago. I'd really love to know Schweppes definition of "low calorie" because this lemon and elderflower drink had 50 cals per 250ml. That's a ridiculous amount in comparison to things like diet coke or diet pepsi. They have about ten cals per two litres.

Of course, it's my fault that I bought it, believing the misleading label. I should have checked the calorie count first. It's a lesson learned, I can tell you.  I'm definitely going to email their customer service department and ask what they mean by "low calorie." If they'd even called it "reduced" instead of "low," it would be less disingenuous. It's low in comparison to eating a quarter pounder with cheese, sure, but uber high in comparison to a bottle of Coke Zero. I feel an email rant coming on!

Coke Zero, two litres has zero cals, hence the name. Diet Pepsi, two litres contains twelve cals. Even ASDA own brand tropical drink only has about sixty for the whole two litre bottle. Two litres of this "low calorie" drink has 400 calories. See where I'm going with this? That is not low in calories by any stretch of the imagination. I'm just so pissed with myself that I didn't check the label before I bought it. I dumped it. It's not worth the calorie expenditure. There is no "low calorie" drink on the market that's worth 150 cals per 750ml bottle. 400 cals per two litres? That's a third of my entire day's allowance. That's a whole meal! Grrrrr!!!

King of the world!

Funny how sometimes, in dieting, I feel invincible, like nothing can stop me or go wrong. That's how I'm feeling today. Maybe doing the bit of exercise last night got the endorphins flowing, or the craic of the class gave me a boost. Whatever the reason, today I'm feeling whatever the dieting version of invulnerable is. I've downloaded an app for a thirty day abs challenge. I'm going to get fit again. The exercise portion of the class is never going to be that tough again. The abs part was especially sore, and that bugged me because my abs used to be super strong. They will be again. That's my promise to myself. The abs thing only takes a few minutes a day at the start, so there's no reason to put it off. I want a strong core before I start to run again. I'm going to start building it now, while I lose a bit more weight before I start to run. And I will start some body weight exercises. Who needs a gym? There are loads of apps for other challenges. I'm thinking my excuses have to end now.

Slow couple of days

There hasn't been much to write about for the last day or two. Things have been going along nicely. "No jolts, no surprises," as Barry Manilow sings. Showing my age there! And my easy-listening taste in music! So, what's been happening? TMM and I went for a short walk on Monday evening. Not much, but it's a start. And I can really feel a difference in my health. Just the small amount of weight I've lost (two and a half stone is a lot to lose, I just mean in comparison to what I need to lose in total. It works out at 13% of my over all starting body weight) is more than enough for me to feel less breathy and sweaty after a walk.

Penfold and I are going to our new class this evening. Motivational talk and then exercise. It should be good craic. That's really the reason I'm going. I'm doing okay with following the mfp app by myself, but it's good to have a laugh and support from others who are in the same boat. I'll update afterwards, to say how it's gone.

I'll be waiting till then to eat too. I don't want to rush my evening meal. It's my main source of daily cals. I'm looking forward to making a big frittata this evening.

And now the update.

Okay. That doesn't look anywhere near as good as it tasted :-) The lighting wasn't good. Or is that just a bad workman blaming his tools? Whatever. My piss-poor photography not withstanding, my dinner, when I finally ate it, was delicious, and just what I needed. I was really hungry by the time I got home from the class. Add in the fact that I'd done half an hour of jumping about like a lunatic, and sweating like an a bit, and I deserved my meal. A massive omelette. Mmmmm! With low cal bread. I hadn't had bread in ages.

The class. It was really good fun. I knew the leader and some of the girls from Slimming World, so it was a comfortable group of people to join up with. There were plenty of laughs throughout the talk and it felt nicely informal. I weighed at least half a stone heavier than my Sunday morning weight, but I'm neither shocked nor worried by that. Wrong time of day, fully clothed, there are a few variables different. I'm happy enough to take the different weights relevant to each other. So compare Sunday am with Sunday am, and Wednesday pm with Wednesday pm. It'll be interesting to see what I weigh next Wed night. I was sixteen ten on her scales tonight, but sixteen two on my own on Sunday morning. So long as both numbers go down, that's all that matters.

The exercise. Oh good grief. I'm so outta shape. Man alive! I sweated buckets, and I'm fairly sure the sale of incontinence pads is going to be on the rise, but I'm glad I did it. I had fun (in a perverse way) and I earned extra cals, which I've no intention of eating, so it'll aid my loss this week hopefully. I need to invent a sport's bra for my belly. My boobs were rock solid, but my stomach, it so much. Wibbly wobbly. Big style.

So, it was a success and I'm looking forward to next week.

Nut Goodie ???

Huh? Never heard of it. But oh my! Total gorgeousness in a mouthful. I am so glad I can't get them in Ireland, especially the salt caramel one. I'd never lose any weight. Let me explain. At work today, I meet a couple from Minnesota. They were lovely, really nice, despite having to visit a tyre fitting garage for a rental car, while on holiday. When they were leaving, they gave me two mini chocolate bars, saying they were from Minnesota. (I'd told them that if I ever visited the States, it was the very northern ones that drew me for some reason.) It was such a seemingly small gesture, but it was made with generosity and a real friendliness. It really made me smile. I was surprised that I really enjoyed them. American chocolate isn't normally to my taste. I suppose one normally likes what one's used to and I'm very much a dark chocolate person.

Of course, I had to find out what the calorific value was, so I could add them to my day's food. It's a testament to the mfp database it had a calorie count for both. So there was no guess work involved, and I was able to add them to my food diary. The maple one was 70 cals, the salt caramel 83. Yummy. A real treat with a cup of coffee, and without guilt.

I've had my light hearted head on today. Smiling, more confident, flirting a bit with my customers {not fussy about gender either :-) } and it's been a great day. This weight loss thing is good for the soul. I can't over emphasize how good it feels to get smaller when you've been big, especially when you've been really big. I am far from slim. As yet, I'm still over sixteen stone. But I'm walking about as if I'm at my goal weight because I feel so good about my success so far.

226lb

That's 2.6lb off this week. And that's pretty darn good. Yeah, okay, I had aspirations of three or five pounds, but over two and a half is still a great week's work and definitely not to be sniffed at. Just half a pound more and it's a full two and a half stone off. Just over two and a half off, and I'm in the fifteen stone bracket. That's the aim this week. Get comfortably into the fifteens.

That's what my motorway sign is for. Those are the next milestones on my way to a weight of 139 pounds. I always tell myself that I'll be happy with ten stone, but in the interest of full disclosure, I should just admit that I want to be under ten stone, even if only by one pound. So the A139 it is, to Slimsville!

With that in mind, I am really thinking of starting to do some exercise. Teehee. I wonder how many times I've said that in the last few weeks. I'm at the ten week mark here, and as yet have done norhing on the exercise front. I really should just step up to the plate and get on with it. I want to be fit. I want to run again. So I'm going to try to get up early in the morning and do some strength exercises. Probably body weight, resistance type stuff. I might go online for a short routine to start off with. I should definitely do some abs stuff too. If I'm going to run again, I would like my core strength built up. I neglected that big time when I did my marathon training and I'm sure my overall fitness suffered for it.

Saturday

No major plans for today. TMM is working all day today and tomorrow, so I'm pretty much left to my own devices. I should really plan to do something active, at least go for a big walk or something, but I doubt it'll happen. I'll probably spend all day reading.

I plan on being extra careful with my calorie consumption today, for the usual weigh in day tomorrow. I'm wanting at least three pounds off this week, to take me to two and a half stone loss. Ideally I'd love five pounds to get into the fifteen stone bracket. But actually, as well as I've done thua far, neither of those losses are realistic at this point. I have to keep telling myself that. That I've lost this much in such a short time is brilliant, but it's a bonus, it's not something that I'm entitled to! Of course, that doesn't stop me hoping and wanting. Imagine. Just five pounds to get into the fifteens! I can't believe that I've come this far so quickly.

My big belly!

I'm at Mum's this evening. The last couple of weeks, I've felt as if I haven't spent much time with her, so I'm staying over. As always, she made a gorgeous dinner. There was chicken, stuffing, ham, bacon, gravy, potato, sweet potato and veg. It was a big plateful. Hence the picture of my big belly. I am well full up! It's as well I ate light at work today. I reckoned my dinner at about 1100 cals! No chocolate for me this evening!

I've been feeling good this week. I know I've said that before, but it's still true. I'm in a good place in my head as I take control of food, instead of the way it was controlling me. I'm not saying that it's easy to steer clear of a lot of the stuff that I like, especially when TMM is eating a packet of biscuits (yes, sometimes a whole packet!) but it's so worth the effort when I step on the scales on a Sunday morning. Mind you, it's even better during the rest of the week, as I start to feel a bit more room on train seats,, ans I just generally feel better about myself.

Sorry I didn't go last night

I spoke to Penfold today. She enjoyed the class last night. The one that I didn't go to. The leader, Northern Lass, isn't advocating any particular weight loss programme. The attendees are all doing their own thing. Some are following a Weight Watchers type idea or similar, others are using apps, like I am. Northern Lass is there for motivation. There's a talk, a chance for everyone to share ideas, a weigh in and then an exercise class. Penfold said it was good craic. So I'm defo going to go next week. I particularly like that everyone is followed their own plan. It means I can stick with mfp. It's worked brilliantly so far, so why change what I'm doing?

I ate as little at work today as I did yesterday, but it didn't give me a headache, as it did then. I'm definitely not going to make that mistake next week though. I want to go to the class, and be up for the exercise part of it.

Something of a twit

I didn't eat enough today. That happens often enough to not be unusual.  But today I didn't recognize that I was getting a headache from hunger unti it was nearly six o'clock. But then, I was right out of sorts and really didn't fancy delaying eating something till after the new weight loss class I was going to try out. I certainly didn't want to do the exercise portion of the class. So I got in touch with Penfold (my mate) and cried off. I will go next week, and will be much more sensible about having a decent lunch during the day beforehand. I know it's daft, but I'm in the habit of eating as little as possible on a day of a weigh in. Hopefully though, I won't be as bad about it this time around as I really count Sunday morning as my official weigh in time. 

I'm noticing

I'm starting to notice a difference in my own appearance. It's not much at the moment but it's there. When I lose weight, I get my cheek bones back and my eyes look bigger. It's a look I like. I much prefer my thinner face. And it's definitely on its way back. I have various photos of when I lost a lot of weight a few years ago. I'd started running a lot, doing the Parkrun, and my face got quite slim. I loved it. So I love seeing that look come back just as much as I love starting to fit into smaller clothes. It makes me feel attractive again.

My friend got in touch today to say she's going to a weight loss class tomorrow and to ask if I wanted to go with her. I know I've done well so far on my own, and I don't think I'll change what I'm doing, but I fancy the craic of going to a class with other women. So she's going to collect me and we're going to try it out. There's an exercise part to the class, so that'll get me moving. I saw a blog article today on mfp about strength training for beginners. I might have a look at that too. I really should start doing some exercise.

Unhealthy/unbalanced eating

I have taken to eating very little during the day while I'm at work, saving nearly all of my daily calories for my main meal, at home, in the evening. If I have used 400 of my 1200, that's a lot. I usually have at least 80% left. I doubt this is healthy. I always did leave the bulk of my food till the last meal of the day, but now even more so. It's very unbalanced. I usually start to feel quite hungry by about three o'clock, maybe a little later. And by the time I have dinner, once TMM and I are both home, and have cooked something, I might not be eating till nearly seven pm. So far though, it hasn't been unmanageable. It's just that if I leave too few calories for the main meal, I feel hard done by when I see what TMM eats. If he's cooked the odd thing that's a little higher in cals (which he's generally careful not to do, in deference to my eating habits) I want to be able to enjoy it without guilt.

I do find that not having rice or pasta with whatever the protein part of the meal is definitely reduces my calories, so I can eat the bolognese, curry etc with relish and without guilt of excess. Today though, I'm having some protein to start the day, then apples and cherry tomatoes at lunch time. I'll have about 800 left for dinner. I might have to steer clear of a chocolate treat afterwards, but that'll do me no harm as I had a little dark chocolate on both Saturday and Sunday.

228.6lb

Three and a half pounds off! that's brilliant. After a week of thinking that my on coming period could give me a smaller that usual loss thus wee, I'm very pleased. I have to keep telling myself that these really good losses can't continue, but I find it hard not to get my hopes up because I've done so well until now. That's now thirty-two pounds off in two months. Two stone ant four pounds in just nine weeks! Totally fabulous results. And TMM is just as pleased for me as I am. He didn't ask what the result was when I came back from the bathroom after my scales hop. He prefers that I offer the information. It's not that he's not tinterested, he just wants me to tell im in my own time, just incase I'm dealing with a result I'm disappointed with. But not today!

I feel as if I am on the verge of my period arriving, though it hasn't yet. Perhaps it will come in a day or two, and then be over before my next scales hop. then it will cause as little disruption as possible in my weekly results. I'm focused on losing the next five pounds as quickly as possible, as that would take me out of the sixteens and into the fifteens. I must get just below 224lb. So that's the next milestone. Well, actually, the next mile stone is to lose three pounds, and hit two and a half stone loss.

I like to think in terms of mini milestone goals. It keeps my mind off the big picture, and makes the whole thing seem attainable. If I was to let myself think about wanting to lose about 120lbs in total, I'd either shit myself or have a nervous breakdown. Or both. But if I just think about the next few pounds to a new stone marker, or the next half stone off, then even at a pound a week, those things could happen within a few weeks. And once a few goals have gone past, before I know it, I'm a couple more stone closer to my over all goal. It's not easy to think like that all the time. It is very possible to get overwhelmed by the sheer amount of weight that I still have to lose. But at least I can reign in the dispair sometimes, and think small instead of big. Mind you, having started at 260lb, and now being 228, it's easy to start getting ahead of myself, and start thinking of getting below 200lb again, for the first time in a couple of years. But I must contain myself!

So, no more thinking too far into the future. I will concentrate on how well I did this week, and in this past two months. I will celebrate the present. I feel good. I look better than I have for ages, and I'm not huffing and puffing anywhere near as much as I was when walking for the train. All great reasons to continue just doing what I'm doing.

The usual pre weigh in jitters

(That's meant to be a plate and pan of sausages. An artist, I'm not!)

I don't really know what to expect this week from my weigh in tomorrow. I've had a good enough week, calorie intake wise. A couple of days were a few cals over, a couple were a few cals under. It was fairly balanced until yesterday. I went to Mum's, where I'm not in control of what's being cooked. She had told me that she'd got the nice sausages that I wanted to try, so I knew that they were on the menu. I was not expecting that she'd make toad in the hole.

Oh my goodness. I love Yorkshire pudding! So I really enjoyed every mouthful. Toad in the hole with onion gravy and mashed potatoes. The comfort food of champions! It was amazing. It was also extremely filling. I've mentioned before that Mum's portions are considerably less than I would dish out. This is entirely a measure of my greed, my inability to moderate my own appetite, rather than Mum being stingy. My initial internal reaction to my plate of food last night was that it wasn't going to be enough to fill me. That was disappointing, as I'd already had Mum tell me what she'd used in the Yorkshire batter. It worked out at 450 cals per portion, without the sausages! And I though I was still going to feel hungry. I was absolutely wrong. I was more than satisfied by the time I'd cleared my plate. It says something about my eating habits that I finished my dinner, while my brother, a much taller, younger man than I am woman, was unable to finish his portion, which was no bigger than mine. I eat a lot more than him. And I wonder why I'm the fat one of the family!

As well as the over doing my calorie allowance yesterday (the sausages and Yorkshire pudding took me about 150 over for the day), another reason for not knowing how I will do this week is that my period is due, probably in a couple of days. That could make me weigh light or heavy. I never know from one month to the next. Oh, the uncertainty, the jepardy! Teehee :-D I will just have to keep telling myself that I am losing weight, regardless of what the scales say tomorrow. I've eaten a lot fewer calories every day this last two months (to the date, today) than my body requires to opperate so I am continuing to get lighter. Even the days I've gone over, I've never gone more than 1400 cals. Those days have been countable on the fingers of one hand. That's still less than my maintenance calories would be. That's what I need to keep telling myself.

And the main thing about those days is that I didn't set out to eat more than I should have. It was a couple of occasions when I was not totally in control of my cooking. So there was no intent to over indulge. That's a big difference to what I have done on occasion on other weight loss attempts. I have had "days off" when I go out of my way to "treat" myself with big portions of ice cream, cake or cheese. (All the good food starts with C!) I haven't done that this time around. I really want it this time, more than I want the treat food.

And in something of a triumph, I managed to stop myself having a quick look at the scales this morning. I haven't peaked all week!

Compliments already

I had my first weight loss comment at work today. I'm surprised that it's happened so soon. I really wouldn't have thought it was noticeable yet. Clearly it is to some people though.

It's a funny one, asking about someone's weight loss. It can be a dicey subject. Do you bring it up, and risk offending them with the implicit suggestion that weight loss was warranted? Or do you leave it alone, avoiding the topic, losing the opportunity to possibly make someone's day? For me it depends on who's saying it. What is their history with me, especially as regards my weight? Do they come across as judgemental about the fact that I got so fat? And of course, it depends how they go about saying anything. It could sound quite snide if said in the wrong to be of voice. See what I mean? It's a minefield. I'd think twice about saying something, and I'm a fat person.

Today, I'm delighted that this person spoke up. (Unfairly, that could change on any given day) It shows that the effort is taking effect when an unbiased individual mentions it. Let's face it, TMM has a vested interest in keeping me happy. It makes life at home easier :-) So there's no way he's unbiased. Though he'd never say something that he didn't think was true, just for the sake of it. It's nice to have my loss unexpectedly confirmed today.

Oi! Belt up!

And the news for today is that I needed a belt on my jeans! Yeah Baby!  They weren't going to fall down without it, but they were definitely much more comfortable with it. Plus, a cardigan that I tried on just a few weeks ago, which was too small,  is now in my active wardrobe again. I'm definately getting smaller!

It's tough at the mo

The last couple of days haven't been so easy, food wise. It's been harder than normal to stick within my allowance. I'm just making it by the skin of my teeth. Actually, not making it. I was one cal in the red yesterday, and fifteen in deficit the day before. Not much sure, but it's the thin edge of the wedge. It would be incredibly easy to start to think that those wee slips don't matter, when I've just got done telling myself that everything matters! With that in mind, I really am trying very hard to just eat at mel times, unless I'm having chocolate late in the evening, after dinner, as a planned treat. As I mentoned previouosly, even fruit is restricted. I used to eat whole punnets of grapes, or whole packs of prepared pineapple. They are very sugary fruits. Sure, it's all good, natural sugar, but still high in calories, even if it is full of nutrients and at least a lot of fiber was involved. But I can't stop at a handful of gapes usually, so I'm better sticking to apples, cherry tomatoes, or occasionally plums. I will have pineapple as a treat some time. 

I was wondering why, all of a sudden, it's been tough to stick to eating less. Two things occured to me. One, I've been at home, off work, with more time on my hands, and the contents of my kitchen cupboards at my disposal.  Two, my period is due and I get hungrier then. I count it as a genuine win that I didn't eat the 80g of chocolate that's left of my bar, bought as a treat on Saturday.  I also count it as a win that I only ate two squares of it when I bought it.

Today hasn't been quite so difficult, so I'm thinking that the last couple of days problems were more down to being at home, rather than my pending menstruation. That'll hit in a couple of days probably. Till then, I'll make hay while the sun shines. I did well at work today, and have loads of cals left for tonight's chicken stew and some chocolate later on. 

Eating habits

Soup (any variety) and a turkey drumstick. That's what I'm going to turn into. Oh, and a bottle of diet cola. These are the staple foods of my diet these days. Barring diet cola not being healthy at all, and my soups being a bit high in sodium, it's an okay way to eat. There's plenty of variety in soup. I'm still eating a lot less fruit, as it's relatively high in cals and doesn't really make me feel full. By way of a change though, I had strawberries for breakfast today. Unfortunately they were a waste of calorie allowance. They were pretty tasteless. Not that sweet or juicy. 

I forgot to mention the amazing thing that happened yesterday.  Well, amazing for me. Quite unexciting to anyone eles. I can't believe I forgot about it. I tried on one of TMM's coats and it fit me. Sorta! It looked okay, but wouldn't zip up over my belly. But I don't care. It fit across the back, in the shoulders and the arms. I was able to wear it when we went out, and it looked good. TMM says I can borrow it whenever I want. I think I'm going to wear it to work tomorrow. I love how it looks.

Another thing I can't believe. This day last year I ran the Belfast marathon. I trained for, and completed, a twenty-six point two mile run. I was slow, but I finished. I couldn't tell you what weight I was when I did it, but I'd say about two stone lighter than I am now. It took me nearly six and a half hours. I would love to enter again next year, much lighter and fitter, and do it in under five. It's totally possible. A whole year to get back into running in a big way. I can do it.

232.2lb

Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes. That's either a virtual orgasm or a Snoopy dance, which ever your imagination can handle. A four pound loss, which means that I have lost two stone in eight weeks. Yes, that bears repeting, in italics and bold. Two stone in eight weeks! The grin has not left my face at all since I stepped off the scales. It makes winning all the internal arguements, about whether I can eat a sneaky bit of chocolate or cheese, worth it.

TMM was so pleased for me too. He looks around me and says, in a mock confused voice, "Where'd it go?" refering to the banished, excess weight. He just loves that losing it makes me feel so much better about myself than I feel when I'm carrying it about on me.

We went out for breakfast. Well, it was totally lunch by the time we got out of the house. We were planning on going out for a fry up anyway, since we're both off work, and we didn't go yesterday, going to his folks house for a visit instead. When we went out today though, it felt like a wee celebration. I already have a rough count of calories, worked out on the mfp app, of what the full fry at our wee cafe comes to. It's just under eight hundred cals. I know that sounds like a lot, but I reason it out thusly. It's to count for two meals, breakfast and lunch, and I will not need a big tea or dinner this evening. Plus, it feels like a real treat, and so means I don't feel deprived, as I might if I had scambled eggs and bacon, while I watched TMM scarf up all the nice things I love about a fry (sausages and potato bread) In all, I consider it 800 calories well spent. See below. Today's brunch. Mmmmm. *Homer Simpson-esque drools*

I even have some dark chocolate planned for this evening, but only if I can work it in to my allowance. I have a turkey drumstick cooking in stock as I type, to use for soup later, so it will all get counted up before it's consumed. I'm really totally obsessed with turkey legs at the moment. They are cheap and low in fat, and make gorgeous soup. I love the dark meat of the turkey best too. What's not to love?