Reigning myself in

I'm feeling a bit out of control again. It seems like only a week or two ago that I felt like this. I wonder when it was. I really must check it out and see if it's related to my cycle. At the moment though, despite talking about staying away from milk chocolate, and eating more nutritious food, especially with the extra running that I'm doing, I have been going over my daily allowance. I don't mind that per ce, but I do mind that what I'm letting myself eat is nutritionally void.

I'm earning roughly 500 extra calories a day, and pretty much using them all. Good. No problem. That's still only 1700 cals, and that fuels not just a day's work, but a work out too. I just don't like letting my chocolate habit get out of control, especially when I feel as if, once I start, I might not be able to stop. I was so close to calling in to the shop when I got off the train this morning to buy a big bar of Galaxy Salted Caramel. 135g and 640 calories that could get me a whole dinner!

My current nemesis!

And there's no point in pretending that I could eat only a few squares and save the rest. It just wouldn't happen. It didn't happen yesterday when I bought it. Todays' win (so far) is that I didn't buy it. If I don't have it, I can't eat it. Simple as!

I'm pissed off at myself because I keep eating too much and counting it in the following day's food. I swore to myself that I wouldn't do that! I've only a few pounds left to lose, and if I slip up now, I'll make things so much harder. I've never been this close to goal. If I can just focus, and get there, then I can consider how to up my calories on a more permanent basis, and allow extra treats. I wish I could just give up sugar. I think I will seriously consider the paleo route again, once I'm at goal. It means no processed sugar at all, no dairy and no grain, if I follow it strictly. No DFM* either, which would be good, since I crashed and burned on the New Year's resolution there, after just a fortnight.

I really haven't got the hang of this moderation thing yet. Everything is done gung-ho, to extremes, be that my attitude or my eating habits. I know I'm only human. I can't be perfect all the time. I've been so focused for nearly a year now, so I'm sort of due a lapse in concentration. No one can sustain excellence the whole time. But damn! It's hard to cut myself some slack.


* Dark Fizzy Master = diet cola